COURTNEY'S POV

I ran after them, just when they were about to reach the parking lot, I called out Chad's name. He stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around.

I just can't take this anymore.

"I want to talk to you."

I demanded, as if I had the right to do so. But who was I kidding? I think I lost that privilege the moment I pushed him away. I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it. I knew he had every right to ignore me and brush me off, but still, I just want him to believe that I didn't push Olivia, and I want him to hear my side of the story, the whole of it. Why I did what I did and hurt him in the process.

So I just stood there, hoping he would eventually turn around and talk to me.

He said something to Olivia and gave her what seems like a key. From where I was standing, Olivia looked hesitant, then she turned to me and furrowed her brows before walking away.

Chad stayed where he was. I wasn't sure but I took it as a sign that he would talk to me. So, I slowly walked towards him, trying to get closer.

When he turned to face me, I saw a blank expression on his face. This made my heart sink, and I felt a lump in my throat as I tried to find the right words to say.

Chad didn't look mad, but he didn't look happy either. He said nothing and just stared at me, making me feel unsure and uncomfortable. But I swallowed my hesitations and mustered up the courage to speak up. I knew that whatever I had to say, it wasn't going to be easy.

"Chad, I didn't push her. Believe me--"

"I believe you." He interrupted me before I could finish my sentence. Though he said he believed me, it seems like he didn't really believe what I said.

"Chad, I didn't push her." I insisted, my voice trembling with frustration.

Chad sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He shook his head and said, "Courtney, I believe you. Okay?" His voice was tired, a mixture of exhaustion and exasperation. "In fact, after everything, whatever you say at this point, I'll believe it. You didn't push her, okay, you didn't. You didn't want to be saved, no problem, you didn't. It was all an act, sure. I don't know what else you want from me."

My mouth went dry, my throat tightening, and I felt tears prickling my eyes. I didn't see that one coming. I just wanted him to understand me, but his words conveyed a sense of resignation and acceptance, as if he was giving up on trying to really understand me.

"You already got what you wanted. I just don't understand why you keep doing this? Just like what you said, you don't have use of me anymore. I already gave the exam papers. So why waste your time on a loser like me?" Chad looked at me with a mixture of confusion and frustration, his brow creased and his lips pursed. I could see he was suppressing his emotions. His fists clenched tight and his jaw set in a tense line, but his eyes conveyed the hurt and betrayal he was feeling.

Watching him like this, I felt a deep pang of guilt in my chest and it broke my heart. I had pushed him too far, and now he was hurting because of me. I wished I could take back what I said, but it was too late. I betrayed his trust and taken advantage of him. I wanted to say something to make things right, but I was too ashamed to speak.

Honestly, I have nothing to say. Aside from I was too stunned to even open my mouth, I honestly didn't expect this. Part of me was hurt by Chad's comment, but I reminded myself that he was just quoting the words I used to him before.

The impact of what I told him had taken its toll.

I admit it was painful. Like a slap in the face, his words hit me hard! Imagine how hurt I am now. At that time, it must have been ten times for him!

"I never said you're a loser, Chad." I told him. I want to take this chance to tell him everything. With this, I hope to clear things up that everything was just a lie. It was just an act, thinking I was helping him, but hurting him in the process. I was being stupid!

"Okay," he simply replied. "You never said it. I believe you. Is that all?"

What?

At this point, it seemed like I had reached a dead end. This was killing me. I felt like I could never make him understand what I was trying to say. He was just repeating the same words and it sounded like he was just trying to brush me off.

I tried to reach out to him, but I stopped because of the way he looked at me. "I think we're done here." His tone was soft, but his words were firm. I knew he wasn't trying to be mean, but the finality of his response felt like a slap in the face.

He didn't wait for me to say anything. He turned around, ready to leave.

No!

I will never get a chance to explain myself and make things right, and the weight of that thought was overwhelming. I was afraid that if I let him walk away, I would have to live with the fact that I hurt him and I didn't do anything to make up for it.

I wanted to make him understand why I said what I said. I knew this was my last chance, my last resort. I had to make him listen, no matter what it took.

"Will you also believe me if I say that..." I hesitated for a bit, but I was determined to make it through. "That I love you." I said with a trembling voice, but with a lot of conviction.

Chad stopped abruptly in his tracks, but didn't turn around. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, and I was so nervous that I could barely breathe. I was afraid of what his response might be, and I was worried that he wouldn't truly believe me.

I watched his every move, hoping he would turn around and see some kind of reaction on his face. But he stayed still. I knew then that he had heard my confession, and I was filled with dread.

Please. I plead in my thoughts

After what felt like an eternity, he slowly turned around to face me. "I believe you." He said this with flat emotion, as if the words had been dragged out of him.

"You said you'd believe everything I said." I felt like crying, but I held it in. I wanted to scream and cry and hug him, but I was too scared to do anything.

"I believe you." He said, but those three words were starting to break my heart. "But that doesn't mean I trust your words. I believe it, but I don't trust it anymore."

"Chad, what I did was unacceptable. I hurt you, I did what I had to do. Thinking that--"

"Courtney, stop." Chad's voice was firm. "You're right. I get hurt because I trust people so easily. I was naive. I just--"

"No," I said, interrupting him mid-sentence. I was afraid that if I let him continue, this would be over. And as selfish as I may sound, I didn't want it to be over until he heard the other side of the story. "No, Chad. That's not what I meant." I sounded so desperate, almost pleading.

I just wanted him to hear me out, to trust me again.

Then I remembered the letter. "Did you," I cleared my throat and kept going. "The paperbag, did you--"

"Yes," Chad sighed and wiped his face with his hands. I could tell he was trying his best to keep his composure. He looked away for a few moments before turning back at me. "Courtney. I don't know what do you expect me to do with it. You came to my house and gave me that. For what? Do you expect something from it? I really don't understand why. Do you need to remind me of what happened before or you just simply want to return it back? I was thinking all night, thinking. But like what you said, I'm hopeless. I need to wake up and stop deluding myself, so I did. So, I don't understand why you have to do all that again."

"Can you please hear me out first? You have to believe--"

"Courtney, like what I said. I believe you. But I don't have anything to offer anymore. I gave my all already."

Let him go!

My thoughts yelled at me before I could even think of doing something.

I wanted to be selfish, continue to be stubborn, but the way Chad looked now, it's killing me. He was hurting so damn much and I couldn't stand the sight of it, especially knowing I was responsible for it. I had done this to him. I had hurt him and I will just continue to do so every time he looks at me.

You already did your best, Courtney.

It's done. It's over.

-END OF CHAPTER 55-

A/N: this chapter is inspired by you're losing me and This is me trying by Taylor Swift. I hope you liked it ❤️

SILWAG is now finished on Patreon! Thank you very much for this wonderful journey. I hope you will enjoy my other stories LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME and my new one BETTER THAN REVENGE

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