15 // DOMESTICATED LOVE = AMOR DOMESTICADO

Farah sighs.

she stands on her hotel balcony as a cigarette is held between her lips. she plays with it, biting and fiddling as it stays unlit. her eyes look down and around as she watches the morning of Spain come to life for the day. pedals of bicycles, chatter of foreign couples, paddles of canal boats and the remote crunch of bread is heard. she feels peaceful despite not sleeping.

as always, Taehyung spots her. Farah's eyes meet his at exactly the right time as she looks down from her balcony and he looks up from the paved street. tan orbs of past wistfulness and forlorn exploration wave at each other as their hearts contract.

"it's 9:11." the male writer mentions with his hands in his pockets, bracelets circling his bony wrist. there's a coat draped over his shoulders, one that is far too warm for the weather. he's dressed smartly but more comfortably today morning. the baggy attire suits him as his bandana acts as a belt.

immediately, Farah's taken to the past as a memory visits.

Taehyung wraps his arms around Farah from behind, hair tickling her neck as their laughter fills the air. lips brushing earlobes, cold, hooped earrings and smiles against skin feels are the moments to remember. the ambience is one so easygoing, the couple don't want it to ever end. they can't sit or stand still. they can't not touch each other and it's an issue. in this moment, permanence is the goal but it's impossible.

"come here." Taehyung pushes Farah's hair behind her ears, delicately kissing her aching eyelids. "it's 11:11 somewhere and i'm wishing for you all the wonders in the world."

Farah kisses him because her wish is standing right in front of her. if he's happy, she's happy.

now it's 9:11, four years later.

present Farah snaps back to reality and when she looks back at Taehyung, she can't remember what his lips felt like against her forehead. she feels suddenly disturbed over the fact that she can't remember.

Taehyung mentions how he's going out for a walk this morning.

Farah nods, too busy looking at his lips. full but dull pink, dipped at the top but circling to form an imperfect heart. does he still make eleven:eleven wishes? she wonders. does he have constant flashbacks? how did he cope without her for four years?

"you've always liked balconies."

Farah seizes the edge of the balcony when another memory appears.

for fuck sake, stay steady.

Taehyung pushes Farah's head gently until she gathers the meaning of his gesture. she lies her head on his lap, eyes staring up in love.

it's a typical evening in Farah's house. they're alone together and Taehyung has time. the boy balances a book with one hand, fingers flicking the ancient pages as he reads to her. the rough edge to the paper goes well with his voice, slow as he takes his time. his voice is gentle to the ears, like the waves of an ocean or the birds in the trees. it's natural and it brings joy the way a baby's first cries brings joy to a pained mother. relaxing deep tones of soothe, imitating meaningful words off pages that don't belong to them but wished they did.

Taehyung's other hand combs through Farah's black hair, playing as he does. his fingers are delicate in manner as he pushes her hair back, stroking her forehead occasionally. he twirls strands, straightening the edges unconsciously as he focuses.

Farah just listens as she watches her lover dressed in beige.

at one point, emotion filled and cunning Taehyung stops reading and looks down at her unexpectedly. he catches her staring gaze and she almost flinches at the severity. "i just love you so much." he chokes, breathless at the sight and existence of her. they both knew their love would hurt one day.

Farah clasps Taehyung's hand, thumb stroking the back of his familiar skin as she smiles with expecting tears. "i know my love." she feels all his love in this very moment.

the next morning, Farah doesn't watch Taehyung walk away. a spontaneous sense of spunk and former emotion fills her heart. he's taking his daily walk. "good morning Tae." she calls from the balcony and watches him turn slowly, recognising her voice.

he's smiling when he turns around. the boy is dressed in black and white today. ebony jacket matching his curls, paired with white, roomy pants. the colours don't fit with Spain's aura but it brings out the brown in his eyes. despite looking like a tourist, he looks like the love of Farah's life and it's painful.

"good morning angel." Taehyung hums as a single curl falls onto his forehead. Farah's heart clenches at the way he looks at her and what he called her. what is he doing?

the writer walks away immediately, knowing Farah would be affected by his use of the term. angel. Farah bites down on her lip, smiling.

hours later, a rapid morning turns into afternoon and Farah hears a knock on the door. she gets up from the couch, leaving her plate of unfinished lunch on the kitchen table. it's either room service or Taehyung.

"want to watch a movie?"

Taehyung invites himself in, side brushing against Farah's. his touch as always is electric as she closes the door. she watches him with raised brows, eased by his suggestion. it's a good idea and she's bored anyway. it's too hot for her to go outside.

Farah is about to agree until Taehyung speaks, hands raising and a smile takes over his lips. the amount of smiles she's seen on his lips is a miracle. "no horror movies i promise." he knows her too well and she knows she's wrapped around his finger.

"thank you."

Taehyung smiles and jumps onto her couch, bouncing with enthusiasm. Farah knows she only sees this side to him. the side of genuine happiness. "but no romantic movies either." he comments, pleading.

opposites, as mentioned.

"can we watch call me by your name?"

Taehyung groans and rolls his eyes as Farah steps closer, taking a seat beside him. she keeps a respectful distance as her clothed arm rests on the arm of the couch. "so you can swoon over Timothée Chalamet?" he questions, raising a single brow at her.

Farah pushes his shoulder. "you do the same!"

"okay fine."

"wait." Taehyung blurts out. "can i sit there? i want to lean my legs on the table. you can't do it from here." he pouts, pushing her with his body which earns him a glare.

Farah laughs. "no chance. i'm sitting here now."

the movie starts. both of them stay silent for most of it until Farah can't contain her thrilled comments. this is my favourite part, she'd say at every passing scene and push Taehyung every time he criticised something. truth is, Taehyung loves the movie just as much as her and he likes seeing her so enthusiastic about a love in Italy.

"the curls, it's the curls." Farah gushes for the millionth time. Taehyung shakes his head, thinking about the own curls on his head before replying with, "get a grip woman!"

Taehyung likes teasing Farah and she knows it. she lets him anyway. he likes how she asks for his bold opinions, graceful comments and the way her face lights up at her favourite scenes. seeing her so keen in such a rare state makes him feel like the luckiest human on earth.

for a second, Taehyung stares at Farah with so much sentiment that he starts to wonder how on earth he managed to live without her.

Farah stands up to go to the toilet and Taehyung, the joker he is, sits in her place, putting his feet up.

"you imbecile." Farah pushes him when she comes back to see him take her place with a massive grin. she lets him get away with his mischief as they continue watching.

ten, long minutes later, Farah is falling in love with her favourite movie all over again and notices Taehyung asleep. she only notices because his drooping head falls onto her shoulder and the proximity between them vanishes. she laughs and leans him snugly against the back of the couch.

Farah retrieves a blanket and drapes it over his body. the movie continues to play but this time she isn't focusing. she's looking at Taehyung as she shares the blanket with him. the scarce moment feels precious.

"you love sleep don't you?" Farah smiles a small, soft smile as she caresses his face unconsciously. she doesn't realise what she's doing, actions slow as her eyes rake over his sleeping features. "i missed you." she whispers, knowing he's a deep sleeper. she finds it easier to talk to him when he isn't listening and when he's not conscious.

"i'm becoming attached to you all over again." Farah sighs and leans her back against the couch again. a frustrated sound leaves her lips as she glances at the sleeping, beautiful boy. attachment is something she struggles with because she's aware of the temperance of people. every time Taehyung left in the past, he'd come back and it would be as if nothing had changed. but things had changed and despite Farah trying not to give in and be careful, she let herself foolishly fall into his hands.

"i don't blame you anymore." Farah avows. a part of her still feels anger directly towards him but a part of her has reached peace. "you only did what was right." she sees it from Taehyung's perspective. he only did what he had to do for the best of them. they weren't perfect. he couldn't give her what she wanted and wasn't ready.

Farah wanted a glimpse of his complex and unspoken life. she wanted to be there for her troubling lover but Taehyung was a runner. he ran constantly, burdened himself by running away from himself before realising you can't run away from the person you're meant to stay with- yourself.

she's not sure if he's still like that but his feelings intimidate him. there's a side to Taehyung that he never showed Farah and she knows that. he doesn't like relying on others, hates hurting and burdening them. he simply wanted to protect Farah from the monster that he thought he was. despite Farah's attempts at making him see he's just a human being, he couldn't breathe.

Farah wanted to be let into the dark but the dark only had space for one and she was light.

"we wasted so much time and now we're here again." Farah laughs. it's a laugh that sounds through her whole body and she feels slightly good. it's bizarre that she's talking to sleeping Taehyung but it feels easier. "and i want to love you. i still do but i'm afraid to admit it because you're an imbecile."

Farah smiles then, a small smile that's full of softness. "and i'm talking to you as you sleep." she blinks at his sleeping face, amused by how his mouth hangs open and how his curls scruffily form around his face. "don't you dare wake up." she points a finger.

"you never listen to me anyway." Farah lets out a profound breath, gathering her thoughts and words. he's just as stubborn as her. "you talk a lot. you know that right?" she imagines Taehyung agreeing with her.

"i adored you..." Farah starts, finger unconsciously tracing the back of his hand which lies on his lap. she strokes along his back bones, over his veins and his rings. "-because you didn't want to know the things that meet the eye. you wanted to know what my laughter sounded like and how i liked my tea." she thinks of certain memories, like how he learnt to make the perfect cup of tea for her taste.

"i'm surprised you still remember."

he's a detail orientated person like her. "remember." Farah's heart clenches at the important, mighty word said out loud. it feels different coming from her own lips, to the person who invented the word for them. their book name. their everything. their word for love. she traces his beautiful lips, both top and bottom before she has an idea.

she springs up before making sure Taehyung really is asleep. "i'm going to read my poetry to you whilst we're here." the recently inspired writer grabs her notebook with fidgety hands before opening it up on a rough and random page. "Jin told me to stay longer so i am. i haven't felt this inspired in a while, it's thrilling."

"i don't have the nerve to actually say this to you when you're awake." she could never have the confidence to have him listen to her reciting. her poetry is too personal, too meaningful and she'd want to run away. Taehyung knows her words are about him which would make her even more anxious. Farah crosses her small legs in front of her. she stares at the full page, sentimental as she starts to read to unconscious Taehyung.

"why do people leave when things get tough?" the poem written by Farah starts, her voice isolated in the evening light of the hotel room. "isn't that when you're supposed to stay more than ever? when they leave, you hate them, you hate everything and love becomes distasteful on your tongue. i hate you but we both know i don't." she ends, the last words feeling different from the time she wrote them to now.

hate is a strong word.

"here's another one." Farah's finger traces her scribbles. "i read about characters who speak as if they've swallowed books, speaking pure poetry as their lips move and all their characteristics radiate adoration. it's impossible not to adore such characters. it's impossible to not want someone who's fictional in your life. someone who speaks as if they've had years of experience, who question things and show love in their own mysterious ways."

"how lucky am i." Farah breathes out, reciting words that she can't believe belong to her. it's been too long. "how lucky was i. just how lucky was i to have met my very own character and lose them in the same way a book would close their chapters."

Farah looks back at Taehyung before she slips her shaky hand into his. she leans her head on his broad shoulder as a single tear swipes down her burning cheek. "you leaving was what we needed but i didn't want to admit it." a rugged sigh leaves her lips. "i forgive you." she squeezes his hand.

it squeezes back.

//

these chapters keep getting more and more emotional

hope these updates offer you comfort at this hard time

take care everyone. keep fighting and doing whatever you can. we have the chance to make a change and humanity is suffering. remember black lives matter. all lives don't matter unless black lives do <3