Pushing my body to the limits when I was stressed was one of my worst habits.

I should've talked to her before. I should've brought it up whenever she broached the subject of marriage.

Instead, I let myself get comfortable with her shyness and hatred of confrontation.

I never expected her to ask me, I don't think she expected to ask either.

It was early too, I just turned eighteen. Sure, we'd known each other for years but most of that consisted of letters.

"Rosa, what the hell did you do?" Marina's voice pulled me from my trance.

I dropped down from the pull-up bar. "I fucked up."

"No shit, you only work out here when you mess up, but what did you do?"

I sighed. "Ana asked me to marry her."

Mariana raised her eyebrows. "I mean it's a little early, but how is that bad? Did you already have a ring or something?"

"I said no. Then I proceeded to tell her I would never marry her, and I didn't give an explanation."

She stared at me. "Why the hell won't you?"

"Look at my mother Mari."

"She was forced into marrying an abuser, Ana wants to marry you. Just because the marriages you've seen are terrible doesn't mean they all are. In fact, most aren't."

She did have a point, but that wasn't the only reason I was holding back.

"What if she wakes up one day and doesn't love me anymore? Divorce is horrible for everyone involved."

"She's not going to wake up one day and not love you, that's not how love works. And I'm sure if you ever got divorced it wouldn't be anywhere near as painful as it usually is." She rolled her eyes at me.

"Sure, maybe she can't stop loving me in a night, but she could wake up and finally see me for who I am. Once she does that she's going to run away screaming. It's going to be bad enough without having to go through a divorce."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Is this about you or her?"

"Her?" I raised an eyebrow. "How would it be about me?"

The corners of her mouth tugged at a smile. "If she wanted to run away from you a divorce would be annoying sure, but it's necessary. You have to continually see her and know she's fighting to run away, you want a clean break, you want her to leave and never look back."

I stared at her. "Well, who wants to watch someone they love fight to leave."

She sighed. "Look, I know you're permanently scarred from your parents, but unless you decide to start hitting her, that's not going to be a problem. You can pretend that you're protecting her, I think you're just scared."

She walked out of the room before I could find the words to respond. I followed behind her, I needed to talk to Ana.

I walked into the bedroom and locked the door behind me so nobody would interrupt. She was laying on the bed with her eyes closed. For a moment I thought she was asleep but her breathing was uneven.

She'd been crying. Of course. I should've stayed in the room, I should've explained.

I kneeled down next to her head. "Ana?" I whispered as I brushed a few strands of hair from her face.

Her eyes opened slowly then she turned around on the bed so she wasn't facing me.

"I deserve that." I sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to ever ask, so I never brought it up and then I wasn't prepared."

She sniffled. "What did I do? I've been thinking about it since you left and I can't find anything."

"Because you didn't do anything," I said softly.

She turned around and sat up. "Then what happened?"

I looked at her tear-filled eyes. Maybe Mariana was right. "I don't want you to leave me."

"Then why do you tell me to?" She grabbed one of my hands.

I squeezed hers in return. "I love you more than I'll ever love anything else, and I'm not good for you. I'm scared that one day you'll realize that and you'll leave. If we aren't married then you can just leave and I'll never have to see or think about you again."

I felt a sharp sting on the left side of my face. Ana's jaw dropped. "I don't know why I did that, but you need to wake up and realize that I'm very aware of who you are."

"You said that last night, and I still don't believe you."

"You should." She smiled. "Or I'll slap you again."

"Try it," I smirked.

She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me on top of her. I laughed a little. "Someone's horny."

She frowned. "Please."

"No." I kissed the top of her nose.

She wrapped her legs around my waist in an attempt to hold me down. I moved back on the bed and stood up, she somehow stayed put.

"That was impressive." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

"You weigh as much as a feather." I smiled. "Please get down though because I need to shower."

Mischief flickered across her face.

I sighed. "Are you going to let up on this?"

She shook her head.

I put my hands under her thighs and moved her up so she didn't have most of the weight. "Fine. You're lucky there's a connected bathroom."

I walked into the bathroom and set her down.

She looked deep in thought.

"What is it?" I started the water so it would have time to heat.

"I don't think we've ever seen each other completely naked."

I shrugged. "There's a first time for everything."

I turned to the mirror and pulled off my shirt. Ana's eyes went wide in the reflection. "What is that."

She walked up and ran her fingers along the skin just above my right shoulder blade. "What happened?"

I turned my head to look. It was a few small scars, but they stuck out.

I turned around and grabbed her arm. "Shock therapy." I looked down.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I gave her a half-hearted smile. "Do you know what's not okay?"

"What?" She raised an eyebrow.

"The fact that I'm wearing fewer clothes than you are."

She smiled at me then pulled off her shirt. "Fair?"

I shook my head. "No, I've already seen this."

She pulled on the string of her- well my sweatpants and they fell to the ground then she stepped out of them. "Better?"

"I've seen that too," I smirked.

A blush crept onto her face. "This isn't fair."

I held my hands up. "Not my fault you don't ever take anything more than my shirt off, even then you've never seen my back."

She looked at herself for a moment. "Which one first?"

"Well the waters going to-."

"I'm indecisive. Top or bottom?" She cut me off.

"Well, you're a bottom." I chuckled.

She glared at me. "You're mean."

"And right." I pulled off my leggings.

"You have a nice butt," Ana commented.

"What?"

"I can see it in the mirror, I don't know, my filter is gone." She shook her head.

"You're stalling. I'm going to get into the shower and you can join when you're ready." I unclasped my bra and smiled a little as her eyes slightly widened.

"Okay." She nodded quickly. She was probably nervous. I would be too if I was scared of her opinion.

She could absolutely despise the way I looked and wouldn't say anything.

Surprisingly the water was still very warm, they must've gotten a plumbing upgrade.

Ana stepped into the shower with a very shaky breath. "Hi."

At first, I tried to be respectful then I remembered the setting and my eyes took her in.

I spoke my thoughts before I could filter them. "You should never wear clothes again."

Her face turned bright red and I clasped my hand over my mouth. She gave me a nervous smile. "I'd get cold."

I laughed slightly. "I don't know where that came from."

I reached my arms out and pulled her close to me under the water. She closed her eyes and pressed the side of her face to my chest.

I ran my fingers along her spine. "What are you thinking about?" I hummed.

"How do straight people have shower sex?" She whispered.

I laughed and her eyes snapped open for a moment. "Why the hell are you thinking about that?"

"It's so slippery and small, does one person get cold because there's no way they can both be under the water. What positions would you even be in?"

I grabbed some shampoo and started washing her hair. "I guess it's a good thing I don't have a dick then."

She tightened her arms around my waist and adjusted her head so I could reach all of her hair. "I think I'd still love you, but honestly anything related to those makes me want to puke." She looked up at me.

"So no strap-." I joked.

"Okay, maybe not anything. Silicone doesn't make juices and you can wash it." She leaned against me again.

My hands froze. "I wasn't being serious."

"Oh." She paused. "Well, now you know for the future."

"Are you tired?" Her eyes were closed again.

"No, I just like how your boobs feel against my face."

"Very blunt." I moved her under the water to wash out the soap.

"Okay, miss 'never wear clothes again." She mocked.

"Why are we having this conversation again?" I ran my soapy fingers through my hair.

"Well I started talking because you don't want to have sex now, and you didn't pressure me when I said I didn't want to, and I would never intentionally pressure you, but you're very pretty and I'm very horny and we're both naked so I tried to turn myself off by thinking about men, but every time I open my eyes you're still there and very pretty and I don't want to subconsciously pressure you into something you're not ready for or not in the mood for." She spoke very quickly and then took a deep breath.

I opened my mouth but she started talking again. "And then you started washing my hair and that affected me in ways I didn't know hair washing could affect anyone, then you were talking about the strap, well you said one thing but that's beside the point, now it's worse than it was before we got in the shower and you're washing your own hair which doesn't seem right because then I'm not doing my part unless you washing your own hair is a way of signaling to me that this is just a shower because I've been sending sex signals this whole time-."

"Wow, calm down." I cut her off. "No subconscious sex signals have been revived on my end, don't worry. I'm washing my hair because I wanted to."

She exhaled a sigh of relief.

"But you did cut me off earlier." I ran my fingers under the water making sure every trace of soap was gone.

"Oh? When?" She furrowed her brows.

I smiled. "You're so cute when you're confused." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her towards me. "No strap, in the shower." I whispered.

"I thought you said you were joking." Red stained her cheeks.

"I was joking then, I don't know how I feel about it now." I slowly moved my hand from her back to between her thighs. She gasped.

I pressed her up against the back shower wall. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

I ran a finger along her slit. I gasped lightly at how it made me feel. She let out a small whimper. "Just keep doing what you're doing unless I say otherwise."

I moved my thumb in small circles on her clit. She dug her nails into my back and let out a loud moan.

"That's good?" I whispered.

She whimpered again. "Fuck yes Rosa."

Her legs started to slightly shake, I hoped that was a good sign.

I moved my other hand over her mouth and moved my thumb slightly faster. Her eyes went wide and she let out a string of loud moans. When she quieted them I moved my hand away.

"I'm going to-." She panted.

"Already?!" I lifted my brows.

She buried her face in my neck and practically screamed as she finished.

She almost collapsed against me and I turned off the water.

I wrapped a towel around her and myself then carried her to the bed. I fell down beside her.

...
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<3 hah, you thought.