( SHE WOLF. )
CHAPTER TWO.
chemical bonds.

KATIE AND ERICA made their way back to the chemistry room. Mr. Harris was waiting for them, sitting at his desk. Katie knocked her fist hesitantly against the painted door frame. Mr. Harris looked up at the two girls before motioning for them to come in. He pushed two papers forward on his desk, staring Katie in the eyes as he did so.

"I'm going to leave it up to Ms. Ritchie to decipher whose test is whose," he said. Katie felt her cheeks heat up as her eyes darted from the bright red A at the top of one paper and then to the D in the corner of the other.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say mine is the D?" She was trying hard to keep the same no-care attitude she always did, but she could feel it faltering in her voice. Mr. Harris nodded disapprovingly.

"Ms. Reyes, it's entirely up to you, but I'd appreciate it if you would be able to tutor Ms. Ritchie before the upcoming exam," Mr. Harris told her slowly. His voice seemed to take on a much gentler tone when speaking to Erica. Katie bit the inside of her cheek and looked to the ground. Erica's eyes flitted to Katie and then to the tests sitting on the desk. A whirlwind of worries passed through Erica's mind: What if she doesn't want me to? What if she'll be mad that I'm the one helping her? Erica was always wary of people she didn't know well, or of people in general. This wasn't how she'd always been, but it was how people had taught her to be.

After a moment's silence, Katie lifted her eyes to Erica who was already looking back at her. The same list of worries was passing through Katie's head, along with the embarrassment of it being revealed that she was terrible at chemistry.

"Well, do you want to or not?" Katie asked suddenly, eager to get out of this tense atmosphere.

The question caught Erica off guard. She thought back to all the times that Katie had defended her without even knowing her, to all the times Katie had been the reason she felt safe even though the only times they spoke were at their lockers that had been side by side since freshman year. Erica then nodded. "Sure, I'll do it," she agreed.

"Alright then, you're both free to go. Thank you, Ms. Reyes," Mr. Harris dismissed them, turning back to his computer.

They passed through the door frame and made their way back to their lockers silently. It was only once they reached their lockers that Katie spoke.

"I'm really sorry. You didn't have to say yes, and if you don't want to you can still say no. It's just that I don't think I've gotten anything above a C in chem all year. Maybe even C-," Katie sighed.

"It's okay, I don't mind. If you would rather I didn't—"

"No! No, it's not that at all," Katie interrupted. "I just don't want you to devote hours of your life to teaching me chemistry since you're already doing just fine."

"It's not like I have anything better to do," Erica shook her head.

"Ouch," Katie joked, laughing lightly as she finally opened her locker.

"That's not what I mean," Erica said quickly.

"It's okay, I'm only kidding," Katie tittered. "So, how does tomorrow sound for you? I'm good for any day except for lacrosse days, which are usually spontaneous since Coach doesn't like to give us a schedule for practices. Other than that I don't do much," Katie smiled, turning back to Erica.

"That works," Erica nodded, returning the small smile.

"Well, I'll see you in the library after school then," Katie smiled, shutting her locker door and heading out the school doors to freedom.

✶

Erica was already sitting in the high-ceilinged library when Katie arrived. Katie always loved the high school library. It was open and bright and there seemed to be a million closed-off corners tucked behind light wooden bookshelves. Katie smiled when she saw the golden-haired girl hunched over her notes with a stack of books beside her.

"Hey," Katie greeted, sitting down in front of Erica.

"Hi," Erica responded, looking up from her notes.

"So? How was your day?" Katie asked, putting her feet up onto the chair beside her and letting her backpack slump to the ground.

Erica laughed, shaking her head lightly. "We haven't even started and you're already procrastinating."

Katie grinned, "I'm just making conversation."

"Well, I was thinking we could have a conversation about chemical bonds," Erica said, turning her notes around so that Katie could see them. Katie exhaled slowly, trying to follow the diagrams Erica had drawn.

"Just so you know, I do study. It's not like I just never do my homework because most of the time I do. I just don't get it," Katie explained.

"Yeah, I know," Erica replied, rummaging through her backpack. "I didn't really think class notes were working which is why I made these." She pulled out a stack of pink flashcards, each one covered in a variety of vibrant ink colors. "I tried to simplify things, to give you another way of thinking about it."

"Did you make these last night?"

"Yeah," Erica replied, looking back down at her notebook.

"Wow," Katie breathed, flipping through the cards.

"Think of the atoms like people. Chemical bonds are like relationships. In every relationship there are different things needed from each person, right?" Erica began, pointing to a carefully drawn diagram on one of the cards. There was a stick person drawn in blue and another in red, holding hands. Katie smiled at the picture, nodding. "And in relationships, if things go right, you can find a way to relax together," Erica continued, flipping the card over to reveal the same two stick people sitting on a couch with what looked like a bowl of popcorn beside them. "So, every atomic relationship needs a different type of energy and they do best when they settle into the lowest stress situation possible."

"I feel like you should just take Mr. Harris's job," Katie laughed, looking up at Erica.

"I could never do that," Erica replied sheepishly.

"Why not? I mean it would probably be incredibly boring for you, but Erica, this makes way more sense than anything Mr. Harris has ever told me," Katie beamed, holding up the little drawings.

"I'd get eaten alive if I ever had to stand in front of a group of teenagers. Just walking past them is hard enough," Erica muttered.

Katie looked at Erica sadly, because she knew it was true. Her memories flooded with the countless comments people had made straight to Erica's face, of all the side-eyed glances she'd noticed pointed at Erica, and of all the times when she'd overheard sly remarks while Erica was shaking in her desk. Katie couldn't comprehend it, but what she could comprehend was the pain it caused the brown-eyed girl in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Katie apologized. She was sorry that people were the way they were, and that Erica was the one who was forced to endure their cruelness for something she had no choice over; her epilepsy.

"It's fine, I don't want pity. It's not your fault," Erica said quietly. "I just wish that for just one day I could be the girl that everyone wants to talk to, that everyone wants to be. I want to be envied, just once. I want to be wanted," Erica revealed, her voice breaking slightly.

"You shouldn't be insecure, Erica," Katie advised, "People are just assholes, it shouldn't matter what they think."

"Easy for you to say," Erica scoffed, shaking her head. "You're the captain of the lacrosse team, everyone likes you. You've never had to know what it feels like to know that every time you walk past a group of girls, and they start laughing, that they're laughing at you. That every time someone's staring at you, it's not because they find you pretty, it's because they think you're a freak. You've never had to humiliate yourself in the middle of class over something you can't control. You've always been pretty, you've always been talented, you've always been able to do all the things that normal teenagers do," Erica told her.

Katie was silent for a moment. She thought of telling Erica that she wasn't the lacrosse team captain anymore, but it seemed too far off the point.

"I don't think that's entirely true," Katie finally said.

"You don't?" Erica retorted skeptically.

"Well, I don't stare at you because I think you're a freak; I stare at you because I think you're pretty," Katie stated.

Erica's brow furrowed softly. Katie thought she almost saw Erica smile, but the smile seemed to retreat into her face as quickly as it had come. "No, you don't."

"What do you mean? Yes, I do, Erica. I think you're beautiful. I'm not saying that it matters, I'm just saying what I think," Katie declared.

This time Erica let a small smile onto her face. "Thanks," she said softly. There was a slow silence between them before Erica spoke again. "That's not what everyone else sees, though."

"And what do you see?" Katie asked.

Erica let out a puff of air that sounded almost like a laugh. "If you're asking whether or not I think I'm pretty . . . I guess the answer would be no," she almost whispered the last part and Katie's face fell.

"Erica, you're absolutely beautiful. I'm serious, if you don't see yourself that way then we must be seeing very different things because I really do think you're pretty." Katie didn't know if her words were the right ones or if the things she was saying made any difference at all to Erica. All she really wanted was to be was honest. "And I'm not just saying that."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Katie nodded, "Really."

Erica smiled again, clicking her pen against the table. She didn't know what to say, she wasn't used to taking compliments like that. Erica's gaze wandered over Katie's earnest brown eyes and decided Katie wasn't only saying it to make her happy, which in itself would be more than most people did.

"Thanks," Erica repeated, the smile not leaving her face.

Another slow silence.

"So, then there's this thing called electrostatic force, also known as Coulomb force or Coulomb interaction," Erica continued the tutoring right where they'd left off.

"All right," Katie laughed, leaning in to look at the next pink cue card.

AUTHOR'S NOTE.
i watched a chemistry crash course video for this so creds to hank green for teaching me any of the chemistry vocabulary and also for the chemistry metaphors, ily hank.

tysm for reading! i appreciate it so much xx. remember to take care of yourself <3

love,
skye