Chapter 29 - So Close

COURTNEY's POV

What the hell happened?

I watched him as he passed by our table and acted as if he didn't see me, or didn't even know me. I even flashed him as small smile, but he just carried on walking and settled in three tables away from mine together with his friend, his back facing me.

Purposely?

Maybe.

I racked my brain and tried to recall the things happened during our date and up to this day. It's Wednesday, and I'd been clueless since Monday.

But everything was so perfect.

I said to myself as I remember how he'd been so sweet and thoughtful.

The lasagna, the picture, and most importantly, the gladiolus flowers.

I continued to watch him, his shoulders shaking in fits of laughter. His friend might have said something funny to made him laugh that way.

What if he was laughing at me? What if they're talking about how smitten I was during that date? What if that date was just a set up?

I tried my very best to shake off those thoughts. No, Chad wouldn't do that. He's not like that.

"Hey," Terry called me out of my reverie. "You okay?"

I shook my head sideways and let out a heavy sigh. There's no use of lying to her and to myself anyway. I didn't realize that it's only Terry and I were left in our table. So I took this opportunity and told her what happened during that perfect weekend and all of a sudden—this, I didn't even know what this is, happened.

"Are you sure you didn't do or say something to make him feel that way?"

"I'm so clueless." I admitted. "I tried to recall everything, step-by-step, moments per moments, but nothing. It's all sweet and Ter..." I paused and put my hand to my chest where my heart lies. "Ter, it was perfect."

She looked past me, as if eyeing Chad's table, before she turned back to me. "If everything was so perfect, how come you..."

I shrugged. I didn't even let her finish.

"I think I should talk to him." I hate not knowing anything. I hate this feeling. I need answers.

"Now?" She raised her right brow and gave me a disbelieving look.

"What? Are you going to lecture me that what I'm about to do is social suicide?" I asked her with a challenging tone. "Look, Ter. I am Courtney Collins. I can talk to whoever I want and whenever I want to." I hissed, but in a hushed tone.

I stood up, but Terry pulled me down. "Yes, you are the Courtney Collins who can do whatever she wants, fine, but don't forget that you're the same Courtney who just broke up with the school's star football player." She raised her brows to me. I was about to say that I didn't care, but as if she was reading what I have in mind, she leaned closer and whispered. "Words are out, Court. It's a rumor for now, but nobody dared to confirm it. All eyes are on you since Troy is still in camp. Nobody knows the reason for the sudden break up, and you going after Chad in front of the half of the people in the school, sends something."

My eyes travelled to where Chad was seated, I wanted to defend myself to Terry and reason out that what I was about to do was to talk to him, that's all. But what she said next made me convince that I shouldn't. "Troy may not be here, but he can still destroy your Chad if given the chance. So if you want a repeat of those tormenting days," She learned back and crossed her arms. "Then be my guest." She finished with a challenging tone.

I hate it.

I hate the fact that I couldn't do anything.

It felt like Edgar Allan Poe's Annabel Lee. Like everyone was against this.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we...

Our love?

More like my love. Not our. I didn't even have the chance to know if he felt the same way as I did every time we're together, the spark even from a mere touch, and the warmth inside every time we hear each others laugh.

I took a glance to where he was seated, his friend stood up and so did he. I might have imagined it but for a brief moment, I saw him gave me a side glance before he started walking out of the cafeteria.

That one look was enough to make my heart clench in both hurt and longing.

No, I wouldn't let this poem end without knowing how you feel for me, Chad.

But if this is one sided, is there even a point to put a fight?

* * * * *

I went to our usual spot after class and stayed there, but just like the past two days, he didn't show up. No signs of him.

I pulled out my phone and reread our previous conversation, just to check if I'd missed something to make him feel so distant.

Saturday 8:03 PM

Chad: Thanks for the photo! I'm glad you had fun. Sweet dreams.

Saturday 8:04 PM

Courtney: You too. See you Monday. Sweet dreams Chad xx

And nothing followed.

I'd been debating with myself since Sunday if I should message him, but I wouldn't want to appear clingy. Instead, I persuaded myself to just wait for Monday and have a hearty conversation with him here, in our spot. I waited, and for the first time, I wished for the weekend to be over already and let Monday come right away.

Monday came and nothing. I reasoned that maybe he was just busy. So I waited for Tuesday, and again the same thing. I was itching to send him a message now, but what would I say? Actually, I had so many things to say, but I was afraid. I don't know what hurts more, not receiving a text for days or not receiving a reply in case I would send him a message now.

I rested my back to the tree behind me and looked up, trying to stop the waterworks from falling. I was out of my reverie when I heard a message alert from my phone. I lazily looked at it and almost jumped when I saw who sent it.

Chad: Sorry, been busy with SA duty and drama club lately.

I straightened my spine and tried to compose myself. I smiled at his message.

He's just busy.

All this time I was worrying for nothing.

When I was about to respond to his message and remind him about our tutoring, a new message came.

Chad: Might not be able to do tutoring for now, but I'll send you studying materials on your email if you want.

But I want you...

Were the words I wanted to send. But this isn't the time for that.

He's just busy, Court. Stop overthinking.

Yes, I was just overthinking. He's not avoiding me. He sent me a message and explained to me why he'd been MIA.

I took three calming breathes and got my attention back to my phone.

I thanked him for his thoughtfulness then sent him my email and added...

Courtney: Don't push yourself too much, okay? Take care, Chad.

Chad: Thanks. You too.

Stop overthinking.

With a heavy heart, I stood up and left.

* * * * *

"What's this?" I asked Terry the moment I stepped into my house.

Fiona, Lucy, and Jenny were seated in our lounge area, all looking concerned. "The girls need to know, too. They kept on asking me what's wrong. They're all worried."

I wanted to tell them that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about, but I knew that the more I suppress this, the more it would be difficult. Besides, they're my friends. They could help me and reason out with me, too, right?

"Fine." I submitted in defeat.

I started the story to when I visited Chad to his house. I told them how his family welcomed me and made me feel at home. How Chad was being strict at first in tutoring, but how I found it really helpful and hot as well. We were giggling, they were throwing comments here and there, and lots of awes. I also mentioned the bet we did where he stopped wearing his glasses, and they're all over the moon when they learnt that the reason for that was because his mom likes me.

It was fun recalling those happy days and watch my friends reaction. I must say, they reacted the same way I did, which I found very amusing, and for that moment, I felt light. I carried on telling them what else happened as we munch the freshly baked cookies and four season juice that John brought in.

Then when I told them about my decision for breaking up with Troy, I was expecting that they would somehow say something about popularity and how it would affect my status. But, no. They all agreed that it's about time I should dump someone so ignorant like him.

"He's just a pretty boy. Nothing more. He's even more vain than you."

"Totally. He's a Ken in a Malibu House."

"That jock didn't even invite you to his house to meet his parents or even go on a proper date."

"He always wants you two to be surrounded with people, he likes showing you off."

I was taken aback with these comments. I didn't know they thought of him this way. "Well, how come nobody told me about this then?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I didn't meddle because I don't think you're serious with him. It was a shallow relationship and I know that in the end, once you get bored, you'll dump him anyway." Terry answered.

"What? You think I'm that kind of person?"

"Court, don't take that in a wrong way. You gave us that kind of impression. How you two will be the prom king and queen, and Troy reminding us from time to time that you two are the golden couple. Never, once, you mentioned how much you love him and your plan together after high school." Lucy pointed out.

"Yeah, she's right." Fiona agreed. "Your months with Troy is nothing compared to your weeks with Chad."

"Totally. Your time with Chad is juicier and way more interesting." Jenny said as she took a bite from her cookies.

"I was that shallow?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yes!" They said with conviction which only made me laugh even harder.

"Next time, don't hold back. You're my friends. You're supposed to tell me these things." I reminded them, they agreed but in return, they asked me to tell the whole story, every single detail, about my date with Chad.

And I obliged. I told them how he asked me over the phone, only to find out he was already outside my house. When I told them about the gladiolus, Lucy and Jenny shrieked in excitement. It was fun telling them all this and watching their reaction, but when I was about to reach the end of the story, the atmosphere around us suddenly changed.

"Well," Jenny interrupted. I looked at her and I could sense that she was feeling hesitant to continue. I gestured for her to go on, she straightened her spine and continued. "I don't know how to say this, Court. It's just that, maybe he had an impression that you're expecting him to do something?"

"What do you mean?" My curiosity killing me.

"You just told a guy that you broke up with your boyfriend. And the timing was off. You were on a date." She air quoted the last word.

"She has a point." Fiona chimed in. "Maybe he felt pressured? Or worse..." She stopped, I could feel all my friends were trying to say something, but holding back because they thought I couldn't handle it.

The girls looked at each other, as if afraid to drop the bomb. "Just say it, girls. I can handle this." I told them sternly, trying to act cool about it but deep inside I was afraid of what she might say.

"Or worse, he sensed that maybe you liked him all along and breaking up with your boyfriend proved it, but he couldn't reciprocate your feelings for him that's why he's avoiding you and being distant." And Terry finally dropped it. She avoided eye contact with me after she said those words. I looked at the girls and they did the same, too.

Those were strong words, too strong that it was enough to break my heart.

Well, maybe I had it coming. I already had a feeling that that could be the reason for his sudden change of behavior, but I just refused to see it, I was in denial. And maybe I just need someone to point it out to me, send me back to reality and stop living in fictional world where a Chad can actually like or even love a Courtney.

All this time, I thought I was getting close to you. We're getting closer and closer to each other.

So close, Chad, but still so far from my reach.

You pierce my heart, huh.

Ironically, why did I feel as if you pierced my heart, but left me to bleed?

I laughed at myself, how I even considered or even expected him to feel the same way.

"You don't like me? That's impossible. Everybody likes me! Everybody loves Courtney Collins." I said proudly.

He finally turned and faced me. "Not everybody, you're forgetting about me." He said with a smirk.

Funny how those words irritated me before, but hurt me so much today.

A love story that hasn't even started yet, but already ended.

And they didn't live a happily ever after.

"But, what if that's not the case?" Lucy's words pulled me out of my sad thoughts.

"What else is the case?" Jenny asked eagerly.

Lucy looked at me and smiled. "Chad sounds like a decent guy. Someone who wouldn't jump or make a move after a break up. He's not a snitch."

"Yeah!" Jenny shrieked. "Or maybe he wanted to give you space to move on first!" She added with excitement.

"And not appear as if you're just using him as a rebound. The guy needs to protect his feelings too, you know." Fiona said.

"Chad is a good guy, Court. Maybe he's even blaming himself for the break-up. Maybe he thinks that you two getting closer got in between your relationship. So many possibilities." Terry finished with a reassuring smile.

"Chad. Sounds like he likes you, too." Lucy said, and everyone nodded in agreement.

I looked at them, they're all giving me that comforting smile. They all tried their best to make me feel better. Why did I even think I could handle this on my own where in I have four amazing friends to back me up?

And with those comforting words, I saw light. Even hope.

One setback shouldn't falter me. No way. I am Courtney Collins. The Courtney Collins.

That realization sent something in me. I could feel the fire burning inside me.

Determination.

A smirk playing along my lips.

So what if it's only a one-sided love?

One thing I like about myself is I could be very persuasive. When I want something, I always get it, I even work hard for it to get it. But not in a forceful and mean way, this time, I'd go to the right path.

I want Chad Treyson.

For real.

— END OF CHAPTER 29 —

I read your comments on my message board about the upcoming chapter. So interesting! I know most of you wants a kissing scene, and even a confession. I love reading all your thoughts and comments, they gave me inspiration to write!

Chapter inspired by So Close by Jon McLaughin and Rolling in The Deep by Adele. So, what do you think of this chapter? What do you think of Courtney's friends? I noticed how wattpadverse has trust issues with the MC's friends hahaha! I hope you like them as much as I do.

I want to know what do you think will happen next! Don't forget to comment, please. I love reading what you think about this story so far. And like this chapter if you like it.

See you next week!

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