20 // THE TRUTH = LA VERDAD

"it hurts. what the fuck!"

Farah feels the needle dig into her skin and immediately, she screams out. she's aware of the Spanish tattoo artist clicking his tongue in impatience as he waits for her to calm down.

her coffee eyes widen in agony and surprise, glaring at Taehyung who's biting his lip edgily. she could only focus on the brutal pain but now, when her gaze falls on oblivious Taehyung, she remembers he's right here with her. he looks back at her with a confused expression, brows raising as he moves forward when he realises his ex lover needs him.

"just hold onto me." Taehyung murmurs and brings his leather stool closer. he watches Farah grasp his hand, tugging him even closer. he feels needed and it's electrifying.

as the artist continues to tattoo the same, ebony design of their book title on her arm too, Farah clenches her eyes shut. the same design will be in the same bodily place on Taehyung. remember. this will unite them always, even when the world stops doing so. she stops herself from screaming pathetically and decides to get it over and done with, encompass the pain and hold onto Taehyung's warm hand.

his grasp is persistent, slender fingers interlocked and Farah can't help but bring his hand up to her mouth. she bites down on his hand, at a place it won't hurt him and not as harshly. she knows they'll look back at this moment and laugh whilst crying.

she opens her eyes just to see Taehyung's reaction to her queer reaction. it makes her burst into laughter when he screams, "oh my god woman!" Taehyung's wakeful eyes flash, letting her do as she pleases. "chill. just breathe." he soothes her.

an hour passes and Taehyung and Farah finally walk out of the tattoo parlour. they had done it so spontaneously. there's silence between them as they walk beside each other, elbows brushing. Farah gazes down, admiring the first tattoo on her body. it's permanence illuminates as she strokes the tattoo with her finger delicately.

"it's beautiful." Farah sighs, feeling ticklish at her own touch. "thank you."

"for what?" Taehyung focuses his entire attention on Farah. she notices it which is why she blushes.

Farah gulps and tries not to be emotional. spending so much time with Taehyung after years apart has changed her. "for urm... holding my hand." she wraps the plaster around her tattoo again, focusing on the path ahead. it's curved, filled with greenery on either side as they make their way anywhere.

"you bit my hand. you're crazy."

Farah pushes him playfully. "did you just label me?"

Taehyung's mouth falls open, smile hinting over his features. it's a beautiful thing when he tries to hold back his smile. "you're the one who labelled me imbecile, you hypocrite!" he gasps, watching her as she walks ahead of him and he hurries his steps.

"right then, you," Farah grins, their fronts facing each other as she pushes his chest gleefully. she takes a step back. "i'm off to enjoy my last day in Spain by myself now." she mentions.

Taehyung tilts his head, one hand tucked into the pocket of his beige trousers. a belt is tightened around his waist and the sunglasses on his face brings the whole outfit together. "is my presence that much for you?" he asks, teasing her as his eyes observe.

"i love your presence but i want to be on my own for the last day."

that's understandable, Taehyung thinks and nods. he makes sure to reassure her he'll be fine. "before you go," he mentions, making oblivious Farah turn around. the plaster on her arm makes his heart inflate with affection, he'd let her step on his heart and soul any time of any day. "i want to give you something." his throat feels tight now, his breathing becoming uneven.

Farah stands in front of Taehyung and waits for him to say more. she has no idea what to expect as her eyes blink silently, sunset glowing behind his figure. she can sense his anxiety.

"i wrote you something when i left."

Farah's throat tightens too. she has the same physical reaction as Taehyung- heart beat increasing, clenched hands and tearful eyes. she sure as hell wasn't expecting him to say that. was he waiting for the perfect time to tell her that he wrote something for her? that when he left, he had thoughts to say to her? that there wasn't just silence. static silence. there was more?

"why are you telling me this now?" Farah's eyes shake with tears.

"because you deserve to know." Taehyung's answer is simple yet it feels so complex to Farah. "i wrote it up last night. it was drafted as an email." he adds, honesty flooding his heart as he tears his eyes away.

"what stopped you from sending it?"

"i wanted you to hate me."

"did you amend anything?"

"no. it's one hundred percent genuine."

"okay." Farah listens. she's unable to say anything else, her voice betraying her as the one word comes out as a whisper. she takes the letter from his hands and holds it carefully. it's beige, without creases and she's afraid. the words inside will either destroy or fix her, but the line is blurred between the two when it comes to Kim Taehyung.

she looks down, noticing it's envelope and the letter F on top.

her eyes flicker back up to look into Taehyung's and a crazy sense of emotion washes over her. she's grateful he's given her a piece of him. the corners of the sealed letter poke into her palm as she takes a few steps closer, heart beating rapidly.

Farah wraps her arms around Taehyung as he hugs her back, around her waist. her head fits into the crook of his neck as he presses them closer. it's obviously intimate, tight and odd feeling. she's sure, this is the way he would've hugged her on the day he left.

//

Farah's last day in Spain isn't going to go the way she wanted it to.

she hurries back to her hotel room and sits on the bed, shoving her shoes off. she throws her jacket to the floor and ties her hair up. her hands fiddle with the envelope, delicately opening the sealed side before letting out a deep breath. the female starts to read, already feeling quite emotional.

she could never be ready for this kind of letter.

Farah, the love of my life,

you're not going to see this. i hope you don't get to see this since i've caused you enough pain. i know you hate me right now and you should. i hope you never forgive me for this.

you were not going to break my heart so i decided to take the worst route. i broke both and took it too far. it was all real alright and i fucked it all up. i'm already bleeding enough.

i didn't want to show that i care so you could hate me more. i wanted to hold your hand and apologise but why would i apologise when i was going to hurt you all over again?

i've lost all appetite and i can't sleep with my heart this heavy. i should have thought about what i was getting you into before falling for you. i should've protected you then.

i'm grateful to you for what we had, for making me the worlds biggest narrator, for being too kind to me and always listening. i was lucky to have stumbled upon you.

i don't deserve you. you are deserved by a so much better person.

this is the most pain i've ever experienced in my life and it hurts. you were the one who showed me that different universes could exist in a tiny heart. you showed me that love isn't just a word but it carries happiness. i don't want to ruin anything for you. just close your eyes and try to forget me.

i'll remember everything and i'll remember what i did.

i'll leave it all. i'll close the doors to whatever i had released on you. my heart was just selfish for even thinking of having someone as precious as you.

i hope this turns out to be a really bad dream that you'll eventually forget. i wish you happiness and all the wonders of the world.

goodbye, T

Farah's reaction includes silence in a hotel room that suddenly felt suffocating. she felt as if Taehyung's loving, majestic hands were choking her and she was being forced to cough up her awaited tears. a few tears fell, leaving her feeling worse than before and she placed the letter on the bed smoothly and gently before digging her nails into her pillows. she screamed and calmed herself down after crying so hard.

now, the writer sits at the table and chair with a pen in her hand.

dear Taehyung,

i'm glad our paths crossed. i'm glad you experienced love with me and i experienced love with you.

a paragraph has to be replied with a paragraph after all. i've had a chance to gather all my thoughts and strange feelings all day.

when we met, i was in a realm of madness, liveliness and growth. i'm thankful for your story confession. we had so much fun together. i should've stopped myself when it hit me how attached to you i was, how i wanted to spend more time with you and awaited your returns when you were busy but also available for me. i should've stopped myself and never said yes to you. but you know how selfishness works. the irony is you think you're selfish and i think i'm selfish. the truth is, neither of us are.

thank you for letting me be yours. i won't forget how it felt to talk to you. how it felt when you'd whispered poetry from your mouth. it was never a whisper. you have a gift that the world deserves to see. you made me feel and i still do, so much.

you're a fighter. you're going to survive and so will i.

i will remember you. no matter what. you can be mean to me, push me away and make me hate you. but i know you too well. when you said all those things to me, i knew it wasn't you. i wanted us to at least end on a good note, for you to remember my kind words. i felt so much anger but it's all gone now. you can bring it back if you want but don't bother. you can't get rid of me.

i'm only just like you. i hurt you too. if you ever crash back down to reality, decide to wander. i hope you just find me. talk to me as if nothing's changed. tell me everything i've missed. find me so i can find you. i don't know about your world and you don't know about my world. but i hope one day we can find each other in any world and meet somehow.

you're going to do so well in the time you have. i promise. i'm so proud of you for who you were, who you are and who you're becoming. you're going to survive magnificently and loudly. continue to be loud. i hope the world sees what i saw. i'll remember you.

i want to tell you something.

you deserve to write. believe me. please don't stop. you deserve to write, you deserve your dreams and to be the biggest narrator. you were mine.

from your words, i know what you know. i'll say it for the both of us. i love you. i remember you. i always will. no matter what you say.

don't lose your wander. you have, after all, created a utopia.

of not just grey but blue's, orange's and the colour of my heart.

and of course, Farah would never send the reply.

//

epilogue next :"(