Chapter 18: Breakfast

I've had the best and worst night of my life.

It was all fantasy until I got sober.

Ngumiwi ako bago mahinang inumpog ang ulo sa sandalan ng kama. Kanina pa ako gising ngunit hindi pa rin ako bumabangon. Sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyari kagabi ay napapamura ako at napapasabunot sa buhok.

I was biting my lower lip while staring at the vacant space beside me. Hanggang ngayon ay naaamoy ko pa rin siya. Bahagyang lubog ang parteng 'yon ng kama, marka na may mabigat na nangyari.

I hate that I still feel him inside me. The vague shattering images of how I crawled my fingers on his back as he pounded on top of me was making me dizzy and more irritated. His soft groans and how he planted small kisses on my neck and at the center of my chest – I really let all these passed huh?

Why am I still dancing with these humiliating memories?

Then I realized... it wasn't just once.

Not just twice.

Kinuha ko ang unan at binaon do'n ang mukha ko. I let a scream out.

That was so mortifying in my part. Todo tanggi at tulak ako sa kanya pero mas malala pa pala ang ibibigay ko. I just let an enemy steal my... night. Fuck it. A thief broke in and I didn't even resist.

How dumb!

Napagpasyahan kong tumayo na at mag-shower. It happened already. Walang mangyayari kung tutunganga lang ako. Hanggang sa pagligo ay napapangiwi pa rin ako. Thankfully, hickeys don't last over night for vampires.

No trace that something happened.

But I won't easily get away with my conscience.

Ano ngayon ang mukhang ihaharap ko sa sa mga kasama ko? Bumigay ako sa kalaban.

I betrayed them. My feelings betrayed me.

Now, I am ready and standing behind the door. Pinakalma ko muna ang sarili bago pinihit ang door knob. Damn. Sinira na naman niya ang door knob. Kahit na i-lock ko ito ay mabubuksan pa rin sa labas.

Sumalubong sa akin si Erikson. Nakasandal ito sa wall at nakahalukipkip.

I kind of expected him waiting here but he still had me startled. Tumikhim ako bago humarap sa kanya.

"Kanina ka pa?" tanong ko.

Tumitig ito nang ilang segundo sa akin bago sumagot, "Medyo. Tara na?"

"Saan?"

"Dining hall. S invited us for breakfast."

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. Breakfast with him? After that betrayal?

"You okay?" Naging mapanuri ang tingin ni Erikson nang lunurin na naman ako ng isipan.

Mabilis na tumango ako. "Bakit pati tayo? It's exclusive for leaders, right?"

Yeah. That's how it works. Only leaders can share food with another leader.

"Yeah." He nodded, still looking at me shadily. "But all Nightfalls are invited. Maybe S is being generous to his past clan so he wanted us to join him? Why, Astra? May problema ba?"

"Wala..." Umiling ako at tipid na ngumiti. "Uhm. Medyo?"

"Awkward?" he chuckled.

I bobbed my head. It is.

"Hindi 'yan!" Hinawakan na niya ang braso ko at hinila ako. "Mas masasarap pagkain do'n dahil mga leaders ang kasama natin. Nabalitaan ko na mas masarap daw ang wine."

We skedaddled the building where we are staying in. Ngayon ay nasa pathway na kami sa labas at patungo sa main ng clan na ito. As far as I know, nasa likod ang kastilyong tinutuluyan ng mga matataas na ranggo rito.

Pinaragasa ko ang kamay ko sa mga makulay na bulaklak na nadaanan namin. Kung malamig ang hangin pag gabi, mas malamig sa umaga. Walang pinagbago, tahimik pa rin.

"So..." Umangat ang tingin ko kay Erikson na nakatalikod habang naglalakad, nakaharap sa akin. Nakasalikop sa kanyang likod ang mga kamay. "How's your sleep, Astra?"

"G-good? Actually... hindi ako gaanong nakatulog."

"That's normal!" he chortled. "You are not in your usual territory. Ang masama ay mahimbing ang tulog mo, hindi ba? That means... masyadong palagay ang loob mo."

Tumango na lang ako at yumuko.

I had a good sleep. Pagod ako at medyo nakainom.

Naramdaman ko ang bigat nang umakbay sa akin si Erikson. Suminghap ako. He also smells good. I mean... he has always been. It's just... I am more into other fragrances.

"Saka ang gago ni Randolf e," natatawa niyang sambit. "Nagdala yata ng babae sa kwarto niya kagabi."

"That's how some boys cope up with loneliness..." I rolled my eyes at the thought that he just did Celeste dirty. He really won't let a day pass without someone giving him a head.

But then again, she's his slave. She has no right to complain. As if Celeste would care.

"Gabi-gabi ko kasi niyan maririnig ang langitngit ng kama?" Humalakhak siya.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. This topic mended a question in my head.

"How about you, Erikson?"

"Whoa..." He moved a distance to me as he pursed his lips. "Please, no, Astra. Mahal ko pa ang buhay ko. I can't give you—"

"Baliw!" Inirapan ko ito. Binabaling niya sa iba ang topic. "I mean... you are really embracing the title as the best boy in this story huh?"

He slid his hands inside the pocket of his trousers as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Wala sa mood e," he simply responded.

I didn't throw a follow up question.

I wonder if the past still haunts him? I wonder if the death of that woman still lingers on his memory?

"The famous castle of Luminous Clan..." Erikson mumbled.

I couldn't help but to be astonished as I stared at the huge castle from a far. There were a few watchers and guards in front of the gates. There were also banners hanging on the wall.

"Can you believe it, Astra?" Lumapit sa akin si Erikson para bumulong. "He leads this massive clan."

I looked at him, muddled.

"Why are you murmuring?"

"Shit. You don't know?" He shook his head, as if disappointed at me. "They don't say his name here. They all call him S. Just... S."

"They don't say Bri—"

"Hush. Hays..." Mabilis na tinapalan ni Erikson ang bibig ko. Kinunutan niya ako ng noo. "Kasasabi ko lang na huwag bibigkasin e."

Napakurap ako. I didn't know that.

A flicker of memory of yesterday knocked in my head. He told me to call him anything I want but that's not how it works. It's against the general rule and I am no exemption.

Well then, fuck Erikson and Nigel. Sila ang dahilan kaya wala akong kaalam-alam. Hindi ako gaanong nakapakinig sa paalala ni Lord Vienzara. Now... I fucked up myself again.

He must be thinking that I am falling again.

I flinched hard when a gushing wind suddenly streamed in my ears and it literally blew my mind. Kulang na nga lang ay mapaupo ako sa sobrang gulat. Tawang-tawa si Erikson dahil sa paghipan niya sa akin.

"You are spacing out again!" he yelled.

That didn't stop me from kicking his butt. Ininda niya lang ito, tawang-tawa pa rin.

"Just be thankful my bow and arrows are in my room, Mr. Nadija."

"Whoa. Would you shoot your friend?"

"How many arrows do you want?" I smirked. "Eyes or chest? Both?"

"Damn." He cleared his throat. Tumuwid ang tingin nito sa pinupuntahan naming kastilyo. "I was kidding. Bigla-bigla ka na lang kasing natatahimik. Ano ba ang iniisip mo?"

"Ewan sa 'yo." Inunahan ko na siya.

"Hey. Wait!"

Huminto kami sa main gate ng kastilyo. Hindi naman kami hinarang ng mga nagbabantay kaya dire-diretso na rin kami. Tahimik lang kaming naglalakad nang may isang lalaki ang pumantay sa paglalakad namin.

"Who is this?" I whispered to Erikson.

"Guide. Alam mo ba kung saan ang dining hall ng kastilyong ito?" may halong panunuyang sagot nito.

"You are getting on my nerves." I gritted my teeth.

"Oh. Ang sungit mo ngayon a."

I just ignored him until we stepped inside the castle. We were welcomed by the warm temperature. The floor was made of stone with a line pattern and the cultivated patterns on walls and pillars looked perfectly done. The torchlights were just enough to lighten some part and left the rest dimmed.

We went to the left pathway which took us minutes before it headed us to the backyard. We strolled through arched trails, the ceiling was covered with vines spreading all over the pillars. The sunlight was peeping through the small spaces between the leaves.

"Whoa..." I heard Erikson gasped. "Is this the garden of heaven?"

After a minute of walking and gasping at the sight, we've finally heard laughs from the distance. That's when I knew we are almost there. It's an outdoor dining area.

Biglang huminto ang lalaking kasabay namin. Ngumiti lang ito sa amin bago sinenyasan na maglakad lang kami. Mas lalo akong kinabahan dahil kami lang ni Erikson ang pupunta.

"I'm hungry!" Erikson screeched.

"Hush it!" I blushed.

"Ang bagal mong maglakad!"

My knees are starting to feel tense again.

"Come on!" Erikson tried to grab my arm but I flinched it away. He scowled but didn't force me.

Siya ang nauunang naglalakad. Pasulyap-sulyap lang ito sa akin.

After another minute of walking, we've finally reached the entrance. Dalawang bantay ang bumati sa amin bago kami sinenyasan na pumasok. Doon na ako humawak sa braso ni Erikson.

"You are shaking..." he noticed.

"Hush..." Huminga ako nang malalim. "Diretso lang tayo sa upuan ah?"

"Of course. Alangan namang magmano ka pa sa kanila isa-isa." Tiningnan niya ako nang masinsinsan. "I know... it's akward as hell, Astra. Pero gutom na ako. Huwag ka namang mag back out."

"No. Give me a sec."

"Fine. Take your time."

Mas hinigpitan ko ang kapit sa kanyang braso. I am nervous but I can't just avoid him like this. Heck, I am in his territory. Hindi man ngayon, alam kong makakasalubong ko pa rin siya. This is a good step, face him now or hide forever.

"Ready?" Erikson questioned after a minute.

"Tara?" I forced a smile.

Pumasok na kami sa loob. Naabutan namin ang mga leaders na kumakain. Si Lord Omino ang kasalukuyang nagsasalita. Napatingin sa amin si Lord Sentero pero agad din itong bumalik sa pagkain. The rest of them are busy eating and having a conversation with Lord Omino.

Dumiretso ang tingin ko sa diretso. Sa gitna ay nakaupo si Brix. Nakapahalungbaba ito sa lamesa at diretso ang tingin sa akin. I noticed slight changes from his trimmed haircut.

"Come on..." Kung hindi pa ako hinila ni Erikson ay hindi pa ako kikilos.

There were only three vacant chairs left. Two from the back, left side and one in front, just beside where Lord Ominous was sitting. Nasa tamang pag-iisip pa naman kami na kunin ang dalawang bakante sa likod.

"Here..." Erikson pulled a chair for me.

"Thanks," I said.

He sat beside me.

Ilan sa mga kasamahan namin ay hindi ko pa nakita, malamang na sa kabilang kampo kabilang ang mga ito. Kapag napapatingin sila sa amin ay tumatango naman ang mga ito.

"Let's eat..." Hindi nag-aksaya si Erikson ng panahon para kumuha ng pagkain.

Nakahinga na ako nang maluwag ngayong nakaupo na kami. Now, I just need to mind my own business and eat. Natigilan ako nang may tumikhim sa likod ko. Nakatayo si Lord Barbarian kaya agad kong napagtanto na sa kanya ang upuan na ito.

I immediately stood up and gave him the chair.

Napalingon sa akin si Lord Ominous. Mukhang napansin nito na wala ng bakanteng upuan kaya nagtaas ito ng kamay para kunin ang atensyon ko.

"Oh. There's a vacant here," he motioned the chair beside him.

What the hell? Doon ang bagsak ko?

I looked at Erikson and gave him the sign. He was about to stand up when a lady approached me. Hinawakan niya ako sa braso at inupo sa harapan, sa tabi ni Lord Omino at isang upuan lang mula sa pinakagitnang upuan.

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko at parang tuod na hindi nakagalaw. From the back, I am now sitting in front. From out of sight to the center of attraction. I am losing my mind.

Tumuwid ang tingin ko. Mas lalo akong nanlumo nang makita na sina Lord Oscar at Lady Grenda ang nasa harapan ko. Tumango lang sa akin si Oscar habang si Lady Grenda ay umirap.

Bumaling ako kay Erikson na nakangiwi.

He mouthed, "I'm sorry..."

"I've heard that Queen B joined your force, Lord Omino. It was a rumor but... is it true?" asked by Lord Barbarian.

Humalakhak si Lord Omino. Masyado itong malikot kaya natatamaan niya ang upuan ko. May kalakihan kasi ang katawan nito kaya sakop niyaa ng buong upuan niya at tumatama pa sa akin.

"It's a pleasure!" sagot ni Lord Omino. "Naengganyo sila sa taba ng aming mga lupain. Kapalit no'n ay ang pag-supply nila sa amin ng mga rekado sa pagluluto. Believe me, Milord, we didn't try to negotiate with them. It was a voluntary decision from Taurus Clan and we are honored."

I need to eat now but my hands were frozen. Brix was here. He was sitting on the center of the table just one chair away from me and quiet. I was thinking of everything that could happen here but this one didn't even get in my mind.

"So it's true..." Lord Barbarian let out a weighty sigh.

"I'm not going to lie, Queen B's sudden decision gave us a heavy feeling," Lady Grenda interrupted the conversation. Naglakas-loob akong tumingin sa kanya. Sumimsim ito sa kanyang wine. "Wala man lang abiso ito. Maybe the late Lord Bueno Behemoth hit her with their last argument."

"Oh. They had an argument?" asked by Lord Omino.

"Yes, Milord..." Nanigas ako sa kinauupuan nang tumingin sa akin si Lady Grenda. Naintindihan ko ang pahiwatig ng tingin niya. "If Lord Behemoth was just alive... he wouldn't let it pass just like that."

Muli akong bumalik sa pagyuko. Gutom man ay minabuti ko na lang na huwag gumalaw. Nakikinig lang ako sa kanila. Nanunuyo na rin ang lalamunan ko. Gusto ko nang umalis.

I should have stayed in my room. I would rather starve than be here.

Napatingin ako sa lalaking nagsalin ng wine sa baso ko. Sumalubong sa akin ang seryosong mukha ni Brix. Tumayo pala ito at lumapit sa akin. Matapos niya akong masalinan ng alak ay bumalik din ito sa kanyang upuan.

"Drink the wine, Milady..." Lord Omino encouraged me.

I feel anxious now that all of the attention was on me. Kinuha ko ang baso ng alak at uminom. Kaunti lang ang nainom ko. Kinailangan kong ibalik sa lamesa ang baso dahil nanginginig ang kamay ko, baka magkalat pa ako rito.

"So..." Lord Omino cleared his throat. "We've arranged a show in the afternoon later. We would like to invite you there. We have also prepared some opportunities that I think you would love..."

"Really?" Finally, Lord Oscar said something. "Does that preparation include the part where Lord Bueno was slaughtered in front of our eyes? Pinag-uusapan na rin ba ang ganito sa Unus?"

There was just silence for a moment.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that," Lord Omino uttered. His words were the contrary of his tone. He didn't sound apologetic at all. "Please give my sincere condolence to Behemoth Clan."

"I fear that it was a mistake on your part," ani Lord Sentero. Mahigpit ang pagkakahawan niya sa wine glass. "He was not just an ordinary member, he was the leader."

"I fear not..." Ngumiti si Lord Omino at iminom sa kanyang alak.

Naguluhan ang tingin ng mga leaders. Maging ako ay naguguluhan. Alam kong Severus at Luminous ang dahilan ng pagkamatay ni Lord Bueno pero mukhang wala lang sa kanila 'yon.

They aren't bothered at all and it's disturbing.

In my peripheral vision, I saw that Brix whispered something to Lord Omino.

I sipped on my drink again. Pasimple akong sumulyap kay Erikson na busy sa pagkain. I mentally rolled my eyes. Mabuti pa siya nagagawang kumain habang ako ay hirap na hirap sa paggalaw.

Lord Omino stood up and faced me.

What?

"Can we exchange seats, Milady?" he asked me, politely.

My lips slightly split. My attention darted at Brix's. Nakasandal lang ito sa upuan habang nakahalukipkip. Nagtaas ito ng kilay na dapat ay ako ang gumagawa. Alam kong siya ang may pakana nito.

"Milady?" tawag uli sa akin ni Lord Omino.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumayo at paupuin si Lord Omino pwesto ko. Huminga ako nang malalim bago umupo sa bakanteng upuan. Mas lalong naging limitado ang mga galaw ko.

Now... I am sitting next to Brix.

Lord Omino opened another discussion. It all went back to normal.

"Gusto mo bang subuan pa kita?"

Napapikit ako sa inis nang marinig ang boses ni Brix. Sa halip na sundin siya ay kinuha ko na lang uli ang alak ko at inubos 'yon. Magsasalin pa sana ako nang hinablot ni Brix ang bote.

I glared at him.

"Eat..." he mouthed.

"I-I'm not hungry..." I whispered, containing my feeling.

Tumikom ang kanyang mga labi. Umayos ito ng upo at muling naglagay ng pagkain sa plato. Napasinghap ako nang hilahin niya ang upuan ko at hinarap ako sa kanya.

He moved the spoon with foods on my shut lips.

"W-why are you doing this?" I asked, nervous.

This is absurd. Oh, my God. He's really making a scene in front of all the leaders. Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa nangyari kagabi at ito na naman siya. How he ignores everything is infuriating.

"I said eat..." madiin pa rin niyang sambit.

I bit my bottom lip. Bumibigat ang paghinga ko.

Bumali ang leeg nito nang hindi ko sinubo ang pagkain.

He put the spoon down. I thought that was it but...

"Everyone leave," Brix announced.

Minabuti ko na lang na yumuko.

"I think that's all for this morning." Lord Omino was the first one to stand up. "We will meet again on lunch. You can either go back to your rooms or wander around. Whatever you like. You are free do to anything you want."

"Can I have a moment with S?" Lady Grenda asked.

Lord Omino didn't' hesitate to say, "We will just send someone to call you when S is available, Milady."

"Why? I want to talk to him right now," madiin ang pagkakasabi ni Lady Grenda.

Nag-umpisa nang mag-alisan ang mga kasamahan namin. Tatayo na rin sana ako nang hawakan ni Brix ang braso ko at sapilitan akong binalik sa upuan. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

"You may leave now, Astra," ani Lady Grenda.

Umangat ang tingin ni Brix sa kanya.

"She's here to stay..." ani Brix.

"I'm sorry, S. But I am afraid an ordinary vampire like her has no right to talk to you. Wala naman siyang maitutulong sa 'yo."

"I want an entertainer. I want her to entertain me," balewalang sagot ni Brix na sinamahan ng tipid na ngiti. "Why, Milady? Are you here to stay too? To entertain me?"

"Brixton!" madiin na banggit ni Lady Grenda.

"Let's go now..." Hinawakan na ni Lord Oscar ang braso ni Lady Grenda.

Tumalim ang tingin ni Lady Grenda sa 'kin. Padabog na inalis niya ang kamay ni Oscar sa braso at umalis mag-isa. Sumunod din agad sa kanya si Oscar. Kaming dalawa na lang ni Brix ang naiwan.

Tumikhim si Brix.

"I can spend my whole day here..." Brix mumbled.

"I'm not hungry.'

"I will wait until you are then..."

I scowled at him. My fists were clenched.

Pinasadahan niya ng kamay ang buhok bago muling sumandal sa upuan.

Pinaalala ko sa sarili ang katayuan ko sa lugar na ito. Wala akong karapatan na tanggihan siya. Mas lalong wala akong karapatan na pagsalitaan ito nang masama.

I put foods on my plate. Kumain ako nang tahimik. Ramdam kong pinapanuod niya ang bawat galaw ko. Hirap na hirap ako sa paglunok kaya maya't maya rin ang paglunok ko.

I chewed my food before deciding to say something, "Thank you for the food, S."

He laughed. "I think you are already aware..."

"I didn't know you are not allowed to be called like that. I'm sorry, S."

"Are you really sorry?"

"Do you want me to kneel?"

I mentally rolled my eyes. I would if he told me to.

"Not here..."

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nakangisi na ito ngayon.

"Are you free later?" he asked again. "I want to see you kneel in my room..."

Naubo ako sa kinakain kaya inabot ko ang alak. Tumuwid uli ako ng upo at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagkain. Uubusin ko lang ang nasa plato ko at aalis na rin ako agad.

"Do you want to know my plans?" he asked again.

I remained silent.

"My plan is to take down all the alliance of Nightfall Clan..."

Awtomatikong umangat uli ang tingin ko. Natigilan ako sa pagnguya.

Yumuko ito sa lamesa at tinagilid ang ulo sa direksyon ko. Hindi nawala ang mapang-asar na ngiti sa kanyang labi.

"W-what?" I asked.

"Hezueras. Sentro. Behemoth. Barbarian. Phoenix. I want all of them in my clan..."

Nilunok ko ang kinakain bago nagtanong uli.

"How can you do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"You killed Lord Bueno, right?" I questioned again.

"Should I do it again?" Nilapit niya ang mukha sa akin. "I still feel frustrated whenever I see that scar on your neck. Just one word from you, Astra. I am willing to do it again."

"They will punish you..." Bumigat ang paghinga ko. "You are still under the rule, Brix. You can't just kill whenever you like too. Sooner or later... it's all coming back to you."

"Oh..." Bumilog ang mga labi niya. "You are worried."

"Nag-aalala ako sa pangkat mo."

"Then you must protect yourself. I don't want to see you hurt. Hear me? No one is allowed to hurt you."

Uminom na ako sa baso ko bago tumayo.

"I'm done. Thank you for the foods... S."

I was about to exit when he said something.

"I missed you, Astra..."

Sa isang iglap ay sumulpot siya sa harapan ko. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at marahan na hinaplos 'yon. Inangat niya ang mukha ko at tinitigan ako sa mga mata.

"I've been meaning to tell you how much I missed you..."

"W-why are you saying this?" My lips quivered.

He stared at me with full of sincerity. My heart throbbed with pain knowing I've been avoiding him and this is how he feels about that. It's hurting me that I need to set aside my feeling for him because... that's how it works. That's how it should be.

"You know that every time you praise me and ignore others, you are making things harder for me..." Suminghap ako ng hangin, nakatitig pa rin sa kanya. "I am freed slave. Thank you, Brix. But I am a Nightfall... you are not. We are no longer on the same side."

"What about it?" He furrowed his brows. "I don't give a fuck about about what clan you belong to. Do you think an entire can block me from claiming you? Your enemies are my enemies. What is mine is yours. Wherever you are... you are mine. Just fucking mine. You are making me mad for fuck's sake."

I sniffed. "You freed me from being a slave."

"Because a slave can't be a queen."

That shut my lips.

Pinakawalan niya na rin ako. Halatang iritado ito ngayon. Mabibigat ang paghinga niya.

"What do you mean, Brix?"

"I'm mad, Astra. I'm mad that you think I am your enemy..." Sandali itong tumigil para huminga nang malalim. "Tangina naman kung gano'n. Kung ikaw ang kalaban ko, talo na agad ako. Ano ang laban ko sa 'yo?"

"Don't change the topic, Brixton. Why did you free me?"

"Damn." He turned to me again, biting his lower lip. "What do you think?"

I shook my head. I had a hint but I want to hear it from him.

Tumalikod na uli ito at naglakad palayo. Bago pa man siya makalayo ay may sinabi ito.

"I want you to be the queen of my clan. My queen."