Imagine loving your best friend but knowing he will never have those feelings for you.

The tears ran down my face, the more photos I looked at, the more I thought about him, everything. It all hurt. We had been friends since preschool, and for as long as I could remember, I had a crush on him.

My feelings are no longer... a crush. I am in love with my best friend. I know he doesn't feel the same way, I know he hardly even thinks about me.

I know I am in love, because it hurts to not be with him. The idea of him with someone else kills me. Everything ... ruins me.

I pull my knees closer to my chest and rock myself inside my bed. The mental and physical pain has taken over. I feel like I am dying, and there is nothing I can do.

If I tell Shawn, then I for sure know that things would be ruined. I talked to a few of Shawn's friends, they could see how much I cared for Shawn, and everyone saw it, except for the person who mattered.

They hinted at Shawn, but got nothing, Nash even flat out asked him who he liked, and if he liked me. He justice him asking, but Shawn said he didn't have feelings for me.

He has always had another girl in the picture, he will talk about her, but not to make me jealous, he isn't like that... He loves who he is with, and he doesn't use it to see if I like him.

He just doesn't have the same feelings for me.

I wish I knew why I was so in love with him, and why he didn't even think about me. Why did I have to fall in love with him?

I know ... You can't choose who you fall in love with, Why did m heart want Shawn, want someone, I couldn't ever have?

I could never have him; there was no one I could have. Shawn was it for me, at least he felt it. What do you do when the person you tell everything too, is the person ruining you.

And how do you be mad at them when he doesn't know. When he truly did ... nothing wrong?

----------Updated twice in one week.... y'all should be proud 😂❤️
-----still can't believe Shawn is 19, I might cry when he turns 20 ....