COURTNEY'S POV

I have to be honest. I messed up big time.

If I had the chance to go back in time, I would have asked Terry's advice before making a decision on my own.

She was the one who made me realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life and that I might not be able to undo it all.

Sadly, I threw away something that could have made my life complete.

Chad.

Now I'm not sure what to do, but I won't stop. I'll try to fix what I can. I'm sure Terry can help me figure out what to do, to get things back on track. I'm determined to make it work, even if it takes a lot of effort.

I'll do anything to make it right.

But the thing is, I couldn't just show up to Chad and tell him what really happened. I know there's a possibility he won't even believe me. After all the web of lies I told him and those horrible words, who could blame him?

After that talk, I wasn't sure if he would want to speak to me again. I said things that I didn't mean. I hurt him, crushed even. I knew I had to apologize and explain the truth, no matter the outcome. I should find a way to show him how much I regretted what had happened.

Most importantly, I wanted him to know how much I cared about him.

I wouldn't do those things otherwise, right?

I was at the library, the only place Troy would not be able to find me. That's for sure.

I needed a safe space, a place where I could think thoroughly without any distractions. I decided to take the time to reflect on what had happened, what I could do to make things better, and figure out a plan.

I have to do this sooner rather than later.

Especially now that Olivia is coming.

She is gonna be here!

The timing was really a bitch. It was like the universe was conspiring against me.

This is making me feel more anxious and overwhelmed. I'm not sure what to do. It feels like everything is out of my control.

Then again, would her presence make any difference?

Would it matter if she was here?

Is she planning to win Chad back?

Maybe I was just overthinking things.

She is coming for a different reason, to take part in the cheerleading competition.

She would be too focused on winning since being cheer captain was her main goal, her dream. And I bet winning the nationals would be her top priority to even have different plans, right?

Right?

Besides, she didn't even know Chad was here, did she?

Even so, I like to believe that Chad wouldn't let her back into his life just like that. I mean, considering all the things she did to him, I doubt he would let her get away with it that easily.

Chad deserves so much better than that. He should have someone who would never think of hurting him. He deserves someone who would never let him down and always be there for him. Trust him.

I tried. And after only a few days, I had already failed to be that person.

The person who swore to just love him and not hurt him.

Both Olivia and I broke Chad, but the difference is, he wasn't angry at her to begin with. In fact, he tried to understand her.

"And you're right. You're not Olivia. Because with her, at least I know that her feelings for me were genuine and true. What we had was real. She didn't trick me into loving her. She just chose a different path, and I get it."

What they had was real.

And as for me, he probably thought I fooled him, manipulated him into falling in love with me. Which I was the only one to blame as I painted that picture for him to believe.

So between me and Olivia, she probably had more chances of getting him back than I did as I had already pushed him away with my lies.

Did Chad really believe me? At that time, I intended for him to believe my act and all the hurtful words. I was determined to save him, but now, I wanted to take it all back.

He must have thought I totally lost it. Would he really believe me again?

If I approached him, he would probably just try to ignore me. Just like he did a while ago, he'd pretend I didn't exist. He saw me in the hallway, but pretended not to see me. I felt my heart sink and my stomach churn at that moment.

I was hurt, but I had to remind myself that I deserved it. That's what I wanted in the first place.

For him to stay away from.

Then again, that was before. It's different now.

So how would I get him to talk to me again?

Just us.

Alone.

I can try to get a B or A again and ask him to talk to me. But isn't that like throwing insults at him? I used another form of our deal to negate my lies. That would be manipulation. And I wouldn't want that approach.

I have to let him know that my actions for the past few days were simply acts of cowardice and impulsiveness. For me thinking it would be for the best.

Maybe I could write a letter? I could express my thoughts more fully, and put them down in writing.

Yes!

That's the way to go, that'd be perfect.

Writing a letter might be the most effective way to communicate with him now. It would allow me to pour my feelings and thoughts, and express them in a way that I can't do in person.

Especially when my emotions take over like the last time, I need to be able to put my feelings into the right words.

I smiled at the thought.

I looked through my bag for my scented personalized stationary. This is something I use only on special occasions or when something important is at stake.

I'm glad I have it with me at this time.

The moment I picked up the pen and started scribbling, I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Words flowed out of me like a river.

It was like I was writing a story or something--I was creating something special.

Our story.

I started off with the first time I saw him, and how he made me feel. I was so intrigued by him, so captivated by his way of thinking.

I was so drawn to his mind and his views of the world. It was the most attractive thing and one of the wonderful reasons I fell in love with him.

I may have confessed my feelings to him under the oak tree, but I felt it wasn't enough. I didn't say everything that I wanted to say. It wasn't the exact words. That wasn't the type of confession I wanted to make.

But, hopefully through this heartfelt letter, which was getting so long by now, I could finally be able to tell him what really was on my mind.

The exact words I wanted to tell him that day.

I love you, Chad.

A smile spread across my face as I scribbled down those three words that I desperately wanted to tell him at that very moment.

I bit my lip at the memory of us under that oak tree and tried to blink away the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I was flooded with emotions again.

I didn't realize that writing a letter could be this overwhelming. I had to take a deep breath before I could continue. I was almost done, but I wanted to make sure I said everything.

"Hey."

My heart stopped at the sound of that familiar voice. I may have been so absorbed in writing the letter that I hadn't even noticed him walking in.

My eyes were fixed on the letter I was writing. I was almost afraid to look up, debating with myself if I should. But I knew I had to. So with that, I slowly raised my head, my pen still in my hand.

And there he was, standing in front of the bookshelves, looking at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. I felt my pen slip out of my hand as I stared in disbelief.

I wasn't prepared for this moment. I wasn't expecting to see him this soon.

I could feel my heart racing, my breath catching in my throat as I look at him. I wanted to say something, maybe some of the words from my letter, but I couldn't move. All I could do was look into his eyes, feeling the intensity of the moment.

How?

How did he find me here?

I wanted to ask him those questions, but my mouth was too dry to say anything. All I could do was stare at him wide-eyed, too shocked to even move.

I quickly turned away, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze.

"Don't worry, this will not take long." He said, as if he thought I wasn't pleased to see him here.

I quickly stood up and looked at him. I didn't want him to misinterpret my silence.

"Chad." I said as I moved aside the table. His face was expressionless, not showing any hint of what he was thinking.

I wanted to move closer. However, before I could move further, a thud sound has startled me, stopping me on my track. Chad had dropped the stack of papers that he was holding on the table.

I stared at it for a brief moment and then back at him.

Confusion filled me as I tried to understand what was happening.

Chad took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sighed and said, "I'm here to fulfill my part of our deal."

My eyes widened.

Maybe I knew what it was, maybe I knew where this was going. But I wasn't sure I wanted to find out what was going to happen.

No. I silently hoped. My heart beating fast.

"We made a deal." He started, his tone was flat. "you told me that if you can make me fall for you, I should give you the exam papers, right?" He gestured towards the pile of papers on the table that he had just dropped moments ago. "And since you succeeded, I'm keeping my end of the bargain. You can have these. You earned it."

My heart clenched in pain, I could feel my eyes watering but I fought so hard to stop any tears from falling.

His stare was different from how he used to look at me.

This one was cold and distant.

Like how he looked at me when the football team threw the slushies at him.

My stomach twisted into knots and I felt my heart breaking as realization hit me.

No. Please, no. I knew this wasn't going to end well.

He gave me one last look before turning around, ready to leave.

"Wait," I said, holding my breath.

It shouldn't end here. He should know now.

Thankfully, Chad stopped.

I felt compelled to reach out and touch him. I wanted to tell him I didn't want any of this. I don't need these exam papers anymore. I wanted to get mad at him and tell him that I was done with all of it.

With the deal. With all the lies. With the acts.

But before I could even find my voice to express myself, he was already ahead of me.

"I forgot." He said, his back still facing me.

My eyes were on the verge of tearing up again as I wait for him to say the next words.

"We agreed to the deal that the first person to say those three words would lose. Right?"

He looked at me past his shoulder, and said the words I desperately wanted to hear from him: "I love you, Courtney Collins."

I should be overwhelmed with joy. I should be jumping up and down from pure bliss. Because, he finally said it. I finally heard him say those words.

But instead, I felt my heart breaking into a millions pieces. His words were cold and detached, no emotions at all. It was as if it's chilling me like a curse.

Those three words... it was meant to stop my heart.

And I felt like something inside me had died.

-END OF CHAPTER 48-

A/N: I love you, guys! This is meant to happen. This is the deal afterall, right?

Don't hate Courtney. Hahaha!

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