Prologue

I don't think my old character can withstand everything I have been through since the transition. I wanted to be strong, but I didn't know I had been stronger all this time. I didn't give up even though I had so many reasons to – I fought and survived.

I'm still going to survive.

This time... I don't want to be just strong.

I want to be smarter.

I want to be more careful with my words and actions.

I have to because I know that everything I've been through is just the start of something else.

Something deeper... bloodier... and tragically darker.

So, when I came back to Esparago Clan, I didn't waste my time succumbing to the agony and painful casualties of what happened. After I stepped my foot inside the clan, I started my training.

Abel was there to train me.

If Nightfall has Brixton, Esparago Clan has Abel.

I couldn't ask for more. He was all I wanted in a trainer. He was gentle and all, but he made sure my mistake would make a mark deep that I would never forget them.

Just when I thought everything was going according to my plan, something went wrong. I was caught off guard. I didn't see this one coming.

One day... I just felt it.

I asked Lady Melendez for a favor one night.

To confirm my suspicions.

I was right.

I was pregnant.

It felt like everything I had planned shattered into pieces.

But... I didn't let that stop me from my training.

Lady Melendez and I kept it secret.

I knew if Abel found out, he would stop my training.

Whenever I was feeling vomiting, I would go away. Whenever I was feeling sick, I would make an excuse. I tried everything to conceal my pregnancy.

With the help of Lady Melendez, I managed to conceal it for three months.

One day, while I was waiting for the sun to set, Abel approached me to invite me for dinner. I was feeling good at first, but after a few steps, my feelings turned upside down suddenly.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Are you hiding something, Astra? You have always been..."

A tear fell down my face.

His lips slightly parted.

"Y-you are pregnant..." he mumbled, stunned. After a few seconds of processing, he blurted out. "Fuck! All this time? While I was training you and putting you in different situations... you are pregnant!"

I ran out of words. Shit!

He came closer to me. "Are you insane?!"

"I-I need to train, Abel. So, when he comes back, I am prepared—"

"Bullshit! I'm so fucking stupid not to notice it!" he ran his finger through his hair. I could sense how deep his frustration was. "You should have told me, Astra. What if something happened while we were in the middle of training? Huh?"

"For what?" I wiped my tears away. "I can still fight, Abel."

"You can, for sure. How about your baby?" Enraged, his brows furrowed. "Can your baby keep up every time you move? Every time you roll on the ground, jump on the trees and do stunts?"

I gulped. "W-what do you want me to do?"

He stared at me.

"Your training ends here. Starting today, you are not allowed to get out of this place. Not until you give birth..." His voice was more gentle now. "I'm sorry for acting like that. I was... shaken. But... you need to worry about your baby, too, Astra. It's not safe."

I nodded. "I get it."

This time... I agreed.

He put his hand on my tummy.

"Freaking hell! This is Brixton's," he chuckled.

I was stunned when he said that.

It seemed like I just realized that...

I am carrying Brixton Wenz Cardinal's baby inside me.

I am carrying his princess

Suddenly, a bittersweet feeling started to creep into my chest, clogging my breathing ways and preventing me to get enough gas to sustain the air I need.

"What are you going to do, Astra?" Abel asked. "If they find out about it, you and the baby will be in danger. You are still Brixton's slave and you know that this baby..."

I sniffed as I shook my head. "They won't find out."

"Brixton?"

My lips trembled.

"Especially him..."