- Mentions of depression / anxiety. I have anxiety, but not depression, if I got any of this wrong or made anything offensive. Please PM me.

- Make sure to read the first part!

Imagine talking about your depression with Shawn after having a rough night.

The sunshine peered through your big bay windows. You stretched across the bed, realizing right away that Shawn wasn't there. You knew he had most likely stayed in bed with you all night but had probably wakened up before you.

So, you weren't worried.

You had already felt better than you had last night. You were still tired of keeping this form everyone, though; you wanted to tell Shawn, you have always wanted to tell him.

You had been best friends since you were 12 and had been dating for the past four years. You have lived together for almost six months.

You smell wafting from the kitchen, entered the room, and tickled your nose. You smiled to yourself and instantly knew it was pancakes.

You stood up from the bed and headed towards the kitchen.

"Morning, babe, how you doing?" Shawn smiled as he sat at the table with tea.

"I am good. I smelled pancakes." You smiled

"I just finished cooking the last one. We should eat. You fell asleep before dinner last night, didn't even move much in your sleep. I know you don't want to talk about it, but can you at least tell me you're okay?" He asked, taking another sip of his tea.

"I want to talk about it. I just don't know how."

"Then, just talk. Maybe it won't make sense, maybe it will. Maybe you will find the words?"

You grabbed some pancakes and placed them onto your plate. You stared at them for a while and thought of a way to start talking. You released a breathe you didn't even know you were holding, which made Shawn nervously shift in his chair.

You could see the beach from the kitchen—the sky's reflection within the water, the people laughing alone the water the endless possibilities.

"Are you happy we moved to California?" I asked

"Yeah, I miss Toronto, but Cali, it's gorgeous." He said, placing some pancaked on his plate.

He stared at you, knowing you were trying to find the words. You loved that he didn't push, that he knew you well enough that you weren't deflecting the question, but searching for the answer.

"I don't feel like I live in California. I don't feel like I live anywhere, but it's not the place; it's me. Like I am a renter, but I am renting myself, and I just go where the find takes me."

Shawn stayed quiet but was for sure more alert than he was before. His emotions rushed to the surface, he now understood what type of conversation this was about to be, and you didn't think he was ready for it. Yet, he didn't stop you from talking

"I think too much about everything. I thought it was me being a perfectionist or even having anxiety, but it's about everything. Things that I did well, something I didn't, things that haven't happened, and things that never will happen."

Shawn pushed his plate out of the way and extended his left hand across the table. You took his hand and went to speak again.

"Hey, take your time." He smiled

You nodded and took another deep breath. The air-filled your lungs and caused your eyes to sting. You didn't want to cry. Crying would make this conversation so much worse.

"I am just so stuck." You whispered. Although the tears didn't find your eyes, they found your voice.

Shawn let go of your hand and stood from his seat. He walked around the table and sat next to you. He placed his hand on the back of your neck and pulled your head to his shoulder.

"It's alright," is all he said.

"I feel like I am trapped inside a cell all by myself. I feel so alone, even though I knew I am not."

Shawn just continued to hold you as tears began to stream onto his shirt.

"You just take it day by day. You do everything you can. If it's too much that day, then we try something different the next day. We keep trying until we find something that works. Would you be up to trying that?" He asks.

You nod into his shoulder, and he hugs you tighter.

He places a kiss on your forehead, which causes you to smile into his shoulder.

"I love you" He whispers

- Do you like the new cover and banner?

- Two updates in two days? The most I have updated all year!! How are you all doing?? I started 2 courses today. (They are 12 week courses jammed into 6 weeks) I am honestly a bit nervous ...