three years later

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally.

I'd been in this tunnel for so long. I'd lost so many things along the way, but I kept walking.

But I'd found things on the way. Reasons to keep going.

I set my phone down as my reason to keep going walked into the room. "Do we still have leftovers?"

"I don't think so." I yawned. "But I can make something."

"Do you have time?" She glanced at the files spread across my desk.

I smiled. "Solano took the deal."

"You're kidding." Tears fell down her face.

I jumped up. "Why are you crying?"

She laughed. "Because I'm happy. What changed?"

"I caved and showed him my plans for the future." I kissed her forehead. "It only took him three months to look through them."

She pulled me into a tight hug. "It's almost tomorrow."

I sighed and my heart felt heavy. My mother's last request was to Ana. She made Ana promise someone would always be there remind me of tomorrow.

And Ana didn't take that role lightly, she reminded me every time something happened. She always told me the same things.

If it was bad: You can't give up on tomorrow just because today sucks.

If it was good: It's almost tomorrow. Or I can see the sun setting.

But even the happy days reminded me of my mother. It was my tomorrow, but she was supposed to be here.

I glanced at the clock.

Ana pressed a quick kiss to my cheek. "I wouldn't have said that if you couldn't go see her, I'm honestly surprised you're still here."

She pushed me away. "I can eat later, go."

Then she pulled me back and placed my phone in my hands. "Don't forget this."

I pressed a quick kiss to her lips and ran out the door. I scooped Spice into my arms as I passed by.

If we were going to pay this home extra just so she could see Spice, she was going to see Spice every time she had a visitor.

I shoved Spice into the crate that was installed in my car for situations like this one.

I glanced back at him once I got into the driver's seat. He looked petrified. "We're going to see Mother."

I mentally slapped myself as he gave me a whine of approval. I couldn't even pretend I didn't like him anymore. I'd probably cry when he died.

This fucking rat-dog had infected me like a parasite.

I drove a little over the speed limit on my way to the home. Visiting hours stopped at six, it was currently five-thirty.

I knew I would make it in time but I wanted to spend every second with her that I could.

Maybe I could visit her more now that I would have more time.

I sighed at the thought. If I wanted to make more time for her I would've.

It wasn't a coincidence that I went from seeing her weekly to seeing her every other month.

It got hard.

"Sorry, I'm late. Spice refused to get in the car." I set Spice down and he immediately ran to her.

Mother picked up Spice the way she always did, but when she looked up at me her eyes weren't the same. "I'm so sorry, my mind has gotten away from me. I simply cannot remember your name. What did you say it was?"

I glanced at the nurse for help. She gave me an apologetic frown. I turned back to Mother. "Rosa."

She smiled to herself. "My daughter's name is Rosa. What a coincidence."

I tried my best to smile back at her. "Could you tell me about her?"

I pushed the memories as I pulled into the parking lot. She was still here and there for me. Many people couldn't say that.

I grabbed Spice and walked inside.

Mother's nurse stopped me before I could get to her room.

My heart skipped a beat. Was something wrong?

The nurse smiled at me. "She's somewhat lucid today, she was asking to see you a little bit ago."

I muttered a quick 'thank you' before I practically sprinted through the door.

Spice immediately jumped out of my arms and ran to her.

She was knitting something in her chair. She set down the needles and yarn to grab Spice.

I closed the door quietly behind me. "One of these days he's gong to escape and run here."

She smiled. "He's not that athletic." She looked up at me. "Did something hold you up? You're usually here much earlier."

My chest tighetend but I nodded. "The Solanos agreed to the deal I made them, I was on a phone call for a while."

"That's wonderful, darling. How have you been?" She motioned for me to sit.

Horrible. "Great, just super busy." I sat down in front of her.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" She reached into her yarn basket and pulled out a small yellow blanket. "I don't remember what it's for, but last time you were here you said something that made me start making it. I finished it earlier today."

I smiled at it. "Ana wanted gender neutral colors for the hypothetical baby."

Two and a half years ago. The last round of IVF she did was two and a half years ago. I can't count how many times I've been here since then.

"That reminds me. We were thinking about naming the hypothetical baby after you if we had a girl."

She stared at me like I was crazy. "Why would you do that?"

"Because you're my mother and I love you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not dead." She scoffed. "Babies get named after dead people."

"Unless you want a Valentina Sanches II." She added.

I frowned. "They don't always get named after dead people. I can still honor you while you're alive."

"I don't see the point." She placed the yellow blanket in my lap. "Bring that back to me when you have the child and I'll stitch the name into it. It better not be Valentina."

"I didn't think you would be so passionate about this." I laughed.

She shook her head as she pet Spice. "I don't know why, but names are important to me." Because Father let you choose our names, that was the only nice thing he ever did to you. "I just don't think you should name a baby after me while I'm still here. Especially because my name isn't even that pretty. If my name was pretty I would understand."

...

holy guacamole it's been a while since I updated this.

how's everyone feeling? sad, angry, upset? me too, me too.

big time jump because i said so. (and it's pretty accurate because I haven't touched this book in like three years lmao)

thoughts on the new cover? I was getting tired of the old one.

<3