Chapter 23: The Signal

My question brought a moment of silence between us. Nothing could be heard but the harsh blow of the wind, the sway of grasses and the calm stream of water on the lake.

"Why did you ask?" he questioned.

I sniffed and shook my head. Right. I don't know either. Malamang na nadala lang ako sa sinabi ni Lady Grenda at dumagdag pa na masyadong misteryoso si Brix.

"Iyon ba ang gumugulo sa isipan mo?"

Tumango ako.

Bumuntonghininga ito bago ako hinila palapit sa kanya. Sinandal niya ako sa balikat at inakbayan. Ramdam ko ang mahina niyang pagtapik sa likod na tila pinapatahan ako.

"It's a gift..." he told me.

What kind of gift then? There are so many types of gifts. It could be genetically inherited but it so, among the Cardinals, why only Brix? It could also be the other one. A gift that is something given to someone for a reason. What was the reason?

"Or maybe a curse..." he chuckled.

Napapikit ako nang umihip ang malakas na hangin. Nakakagaan sa pakiramdam ang malamig na simoy ng hangin, ang tunog ng mga kulisap, ang pag-alon ng mga damo at ang pag-agos ng tubig sa ilog.

"I've acquired this on the same day when that happened..."

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya.

"What happened on that day?"

Napansin kong nag-alangan ito sa pagsagot.

Umalis ako sa pagkakasandal sa kanya para humarap. Tumitig ako sa kanya kaya napansin ko talaga na nag-aalinlangan ito kung sasagutin ba ang tanong ko.

"Ow." Tila natauhan naman ako. "Iyon ba..." bumaba ang boses ko.

If he was referring to that day then, I understand why it was hard for him to open up about it.

"I-it was the hardest battle I've encountered..."

That had me interested even more. It was rare for this man to consider a fight as a hard one. That event must be impactful to the extent he perceived it as the hardest battle he had encountered.

"If you wouldn't mind, may I ask what really happened to Eskelle?"

He just gawked at me, contemplating.

Was it greediness to ask him about that? I knew it was a sensitive thing for him but the curiosity wouldn't leave me. What really happened to Eskelle and why it led to that?

"That day..." His voice was low, almost a whisper. He was forcing himself to say it for me.

Hearing the agony in his voice was breaking me.

No. I should stop here.

"It was the day when—"

"Hey. It's fine." Hinawakan ko ang kanyang balikat na ikalingon nito. Ngumiti ako. "Kung ayaw mo namang pag-usapan ito ay ayos lang. I understand, Brix."

Sumandal na lang uli ako sa kanya. Katahimikan ang sumunod na nangyari.

But in the end... he also decided to open up about it.

"That's when I've heard that Eskelle went to that clan," he told me. "It was a set up. Ang alam ni Eskelle ay makikipagkita ako sa kanya roon pero nasa isa akong mission, walang alam. He was a human for pete's sake. Vampires wouldn't hesitate to attack you if you tried to get in their territory. He... did."

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at hinaplos.

"W-was it because of your father?"

"I thought he accepted him..." May bahid ng pait sa boses ni Brix. "When Oscar exposed my friendship with a human to our father, he nonchalantly acknowledged him. At least that was what I thought..."

Tahimik na lang ako. Hindi ko na rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Alam kong mahirap sa kanyang isiwalat ang kwentong ito pero mukhang gusto niya rin namang malaman ko.

"Father lured him to that clan," he continued. "Nakabalik din ako agad no'n galing sa mission. The first one who welcomed me was my nervous sister, Nathalia. She was the one who told me about Eskelle going to that clan..."

Now that I think of it, I realized Oscar was such a jerk for revealing his friendship to their father. He knew when their father found out about the human, it would put their acquaintance at risk. But then again, it was forbidden. Their friendship was never right from the beginning.

"I was quick to get there but not enough to save him. T-three stabs on his heart..." The evident agony on his voice clasped my heart in pain. "Nasalo ko siya bago siya bumagsak sa lupa. I was wrecked, confused and furious. He smiled and thanked me for meeting him there. I told him I didn't know but he shook his head and still thanked me for being there."

Mas nanikip ang dibdib ko. Eskelle really treated Brix more than a friend. Damn. They fucking deserve better.

Umalis ako sa pagkakasandal at humarap kay Brix. Nakatulala lang ito sa malayo. Sa kanyang labi ay may mapait na ngiti habang inaalala ang isa sa pinakamasalimuot na pangyayari sa kanyang buhay.

"I bit my arm and prepared my blood to save him..." Tumingin sa akin si Brix at umiling. "Hinawi niya lang ang kamay ko at umiling sa akin. I wanted to save him but he didn't want to be a vampire. I could have saved him if only he let me."

Doon ko na siya niyakap. Sa kabila ng sakit ay nagawa pa niyang tumawa at yakapin ako pabalik.

"He was the reason..." Suminghap si Brix. "He was the reason why I couldn't let go of Nightfall Clan. I swore to him that I would be the leader... the best leader this vampire world has ever seen."

"You are..." I muttered as I tightened my hug. Tiningala ko siya habang nakasandal ako sa dibdib niya. "You fulfilled your promise, Brix. Eskelle must be so proud of you now."

Payak na ngumiti ito at bumuntonghininga. "It was the devastating agony, exhaustion from everything and feeling of emptiness that pushed me to do—"

"It's fine. You can stop now." Kumawala ako sa pagkakayakap at tumingin sa kanya. "That's all I want to know. I'm sorry for asking..."

The sadness glimmered in his eyes. It's been a long time but the wound never mended. "W-why would father do such? He knew how much he meant to me."

I knew it was no good but I let him know what I think about that. "He pushed you, Brix. Your father had seen how good you were with Eskelle. He knew he could be hindrance to you or could be a distraction and at the same time, he knew how much he meant to you. It was like hitting two birds with the same stone. If he was gone, you could focus more and be ruthless at the same time. It was the pain who shaped us to be tough and taught us to use our hearts less."

"Maybe I just trusted my father too much. That's my fault."

"I'm sorry but can I say that he's such an asshole? I mean... how could a father do such this to his child? That put him in another level of being an asshole."

Nagawa kong patawanin si Brix.

"Your necklace..." he mentioned.

"Oh." Napahawak ako sa kwintas na suot. Minsan ay nakakalimutan kong meron pala ako nito. "Bigay ito ng isa sa mga kasamahan ko sa Nightfall Clan. I think she's a witch."

"That's a pass, Astra."

"What?" Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya.

A simple smile formed on his lips as he caressed my left cheek with his thumb. His touch was as gentle as the breeze and as cold as the night. He leaned closer and kissed me on my forehead.

"I am proud of you..." he said.

"What does that suppose to mean now?"

Natawa siya nang makitang mas naguluhan ang tingin ko.

"I-I really don't get it. Even Lady Grenda was quite shocked when she saw me wearing this..." I could vividly remember how her fierce face turned to confused while staring at my necklace.

"It's a rare thing for witches to gift vampires. It happened to you. Habang suot mo ang kwintas na 'yan ay hindi ka magagalaw ng mga manggagamot. You could even ask for their help..."

My lips faintly parted. I didn't know that.

"I am curious why? Bakit binigyan ka ng regalo ng isang manggagamot?" tanong niya pa.

Isang sagot lang ang pumasok sa isipan ko. Umayos ako ng upo at humarap sa kanya. "Ang sabi niya ay naalala nito sa akin ang kanyang yumaong anak. Maybe that's the reason?"

"I see..."

"Wait. Hindi ba pwedeng magkaanak ang mga manggagamot, Brix?"

"They are not immortals like us, of course they are allowed to have kids," he explained.

Oh. Maybe her daughter just really had a short life in this world. That's sad.

Biglang nagkalakas ako ng loob para sa isang bagay.

I gulped and with all the guts left in me, I asked Brix, "Have you ever dreamed of having a kid?"

Oh, shit. Sana lang ay hindi magulo ang pagkakatanong ko.

"I mean... it's forbidden and all pero... hindi ba pumasok sa isipan mo ni minsan?" pagliwanag ko.

Bumuntonghininga ito bago sumagot. "Maybe if I was not Brixton Wenz Cardinal. I don't want my kid to suffer because the father is this devil who gained nothing but enemies in his life."

I felt the lump got in my throat. Sumikip ang dibdib ko.

"That's my biggest fear," he whispered.

Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng gilid ng mga mata ko. Yumuko ako at pinaglaruan ang mga damo. Ginawa ko ang lahat para hindi bumagsak ang emosyon ko.

"I didn't know Brixton Wenz Cardinal has fears, too..." I chortled.

"That's what keeps me alive. My fears..."

Suminghap ako ng hangin.

"That's sad..." Iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"How about you, Astra? Don't you want to have a kid?"

Without hesitation, I responded, "No. But if I were to have one..." I lifted my head to look at him. "I would do anything to protect her... from anything... anyone."

His lips slightly parted. "Damn. Dapat ako ang ama ha?"

"No." Umiling ako at ngisian siya. "I wouldn't want you to be the father. For what? To give you the silliest thing you could fear of?"

"That's not it, Astra..."

"I would rather have Abel as the father..."

"Who's that? Does he live here?"

"Fuck you, Brix. Fuck you." I smiled.

Tumayo na ako at naglakad palayo. Narinig ko pa ang mahinang pagtawa ni Brix kaya binalikan ko siya ng tingin. Nanatili itong nakaupo sa damuhan at nakangisi sa akin.

Lumobo ang pisngi ko sa pagpipigil ng galit.

"Damn. You are scaring me..." he said.

"Gago ka kasi. Paano mo kakatakutan ang bata? Tanga ka ba?"

"Uhmm. Why are you mad?"

Pumamaywang ako. "I like you, Brix. So much. Pero minsan ang gago mo. I mean... madalas."

"Wait." Kumunot ang noo niya. "You like me?"

"Tangina naman, Brix. Hindi ako mapapahiya ng ganito sa bawat doorknob na masisira mo para lang sa wala!"

Mas lalong nangunot ang noo niya bago humagalpak ng tawa. Napahiga pa ito sa damuhan sa sobrang pagtawa.

Mas lalong tumaas sa dibdib ko ang inis. Does he really think this is funny?

"Bahala ka nga diyan!" sigaw ko bago tumalikod.

Ilang hakbang pa lang ang nagagawa ko nang sumulpot siya bigla sa harapan ko. Halatang nagpipigil pa rin ito ng tawa. Tumikhim siya at inayos ang buhok, parang nagpapagwapo.

"So... you really like me?" he asked.

"First time bang may magkagusto sa 'yo?" Umikot ang mga mata ko.

Is he playing dumb now? For the sake of being humble?

If only he knew that someone out there would do anything to fuck him.

"Not at all. Pero first time na tumagos dito..." Tinuro niya ang dibdib. "Tagos na tagos, Astra."

Sa simpleng gano'n niya ay agad na nalusaw ang galit ko sa pagloloko niya. Namula ang mukha ko at umiwas ng tingin. Pakiramdam ko ay maiihi ako. Kinikilig ba ako?

"Shit. I want to kiss you..." he whispered.

"Don't." Tinulak ko siya palayo.

"Do you think I'm asking for permission?" Humakbang ito palapit sa akin kaya napaatras naman ako. Sa kanyang labi ay hindi nabura ang isang mapaglarong ngiti.

He licked his bottom lip while staring at my lips.

Napalunok ako. "Brix..."

Tumigil naman ito sa paglapit. Mula sa mga labi ko, tumaas ang tingin niya sa aking mga mata. Naglaho ang mapaglarong ngiti sa kanyang labi at napalitan ng pagkaseryoso.

"If I were to have a kid, I want you to be the mother. I want you to be the mother of my kid, Astra."

Walang pahintulot, bumuhos ang luha sa aking mga mata. Hindi ito nagbadya... nang marinig ko ang mga salita niya ay kusang bumagsak ang emosyon ko.

Lumunok ito. "I am building a kingdom for us. This is my plan..."

Suminghap ako. "H-how can you do that?"

"By gathering as many allies as I can..." Sinarado niya ang distansya sa pagitan namin. "Sa isang araw, Astra. Malalaman ng lahat ang totoo kong plano. It will be... a mess."

That's it. Iyon ang rason niya kaya gusto niyang makuha ang loob ng ibang mga clan. Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay bakit parang naghahanda lang siya sa isang gyera?

It seemed like he needed these allies as preparation for a bigger war.

Who really is his enemy?

"Naiintindihan ko kung ayaw mo pang maging reyna ko sa ngayon pero kapag maayos na ang lahat... kapag nagawa ko na ang plano ko. Sana... sana, Astra. Sana ay makuha na rin kita..."

"You know that my answer has always been yes, Brix. I want to be your queen. Pero hindi iyon gano'n kadali. Maraming kailangan isaalang-alang bago mo talikuran ang isang bagay para sa isa pa. You can't just decide like that and call it a happy ending. It's a process."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay kong nanginginig at binalot sa kanyang mga palad. Nilapit niya 'yon sa kanyang labi at hinalikan habang nakatitig sa aking mga mata.

"You have matured as a woman, Milady..."

"As I should. I serve the greatest vampire."

"I will win this war..."

Tumango ako. "Please?"

Ngumiti ito.

"Is that a go signal from my lady?"

I knew the moment I agreed, I would give him all the reasons to go for it. Hindi ko alam ang tunay niyang pakay sa laban na ito pero sobra ang pagtitiwala ko sa kanya.

"Win this war for us, Milord..."

He pulled me and kissed my lips. Hinalikan niya ako habang pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi.

Isang mahaba at punung-punong emosyon na halik. We have kissed him many times now but this one felt different. It's like... it's the first time we kissed that we were united in one goal.

He let go of my lips.

"Brace for impact, Milady..."