The sound of birds woke me up.

I was surprised Rosa was still beside me. I turned to her. "Not working?"

She shook her head. "I'm not working until we get home. I've already given up too much time with you."

"If you're putting yourself in danger I don't mind waking up alone a few days."

She ran her hands down my waist and still bare thighs. "You're so fucking pretty."

"Is this you trying to lessen the blow for something?" I glanced at her hand.

She sighed. "No. I fucking hate that you think that. I've been terrible."

"I really don't mind." I placed my hand on her cheek.

She sat up and swiftly pulled me onto her lap so I was straddling her. I gasped at the quick motion.

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against mine. "You are my world. I'm doing a terrible job showing you that."

I kissed the tip of her nose. "I'd be upset if you were spending all your time gambling. You're trying to keep us safe. I truly don't mind."

"It's just-."

"Shh." I pressed my index finger to her lips. "You work almost all of the time, you barely have a moment to breathe. But you always go to bed at the same time as me, even if you get up two hours later to start working again. You gave up all of your free time and half of your sleep for a day to meet my brothers. I know how much you love me."

She exhaled. "I think you'd run away if you knew how much I loved you."

I leaned forward and pressed my bare chest against hers. She smiled slightly. "How are you so perfect?"

"Nobody's perfect." I picked up one of her hands and held it to my face.

"You are." She opened her eyes. "You are my definition of perfection."

"Your definition of perfection is hungry." I smiled.

She laughed. "If she puts some clothes on I'll make her some food."

"I thought you said I was perfect, don't you always want to see all of me?" I joked.

"I might want to see all of you, but I don't want the rest of the world to have a perfect view of what's mine. The dining room has big windows." She lightly shifted me off of her lap and pulled on a robe.

"Do you have to put clothes on? I don't care if the world sees what's mine." I leaned back on the bed.

"Ana. We're on a beach, there are children." She laughed.

"So that's all that's stopping you?" I smirked.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." She tied her hair back.

I stood up and pulled on my robe. It was new, and silk.

Roses and butterflies were embroidered up the sleeves. I recognized the style of the stitching. Valentina had done it.

Rosa's robe was similar. Her's was just a very dark red and had Sanchez stitched into the back of it.

Mine was a light pink and the same butterflies on the sleeves covered the back of mine.

I sighed and hugged her from behind. "Do you want kids?"

She tensed. "We've had this conversation before."

"I just wondered if your answer had changed." I let go of her and walked around to the living room.

She followed closely behind me. "Has yours?"

I walked to the window and pressed my nose against the glass. I watched as the small children built sandcastles and chased after the waves. "Do you think it will ruin them? Being born into the world you want you to make?"

She rubbed my arms. "Has it ruined you?"

I sighed. "It's not really the same thing."

"I know." She spoke softly. "But, it has ruined me."

"You aren't ruined." I turned to her.

She gave me a soft smile. "If we have kids, they can't be like me. I know you love me, but you can't forget who I want to be."

I turned back to the window. "What if they were like you? Would that be so bad?"

"Yes. It would be." She whispered. "I was so little when I told my mother what I wanted to be. I ran up to her one day with the brightest smile and told her I wanted to take my father's place. Rafael was still a baby. I was three or four and I was telling my mother I wanted to be a murderer. And I was so happy about it."

I started to talk but she cut me off.

"Are you even happy?" She backed away from me.

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the glass. "I was."

When I turned to her I almost jumped back. Pure terror was plain on her face. I didn't understand why she was afraid, but I also couldn't comprehend why I was seeing it.

Up until now, I'd only gotten glimpses of emotions. I wasn't even sure she could express them fully.

"Rosa, what's wrong." I stepped towards her.

"You aren't happy?" Her voice broke.

Realization hit me and words tumbled out of my mouth. "Dear God Rosa. No-no-no. That's not what I meant. I was happy two minutes ago before you started rambling about how much you sucked as a person. I'm happy with you, I'm glad that you married me. I could want nothing more in life. But you know how much I hate it when you talk about yourself like that."

The room was deathly quiet for a moment. I wasn't even sure she was breathing.

Then relief washed over her face and a half-sob left her lips. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around her. "I didn't mean to."

She hid her face in my hair. "For a second my world was crumbling."

"I'll be more clear next time. I promise." I held her tightly.

I thought she had been exaggerating when she said I was her world. But I had never seen her show even a hint of fear.

She just looked at me like I had killed her whole family.

"I'm going to say two things, the first one is a fact and I will not be taking any comments. The second is just a statement we will discuss." I whispered.

She nodded.

"Okay." I rubbed her back. "One, you're not ruined. Our babies won't be ruined if they want to be like you. Two. I want one. I don't know when, but I'd like to start looking into things since we can't do it on our own."

She pulled away from me and wiped away a tear. "The first one is not completely a fact."

I put my hand over her mouth. "I said I'd be taking no comments."

She pulled my hand down and smiled at me. "Turn around."

I turned around to face the window again. She grabbed me and pulled me onto the couch before I could look.

I yelped with surprise as we fell backward onto the furniture.

"What was the point of that?" I laughed.

She grabbed a small remote from the table beside her and pressed a button. The curtains around the living room closed and covered the large windows almost completely.

Apparently, the curtains didn't extend into the kitchen and I could see outside still.

She moved me off her and set me gently on the floor. Then he shifted off the couch and moved on top of me.

She started to untie my robe. "This morning I was messing around with the curtains, I figured out that nobody can see us as long as we stay on the floor."

She moved the fabric off of me, leaving my chest completely exposed.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled myself up to kiss her. "Was this your plan the whole time?"

"No." She smiled as she traced my body with her finger. "I just figured I should make you happy again."

...
Blech

I hate it when I have to spend multiple days on a chapter because the ideas aren't working.

The chapter always ends up worse.

<3