Yuri's P.O.V.

We're really sorry, Yuri, but we won't be able to be there for this summer book fair, we hope you understand.

But we haven't missed one in 12 years, father, can't you really make it in time?

Unfortunately not. We have an important meeting that weekend that would lead to a huge acquisition for the company.

Okay...

You still can go by yourself though, perhaps inviting some of your friends?

It's the only time of the year I get to spend time with you two...

Don't be like that, Yuri. You're about to become an adult, you should understand there are times where we won't be able to be there.

There's been plenty of those so far.

Good luck on your meeting.

Yuri, I'm sorry but we still can do something else once we can go there for a bit.

I have to go to school now, bye.

==================

The last day of school huh...

Everyone seem excited to go and enjoy the summer with friends and family.

I can hear them talking about where they'll go, what they'll do...

Then there's me.

At least I used to have something to look forward to...

Now it's gone.

Gone as those birthdays, Christmas, new years and so on they couldn't make it in time.

Dad is right. I'm almost an adult, I should understand they're busy working, after all it's thanks to them I never had to worry about money before.

But...

For what's wor-!

"Well, well, well! How ya' doing today Urine!", Satoru smirks deviously as he crashes my train of thought. I guess I can't expect him to leave me off the hook even in the last day of school...

"Gotcha!", I hear as I feel my book snatched off my hands. I turn around my head to see a very tall boy of dark brown hair. Yuta... I guess it's just a-!

I feel my head forcefully tilting to the side as I catch by the corner of my eye a boy of short frizzy brown hair. As usual, Tetsuya getting physical, shoved my head.

"I see you're greeting our favorite purple bitch already", a girl of tanned skin and dyed red hair appears and wraps her arm around the shorter Satoru's shoulder, giving me a mocking grin. Ran, Satoru's girlfriend to complete the 4...

"So what are gonna do during the summer Urine?", Satoru asks mockingly. I don't reply. First because I actually have nothing to do and second, even if I did he would make of fun of me anyway so why bother now...

"Of course, nothing! Like, what would a pathetic book weirdo like you do to have fun? Go to a book fair? Pfft hahahaha!", Ran laughs in that annoying way only she can pull off.

Worst part though, she touched the wound, digging her finger deep into it.

I feel this bitterness in my throat again, just like this morning after texting with my father.

I can hear the other three just laughing at her joke.

They're laughing at me.

"Hahaha..hah...haha...ha... Come on, Ran, even weirdos hang out with other weirdos at least! Come on tell us Urine!  Who you going to weirdo fest with?", Satoru asks mockingly. I don't reply.

Who would want to hangout with me anyway...

Not even my parents want to anymore...

"Awww not even weirdos hang out with you?? It must really suck to be you! Hahaha!", Ran hits the spot. No one indeed...

Go ahead laugh.

Laugh at my expense.

No one wants to hangout with me.

No one says anything.

No one is going to help me.

No one is going to be there for me.

No one likes me.

Laugh, keep laughing.

But I mustn't cry.

No, not in front of them.

I must keep this bottled up feelings and relieve them later, through my blood.

That's the only way fit for someone like me.

I deserve the pain, the humiliation and the hate.

It's the only thing I will ever get from other people.

RIIIIING

There's the bell, classes are about to start.

"See ya later Urine!", Satoru exclaims and Yuta simply drops my book to the floor. Tetsuya pulls my hair roughly before he follows their short leader. "Oops", Ran says as she walks over my book on the floor and leaves to her seat.

And as usual, no one bothers to pick it up for me.

They all just look away as if I wasn't there.

=================

Perhaps this isn't a good idea but I have no choice.

After what happened this morning, I didn't really have the energy to make myself some lunch so I found myself in the cafeteria to get some food, hopefully they didn't follow me here.

I go and quee up to get some food.

...

Some rice balls, fruit and some yoghurt. Well not really a great meal but it's what it it is...

I can't go around the school with this tray so I must find a table.

An empty one of course...

Or... Maybe Monika or Sayori...

No, they're not here...

Now that I think about it, I recall hearing them saying they eat in their respective classrooms...

Well, an empty one shall be.

...

Luckily I spot one empty table in the far left of the cafeteria.

At least I'll have some space to re-!!

All I hear now are whispers, murmuring sounds, after feeling a rough shove out of nowhere on my right shoulder which makes me drop the tray and all of my food.

But that's not the worst part.

I feel my legs shaking a bit, a cold sweat running down my body and a knot forming in my throat as I see the short annoying boy of the big nose and his tanned girlfriend next to him, both in front of me now.

"Yuri! Are you okay? You should look where you're going!", Satoru says in that annoying mocking tone. "Yeah bitch, look! You got my shoes dirty!", Ran exclaims outraged as she points at her feet, where I now see one stain of yoghurt on the tip of her left shoe.

"I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean-", all I can do is stutter an apology of something that wasn't my fault, but I get cut off all of sudden. "Clean it", Ran says with crossed arms and smug devious smirk.

...

I close my eyes and sigh to myself as I kneel down to do as told.

I just want to get this over with.

I pull down the sleeve of my blazer to cover my palm-

"With your tongue", Ran says abruptly. "E-Excuse me?", I reply looking at her from the floor, hoping she's just joking.

"Lick. It. Off.", Ran states firmly, looking me in the eye. As she says so, Yuta and Tetsuya approach and stand right behind me, as if they wanted to remind me I have no one where to go, nor nothing I can do about it but comply.

Please.

Please.

Somebody.

Anybody.

Help me.

Please.

...!!

"Hurry up, idiot! I'm hungry!", Testuya exclaims and shoves my head down, leaving my face inches away from Ran's foot. "You need to be responsible of your actions, Urine", Satoru shrugs with a mocking grin.

Anybody.

Please.

Just...

Help me...

Please!

...

I quickly glance at my surroundings only to see every other student in the cafeteria looking at me with curiosity and fascination, as if they were looking at some circus freak about to do something.

I see phones pointing at me.

I hear whispers.

I hear quiet laughs.

Then I finally understand.

I'm a freak.

A weirdo.

That's all I am for them.

A freak they can laugh at and enjoy her suffering.

A reminder of no matter how bad you feel about yourself, you'll never be as lame, coward and pathetic as that tall purple haired freak.

...

I quietly stick out my tongue as a single tear I couldn't hold back rolls down my face.

================

2:50 PM

...

2:53 PM

...

2:55 PM

...

2:56 PM

...

The more I look at the clock the slower the time flows.

I just want to go home already.

I need some relief.

I need it so badly.

The whole thing with my parents got me so down and distracted I forgot my pocket knife I usually bring to school in case I need relief.

Maybe I should skip the club today...

No... It's probably the only place where I can have some peace here.

While I don't really believe they consider me a friend, Monika and Sayori at least are kind enough to pretend I exist.

Well then there's the other one...

Ugh...

I just need to ignore her and don't fall for her provocations...

...

I wonder why she's the only person I actually have the courage to fight back against...

RIIIIIIING

Well, there's the bell.

I'll go to the literature club.

I want to have some time to read and don't feel so left out for a bit, they at least are kind to say hi to someone like me...

"Hey, Yuri, right?", I hear a girl's voice as I'm packing my stuff. I turn in its direction.

It's not Ran, thankfully.

Instead I see a long haired blond girl of light brown eyes in front of my desk, smiling and with her hands behind her back.

"Y-Yes?", I reply shyly. "I'm Suzu. Real quick, you see we're holding a summer party in two weeks time at my place and we were wondering if you'd like to come?", Suzu asks with an expectant smile.

A party?

Me?

Why all of sudden...

...

I discreetly look around and notice Satoru and his group aren't here...

I think this is the first time someone in this class aside from them talks to me.

"If you don't want to that's totally fine though! We just... Umm, would really like to know you better and such...", Suzu says looking at the floor a little embarrassed. "N-No, that's not it!", I unconsciously reply.

Hmmmm...

Can I really... Have some hope?

She seems honest.

Maybe they're all just as afraid of Satoru as I am and now that they're not here...

A party... Well, I never liked parties too much but this could be a good chance to make friends...

To find people that could care, even a little bit about me...

"I-I want to go", I reply with my best smile. "Awesome! Here's the address!", Suzu smiles brightly and pulls out what she's been hiding behind her back.

A little piece of paper which surely has her address written on it and hands it to me.

I feel excited now.

I'm starting to feel a little happy.

My first party in highschool!

I eagerly unfold the paper.

IDIOT

...

"Pffft hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!".

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!".

"Well done Suz! Hahahah! You should've seen your face, Urine hahahahahahahahaha!".

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahaahahahahahhahahahaahhaahhaahahahahahahahah!!".

================

What did I even do?

Do I really deserve all of this?

I don't recall hurting anyone.

I don't recall doing anything that caused harm to other person in any way.

Then why?

Why do I have to put up with this crap?

All I want is someone that cares about me...

Is that really too much to ask?

Haaahh...

Monika and Sayori surely will be late as usual, and she hasn't arrived yet so I'll just try and close my eyes for a bit.

I want to forget about everything right now.

I just want to disappear.

I can't put up with any more crap.

At least not today, I had too much.

Sweet dreams, harsh reality.

....

...

..

"Hello, everyone! I'm so sorry piano lessons just- oh shut, sorry...", I hear a familiar voice that quiets abruptly for some reason. Where am I...

Oh right the literature club.

I lift my head from the desk and rub my eyes a bit, they quickly get used to the light.

I look around quickly and see our popular president of the white ribbon covering her mouth, sitting on the desk and girl of red bow with her index finger on her lips, shushing the girl of emerald green eyes.

Then on my left, a girl of pink hair with a light blush on her face I barely managed to see after she averted my gaze and looked away.

"You woke her up, Monika!", Sayori scolds. "I'm sorry! Yuri, I'm really sorry, I promise it won't-", Monika panicking is odd but it doesn't last long as I cut her off.

"I-It's okay, don't worry really", I say as I sit up straight and open my book. The last thing I want to is bother them right now, besides it's my fault for sleeping during club time.

"Okay, thanks", Monika sighs relieved and goes to the teacher's desk to put her bag down and then returns to the front.

"Okay everyone! Last day of school, last day of sharing poems before the summer break starts, you know what to do and please you two, keep it friendly alright?", Monika says with her finger raised, looking at me and Natsuki as she finished.

"Ye, ye, mom I know, I don't know if miss my poems are better can though", Natsuki replies from the back. Not again, don't fall for her provocations, l can't put up with any more crap today.

"Alright, Sayori come here", Monika says as our vice president jumps with her poem in hand and follows the brunette.

I hear a loud sigh, of annoyance probably, behind me.

Believe me, Natsuki, I feel the same and I'm not planning on dealing with you today.

I take my poem from my bag and get up, turning around to meet Natsuki who was already heading my way.

"Here", she says and hands me her poem, I hand her mine without even looking at her. The smallest thing I do or say just seems to make this girl angry for some reason and leads to an uncomfortable verbal exchange between us.

Our poems are always polar opposites, hers are simple and cute, mine are complicated and "fancy" as she likes to call them.

And that always causes we argue about our writing style, which in my case is one of the few things I pride myself about.

And I won't let her make less of the only thing in this world I can feel pride of myself for.

I'll just read this poem quickly and say the usual, if she retorts I'll just ignore her...

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

Tears running down my face is all the reaction my body comes up with as I read this poem once again.

It brought back all the painful memories from that day before our last summer break.

I read and now it's pretty clear to me what the meaning behind this poem was.

I cry and cry as I realize the horrible thing I've done.

I messed up.

I screwed up.

I ruined it.

All she wanted was letting me know how she felt about me.

She wanted to get close to me.

She wanted to be my friend.

She was sorry for her behavior.

She cared about me.

But I pushed her away.

I ignored her honest feelings, I insulted her good intentions and I ripped apart her hopes.

Monika was right after all.

She liked me too.

Now I understand it all.

I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to disappear.

I hurt the only person that once loved me.

Ashes remain.

Her words suddenly echo inside my head.

I lift my head and look at the black metal box I found this poem in.

The light coming through the window reflects on the blades inside, tempting me to do what I deserve.

But at the same time, I look at the door at my right.

One part of me tells me to punish myself for the truly horrible thing I've done.

But the other, with a newly found courage, tells me to go and try to lit back the fire.

It may be too late, but I had enough of self pity.

It's for her I have changed, it's for her I have feel loved, it's for her I have looked forward to another day.

I don't want to lose that so easily.

I put the poem on my desk, run downstairs, put on my shoes, grab my keys and close the door behind me.

I run.

And run.

And run.

And run.

My legs start to ache but I don't stop.

My heart feels like it's gonna stop at any moment but I don't stop.

My breathing gets heavier and heavier but I don't stop.

Not until I finally find myself in front of that old and rusty apartment building.

I take a moment to catch my breath and glance at the fourth floor visible from here.

I see the light escaping through their window, indicating they're home.

I don't know what I will say to her, I don't know what I'll do, I don't know if I will even have the courage to look her in the eye.

All I know is that I want to see her.

I think, once I feel her beautiful magenta eyes set on me again, once I see the pastel pink of her pretty hair, once I hear her sweet voice, I will be able to do whatever needs to be done.

I take a deep breath and enter the building, I run upstairs until I reach the fourth floor.

The hallway seems like an infinite road I can't see the end of.

I walk and her door feels so close yet so far.

But I finally get there.

I don't hesitate and knock on the door loud and clear for them to hear.

I'm shaking and I feel chills running down my spine as I hear the quiet footsteps closer and closer from inside.

My heart skips a beat when I hear the lock on the door turning as they gently open the door...

"Yuri...chan?".

The eagerness and courage inside me suddenly go away as I see the strawberry red haired girl standing there.

"Ryuko, who- Go away!", I hear that sweet voice and suddenly feel a stab to the heart as she exclaims those words.

The pink girl then furiously makes her way towards me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?! I told you to leave me alone! I don't want to see you!", Natsuki shoots those words like daggers to my heart, I can see the red around her magenta orbs that shows tears have been streaming down her face.

"Tsuki, calm down, you don't need to yell at her", Ryuko says trying to calm the feisty one down, grabbing her by the shoulders so she can't go any further and push me away physically.

"I-I just want to t-talk-", I somehow manage to mutter those words but I'm abruptly interrupted by that now bittersweet voice. "I don't have anything to talk about with you, leave", Natsuki bluntly says as I feel another stab to my heart.

"Tsuki, why don't you listen to what she has to say at least?", Ryuko says pleadingly. "No. I don't want to hear anything from her. I had enough of her crap. Just. Go. Away.", Natsuki says firmly, looking me directly in the eye.

I lower my gaze, ashamed.

She has all the right to be mad.

She has all the reason to push me away.

She has all the right to hate me.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?! Leave! Get the hell away  from here!!", Natsuki yells as tears running down her pretty face again. Ryuko holds her as she tries to charge at me and get me out of here herself.

"I love you!!".

That's the only thing I could say.

That's the only thing my heart felt right to say.

Everything then goes quiet for a few seconds that feel like an eternity.

"I loved you".

Her voice finally breaks the silence and I feel my heart crumbling little by little.

"I used to. I tried, and tried and tried and tried and tried. I know I wasn't the best at showing it, but I tried. I put all my heart into that poem and you treated it just the same way you always treated me. Childish, immature, stupid... All you did was break my heart and then... And then...", Natsuki states, her voice breaking with every word, she pauses and sobs before continuing.

"Then you... You start acting like you care about me... You suddenly want to be friends with me, you start reading the things I like, you try to get close to me... You make me doubt...", Natsuki says and then grabs Ryuko's hand as she pronounces those last four words.

"It's too late, Yuri. I won't just push aside the love she gave me. You have no idea how hurt I was, how heartbroken I was, how much I wanted to just go away and disappear because of you. But she was there for me, she picked every piece of my broken heart and put them back together. She never judged me, she understood me, she was patient. She earned my heart", Natsuki says, clutching her girlfriend's hand against her chest, looking at me in the eye.

"I'll just say this one more time, Yuri", Natsuki says, I can hear the determination, anger, sadness and pain in her voice.

"Go away"

And with those words, the door to her heart was closed in my face.

I wanted to knock and scream how much I love her.

Beg for her to open and listen to me.

But I didn't.

She was right.

It's too late.

================

The pain inside my chest was my only companion as I walked back home.

I cried all the way, I didn't care people saw me.

All I want right now is to relief some of this pain in the only way fit for me.

More pain.

They say one pain takes out another, but in my case, it really just suppress it for a brief moment, as the pain I give to myself always feels just right.

I deserve it.

I open my door and head upstairs immediately.

I don't even take my shoes off.

I don't care about anything I just want this pain to stop, just for a bit.

I find myself opening the black metal box again.

I pick the blade that'll serve as judge, jury and executioner for me.

I run my fingers across the sharp and beautiful met-!!

"Hello, Yuri".

The echoing sound of the metal blade landing on the floor fills my ears after hearing those words.

I'm pretty sure I flinched like a little kid that sees the imposing fist of his much bigger bully raise and dive down his face.

But after that, for some reason, I don't feel scared.

I slowly turn my gaze at a dark corner behind me, right on the right side of my bed I see a figure sitting there with their back turned in my direction.

It looks tall, it's back seems that of a muscular man for what I can see of its body shape, but the thing that stands out the most, it's that top hat on his head.

It's got dark already, I realize I didn't even turn on the lights when I entered my room, the only light that allows me to see this entity's shadow is the one coming from outside through my window.

"Don't", what it seems the voice of a man says as I turn my head to the light switch on the wall at my left. "W-Who are you?", I ask the only thing I see fit for this situation.

"It doesn't matter. All you need to know is I'm here to give you a second chance", the top hat man says. "A-A second chance?", I ask confused.

"Doesn't all of this... Feel like a bad dream to you?", He asks. "I-I just wish that was the case...", I honestly reply as my heart hurts to remind me of the damage I've done.

"What if I told you it really is the case?", The top hat man asks, still looking at the wall with his back turned against me. "W-What?", I simply ask as confusion would be my epitaph right now.

"Look, left side of your metal box", he says and I obey. I turn around and see, I find a black and small cylindrical object, just that. It is a black small cylinder that fits on my hand with nothing else on it.

"That's.. how you could say... A way out. That object could make you wake up from this dream, to a time none of this happened", the top hat man says. "Now it really seems like a dream...", I say and I wonder if I'm starting to finally lose my mind.

"However you should know, there's no turning back once you wake up. This dream, everything that happened here, all the memories created, not just between you and her but for everyone else in this world, will be gone forever. Once you wake up, this dream will only remain in your memory for a brief moment and then, it will fade away forever", the top hat man explains.

"But also, you have the option of never waking up. Remain in this world of dreams where everything can happen and try... Try to find a way to solve what pains your heart so much at this moment. All the memories created remain, the happy ones and the sad ones as well", the top hat man says.

"Listen up, and listen good dick nose, if I see any of you assholes around Yuri again, for any reason, I'm gonna tell them to break your disgusting faces, understood?"

"... if you ever want like... recommendations or something I-I guess I could try... Not because I want or anything!"

"...this is my friend Yuri"

"You know Yuri, I gotta admit, you have proven to be not as a pretentious and close minded as I thought you were, you actually tried manga for some reason I ain't gonna question you about so congrats!"

"What are you so happy about? You've had that fool smile on your face since we left the wrestling club, if this was a manga, you'd be drawn with sparkly effects around hehehe"

"I-Is that so? I guess I'm just having fun"

"Go away"

...

"Can I... Have some time to think about it?", I ask as I scan the black cylinder in my hand. "No", the top hat man replies bluntly to my surprise.

"W-Why?", I ask nervous. "Yuri, you see... Some decisions need to be made immediately. Making important, life changing decisions on the spot is what forges you, it's when you truly show your worth and courage, having time can make you hesitate, think too much on one thing and diminish others", the top hat man pauses.

"It is when your heart is so overwhelmed that you have to learn to be able to control your emotions and think straight, to make the best decision, because there'll be times where time won't be on your side and if you can't control your heart and mind as one, you may end up making a decision that would not only be damaging for yourself, but for others too", the top hat man speaks and I just listen.

"If you want to continue in this world of dreams, put that object back where it was. However, if you wish to wake up, remove the top cap of it, close your eyes and press the button there, only then you could wake up", the top hat man says and as he finishes I notice the dim line around the top of the cylinder, I carefully turn it around to uncover a simple white button beneath.

"I do understand however, the weight of this decision and while I can't give you time, I can grant you a little help. Advice", the top hat man says before I get on my train of thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

&?#/¢∆'π P.O.V.

Hello, reader.

I know you're there.

I know I may have put too much weight on Yuri's shoulders but I too don't like to see them suffering like this, so I figured, I could give them a second chance thanks to some resources I have at my disposal.

But I too know the difficulty of making such decision that would pretty much change their world forever.

That's why I'm requesting your help.

Give Yuri some advice, just put it on the comments or something, we both know the nature of this world, this "fanfic".

She will listen, she will know.

What do you think she should do?

Wake up or continue living the dream?

She's gotta decide.