Chapter 28: The Awakening

I woke up in a different room, feeling cozy in my comforter and with the sound of rain outside. It's doubled the size of my room but almost vacant. There was nothing but a simple cabinet, the bed where I was lying in and the gray curtains.

I inhaled the familiar scent.

Bago ko pa man mapagtanto kung sino ang nagmamay-ari ng silid na ito ay nasulyapan ko ang isang lalaki na nakatayo sa beranda, nakatalikod ito sa akin at nakatingin sa ulan.

Thread of smoke was filling in the air as he puffed his ciggy. Although I couldn't see his expression, I knew he seemed troubled. I wanted to call his name but I couldn't find my voice.

Pumasok sa isipan ko ang mga nangyari kanina. Did I just almost die?

Umiwas ako ng tingin nang bumaling sa akin si Brix. Tinaas ko hanggang dibdib ang kumot. Sa gilid ng mga mata ko ay nakita kong naglalakad ito palapit sa akin.

He stood beside me for a moment.

"Erikson will be here any moment. Siya muna ang magbabantay sa 'yo," he told me. "Are you good now? Do you want me to stay here as we wait for him?"

No words came out of my lips.

He sat down in bed as he let out a weighty sigh.

There seemed shackles around my chest, constricting my breathing. The melancholic weather was adding weight to my sensitivity. I was feeling everything I concealed earlier just to look resilient.

"We have captured the traitors," Brix mentioned like as if that would do something. "They are members of Behemoth Clan. Ano ang gusto mong mangyari sa kanila?"

"They just believed in a false truth." The lack of energy in my voice was enough evidence that I couldn't move on yet from the event a while ago. God, I don't even want to talk about it.

"That's not an excuse—"

That's when I looked at him. "So, Lord Bueno selling his army is enough reason to behead him?"

No expression crossed his face.

I gulped the lump in my throat. "They wanted to avenge their leader Lord Bueno. Hindi nila alam na pinaplano niyang ibenta ang kanyang mga kasapi. Ang tanging alam lang nila ay ang ginawa mo."

"What do you want me to do?" Hindi nagpatalo ang lamig ng kanyang boses sa lamig ng panahon.

"I don't know..." Umiling ako at mas nilubog ang sarili sa kumot.

"Astra..."

"You are a good man, Brix. I know. But please..." Lumunok ako uli. "Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay sa 'yong palad manggagaling ang hatol. That's all, Brix. Let the rules do their jobs too."

"I would do it again if —"

"You see, Brix. They aren't targeting you. Hindi ka nila kaya. Hahanap sila ng ibang masisisi at mapagbubuntungan ng galit. Sa ngayon ay ako pa... paano... paano kung..."

Bumuhos ang mga luha sa mata ko. Mas nasasaktan akong hindi ko masabi sa kanya ang totoo kong kinakatakutan. Mas nasasaktan akong hindi ko masabi ang totoo kong nararamdaman.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered.

Humagulgol ako.

"I'm sorry but I don't think the justice you are looking for even exist in this world."

"So... you will kill them all?"

He didn't hesitate, "With own hands..."

"Do it then." Tinalikuran ko na siya.

"Jesus! I know you will hate me for this but for fucking sake..." Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at hinarap ako sa kanya. Nagtiim bagang ito, halatang nagpipigil. "Never turn your back on me."

Suminghap ako. "Did I just break your rule? Fuck it then, what is my punishment?"

"Why are you breaking now? We are just fucking starting."

Nanlabo ang mga mata ko dahil sa luha. Gano'n pa man ay hindi ko iniwas ang tingin. For the first time, I wanted him to know. I fucking wanted to tell him now.

I'm not afraid for myself. I'm breaking for nothing.

Instead of saying it... I hugged him.

"I-I was so scared..." I broke down.

I couldn't help but to let him know what I felt in that moment. Mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. Binaon ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang balikat.

He caressed my back. "Don't be. Wala kang dapat na katakutan kung hindi ako lang. Madali akong magselos. Please be it only me, Milady."

"I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to touch you like this again..." Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko. "I was afraid to die without my plans succeeding first. Brix... I fighting while calling your name."

I waited for him like he promised.

"Hush. I know Erikson would protect you."

"He did. But promise me, Brix."

"Anything..."

Kumawala ako sa yakap niya at hinawakan ang kanyang mukha. Tinitigan ko siya sa mga mata.

"Gusto kong ikaw ang laging magliligtas sa akin."

"Is that it?" Kumunot ang kanyang noo.

Tumango ako. "Kahit na mahuli ka... gusto kong ikaw lang ang huling makikita ng mga mata ko bago ito pumikit. Kahit na anong mangyari... pakiusap. I want you to be there."

I wanted peace of mind before I close my eyes. I wanted to be in his arms, it felt safe.

"Who am I to refuse?" Sumilip ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

Napangiti rin ako. "I'm sorry for breaking down..."

He wiped my tears away.

"Can you promise me, too, Astra?" Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "Hate me as much as you want but never turn your back on me. That shit's excruciating. I might be exaggerating but it feels like the world is turning against me... again."

"I won't and if I do it again... don't let me go."

In battles, everything would be tested. Not just your physical strength, your capability to cope up in every situation or your resilience. Above all, your faith would be compromised.

I could see myself being deluded so I wanted him to go after me.

"Remember, Brix. I trusted you first before I believed them."

"We survived the first phase..." Sumeryoso ang kanyang tingin. "The next waves will be fatal. Don't stop me, Astra. I've come this far but you know the moment you touch my hand, I can't say no. Damn. I can't refuse if it's your words. Don't stop me."

I shook my head. "Do it."

"I'm all in this war."

I smiled. "I trust you..."

Our moment was interrupted when the door opened. Mabilis din na umatras si Erikson at sinarado 'yon nang makita mapagtanto na narito pa si Brix.

"Maiwan na muna kita. May gagawin muna ako..."

He kissed my forehead.

"Si Erikson muna ang bahala sa 'yo."

"A-ano ang mangyayari sa mga nahuli niyo?"

"They can't be saved."

Tumayo na si Brix at lumabas ng silid. Ilang sandali pa ay si Erikson na naman ang pumasok. Sa halip na tumabi ito sa akin ay tumayo lang siya sa gilid ng pinto.

"E-Erikson..."

"Yes, Lady Astra?"

The formality in his voice made me crease my forehead.

"Thank you..."

"No need for that. I am just doing my job."

"Are you mad?"

Umiling ito. "No. It's my job to look after you."

Tinulak ko ang sarili paupo. "Can you sit beside me?"

"With all due respect, I can't."

"Alam kong sinuway kita—"

"I'm sorry, Lady Astra. I failed to look after you. Muntik ka nang malagay sa alanganin dahil sa kapabayaan ko." Yumuko ito. "Forgive me. It won't happen again."

Napatitig ako sa kanya.

"W-why are you acting like this?"

"It's knocking myself back in the right place, Lady Astra. All along, my duty is to protect you. I've crossed the line many times. I don't know if it's forgivable or you can punish me. I deserve it."

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. Diretso lang ang tingin niya sa akin.

Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay ngunit wala itong reaksyon.

No. No. It's killing me he's like this.

"What are you saying? I know you are mad—"

"I'm sorry but you are wrong, Lady Astra—"

"I'm sorry but please..."

He just breathed and shook his head.

That's it.

I hugged him.

He stood still.

God. I just stopped crying but I was feeling it again.

"I-I thought you were hurt with the explosion..." I mumbled. Hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya kahit nang hindi niya ako yakapin pabalik. "I was worried. Thank God you are safe..."

"Thank you for worrying about me, Lady Astra..."

"Stop!" Kumawala ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. "Kung galit ka, isigaw mo sa akin! Let it out. Hindi ako magrarason dahil alam kong kasalanan ko. But please... don't do this to me."

Kumuyom ang kanyang mga kamao pero walang lumabas sa kanyang bibig.

"Please, Erikson. Don't give me this treatment."

"Sanayan lang 'yan, Lady Astra. Ito ang dapat na nangyari sa atin sa una pa lang. Tinutuwid ko lang ang pagkakamali ko. Paumanhin kung naninibago ka."

Umiling ako. "Ayokong masanay na ganito ka."

"Pero ito ang dapat. Tagapagbantay mo lang ako."

"No. You are my friend. One of the few men I could trust my life with. Hindi. Hindi ko hahayaan na mapunta ang lahat sa wala dahil sa kapabayaan ko. Hindi 'yon mangyayari."

"That sounds good but in reality..."

"Stop now."

"Forgive me, Lady Astra."

Natutop na ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang sasabihin pa. Nasasaktan akong ganito siya umakto... na parang wala kaming pinagsamahan.

"I-is that it?" I stammered.

I got no response.

"Fine." Huminga ako nang malalim. Pumunta ako sa kama at kinuha ang isang jacket doon. Saka ako bumalik kay Erikson na nanatili sa kanyang pwesto. "Get your horse."

"For what?"

"Let's go for a ride."

Pinilig niya ang ulo. "No. You still need to rest."

I chuckled. "Are you worried?"

"As I should."

"Are you defying me? Akala ko ba ay tagabantay kita?"

His jaw clenched. "You better stay here."

Damn. Ang hirap pikutin ng lalaking ito.

"Fine. Ako na lang mag-isa ang aalis!"

Lalabas na sana ako nang hawakan niya ang braso ko. For a moment, I've seen the madness in his eyes that he immediately concealed with a sigh and nod.

"Let's go, Lady Astra. I can't let you go out alone."

Maayos naman ang bihis ko kaya sumama na ako agad. Hinintay ko sa labas ng building si Erikson dahil kumuha muna ito ng kabayo na sasakyan namin sa kuwadra.

I was expecting one horse but he brought two.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Anywhere..." I pulled the reins and galloped outside that area until I got in an open field.

Nakapantay sa akin si Erikson. Diretso lang ang tingin nito sa daan.

I bit my bottom lip as I exerted force even more.

With my current speed, Erikson should have told me to slow down by now. He should be worried now. He should be yelling at me. He should be anything but silent.

This wasn't working.

I halted the horse.

He did too.

"Are you giving up on me?" I asked, feeling hopeless.

Silence. I hate it.

Bumaba ako sa kabayo at naglakad papunta sa kabayo niya. Bumaba rin ito pero hindi niya binitiwan ang lubid ng kabayo katulad ng ginawa ko. Yumuko pa ito.

"Y-you are hurting me..." bulong ko.

"I'm sorry..."

Hinampas ko siya sa balikat pero wala man lang itong reaction.

"Please... do you want me to kneel?"

Luluhod na ako nang hawakan niya ang braso ko. Nanatili pa rin itong nakayuko.

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

"What am I to you, Astra?"

"I wouldn't be here without you."

Umangat ang tingin nito. "W-what if I didn't make it in time? Paano kung nahuli ako nang ilan pang segundo. Ano ang madadatnan ko, Astra? Sabihin mo sa akin. Ano?"

Dalawang braso ko na ang hinawakan niya. Bahagya niya akong niyugyog na parang ginigising sa kahibangan na ito. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumitig sa kanya.

"Y-you are so selfish..." Bumigat ang panghinga nito. "Sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo. Paano naman ako? Inisip mo ba ang mararamdaman ko, Astra? Kahit na isang beses lang... inisip mo ba kung ano ang mararamdaman ko?"

I bit my bottom lip to halt my tears. I failed.

"Stop... underestimating... me... and my feelings... for you."

Tila gripo ang pag-agos ng luha sa mga mata ko. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng kanyang kamay. Wala... wala akong masasabi dahil totoo ang mga lumalabas sa kanyang bibig.

"Stop please? It's hurting me..." he whispered.

Napayuko ako na agad niyang inagapan. Siniguro nitong hindi ako makakaiwas sa kanyang tingin. Naramdaman kong lumuwag ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

"But then... who am I? Why am I complaining?"

"I-I'm sorry... I don't know what to do to make you feel better."

"Just be safe. I know I can't tie you to me. But please... whatever happens, I want you to be safe."

"W-why are you saying it?"

Tumitig siya sa akin. "You really don't know?"

In one swift move, he hugged me.

A warm hug from him.

"Can you feel it now?" he whispered. "Feel it."

Napapikit ako.

Wala sa sariling tumango ako.

I understand it now.

Why just now?

"Please, understand me. Please. Please. I know you are in love with another man. Please forgive me, Milady."

I hugged him back. "You are good..."

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes.

Nakatulong ang paglalabas namin ng hinanakit para kumalma kami.

Erikson finally smiled at me. "I hope you won't underestimate my feelings now..."

Suminghap ako. "You are making me feel the  luckiest woman in the world."

"Well, you are..." Tumawa ito.

"Thank you... and I'm really sorry."

He nodded. "One of the reasons why I need to leave you alone after this..."

"Damn. Please go now."

Sumimangot ito. "Grabe ka naman. Pinapalayas mo na ako agad."

"Joke lang." Tumawa ako.

"Ako pa rin naman ang Vampman mo, Astra."

"Vampman?" I arched my brows.

He winced. "Yikes."

"Yikes."

We both laughed.

Naglahad ito ng kamay sa harapan ko. "It's time to come back..."

I held his hand back.

There's nothing but returning with him.

Si Nigel ang sumalubong sa amin.

"Kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap. Pinapatawag tayo sa Big Dome," balita nito. "Oo nga pala, Astra. Nabalitaan kong—"

"I'm good now..." I smiled.

"Good to know..." Napatingin kami sa nagsalita. Si Lord Oscar. "Well, looks like you are heading to Big Dome, too. Am I right?"

"Why am I included?" Dumating din si Lady Nath. Mukhang kagigising lang nito pero ayos na ayos na. "Ano na naman ang kailangan ng lalaking 'yon?"

Natigilan ako nang may mapagtanto.

He's calling everyone now.

"May alam ka ba, Astra?" tanong ni Erikson.

Don't tell me...

"The awakening..." Oscar said.

"What do you mean?" asked by Nigel.

Tipid na ngumiti si Lord Oscar.

"He will awaken his real enemies..."

"W-who?" I asked.

"Holy shit," Nath gasped. "All along... this is his plan."

"Wait. Sino ang tinutukoy mo, Lord Oscar?" tanong ni Nigel.

Bumuntonghininga si Lord Oscar.

"The origins of Vampires and Humans Treaty. The rulers. The highest. Our ancestors. The Cloaks."