"Nagpadagdag sila ng fire safety clearance at sanitary permit nang malamang parerentahan mo ang building pagkatapos ng renovation..." wika ng engineer habang inaabot sa akin ang iilang papeles. Naglabas ito ng ballpen mula sa briefcase niya at inabot rin sa akin.

My head was still spinning. I could feel his piercing gaze behind me. Nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin kanina, hindi ko man lang makitaan ng gulat ang mukha niya.

Of course, he's not surprised. He already knew that this is our boarding house. What the hell is an army officer doing here, pouring cement and breaking down walls?!

"Anything else?"

"Yun lang po, Ma'am. Ako na ang magpapasa nito."

I nodded and thanked the engineer. Napasulyap ito sa relo niya nang makitang nakatayo pa rin ako at hindi gumagalaw.

"Gusto niyo pong ihatid ko kayo sa trabaho? Baka late na kayo..."

Kaagad akong umiling. I smiled politely at him. "It's okay. Magt-taxi nalang ako."

Nagpaalam na ako sa kanila at pumasok sa trabaho. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa nakita kanina. Anong ginagawa niya doon? Bakit siya nagtatrabaho bilang construction worker? Is he trying to pull a prank on me?!

"Are you okay, Dr. Perez?"

Tumango ako at ngumiti nang pilit para tantanan ako ng ka-trabaho ko. Being the youngest senior researcher, I often received the heat from tenured researchers who didn't get the promotion. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi dahil mas matagal na silang nagtatrabaho dito kesa sa akin.

When my day at work ended, I contemplated going back to the boarding house. Ngayon ay maigi ko nang pinag-iisipan ang alok ni Tita na doon muna sa bahay nila tumuloy habang inaayos ang building. I have nowhere to go and couldn't even bring myself to work because I'm too distracted.

"Ma'am! Meryenda po tayo!"

Muntik na akong mapatalon sa gulat nang bigla akong tawagin ng foreman. Napalingon tuloy ang ibang construction worker sa akin, kabilang na si Enrique. Nagpapahinga sila sa ilalim ng puno at mukhang patapos na. May malaking supot ng pandesal sa maliit na lamesa at iilang bote ng tig-isang litro ng softdrinks.

I wanted to offer them something else to eat but I realized it would sound offensive so I held my tongue and just smiled at him.

"Patapos na po ba kayo?"

"Oo, Ma'am. Sinabihan naman po kayo ni engineer tungkol sa bagong piping doon sa second floor?"

I nodded and listened to him while my eyes drifted towards Enrique. Nagtatawanan ang mga kasamahan niya sa trabaho habang tahimik lang itong kumakain. Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, kaagad akong umiwas at ibinaling ang tingin sa kausap.

"Sige, papasok na po ako. Nasa loob lang po ako kung may kailangan kayo..." paalam ko sa matanda at dali-daling pumasok sa boarding house.

I forced myself to get some sleep that night, knowing that I'm going to see him again tomorrow. I couldn't find the courage to talk to him, so I think I'm going to stay at my aunt's house for a while. Wala rin naman akong sasabihin sa kaniya at mukhang ayaw naman akong kausapin ng lalaki.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan. I changed into a pair of green Lululemon shorts and sports top, planning to go for a run. Alas dyez pa naman ang klase ko kaya pwede akong tumakbo ngayong araw. I pulled my hair into a tight ponytail and stepped out of the boarding house.

I wanted to go back as soon as I was out when I saw Enrique outside, setting down his bag. Nakapantalon ito at itim na t-shirt. Even when he's not on duty, he maintains the crew cut of his hair and still looks clean.

Napalingon ang lalaki sa akin nang maramdaman ang titig ko sa kaniya. I can't think of a reason to run away now so I just walked towards him.

"Nakauwi ka na pala?"

He frowned at me. Mukhang hindi nito nagugustuhan na umaakto akong parang kaibigan na hindi siya nakita pagkatapos ng ilang taon. I let out a nervous laugh.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Naka-leave ako." Tipid niyang sagot sa akin.

"Oo nga, pero anong ginagawa mo dito?" I gestured to the boarding house.

"I work in construction on my leave. Hindi ko alam na dito pala ang project namin."

I nodded. That's so like him. Hindi ata napapakali ang lalaki kapag hindi nagtatrabaho. Other soldiers would go home to their families or travel to places while on leave while he's here, working his ass off under the heat of the sun.

We stood awkwardly around each other. Hindi ko na alam kung anong susunod na sasabihin ko! His phone beeped. Inilabas ni Enrique ang lumang cellphone na basag pa ang screen. When he clicked the power button, Chuchay's silly face appeared on the screen.

Nadurog ang puso ko sa nakita. Kaagad akong nag-iwas ng tingin habang binabasa ni Enrique ang text niya. Dahan-dahan akong umatras para makaalis na dito.

"I heard you're a professor."

Gulat akong napalingon kay Enrique nang magsalita ito ulit. Ibinalik na niya sa bag niya ang cellphone. Dahan-dahan naman akong tumango.

"Nagtuturo ako ng research sa DMMMSU."

He nodded, staring at my face. "That's good. It... suits you."

I awkwardly smiled at him. "Eh ikaw?"

He shrugged. "I'm still in the army."

"I bet you were promoted, too."

Hindi naman siya umimik. If my calculations are right, he should be a Captain right now. Hindi ko lang alam kung anong specialization ang kinuha niya. It would easy to determine it once he's in his uniform.

I chuckled when I realized something. "Hindi ko alam kung bakit ka pa nagtatrabaho sa ganito. Barya lang siguro ang sinu-sweldo mo mula sa akin."

"I have nothing else to do. I'm here for three months."

I nodded. When the architect and engineer presented the plan, they said it would take six to eight months to complete the renovation. He won't be here by the time it's done.

"I'll see you around, I guess?" I smiled at him, feeling at ease. Kanina pa ako nakatingin sa kamay niya at wala man lang nakitang wedding band. I wanted to convince myself that he's out of my reach right now but I couldn't even find any evidence to support my crazy theories.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot ni Enrique at nagsimulang tumakbo sa kabilang direksyon. Running would clear my mind, I'm sure of it. Kailangan ko lang pagurin ang sarili ko para mawala sa isipan ko ang lalaking iyon.

After my run, I went back to the boarding house and showered. Nagpalit ako ng uniporme at kinuha ang laptop bag ko. Dali-dali na akong bumaba at kinawayan lang ang mga construction worker bago nagtungo sa campus.

Nagpunta ako sa library pagkatapos ng klase para ipagpatuloy ang trabaho. By the time I was done, it was already dark outside. Kumakalam na din ang sikmura ko. Dumaan muna ako sa lomihan at nag-take out dahil tinatamad na akong magluto pagdating ko sa boarding house mamaya.

I wasn't expecting any of them to be there. It's already dark and their day is over. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makita si Enrique na nakaupo sa labas pagkababa ko sa tricycle. He stood as soon as he saw me.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito? Anong oras na!" Saway ko sa kaniya.

He frowned at me. "I should be asking that question. Ganitong oras ka ba palaging umuuwi?"

"May tinapos lang ako sa library..."

"You should get a car."

"Hindi ako marunong mag-drive."

I heard him sigh. "Nagc-commute ka sa ganitong oras?"

Inirapan ko ang lalaki. I had a long day at work and I'm not in the mood for him to scold me as if I'm a child!

"Dito ako lumaki sa La Union, Enrique. Ano ba naman ang pagc-commute sa ganitong oras? Wala namang masamang nangyari sa akin sa tagal kong ginagawa 'to..."

"Then just text me the plate number of your taxi each time you go home..."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. He looks frustrated with me and I have no idea why!

"Bakit ko gagawin yun?"

Si Enrique naman ang hindi nakasagot sa akin. Nagtitigan lang kaming dalawa hanggang sa siya ang unang kumalas. He let out a groan and picked up his bag.

"You're impossible, Avery..." he muttered under his breath before walking away.

My jaw dropped while watching him walk away. Anong problema ng lalaking iyon?! Bigla-bigla nalang naha-highblood sa akin! Napailing nalang ako at pumasok sa loob.

Kinabukasan, hindi ko pinansin si Enrique dahil sa natitirang inis sa ginawa niya sa akin kagabi. Nagawa ko pa itong irapan nang makitang nakatingin sa akin habang nag-aantay ako ng tricycle patungo sa trabaho.

"Can you believe him?! He said I'm impossible! Ang kapal ng mukha!" I ranted to Yari, pacing back and forth. Sa bahay nila ako nag-lunch dahil niyaya ako ng kaibigan.

She stared at me with amusement in her eyes. "Anong hitsura niya ngayon?"

Natigilan ako at napatingin sa kaibigan. "Huh?"

"Si Enrique," she pointed at me with her fork. "Anong hitsura niya ngayon?"

Pilit kong inalala ang hitsura ng lalaki at inisa-isa ang pagbabago sa katawan niya. "Mas lumaki ang katawan niya..." simula ko. "Seryoso pa rin at suplado. I saw another scar on his left arm..."

"Another scar?"

"He had one on his brow," I pointed to my left brow, noting that I first saw it in the year after his first deployment. "Hindi ko alam kung saan iyon galing."

"Well, he's in the army. Normal lang siguro yun."

Tumango lang ako. I don't even want to imagine how he got those scars. It could be a training accident, or an encounter with a rebel in the mountains. Who knows? He led a completely different life throughout these years. A life I couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Is he still hot?" Yari grinned.

Dalawa kaming napatingin ni Kei sa tanong ng babae. Nang makita ang reaksyon ng asawa, natawa ito.

"We're talking about that military man I've always talked to you about," Yari waved her hand in dismissal. Ibinaling niya ang tingin sa akin. "So?"

Umirap ako sa babae at pasalampak na naupo sa upuan. Kei lingered in the kitchen, as if he wanted to hear more. He must be alarmed that his wife is ogling some faceless man in the military since the two haven't met.

"He's still... Enrique. Wala namang pinagbago sa kaniya noon. Mas naging seryoso at tahimik lang siya ngayon."

Yari giggled, imagining him in her head. "You two should go out on a date."

"What?!" Sinipa ko ang kaibigan sa ilalim ng lamesa. "Pumunta ako dito para mag-rant tungkol sa kaniya, hindi para suportahan ang delusyon mo. Matagal na kaming tapos!"

"And yet here you are, ranting about him over the smallest inconvenience," she chuckled, sipping on her juice. "That means you still care about him..."

Hindi ako nakasagot. Of course, I still care about him! But probably not the way I cared about him before. I was so relieved to see him again, knowing that he's still alive after all these years. I'm curious about his life, but I know I have no right to ask him personal details anymore. Ngayong humupa na ang saya ko nang makita siya, hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin sa lalaki.

"Basta kung gusto mong makipagbalikan sa kaniya, support ako sa'yo..." natatawang wika ni Yari. "Kapag naging mag-syota sina Raya at Ivo, ikaw nalang ang matitirang single sa squad natin."

I just scoffed and continued eating. Bakit nga ba ako nagpunta rito? Simula pa lang ay talagang gusto na ni Yari si Enrique para sa akin. Pero kung sa ibang kaibigan naman ako pupunta, alam kong wala rin akong mapapala. They all liked Enrique. Not a single friend of mine hates him. And how could they? He's done nothing wrong.

They only knew about the happy part of my relationship with him before. They have no idea about the tears, the sleepless nights, and the sacrifices we both went through when we were still together. Of course, they're going to want me to go back to him.

I stayed late at work again, trying to distract myself. Ang daling malunod sa trabaho lalo pa't gusto mo ang ginagawa mo. I could spend hundreds of hours reading related literature or evaluating questionnaires without even blinking. It's dull and boring for most people, but it keeps my adrenaline pumping for some reason.

"There's a clinician from Japan that I want you to meet, Dr. Perez..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang bigla akong lapitan ng Clinical Research Coordinator namin. Saka ko pa lang napagtanto na ako nalang pala mag-isa ang narito bukod sa kaniya na mukhang paalis na rin.

"Really? Who is it?"

"Dr. San. He's been working on an evaluation of trauma-focused therapies for post-traumatic stress disorder for over four years now. His research sounds promising, but they lack the funds. I want you to meet with him and evaluate his progress thus far. From then, we can make a decision as a lab whether to fund him or not."

I blinked in surprise. "A-Ako? But Dr. Kagawa, don't you think I'm still too inexperienced to decide on this kind of thing?"

He smiled at me while putting on his coat. "You've always had the potential, Dr. Perez... even when you were still an assistant researcher before. I'm sure you can handle it." He pointed to the glass doors. "Well, I'm going to go home. Don't forget to lock the doors before you leave, okay? And try not to work too hard. Otherwise, we'd have to create a new position just to promote you." He chuckled.

Hindi ako nakasagot sa matanda. During my early days at the firm, he was the one who believed in me the most. In fact, he reminded me of my research teacher in high school. Naniniwala sila sa akin kaya ginagawa ko ang lahat ng makakaya ko.

I stayed in the lab for a few more hours before deciding to go home. May klase pa ako bukas pero magpapa-quiz lang naman ako sa mga estyudante ko kaya walang gaanong dapat i-prepare. I yawned and gathered all of my things. When I glanced at the clock, it's already two in the morning.

Dali-dali akong lumabas ng firm at ini-lock ito gaya ng habilin ni Dr. Kagawa. I nodded and smiled at the graveyard security guard who didn't even look surprised when he saw me.

"Natutulog pa ba kayo, Ma'am?"

I chuckled. "Hindi ko lang namalayan ang oras, Kuya."

Napailing ito sa akin. "Itatawag ko po kayo ng taxi."

"Salamat po."

He left me outside of the firm to look for any available taxi. Mabilis naman siyang nakahanap. I tried to give him a tip but he refused so I just pouted and got inside the taxi.

"Salamat po, Kuya!" Wika ko bago ako tuluyang makasakay sa loob. I glanced at the driver and gave him my address to the boarding house.

Wala ng tao pagkauwi ko sa boarding house. I paid the driver and opened the gate, careful not to make too much noise even if it's just me living inside the building. Dahan-dahan akong umakyat pataas pero natigilan nang makitang nakaupo si Enrique sa hamba ng pintuan ko. I frowned at him.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

He stood and stepped aside as I fished the keys out of my bag.

"I was wondering when you'd get home." He said silently.

"Nag-OT lang ako," wika ko naman. Napatingin ako sa supot na hawak niya pero dahil sa dilim, hindi ko rin matukoy kung anong laman nito.

"It's almost three in the morning, Avery. Do you still call that over-time? Are you being overworked by your boss in your lab?"

Mariin akong umiling. "Hindi ko lang talaga namalayan ang oras."

"You've become a workaholic, Avery."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Coming from you? An army officer who probably spends months in some far-off mountain and will never say no to higher ranks?" I chuckled. "You should save that talk, Enrique."

Hindi siya sumagot sa akin kaya napailing ako.

"Look at you right now. You're supposed to be on leave, but here you are, working as a construction worker on the side. Ikaw itong hindi mapakali ng walang trabaho! Does the foreman even know that you're an army officer?"

"I don't need a rank to pour cement and install windows..."

I laughed. "Right. And I bet the foreman doesn't even bother to do background checks. Kung sino lang ang may gusto ng trabaho, iyon ang kinukuha niya."

He sighed as I opened the door. Inabot nito ang dalang supot sa akin.

"Malamig na ang sabaw kaya initin mo nalang bukas nang umaga... pang-agahan mo."

Natigilan ako habang nakatitig sa kamay niya. I swallowed hard and accepted the food from him.

"Is this okay?" I whispered.

"Ano?"

"Nagbibigay ka ulit ng pagkain sa akin," I chuckled softly. "Wala bang magagalit sa'yo?"

He frowned at me. "What are you talking about?"

Pinasadahan ko ulit ng tingin ang kamay niya. His fingers were long and his nails were clean. Walang kahit na anong bakas ng wedding ring.

"It's been years since I last saw you." I sighed. "You're still not married? I thought you'd have a wife and kids right now. You're a family guy, after all."

Enrique frowned at me, as if I'm talking about something crazy.

"I'm not married, or dating... if that's what you wanted to know."

"Why not?"

"You know why." Tumikhim ang lalaki at bahagyang umatras. "I should leave. Magpahinga ka na. Kung pwede, um-absent ka na muna bukas. Huwag mong hintayin na singilin ka ng katawan mo, Avery."

I snorted. "As if I could sleep here with all the noise."

"Then sleep at the house I bought for you."

My eyes widened as I stared at him in shock.

"What the hell? Sa akin pa rin nakapangalan ang bahay, Enrique?!" I almost shrieked.

He shrugged. "I told you, I only bought that house because of you. There's no one occupying it right now. I'm too busy renovating someone else's building to fix the house to your liking but...it's all yours."

Hindi ako nakasagot sa lalaki at hindi na rin niya hinintay ang sagot ko. Tumalikod na ito at bumaba. I remained frozen at my doorstep, watching him pick up his bag from the bench outside and walk home.