As with everything else, there are two sides to every coin. SHE knew that the spiritual realm itself had two of these sides; good vs evil. Other than the mask, SHE hadn't ever come face to face with pure unadulterated evil before. That all changed one night when SHE was in bed; SHE hadn't fallen asleep yet but her eyes were closed somewhat. Suddenly, SHE felt like SHE couldn't breathe, something was in that room with her! Her eyes popped open wide as SHE struggled for breath and that's when she saw it.

The thing was darker than the darkest corner of her room.  It obscured the glow in the dark stars and planets on her bedroom ceiling. It was at least 7 feet tall and it was pressing down on her chest like a bull. SHE couldn't move an inch. SHE was petrified! As it moved its head closer to her face SHE could hear its voice laughing evilly inside of her head. It was a low guttural laugh that sounded like a mixture of the lowest baritone imaginable and the low groan of crunching metal.

It was featureless except for what appeared to be horns sticking out of its head. It had a human-like shape but other than that, it was blackest form SHE had ever seen. And just like that as SHE thought SHE was going to be crushed, it vanished and SHE was able to breathe again. SHE blinked a few times and then slowly got out of bed, looking around her room. SHE opened the door of her bedroom and looked around but everyone was sleeping soundly and peacefully. No one had the slightest idea the absolute terror SHE had just gone through.

SHE sighed and retreated back into her room and after getting into and hiding under the covers, fell asleep instantly because SHE was completely exhausted. What was that? SHE knew all about shadow people and demons but why was it there? What did it want from her and how had it found her in the first place? SHE had no idea if that was the last time it would visit and was hoping that it was. Unfortunately for her, it came back a few nights later.

The feeling was the same. SHE felt it crushing her body and was unable to move at all. It was completely on top of her only this time when it put its head next to hers, SHE heard the following words ground out like shredded glass in her head:

"When I am done with you, I will go after your mother."

    Then it laughed that grotesque noise again but it had made a huge, epic miscalculation. If SHE had no strength and was pinned beneath it both times, when the thing threatened her mother, something inside of her broke. SHE found unnatural strength and pushed herself off of the bed to sit up, essentially moving the demon off against its will.

    SHE looked at it in the dark as it stood to its fullest height and told it off in very colorful language. SHE clicked on the light and it was no longer visible to the human eye but was still very present as the air hung very heavily in the room. SHE could hear it still breathing in her head. It was obvious it was very angry but not as half as pissed off as SHE was in that moment.

"You disgusting, vile piece of demon shit! You will never touch my mother, you hear me?? I don't care if you are invisible, if you ever come into this house again; I swear I'll kick your ass back to whichever hell you came from any way I can! I am a child of G-d, I am more powerful than you think and you will never harm me or my family! Now get the fuck out of my house! You are banished from here never to return! LEAVE NOW!!!"

    SHE mouthed those words as SHE felt it retreating and felt herself growing stronger until SHE had gotten out of bed completely and it shrank away from her before disappearing completely. SHE then walked to her mom's bedroom and put her ear to the door to make sure her mom was alright; slow, deep, and sound breathing was heard inside. Satisfied, SHE went back to bed and turned off the light. SHE fell asleep that night feeling as if SHE had fought an immense battle but SHE had won. It was her first head on battle with the forces of pure evil, but it wasn't her last.

    Many years later, SHE was diagnosed with a non-curable and untreatable illness known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or ME. SHE was bedridden for two years virtually never leaving the house or her room. In that time period, her mom had tried everything under the sun both medically and holistically to get her to heal including taking her to many various specialists all over their state and others but nothing worked. In fact, SHE was getting worse. Through a friend of a friend or a doctor, her mom heard of a Reiki Master that had strong healing abilities or so it was explained that way. SHE and her mom were desperate and willing to try anything at that point.

The woman came to their home one evening and was ushered upstairs to her bedroom, a place SHE considered to be both her sanctuary and prison. The woman appeared to be nice and friendly. SHE, being as ill as SHE was, couldn't discern what was good and what was evil until it was too late. The woman had brought crystals with her and began to explain how the crystals worked and how the woman used them for their healing properties. The explanation was confusing and not one SHE found SHE could remember later.

The woman heard her story about her gifts and other things and said SHE was in good hands, but it was all a lie. By this time, SHE hadn't really experienced her third eye being fully open for quite a few years and was very concerned about it. SHE felt it blocked by some unknown source or sources and the woman was claiming to be a healer but instead being anything but. The woman mumbled under her breath while waving her hands and made sure SHE closed her eyes. Something was said along the lines of:

"I'm going to close your third eye because you don't need it now."

    The woman ended up completely shutting whatever was left of the third eye off and forming a blockage of some form in the stomach. The woman had also left some of her "healing crystals" in the home. What SHE realized soon after was that the woman was half demon. SHE was completely devastated because the illness was progressively taking her life; it was only a matter of time. It was further confirmed that there was something evil inside of her when a man who was an Orthodox Christian healer started to pray over her through the phone and SHE would get so sick that SHE would feel like SHE was going to vomit or pass out.

    The stomach blockage remained in her body for 10 months, taking her life force away until a miracle of cataclysmic proportions set her free and got her on the road to full recovery. But that is a story for another time.

    Where there's such evil, there is also the power of good. Angels exist and come to people in the most inordinate of times. For many of her college years, SHE suffered from something SHE called "Episodes". SHE had been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety as a teen and had been dealing with both in different ways. These episodes were a weird side effect of anxiety. They started randomly out of nowhere one day and ended just as randomly, without anyone ever finding out the cause of them or why they occurred.

    Each episode would vary in time frame and severity. SHE would feel anxious or perhaps upset and all of a sudden SHE would find herself lying on the floor. It wasn't that SHE fainted but that SHE blacked out only to come fully awake upon hitting the floor. After that, SHE would become aware that SHE felt either partially or fully paralyzed. These episodes would last anywhere from 15 seconds to the longest ever being 3.5 hours. SHE was always fearful, of this happening when SHE was on the stairs or at the top landing. Thankfully, that never happened but it didn't make them any less scary.

    The scariest and what ended up being the most amazing was the longest one that SHE had. The reason it was the scariest was because SHE was home alone and though SHE was only 3 feet away from the phone, SHE couldn't reach it. SHE was walking to the master bedroom, felt the sensation, and collapsed on the floor. SHE awoke and realized SHE was in pain, though her legs felt like heavy boards that SHE couldn't move SHE must have bruised her ribs upon impact.

    SHE was able to drag herself a couple of inches into the room but no further as SHE collapsed entirely. SHE lay on the carpeted floor as SHE was only able to turn her head from side to side. Looking out the window, SHE knew it was supposed to rain that afternoon and it was dark and gloomy outside. The phone rang and rang, SHE started crying as SHE realized that it would be hours before her parents came home and found her. Being alone with the phrase "I've fallen and I can't get up" replaying in her head was no laughing matter. SHE was young yes, but SHE was paralyzed and on the floor, alone in a two floor house with no one to help; a mere few feet from the phone. So her tears poured down her face as SHE begged G-d to take her.

    Suddenly, SHE felt the wind blow and heard wind chimes. They didn't have wind chimes at that time by her house and none of her neighbors had them either or were close enough that SHE could have heard them. Besides, these wind chimes sounded like they were literally right outside the window on the second floor in the master bedroom. The light filtered in and it felt warm on her arms which were stretched out near her head. Just then SHE picked up her head a little bit and saw that the sun was out like the thunderstorm they were predicting for that day, had never even been there. SHE heard a female's voice say as plain as day in her ear:

"No, it is not your time yet. You have so much left to do here."

    The female was not seen but the voice was undeniable. Very soon after that, the light and sound of the chimes vanished but the sunshine remained. Her parents arrived home soon after and found her. They laid her on the bed where SHE remained for the rest of the evening once feeling returned to her limbs but SHE was completely worn out. When SHE and her parents watched the news, the meteorologist said he couldn't explain what had happened because they were supposed to get a major thunderstorm in that region and at exactly 3:30pm it disappeared in the virtual blink of an eye. SHE lay there stunned realizing that that was exactly the time SHE had heard the voice of the female. SHE had been able to gaze at the clock on the dresser. SHE had been touched by an angel.

Episodes

One minute all is fine

Than

Slowly

It begins

Tingling sensations

That lead

To no movement

No speech

For seconds

Minutes

Hours

Paralyzation

Of the soul

When these episodes happen

I have nowhere

To run

Facing each head on

Longest was 3.5 hours

And I was home alone

Not being able to move

Crying on the floor

Take me lord

I don't want to

Suffer anymore

I can't do this

I'm not strong enough

No, it is not your

Time yet

You have so much left

To do here

The angel told me

As she chased away

The thunderstorm

I can't let these episodes

Conquer me

I have a lot to do

People to help

Never taking

Anything for granted

I have to fight

I can't have them win

Who knew that

Cruelty of children

So very long ago

Would unleash

Years of hell

I fight everyday

Through emotional,

Physical pain,

Exhaustion

I'm a survivor

Of episodes

Now picture yourself

In my shoes

Can you do it?

*Pinsky, Olga. "Episodes". Out of the Abyss. August 7, 2008. ©All Rights Reserved.*