Four years ago

His legs ached terribly, muscles pulsing with every move he made, every step he took toward his cell. His body felt heavy, as if dragged down by an invisible weight.

The sun was all but gone from the sky, red-purple rays blessing the world with the last remnants of color for the night. Sergeant Silva had put him through the wringer. Making him run through his hell drills all day. The higher-ups- as he referred to them- seemed to think that Izuku needed more intense training.

The doors to the science building were in sight now, somehow, despite the fatigue plaguing his very essence, he didn't want to go back to the solitude of his four white walls just yet.

Moving closer, despite his every instinct telling him to turn around and walk away, he was suddenly pulled to the side. His exhaustion was the only reason the culprit wasn't down for the count.

"Hey, hey! It's just me!" Haru exclaimed, hands coming up in the universal sign for 'I come in peace', halting the fist that was currently aimed at his face.

Lowering his arm, he took a moment to make sense of the boy's actions. "What are you doing?" He asked, his voice low, looking around as if expecting LC Axel to pop out of the bushes and bust him for missing curfew.

"Some of my friends are on guard duty today." The boy said plainly, as if it explained everything perfectly.

"Okay..." He enunciated, feeling more than a little confused. "G-good for them." And after a moment of silence. "Goodnight." He turned to head back, knowing now that if the guard beat him up tonight, Haruki would probably feel bad about it. He shouldn't give them any reason to do so.

"W-wait!" The teen rushed to block his path once again, hands coming up to hold him by the shoulders, hesitating as Izuku unconsciously flinched away. "Don't you get what this means?"

"It means I have to get to my cell before curfew." The soldier replied monotonously, expression neutral, feeling a little impatient now.

"Nope." Haruki declared lifting his chin, his chest puffing as he crossed his arms over his torso. "It means that I, my oblivious friend," And didn't his chest warm at the word-"-have free reign to kidnap you tonight." He announced proudly. "With. No. Consequences." He grinned mischievously, leaning his head until he was an inch away from Izuku's own.

Taking a step back, Izuku looked his friend over once more, wondering if they, perhaps, served alcohol at the mess hall today that he didn't know about. "But Axel is going to check-"

"Nope, he's being taken care of as we speak. My bunk mates have made it their mission to distract him tonight. He won't have time to trim nose hair, let alone check on you." The Cadet stated rather vulgarly, Cheshire grin making him look more like a satisfied cat than a reptilian quirked boy.

"But what about-"

"No, no uh, stop overthinking it, just do whatever the hell you want man. Just for tonight, alright? You are free. So, you in or you out?"

Looking past his friend's shoulder, towards the dark, looming building. He'd already made his decision, he realized. "Alright, I'm in."

________________________________________________

"Haru, we can't be here." Izuku whispered harshly, gaze drifting at every shadow, feeling a little too paranoid. "This place is definitely off limits."

"You need to stop worrying so much, Izu." The boy in question replied off-handedly, piling some craters over to the side of the building. Once satisfied with the boxes' position, he climbed up.

In the dark, the high metallic ladder had been invisible to Izuku's tired gaze. The hissing of the metal alerted him of its existence first.

A fire escape, he realized. A hand entered his field of vision, urging him to trust in its owner. "You coming?"

With easy, practiced steps, they climbed their way to the building's roof. Stealth training had been fruitful to both of them, it seemed.

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he turned to face the view. The darkness seemed to stretch for miles, creating the illusion that they were the only people in existence. The stars were their only companion as they sat on the reclined roof, looking onto the training field bathed in the soft moonlight.

"They're going to ship me out soon." Haruki spoke softly, breaking the silence. My entire squadron is being sent north."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Mmm?" Seemingly snapping out of a daze, the teen turned to look at him. "Yeah, I'll be fine, my friends and I have each other's back, you know?" His gaze visibly softened as he regarded him more seriously, turning to face him fully. "I'm worried about you though..." He continued hesitantly. "Rumors around the science department are getting really intense. Do you know if they'll send you out too?"

"I don't really know much Haru... Sometimes-"Hesitating, he took a breath and pushed through the instinctive need to keep quiet and hold back. "Sometimes I forget things." Seeing only confusion reflected back at him in those yellow eyes, he continued. "I'd be doing something and then I'd snap back to reality in a completely different place. And it feels like- like something is missing Haru and I can't- I can't figure out what it is."

"Hey, hey, calm down for me, yeah? Take a deep breath." Mirroring his exaggerated motions, he took a moment to compose himself. "Explain to me what exactly happens, are you blacking out or something?"

"I don't know, it's just that sometimes, it feels like my body isn't mine, Haru. Like I'm not in the driver's seat anymore, I don't know how to explain it, it's just- I don't know what's happening to me." He finished a little desperately, eyes pleading for the other boy to understand.

"Those bastards have been messing with your head Izuku, you can't let it get to you."

"I just want everything to stop, you know?" He mumbled, bringing his knees to his chest, gaze once again fixed on the fields in front of them. He just wanted it all to stop. The training, the experiments, the medical procedures, the torture.

An arm wrapped around his shoulder, bringing him closer. The warmth of the other boy's body made his rattling heart subside. Feeling like he could stop his racing thoughts for just a second. "I wish I could stay here with you."

"Me too." He wished they could stay there forever, alone on that rooftop, feeling like they were the only people on earth.

The earpiece in Haruki's ear beeped twice, signaling the end of the guard's shift.

Their wishes were never meant to become reality, after all.

_______________________________

Present day

The door to the infirmary burst open, Aizawa's body barreling through them as he rushed to set his student down on the patient's bed. His movements were gentle despite his haste.

Shinsou who had gotten here moments before to warn Recovery girl, was standing in the corner, eyes wide and dazed. As if he was looking at them but not really registering what he was seeing. Disassociation, Aizawa figured.

"What the hell did you do to that boy, Shota?" Recovery girl exclaimed, flitting around Akatani's slumped form worriedly. Checking his pulse, his chest then his vitals again. That seemed to snap Shinsou out of his stupor, the boy rushing to stand in front of Aizawa, eyes wide and desperate as he spoke.

"Aizawa-sensei, I tried to explain but I couldn't- I just, I'm so sorry, I didn't think- I- Please is he-"

"Shinsou." Aizawa's hard, low voice made the teen shut up at once, his mouth opening and closing as if struggling to stay silent. "I know you're worried, and no one is blaming you, but Recovery girl needs to concentrate right now."

"But I-"

"Wait outside, I'll come out and tell you if anything changes, but right now, you are not in the right mind to stay here, you'll just get in the way." He knew it was harsh, but he needed to prioritize the injured student. Recovery girl needed all the calm she could get.

"A-Alright." He mumbled, shoulders slumping as he walked towards the door. Pausing to shoot one last glance at the unconscious form of his classmate before stepping out. "I'm sorry." He whispered brokenly, eyes red and irritated.

"Explain. Now." The healer demanded, turning to face the underground hero. "His vitals are all over the place, his brain activity is through the roof Aizawa."

"We were doing quirk training. Shinsou attempted to put him under the influence of his quirk and the kid just collapsed. Shuzenji, I don't know what the hell happened but he just dropped and started seizing."

"Yes, the signs were there," she muttered to herself before turning back to face the hero. "Did you time it like I taught you to?"

"Two minutes. I started counting as soon as it happened."

Humming, she reached for the IV stand at the side of the patient's bed, doing quick work of hooking it up. "Thankfully, he doesn't show any sign of severe backlash." She began carefully. "Unfortunately, all we can do now is watch and wait."

"Do you think he'll wake up soon?" Aizawa asked, eyeing the pale form laying on the bed. He appeared too small, sleeping there, his face troubled as he slumbered.

"Only time will tell, I'm afraid."

_________________________________

Pacing back and forth, Shinsou tried to keep his mind out of the happenings of the room next to him. His mind kept flashing back to the same scene. One that would for sure, fuel his nightmares for the weeks to come.

Akatani had seemed so small and vulnerable, held in between the arms of their teacher. Up until today, he'd subconsciously held a mental image of the teen, one as unbreakable and sturdy as the walls he surrounded himself in.

Somehow, he had failed to realize that the teen was just as human as he was. Despite the boy's cold, neutral countenance.

Looking at the doors blocking him from the object of his worry, he fought the tears that threatened to drown him from the inside out. His sleep-deprived mind already going through every worst possible scenario he could walk into on the other side of those walls.

He wanted to burst in there and see for himself, but Aizawa's words echoed in his mind.

This was all his fault, he knew, despite the man's contradicting words. If Shinsou hadn't forced his way into the other's mind, they wouldn't have been in this situation at all. If he hadn't done what everyone had always expected, waited for him to do.

Today, he was no better than a villain.

Tears leaked down his cheeks, spilling like the water from a broken damn. He needed to apologize and beg for the other boy's forgiveness.

He needed to know if he was going to be okay.

_________________________________

Three years ago

Beneath the midnight howl, they marched on, the white snow crunching under their boots. The harsh wind whistled and wailed, beating them back with roaring effort. Flakes melted upon his skin, piercing his body with something akin to a thousand tiny needles.

His dark body suit stood out starkly against the pale world around them, an eternal flame amidst the snowstorm.

The platoon trailing behind him was dressed to match the environment, however. Grey battledress blending in, perfect for their next task.

"Halt" Lieutenant Commander Axel's voice rang out, muffled by the storm, yet echoing in the space. He could feel his body freezing at the command, waiting for his orders. "We meet the recon squadron here, so hurry up and wait."

The soldiers around him didn't need to be told twice, most of them already making themselves comfortable in the snow. Some of them shot him wary glances, rightfully cautious of an unknown entity within their ranks.

Izuku's mind strayed, looking out into the fog that wafted around them, as if they had wandered into a pocket of peace within the tempest.

Silhouettes could be seen approaching from the distance, getting smaller as they closed the distance between them. His body tensed automatically, ready for anything that might jump out at them, his movements mirrored by the men around him. The familiar military fatigues removed some of the tension, even as he remained on guard. Regarding the newcomers critically.

"Declare yourselves," Axel instructed, urging an immediate reaction from the leading soldier, his back straightening at being addressed.

"Squad R reporting for duty, sir!" A hand stopped the soldier's salute, walking to stand in front of him.

"At ease," He started before turning to address Axel. His gate confident, and sure. Izuku immediately recognized his higher rank. "Get that stick out your ass Axel-boy, yer rank has gotten to yer head."

"Commander Yamato, I didn't know you'd be here." The man replied with poorly masked irritation,

Turning to face the entirety of the platoon, he signaled for rest. Letting some of them mingle and relax before their next excursion.

With a slight turn of hand Axel, signaled Arctic to keep watch. Before he turned to face the Commander once more.

"Hey, hey, Izu! Is that you? Man, I almost didn't recognize you with that gear!" A voice called out from behind him, though he didn't turn to face it. "And what the hell did you do to your hair, snowflake! Where's the pretty green I adored!" The man continued, unperturbed by his lack of reaction.

His new position made it difficult to watch the area well, so Arctic sidestepped him, resuming his ordered task.

"Izu?" He asked In a lower voice, almost hesitant in his words. "What's up man, don't you recognize me?"

"Private first class Shoka Haruki." Information on their entire ranks had been engrained into his brain, after all.

"Arctic!" Axel's voice called out, his body turning to walk towards the man without a second thought. Oblivious to the devastated expression twisting his old friend's features as he walked away, leaving him behind.

_________________________________________

"We are about to step into a Salient, so you better be on guard soldiers!" Axel addressed the platoon, eyes raking over every man present until his gaze settled on Arctic.

"The field will likely be tainted, gentlemen, so better watch out lest you lose an arm or two." Yamato added, his gaze hard despite the ease of his words. "Our mission is infiltration to ambush the enemy, so I shouldn't have to spell it out for you all."

Stealth and discretion. Constant vigilance.

"Move out!"

__________________________________________

They had been walking for a few hours when the man approached him again. His face was set with a determined scowl as he walked beside him. Talking incessantly about trivial, meaningless things.

Despite his need to focus on their mission, he found himself hesitating in rejecting the man's advances. As if something within him welcomed it. A familiarity he couldn't quite place.

The storm had abated slightly, the wind calming into an almost gentle breeze. The cold didn't fail to seep under his skin, however, making it feel like he was being frozen from the inside out.

The discomfort was minimal though, having been trained to withstand every possible form of torture, this was insignificant.

He'd been too distracted, he'd foolishly let his guard down and the consequences had been severe.

One moment they were walking, an almost imperceptible click reaching his ears before the world in its entirety exploded around him.

Flames rose high into the sky before dissipating, scattering shrapnel and snow in their wake. His ears rung loudly, muffling the sounds around him. His vision dimmed and blurred even through the cracked lens of his headgear.

Screaming. Loud, tortured screaming was the first thing that broke through his momentary haze. One filled with so much agony, it made something within him twist horribly.

His ribs ached, having surely cracked a couple when he was flung backward. Reaching for the piercing pain that plagued his head, his gloved fingers came out red and glistening.

The screams were getting hoarse, but no less intense.

Looking up he was met with a gruesome sight.

Blood, so much blood, tainting the white powdery snow. Following the trail only led to more gore, two severed legs, thrown haphazardly, as if they were nothing more than discarded flesh.

Yellow eyes, squinted in noticeable distress, red trails of soot and blood sliding down his pale cheeks as he cried out his agony.

"Bite the bullet, Private!" A distant shout could be heard, ignored or unheard by the man as he struggled to catch his breath, his chest unresponsive to his desperate bid at getting oxygen into his lungs.

The screaming dwindled a minute later, but it could have been hours for all he registered, the sound having been engraved into his mind, forever stuck on a loop like the tune of a broken record.

Harsh, hiccupped breath echoed loud in the settling silence, as everyone gathered their bearings.

A landmine, his analytical mind whispered. One meant to warn the opposing force of their arrival.

They would get ambushed at any moment.

The information went unheeded as he approached his fallen comrade. Something within his chest constricting despite his mind's confusion.

His entire being was warring with itself, fighting two very different urges as he fell onto his knees beside Private Haruki, feeling numb and far, far away.

"P-please- I-Izu-k-ku P-p-lease!" The man stumbled through the words, hiccups and whimpers dripping with each syllable. "M-make it s-stop-!" A bloody hand, missing a finger latched onto his own, squeezing so hard he could imagine his bones creaking and groaning under the pressure.

Haruki was bleeding out, Arctic noted distractedly, his pants dampening from the mix of snow and blood that seeped into his clothes. He moved to rip the fabric, wrapping it hastily around one of the stumps, eyes widening as it seemed to have no impact. His fingers trembled as he twisted it tighter, fighting against the urge to flinch as the man screamed under his ministrations.

"Arctic." Axel's voice sounded distant and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, despite his body's instant response to the man's commanding tone. "You're only prolonging his suffering." In the man's outstretched hand, was Izuku's own discarded knife, having lost it in the explosion. "This is an order, you know what to do."

His mind went blank, his body moving without his consent. His limbs were unresponsive to his desperate inner pleas, helpless as he watched himself, as if a stranger on the outside, watching in on his own existence. The weapon was held comfortably within his grasp now, arm moving to unsheathe the thin blade, from its scabbard.

Yellow, green-tinged eyes looked at him with so much trust and acceptance. It made the bile rise in his throat.

Nonetheless, he could see the fear and pain barely concealed within them. One of his hands trembled, reaching as if to stop its twin's motion. His body was fighting against itself, a heart-wrenchingly losing battle.

It was so quick, he could barely register what was happening. His blade pierced through delicate flesh, in and out within a moment's notice.

It was too easy, he concluded, feeling detached from everyone and everything. So incredibly easy to snuff out the last dregs of light that had shined in those golden eyes.

He didn't see, the relief and gratefulness that seemed to seep out of the boy, accompanying his last breath as slipped out of his body, like liquid trickling from an open wound.

Haru's mouth moved without sound, pronouncing syllables that would never form into tangible words before going lacks.

He could feel something within him snap, then and there. He could pinpoint the exact moment the last remnants of himself burrowed deep into the confines of his head. Curling up and locking itself away from the dark, harsh realities of the world. Letting go of the reigns and hiding inside the oblivious safety of his sheltered, shattered mind.

Gunfire reached his ears, and he could tell that the fighting had started. They had been made.

Leaving behind a broken body, he stood up, his thoughts as serene and clear as day. He charged into the fray.

His movements were a blur, even to his own perception. The only thing his mind could register was the arch of his blade as it tore through fabric and flesh alike. Silver turned into dark crimson, as it took down body after body.

His world was morphing and twisting until all he could see, all he could smell and taste was copper red.

He gained his first battle moniker that day.

Even as he lost the last dregs of his humanity.