Chapter 20: Wine and Cigarette

I stood up and sat down on the edge of the bed. I couldn't just leave my room after the confrontation with Lady Grenda and act like nothing happened at all. I almost put my daughter's life in jeopardy.

I laid my back on the soft bed as I gazed at the ceiling. The intense feeling in my heart didn't budge even after Lady Grenda left. I managed to save her now but... this is just the start.

I need to keep her as secret as she can be. I need to disown my daughter to keep her safe. I need to pretend she doesn't exist because that's the only way to keep her safe.

I shut my eyes and a drop of tear escaped my left eye.

I need to do this every single time.

Damn.

But... for how long can I conceal it?

Damn.

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She has been my sunshine every morning, the rainbow every time the rain stops and the blood that keeps me in sane and the reason why I need to keep fighting.

But... I couldn't help but to think... what if... just what if...

My lips quivered and the next thing I knew... I was weeping in silence.

Everything needs to be done in silence.

Fuck it. All is good when no one knows.

Tumagal din nang ilang minuto bago ako nakaahon sa aking mga emosyon. Bumangon ako sa kama at tumapat sa tukador dito. Bigla kong naalala ang tukador ko. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan na ito ngayon. It's probably in the house Brix bought for me.

A name suddenly popped in my head. After our last engagement, how is he?

The next thing I knew... I was combing my hair as I wait for my feels to totally cool down. I did everything to keep myself busy. My hair... my clothes and my fragrance. It was not easy but I did it anyway. I am good at this... pretending.

Finishing my final look... I put red lipstick on.

Just right after I got contented with everything, someone knocked on my door. Niligpit ko ang mga gamit ko at aktong bubuksan na ang pinto nang mahagip ng mga mata ko ang mga sandata ko.

I delayed opening the door and picked up my bow and arrows. Gamit ang daliri ay dinama ko ang talim ng isang palaso. It's been a while since I used this.

"Astra?" I heard Nigel outside.

Oh. I thought it was going to be Erikson.

Niligpit ko uli ang mga sandata ko bago binuksan ang pinto. Tumambad sa akin si Nigel na namumula ang mukha. Agad kong napansin na may hindi magandang nangyayari.

"What?" I asked.

"W-wala ka bang balak samahan kami sa lunch?" tanong niya.

Oh. Masyado akong nalunod sa mga iniisip ko na hindi ko napansin na oras na pala. Hindi naman ako gutom kaya kahit na mamaya na ako mag-lunch ay ayos lang.

"Whoa..." Bumilog ang mga mata ni Nigel. Pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin bago sumilay ang mapang-asar na ngiti sa kanyang labi. "You look so good in red."

"Mauna ka na, Nigel. Susunod na lang ako."

"Ayoko." Umiling ito at humalukipkip. "Sumama ka na ngayon."

"Bakit ba? Para namang hindi mag-uumpisa ang lunch niyo 'pag wala ako." Umikot ang mga mata ko. "Sige. Wait a sec here." Saka ko na rin sinarado ang pinto.

I just stood behind the door. Wala naman akong gagawin pero gusto ko lang magpatagal pa. Huminga ako nang malalim bago binuksan uli ang pinto. Sumalubong sa akin si Nigel sa kaninang pwesto niya.

"Tara na?" aya niya.

Lumabas na ako at kinandado ang pinto.

"Oo nga pala. Hindi basta-basta nasira ang doorknob mo," balita ni Nigel habang naglalakad kami. "Parang pwersahang binuksan kasi sira talaga. Akala ko ay may parte lang na natanggal pero may wasak e."

"Saan ang lunch?" pag-iiba ko sa usapan.

Doorknobs had already caused me so much trouble. I hate doorknobs.

"Big Dome of Luminous..." Naglakad sa harapan ko si Nigel at patalikod na humahakbang. "Grabe. Gutom na gutom na ako pero hindi pa nag-uumpisa ang kainan. Saka 'yung palabas..."

"Andoon na ba si Erikson?"

"Yes." Pumantay uli siya sa akin. "Pati si idol. Actually... lahat naman na."

Tumango na lang ako.

Pinuntahan namin ang Big Dome na sinasabi ni Nigel. Sandali pa akong natigilan dahil literal na big dome nga. I couldn't see the inside since it's covered from the rooftop to the floor. It stood in the middle of a wild forest.

Bigla akong kinabahan sa hindi alam na kadahilanan.

"May problema ba?" tanong ni Nigel nang tumigil ako. "Ah. Same. Kabado pa rin ako kasi feeling ko titingnan ako ni idol..."

"He's already inside?"

"Oo nga. White tee."

Umiling na lang ako bago nagpatuloy. There were so many entrance but Nigel knew where to go. Pumasok kami sa isang entrance na mas malapit sa uupuan namin. Bumungad sa amin ang kadiliman ng loob. Gano'n pa man ay kitang-kita ang lahat ng nandito.

There were tables scattered around being occupied by the invited ones. Sa pinakataas ay makikita ang mga leader. Each one of the clans has a logo flag hanging beneath them. Sa dami ng naroon ay sa isang lalaki lang pumirmi ang tingin ko.

His stern look didn't shift. In fact... it got more intense.

That had me questioning... what did I do again?

"Andoon sila..." basag ni Nigel sa tinginan namin ni Brix.

Isang hakbang pa lang ako nang biglang lumiwanag ang buong paligid. The next thing I knew... I was looking up at the colorful fireworks crashing just beneath the covered rooftop. It was... so... surreal.

Everyone was clapping in awe.

From the firecrackers, my eyes turned back to Brix. He was still watching at me distinctly. I couldn't tell if he was mad or what. Sobrang seryoso ng tingin nito sa akin.

Then he mouthed, "Did you like it?"

Napakurap ako na ikinangiti nito.

He mimed again, "Where the hell have you been?"

What? Did he wait for me?

Wala sa sariling napayuko ako. Hinawakan naman ako ni Nigel sa braso at hinila na sa table nina Erikson, Randolf at ibang Nightfall na hindi ako familiar. Si Nigel lang ang naligaw na hindi Nightfall.

In an odd scene, Erikson totally ignored my presence.

"Ang ganda..." manghang bulong ni Nigel habang nakatingala pa rin.

"He has been waiting for you..." Erikson suddenly said. Doon niya ako tiningnan. The colorful burst of fireworks reflected in his eyes. "Kumpleto na lahat ng mga pinuno pero hindi nag-uumpisa ang palabas."

"Oh? Sabi na e." Tumawa si Nigel.

"But then again, he wasn't waiting for anyone other than the queen..." Erikson smirked, shaking his head. "What an entrance, Queen."

"Stop teasing..." I pouted my lips.

"Oh." Hinawakan ni Erikson ang mukha ko at hinarap sa kanya. Kumunot ang noo niya habang pinagmamasdan ako nang masinsinan. "I know you have red lips but..."

Iniwas ko ang mukha ko. "It's just lipstick..."

"Damn. Just? It's noticeable."

"Anyway... bakit hindi ikaw ang sumundo sa akin?" mabilis na pag-iiba ko sa usapan.

Pumasok na ang mga babaeng tagapagsilbi para maghain ng mga pagkain. Hindi pa rin tumitigil ang mga paputok sa itaas. Hindi naman nakukulong ang hangin dito dahil may labasan ng usok sa taas.

"For what?" Sumandal ito sa upuan.

"For what?" I asked, too.

"Hindi ka naman marunong makinig sa akin e." Humaba ang nguso nito. "Tapos naglilihim ka pa."

"Nagtatampo ka ba?" I don't want to laugh but I find it cute. "Are you giving up on me, Mr. Nadija?"

"Nah. Ako pa rin naman ang personal alalay mo, Queen Astra—"

"Oh, shut it."

He chortled. "You look gorgeous..."

"Now... that's awkward."

Bigla itong tumikhim ito at tumuwid ang tingin sa alak na hawak.

"Stop staring at me..." he said, muffled.

"What?"

"I said stop staring at me, please? He is watching over us..."

Nakuha ko agad ang punto niya kaya minabuti ko na lang din na ibaling sa iba ang tingin. Napatingin ako sa kabilang lamesa kung saan nakaupo ang mga Vienzara.

"Wait. She's here too?" I mumbled, stunned.

"Who?" Randolf asked. Sinundan niya ang tingin ko. "Ah. The Vienzara Lady?"

"Yeah..."

This is the first time I've seen her. Akala ko ay hindi siya sinama ni Lord Vienzara.

"Sshhh... she can hear you guys," ani Nigel. "She's so peculiar but interesting..."

"She's the heir of Vienzara Clan. Lord Vienzara brings her anywhere he goes as a part of her training. Good but poor lady. Mukhang hindi ma-enjoy ang buhay," mahinang tumawa si Randolf.

Oh.

Napatingin ako kay Nigel.

Nagsalubong ang kanyang mga kilay. "Oh? Bakit? Nagt-training din naman ako ah!" dipensa niya agad.

"Severus or Hezueras?" Erikson asked Nigel.

Natigilan si Nigel na ikinatawa nina Erikson at Randolf. Napailing na lang din ako. That was an easy question. He really idolizes him that much huh?

"Hezueras syempre!" sagot ni Nigel matapos makapag-isip.

"Napaisip pa talaga ang gago!" Binatukan ni Randolf si Nigel.

"Isusumbong na talaga kita kay Lord Hezuera!"

Habang nagtatalo ang mga kasama ko, umangat ang tingin ko sa mga pinuno. Hindi na sa akin ang tingin ni Brix. Nag-uusap silang lahat sa itaas. Nakikinig lang si Brix habang hinahalo ang yelo sa alak.

May sinabi si Lord Oscar na ikinaangat ng tingin ni Brix.

May sinabi rin si Brix na ikinangisi ni Lord Oscar.

What are they talking about? Are they having a negotiation now? Alam kong wala akong karapatan manghimasok sa usapin nila pero kinakabahan ako kay Brix. I know he's up to something and it's bothering me.

"Gentlemen!" Tumayo si Lord Omino na may hawak na wine glass. "I know your training is not easy so I want this day to be your rest day. After this lunch, girls are waiting outside. Your choice. Have fun boys."

Naghiyawan ang lahat.

Umikot ang mga mata ko. Really?

"Ano raw?" tanong ni Nigel na hindi naintindihan. Puro pagkain ba naman kasi ang inaatupag.

"Bawal sa bata 'yon, Mr. Hezuera," ani Randolf na nag-aayos na ng sarili.

"Really, Mr. Wenson?" nanunuya kong sabi.

"What? At least magiging totoo na ang pang-aakusa ni Mr. Nadija!"

"Whatever." Umirap ako.

Kumuha na ako ng pagkain. Wala naman yatang balak kumain ang mga kasama ko maliban na lang kay Nigel. Si Erikson naman ay nagbababad sa alak.

"Guys?" agaw ni Randolf sa atensyon ng iba naming mga kasamang Nightfall. "Your plan?"

"I'm in!"

Nagtayuan sila at sumama sa ibang mga lumalabas.

Tatlo na lang kaming naiwan sa lamesa.

Kinalabit ako ni Nigel. "Saan sila pupunta?"

"Join them and find out yourself," I smirked.

"They gonna fuck, Mr. Hezuera," diretsong sabi ni Erikson. "Girls are waiting outside."

"R-really?" Pumula ang pisngi ni Nigel. Lumunok ito.

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. "Oh, come on..."

"I want to try..." bulong ni Nigel.

"Bakit parang tutol ka?" tanong sa akin ni Erikson.

"Of course. Wala bang lalaki?"

Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata.

Humagalpak ako ng tawa. He really thinks I'm serious.

"Tayo na lang, Astra—"

"Tangina mo, Mr. Hezuera!" Tumayo si Erikson at hinila si Nigel. "Sumama ka na lang sa kanila. Huwag mong nang idamay si Astra. For fuck's sake, let me have a peaceful day!"

"Joke lang!"

Bumalik sa upuan si Nigel. Gano'n din si Erikson na masama pa rin ang tingin sa kanya.

"Sige na nga!" Nigel stood up after a few seconds. Huminga ito nang malalim. "This is part of my training, too. I am Prince Nigel Hezuera of Hezueras Clan—"

"Just fuck off!" Erikson yelled at him.

Damn. What's up with this guy?

"Bastos..." bulong ni Nigel bago bumaling sa akin. Ngumiti ito nang matamis. "See you later, Lady Astra. Kapag may kailangan ka, kumatok ka lang ah?"

Sa huli ay kaming dalawa na lang ni Erikson ang natira at ang mangilan-ngilan pang mga kawal na nanatili sa kanilang pwesto. Nagsalin ako ng alak sa baso at uminom.

Umangat uli ang tingin ko sa mg pinuno. Masinsinang pag-uusap ang ngayon ay nangyayari. I still wish I could hear them here. Gusto kong malaman kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila.

Soft instrumental music had played on the background. The fireworks turned into thousand of fireflies. Natulala ako habang pinagmamasdan ang mga maliliit na ilaw.

"Astra..." Nilingon ko si Erikson. "Nightfall or Severus?"

Uminom ako sa alak bago sumagot, "The answer is almost in my head..."

"Nalilinawana ka na talaga?" nakangiti niyang sabi.

"It's always been here. Kailangan ko lang ng matinding rason para piliin ito nang tuluyan..." Hinalo ko ang yelo sa wine glass. "It's hard to choose pero... mas mabigat ang dahilan kung bakit ito ang pipiliin ko."

"Am I talking to my future enemy now?"

"I am good at archery. May magaling bang archer ang Nightfall?"

Tila napaisip naman ito. "Wala e. Shit. What a lost for us."

"Loners..." Napatingin kami kay Albina. Tumayo ito sa tabi ni Erikson bago bumaling sa itaas. "S really looked so sexy when serious. Nakakapagselos lang..." Napunta sa akin ang tingin niya. "Alam ko kasing ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit madalas ngayon ang pagpapakita niya..."

"What do you want?" Erikson questioned.

Bumaba kay Erikson ang kanyang atensyon. Hinampas niya ito sa balikat. "Lonely boy. Bakit hindi ka sumama sa mga lalaki sa labas? Maraming pagpipilian!"

Walang sagot o reaksyon man lang kay Erikson.

"Problema nito?" tanong ni Albina sa akin.

Nagkibit-balikat ako.

Unti-unting dumiretso ang noo ni Albina. "Oh shit. I almost forgot..."

"What?" I asked.

"Today's the day when—"

"Are you free?" Erikson asked her.

Umawang ang mga labi ko.

Nahirapan si Albina pero nakasagot din naman agad.

"Sure..."

Erikson gawked at me. "Are you good here?"

He looked so sad. If my hunch was right, today is the day when his girlfriend, Melanie, died on a mission. Iyon ang sa tingin ko ang dahilan kung bakit parang may kakaiba sa kanya ngayon.

"Forget it. I will stay here with Astra—"

"I'm good here," I cut him off. "You can go, Erikson."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I want you to be happy, too..."

I smiled.

He stared at me for a moment before bobbing his head. Dahan-dahan itong tumayo. Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa kamay ni Albina nang hawakan niya si Erikson. She intertwined their fingers.

Mapait na napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan si Erikson na maglakad palayo sa akin. Sumikip ang dibdib ko. After this... he needs to leave me, too. Ngayon pa lang ay nasasaktan na ako. Gano'n pa man... I always want the best for him.

Bumuntonghininga ako. Saka ko lang napagtanto na ako na lang mag-isa sa table.

Oh. I should probably depart here, too.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa kukote ko at napunta uli ang tingin ko sa itaas. I didn't expect to meet his gaze. The tiny fireflies flew before our eyes.

I could tell that he badly wants to join me here.

Brix bit his lower lip. He looked frustrated.

Silently... I wish he would sit with me.

Sa huli ay umiwas din ito ng tingin.

That's my cue to go. Inubos ko ang laman ng baso bago tumayo. Bago pa man ako makalabas nang tuluyan ay nagbalik ako ng tingin. Hindi na niya ako nilingon pa.

Nang makalabas ay tila nahimasmasan ako.

Shit.

Ano na naman ang pumasok sa isipan ko? Sa tuwing nakatitig ako sa kanya ay nakakalimutan ko kung ano ang tama. Sa tuwing nasa tabi ko siya ay nawawala ako sa huwisyo.

"You okay?"

Napatingin ako sa nagtanong.

"Uhm. Yes, Lady Vienzara..."

Nagbuga ito ng usok bago nagsalita.

"S really is into you huh?"

Napatingin ako sa kanyang umuusok na sigarilyo.

"Oh. You want to try?" she asked.

Umiling ako.

"Here..." Nag-abot siya ng isang stick at panindi pero hindi ko tinanggap. Lumapit siya sa akin at pinasok 'yon sa bulsa ko. "Just in case you change your mind, Lady Astra..."

"T-thank you..."

"You look sad," she noticed. "What a down."

Humithit ito uli bago nagbuga ng usok. She doesn't seem strange at all. Malamang na hindi lang talaga siya palakaibigan o mas gusto niya ang katahimikan.

"Feelings are really hard to hide for some," aniya pa.

Natutop ako sa kinatatayuan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

"Is that really sadness or... fear?" she asked later. "Shit. I am getting good at this."

Napakurap ako.

Mahina siyang tumawa. "I see. It's fear. Your eyes tell it."

"Maybe?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"You are good at archery?" she asked.

"Wanna see it?"

"Pleasure."

Kinuha ko ang mga sandata ko bago sumama kay Lady Vienzara sa loob ng kakahuyan. I find it weird that I am suddenly with this elusive lady. He somehow reminds me of Brix.

"Not impressive..." Lady Vienzara remarked right after I hit my fifth arrow at the same spot where my last arrows were. "The tree is not even going to flinch. Can you do it to a moving object? Target all the arrows at the same spot?"

Tumingala ako sa kanya. "Want to play?"

"Sure!"

Tumalon ito pababa sa puno at tumayo sa hindi kalayuan. Humalukipkip ito.

I prepared my arrows.

"Iwasan mo ah?"

"Hit me."

I pointed my arrows at her. Without saying anything, I released my arrow. Imbes na sa mismong pwesto niya ay pinatama ko ang palaso sa gilid kung saan alam kong kikilos siya pero hindi... nanatili itong nakatayo sa kaninang pwesto.

She didn't move.

"What? I am here." Mahina siyang tumawa.

"Akala ko ay iiwasan mo..."

"Syempre iiwasan ko pero hindi na kailangan." Tumamad ang tingin niya sa akin. "Mabilis kang mabasa. Alam kong patatamain mo sa ibang direksyon ang iyong palaso sa pag-asang doon ako iiwas."

"Nice..."

I grinned. I knew she's good.

"Let's try again?" aniya.

"Sure."

I prepared three arrows. Pinakawalan ko ang mga ito nang sabay-sabay at bago pa man tumama sa kanya ang mga 'yon ay nakapagahanda na ako ng tatlo pa at sinabay ko ang mga 'yon.

I watched how she flinched all my striking arrows. Tumama ang mga ito sa iba't ibang mga puno at ang iba naman nahuli niya sa kanyang mga kamay.

"Iyon na?" tanong niya.

Napangiti ako nang makitang dumugo ang kanyang isang kamay. Kumunot ang noo niya bago pinagmasdan ang mga nahuling palaso. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata habang pinagmamasdan ang talim ng katawan nito.

"Damn. Not only the point but also its shaft was sharp enough to cut through my skin." She looked at me. There, I am flattered with her astounding reaction. "Whoa. That was clever, Lady Astra."

For a moment... it seemed like I was talking to a different woman.

"The only way is to avoid them totally..." I laughed.

"Damn. Does it have poison?"

"Mild."

Naghilom agad ang kanyang sugat. Lumapit siya sa akin at nag-abot ng kamay.

"I am Yngritt. The Lady of Vienzara..."

I held her hand back.

"I am Astralla Martin. It's a pleasure to play with the Lady of Vienzara."

Matapos no'n ay nagpaalam na ito na babalik. Naiwan ako sa kakahuyan. Nagsisimula na ring dumilim. Pinulot ko ang mga palaso ko at binaon sa lupa.

After cleaning the area, I hang the bow and arrows on my back. Umakyat ako sa puno at umupo sa sanga. Facing the Westside, I watched as the sunset and golden sky turned dark.

Kinapa ko ang sigarilyo sa bulsa ko at nilabas. I lit it up and put it in between my lips. I puffed smoke and released it into the air. I don't know what should I feel or what does smoking should do but... I did it anyway.

Nasa gitna na ako ng pagsisigarilyo nang may umagaw nito. Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Brix. Nilagay niya sa kanyang labi ang sigarilyo at nagbuga ng usok habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Lady Vienzara..." he said as if I was asking how he found me.

"How's the meeting?" I asked.

Muli itong bumuga ng usok. "Nothing. It's just me silently praising Lord Oscar for being an excellent leader and observer. He really got matured as a man."

Hearing that from him... was so pleasing to the ears.

"Have you enjoyed the fireworks? Fireflies?" he asked.

Naramdaman ko ang lamig ng hangin na humaplos sa akin. Nanatili akong nakaupo sa sanga at nakatingin kay Brix na nakatayo sa ibaba. Nang maubos niya ang sigarilyo ay inapakan nito ang baga.

"Yes. Maybe I should get back now?"

"Right now?"

Tumango ako. "I need to..."

"Damn. Would you do the same if I didn't appear here?"

"You are a good leader, too, S. Not gonna lie. Namangha ako... at patuloy na namamangha." I mean that with all my heart. I think he should know too. Not that no one praised him yet... it's just I want him to know again.

"I don't think so..." He crossed his arms on his chest. "If so, why can't I get you in?"

"That's a completely different story..."

"Do you still want to be a Nightfall?"

Tumalon na ako pababa at naghanda nang umalis. I can't stay here longer. It's not good for my mind. It's not good for my heart. It's just not good for me.

"Well... guess what? I am."

"Paano kung wala nang Nightfall?"

Doon umangat ang tingin ko. Lumapit siya sa akin.

"My plan is only to take all their alliances and leave Nightfall Clan alone. That's it, Astra. But if that means you will leave with them, might as well take it whole..."

"N-naghihiganti ka pa rin ba sa kanila, Brix?"

"Naghihiganti?" Mahina itong natawa. "You see this as revenge?"

Madiin ko siyang tinitigan. "Then, what? Ano ba talaga ang pinaplano mo Brix?"

"Why are you so serious, Milady?" Hinawakan niya ang labi ko. "That cigarette left a mark on your red lips. Now... I am jealous. Damn."

Hinampas ko ang kanyang kamay na mas ikinatuwa niya.

"I am serious here. What do you really want, Brix?"

"To talk to you more. Can you stay here longer?"

No. Hindi ako magpapapikot ngayon. Not again.

Magsasalita pa lang sana ako nang bigla siyang tumalikod. Naglakad ito sa damuhan at humiga roon. Ginawa niyang unan ang mga braso habang nakatingin sa kalangitan.

"Aalis na ako..." sabi ko.

"He has been envious of the late Lord Severo's accomplishments..." he told me. "I am talking about Lord Bardos of Barbarian Clan. He would do exactly what I did if given the chance. Well... that's the main reason why he was there in the first place. Now... I would use this story to lure him and Barbarian Clan in my clan. Easy, right?"

I laughed sarcastically. "So is this your way of rebellion to your father? By taking their sides?"

"He could stop me..." Tumagilid sa akin ang tingin niya. "Remember when I killed my own father? He was there. He could stop me. One of his guards could stop me but he stopped them from trying. Maybe I did him a favor after all?"

"W-why are you telling me this?"

"Damn. This is the only way to stop you from leaving. Would you even be standing there if I didn't tell this story?"

"You are ridiculous."

"Lay beside me. I have a lot of stories for you, Milady..."

"Like what?"

"Like..." Napaisip naman ito. "Like the story of Magda. Why I beheaded the assole leader of Behemoth Clan? Why I don't want Vienzara Clan to get involved here? I don't know. Whatever you would like to hear."

The temptation pushed me to sit beside him on the grass. Tumagilid naman ito at humarap sa akin. Sinubukan niya akong yakapin pero mabilis ko siyang sinipa.

"Tell the story now..." I said.

"About?"

"Come on."

"Oh. About the late Lord Bueno? Why I beheaded him? Well... he would sell his entire army to Nightfall. Lord Oscar and Lord Bueno both agreed to that."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "W-what kind of leader would do that?"

"What an asshole right?"

"That's so selfish."

"Yeah. That's why I beheaded him. Plus... I don't want anyone to remind me why my lady has a scar on her neck."

He said that casually... like it's nothing.

But it meant everything to me.

Fuck it!

"T-that's all I want to know, Brix."

"I want to know something from you, too..."

Shit.

"Like what?" I didn't stutter. Fuck. Thankfully.

"What's the flavor of your lipstick?"

"I-it's natural..."

"Hindi ako naniniwala. Patikim nga..."

"Fuck it. I'm done with you."

I was about to stand up when he pulled me. Napahiga ako sa kanyang gilid. Mabilis na pinulupot niya sa aking katawan ang kanyang mga braso at binti.

"I said stay..." he whispered.

"L-let me go..."

"I am S. You are what? A normal member of a clan. If I told you to stay, you must. Unless you don't see me as a superior one that, that should be feared because that would be fucking so sweet of you. That's how you treated me way back then."

Now... I don't know what to say.

He got me speechless.

"That's right. Don't resist from your master..."

Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at inangat sa kanya. I was trying my best not to resist but when I stared at his eyes, I wasn't even trying at all. I hate how he can easily get me like this.

"Haven't I told you that one day... the world will know what you are to me? That when they mess with you, they mess with me too? I can do it now, Astra."

Instead of saying anything, I just kissed him.

I did. Again.

My fault. Again.

His tongue wanted to get in so I slightly parted my lips. I couldn't express how I feel right at this moment. I knew it was my fault. I knew that it wasn't good.

But then again... I also got one thing.

I don't regret it.

I don't regret anything.

Not at all.

He parted our lips.

I was breathing hastily.

He smiled, genuinely. "I knew it. You taste like wine and cigarette. My favorite addiction."

I just stared at him.

I realized one thing.

What we have is stronger than I thought.

It's more than what an 'I love you' had sealed.

It's more than promises.

It doesn't need to be official.

No commitments.

It gets vague but at the end of the day... it's still there.

A tragic story.

"Ihatid na kita?" tanong niya.

Imbes na sumagot ay niyakap ko na lang siya.

I'm sorry.