s h a t t e r e d  h e a r t s

c h a p t e r  18

As soon as we enter the kitchen, I see that it's empty. When I should be thinking about where everyone else is, I'm not even thinking about them. I'm so lost in Sam. He sets me down on a chair. "You're really strong" I say to him as I look at him. Watching as he gives me this smirk. "Working out does do that. And you fit perfectly in my arms. I'm going to be carrying you a lot in our future. I do enjoy it" He says to me and my cheeks redden even more, which I'm not sure is possible.

"What are you going to be making?" I ask him. A bit curious about it. Sam gives me a wink as he is preparing something, taking things out of the fridge. The way that he is doing things it's like he belongs here. As if he has been here for a very long time. Even when I know that he has never entered this Pack before now, I know that he does feel like home. But, at the same time I don't want him to feel like home. I want to leave this place and I want to go away with him.

In truth I really want to get away from here as quickly as possible because this place will only bring me pain the longer that I'm here. I want to leave and get away with Sam to his Pack. I just hope the Alpha there will let me in but I know that no Alpha would ever keep away Mates that do belong together and Sam and I do belong together. More than anyone can ever imagine. He's mine and I'm his and there is no one that can tell us otherwise and no one will keep us apart.

"I was thinking hamburgers. I have a feeling that you like them just as much as I do" He says and I eye him. "How did you know that was one of my favorite food?" I ask him. He gives me a smile and then shrugs. "Oh, call it a hunch" He says with a mysterious voice which makes me give him a small smile. The way that he knows me is beyond anything but at the same time I like it because he does know me, perhaps even more than I know myself and I like it, really I do.

The way that Sam moves in the kitchen is unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's like he belongs in the kitchen and not just this kitchen but any kitchen. He's sort of free and he does enjoy himself there, he likes being there and he does enjoy what he is doing. And I do enjoy watching him. I was about to say something when someone enters the kitchen and I notice that it's Nik that enters, he gives me a glare when he enters and I gulp as I find myself growing small all of a sudden.

When Nik is in here, I don't feel as happy as I did before and I find that I'm so small and so vulnerable that I'm not even here anymore. "What do you think you're doing?" Nik asks Sam who turns around to be facing my former best friend. Sam gives him a small smirk as he glares at him. And as I sit here, I do take notice that both of them are glaring at each other. I feel like I'm missing something here that I'm not certain what is but I feel like I am missing something, something very important.

"I'm making dinner for two. You're not invited unfortunately. If you do wish to be, then simply ask. Yet I do not have more ingredients for three which means that you cannot join us. I suggest you leave, it is clear you are unwanted here" Sam speaks. The way that he's calm and yet so polite does make me admire him even more than I already do because I know Nik and I know that he would rather use violence to settle anything like this, like most Werewolves would do, yet not Sam. He's doing the opposite and I have to applaud him for that.

Nik doesn't seem to like the way that Sam is speaking to him. "I don't want your pathetic food. I want you to get out of my Pack and leave my best friend alone" Nik says with venom in his voice. I watch as Sam only raises an eyebrow at Nik and doesn't seem that threatened by his voice. I know that Nik is used to getting the things that he wants and when he does command people, they do what he says because he's the future Alpha and no one really wants to get on his bad side.

Sam then chuckles. "I have the permission of the Alpha of this Pack to be here, the future Alpha has no authority yet. Your mother is an excellent woman and she was kind enough to give me access to everything that I need, that includes the kitchen which I have spoken to her about and I am allowed to cook what I want in here, as long as I keep the kitchen tidy and clean. I do plan to uphold that promise I made to her. As for your best friend. She is far more capable of choosing whom she wants to be with, she doesn't need you to say who she can be around" He says to Nik.

This only makes Nik angrier as the two of them are glaring daggers into each other. But, Sam seems to not be wanting to do anything that suggest violence. I have a feeling that Nik wants him to do just that so that he would be thrown out of this Pack for violating the peace and going against what he signed for in that document that he had to sign. "She's mine, so stay away from her. Come, Anna, lets leave" Nik says as he takes a step towards me and then looks at me.

Nik's eyes are however filled with anger and something else that I can't understand. I freeze but then I shake my head at his words. I can't find the words to even speak as my voice is just gone. But I then stare at Sam and I hope that he can see that I'm not comfortable and I don't want to leave with him. I want to stay with Sam and I want to eat with him as well. I don't want to leave, and then I see that Sam gives me a nod and a small wink and even a smile.

Sam walks over to me and stands between Nik and me which gives me some room to breathe a bit better. "She wants you to leave and I suggest you do so" Sam says and while I don't see Nik. I know that he's not happy with this but then he does turn around and walk out of the kitchen. Sam then closes the door to the kitchen behind him and then turns towards me and takes my hands and then hugs me.

"Don't worry, he's gone now, you're safe" He whispers to me, so softly and so gently that I wonder if he is a dream but when he does touch me, I know that he's real and he's here with me. I know it and I know for a fact that Sam is true and he's just the most amazing person I've ever met. No one in the world is like him and I feel happy that he's actually mine and no one else can have him. He's just mine and I'm his. That I know for a fact.

When he breaks the hug, he gives me that smile. "Now, let's do something about dinner. We're not going to let one little obstacle get in the way of our perfect dinner, now are we?" He asks me. I shake my head. "No, we aren't" I say to him and he nods. "All right. Now let's make some hamburgers" He says and he walks over to where he was cooking. He puts the burgers on the pan and starts to fry them. "What do you want on your burger?" He asks me as he gestures for the bread and all the ingredients that he has prepared.

"Sauce and onion and cabbage" I softly say to him and he nods. "Little or a lot of sauce?" He then asks me. "A lot" I answer him. Sam gives me a wink. "It are in moments like these that I know we're meant to be" He says. I give him a smile and I know that it's true that he does want me. He really does want me and that makes me want me. I find that my heart isn't in as much pain and I can truly find the happiness within me.

He puts everything that I asked on a bun and then when he flips the hamburger he puts a slice of cheese on top of it. Once they are ready, he puts the meat on the bun and then closes it and it's a hamburger. He does the same for his own hamburger and then he brings the plates to the table where I'm sitting. "I don't know about you, but I'm famished" He says as he sits down next to me, he doesn't sit across from me as most would have done, rather he sits next to me.

I like that. Being close to him makes me feel so safe and just alive when I have felt so dead over the last couple of days. "Me too" I say with a low tone. I only want him to hear me and even when I know that there isn't anyone else inside the kitchen with us, I still don't feel like I can speak normally. Besides I only want Sam to be able to hear my voice and the words that I have to say, no one else should be able to hear me, I don't want that.

I pick the burger up with my hands, and I do like that there is some sauce leaking from the burger. I like it with a lot of sauce, and it would seem that Sam does as well. I did take notice that when he was putting on the bun for his own hamburger, I saw that he put a lot as well on his and perhaps even the same amount he put on both of them. I take a bite out of the burger and I have to say that this is the best burger that I have ever had in my life.

I look at Sam to see that he's eating as well and I think that he can just see on my face that I'm enjoying this. My words won't even be enough to explain that this hamburger is amazing. "Your the best cook in the world" Is all that I can say and for me that is the truth. I've never tasted food that is better than this, it actually tops everything else that I've ever eaten and given that I've not been eating that well the last couple of days, I find that this is just what I needed.

We eat in silence, and while I really want to say something, I have no idea what that would be. Until I come up with the right words. "Thank you" I say to him. He gives me a smile. "You don't have to thank me for feeding you, trust me, I wanted to. Besides seeing that look on your face when you started eating is everything to me and I would gladly do it all over again just to see that look" Sam says. I set down my burger which is almost done and give him a smile.

"No. I mean thank you for what you did with Nik" I say to him as I look into his eyes, the same eyes that have me so captivated that I truly never want to look away ever again. Sam looks at me in a way that I don't understand but I know that he's about to say something that perhaps I don't want to hear but I need to hear. "Tatianna, you are in charge of your own life and he's hurting you more than you know. I won't ever let him harm you again, but it is you, who needs to be the one to deal with him to move on with your life which to me is more important" Sam says.

He takes a napkin and cleans his hands and then he takes mine and cleans them. He's so gentle with my hands and he's kind towards me. "What if I won't be able to do that?" I ask him. I'm not that strong and the strong person that I had been before is not the one that I am now. I've been so broken down that I don't even recognize myself anymore. Yet at the same time I know that I do want to become better, for Sam and for myself.

Sam needs someone strong in his life and maybe one day I can be that person, but I know that it will be a long time before any of that can even happen. "I will be with you the whole way and if you want me to hold your hands or step in, I will. I do however think that you have to be able to overcome it on your own so none of it will haunt you" Sam says to me.

He holds my hands and he's so gentle as he brings the back of my hands to his lips and softly kisses the back of my hands. When his lips lightly grace my skin, I feel this warm feeling run throughout my entire body. The feeling that only Sam can make me feel. I find that my heart is beating faster inside my chest and I'm happy almost. All because Sam is touching me and I can truly feel those butterflies that are in my stomach even more so than I had before, which in truth have even left.

I sigh. "I think I'm not ready yet to face it, but with you, I think I can face just about anything" I tell him which earns me a small laugh from Sam as he gives me a smile. The smile that I love so much and I want to see it on his face all the time and knowing that I did something or said something that does put that smile on his face, does make me feel better. That means that I'm actually doing something right in this relationship. Wait... are we even in a relationship? We are Mates but I don't think that we've ever really talked about that.

"Are we together?" I ask him before he could even say anything because I think that we need to be clear on this point. He chuckles. "We are sitting side by side, I do believe that counts as together but if you are suggesting as in a love relationship, I wish to be with you forever and I already said that you are mine and I will not let you go. If you are willing then we can become something more, and you can name it whatever you want, but I am yours just as much as you are mine" Sam tells me.

My heart warms up when those words are spoken and I know that he's speaking the truth. "I would like to become something more" I tell him, a bit shyly. I trust him and I want more than anything to be with him, but why do I feel this afraid of it? I have no idea why I am afraid of being with him when I know that he would never hurt me, Sam is going to cherish me. That I know and I will do everything that I can to keep him safe and love him the way that he deserves.

He still holds my hands and I don't want him to let me go. "Tatianna, would you make me the happiest Wolf in the entire world and become my girlfriend?" He asks me. So sweetly and yet so kindly. It makes me beam and I truly can feel the sun inside my chest. As if the world is brighter. Those words make me the happiest that I have ever been. "Only if you would like to be my boyfriend" I say to him which makes his smile widen.

"I would love to" He says to me. "And I would love nothing more than to be your girlfriend" I tell him. My first boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word sounds so strange but at the same time it sounds so right. I know that this situation isn't the most usual one in the Werewolf community as the two of us aren't normal. We've both been broken by those that we thought were our destiny but now we are together. We found one another and we found the happiness that we so deserve and I know that our future will be a good one.

"Are you done or do you want to finish?" He asks me as he gestures for the hamburger that I've not finished. I eye it. "I'm not that hungry anymore but I don't want to waste it" I tell him. A little embarrassed that I could not finish the burger that he made. "I can finish it for you, if you want. Or we can put it in a box and keep it until tomorrow. Your choice" He says to me. I let out a small giggle. "You're still hungry?" I ask him with a bright smile on my face.

Sam gives me a bright smile as well and I can truly see the happiness that he's feeling and I realize that he's feeling that happiness because he's with me and I'm causing him to be happy. Just as he's causing me to be happy as well. "If there's one thing you need to know about me is that I have a big appetite" Sam says. "Which is to be expected, I am a Werewolf" He says and gives me a wink. It is true, Werewolves do eat a lot more than normal humans.

"You can have it if you want. I'm not that hungry anymore" I tell him. I really did enjoy the hamburger but my stomach isn't that hungry anymore and while I would love nothing more than to eat more of it, I don't think that I can. I have not eaten that much over the last days and my stomach really hates me. I think that I have to build up a relationship with my stomach again before I can eat much at a time. Sam slowly lets go of my hands as he takes with the burger and starts eating it.

"Delicious" He says and I give him a smile when he winks at me. When he finishes the burger he takes a couple of sips from the glass of water that he got. "Now, I want you to sit here and allow me to clean up. Those that cannot clean up after them are fools" He tells me and then he stands up, but not before he kisses my forehead. I know that he wants to really kiss me and he wants to do things that couples and Mates would do but he's not doing it because of me.

I really am grateful that he's thinking of me. That he's thinking that I'm nto ready and I'm not. It's not because of him or because I don't trust him. I trust him with my life and I do trust him with my pleasure as well. It's just that I'm afraid and after all the pain that I've been through, I really just want to take things slow and move forward one step at a time and not take a giant step. Sam is quick while he's cleaning up and when he's done I realize that the kitchen is spotless.

"Should we go back to our bedroom?" He asks me when he turns to face me as I sit there still. I wanted to help him clean but the way that he told me to wait and sit here, made me realize that he wanted to clean. And I watched him clean, it was like he enjoyed it. This man is the oddest one I've ever met but I'm glad I've met him and I've come to like his oddness. It actually makes me smile. "Yes" I tell him and he walks over to me and picks me like he had done before.

Once again he's so gentle with me, as if I'm glass that he's so afraid to break. This time I don't hold my hands around the back of his neck. Instead one of my hands remains on my stomach while the other one goes to his chest or rather on his heart where I can feel it beat through my fingers. And that energy that I can feel goes into my body as well and it makes me feel things that I've only felt when I'm around Sam. I lean even closer to his chest when I take notice to other people watching us.

I don't look at them. My eyes are only on Sam as he holds me. I don't want to look at them. I can still feel their stares at me. And I do everything that I can to not listen to what they are saying which I know they are saying something about me and Sam. I just listen to Sam's breathing and try to relax. Somehow I find that he holds me even closer to himself. As if he knows that I'm a bit stressed. He's someone that does think of me before anything else and one day I will think of him above everything else.

Sam takes me to the bedroom that we have been in and that is when I truly think about leaving this place. I think I am ready to get as far away from here as I possibly can. When he sets me down on the bed I look at him as he gets on the bed as well. "When will you take me to Paris?" I ask him suddenly and I'm quite curious when we will leave. This Pack and this house has been my home since I was born, but I know within me that I have to go.

He chuckles as he takes my hands and holds them close to him. I don't really mind when he takes my hands. In fact I do like it when he holds me. Sam makes me feel more safe than I have ever felt in my life and all that he has to do is hold my hands, even for a little while. "That depends on when you're ready to leave. I would stay here for the rest of our lives if you asked. But, if you say the word and wish for it, I will take you anywhere you want to go" Sam says.

"Your wish is my command. You, Tatianna are my Goddess" He says to me. I give him a smile as my heart is feeling so much joy that I can't even express it and I want this moment to last forever. He thinks of me so nicely and it makes all these feelings that I have for him deepens even more than they already have. I was about to say something when the door is thrown open and a man that I've never seen before enters the room. "King Samuel, you're needed" The man speaks.