We dress frantically, rushing towards the showers, bringing our bags with us.

"I do need to shower though." Louis says as we get in.

"You make it sound as though I was expecting something different." I grin.

He shakes his head, starting to pull his clothes off again.

"You can join me if you want," He smirks as he pulls his jeans down. "Hands off, though."

The thought is enough to make me whine. Because I would definitely be interested in being fucked in the shower now.

We both get into the hot shower, both completely naked which is something we would've never done two weeks ago.

Watching Louis wash, cleaning his body with soapy hands is actually really fucking hot.

He's enjoying the shower. He washes his hair, having to bend a little to rinse if off properly, but fuck his body looks so toned and delicious wet, tattoos looking far too good.

I start doing the same, needing a distraction, even if my cock is definitely showing interest.

"Sex aside," Louis suddenly speaks. "You're quite an attractive guy, if I can say that."

I laugh, blushing.

"Well, then ditto." I reply.

More like, you're beautiful and I want to kiss every inch of your body. I can't really say that.

"So..." He asks. "You've actually topped people?"

"Yeah," I shrug, trying to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. "Only when I was in the mood to do it. And they were."

Louis hums to himself, the shower going quiet for a second or two.

"I went through this stage at Uni," Louis chuckles to himself. "I've never actually told El. But, I had this whole summer of like, gay shit. No girls."

"Oh right." I reply.

What is he talking about?

"Yeah," He chatters away. "It was fucking crazy. I was fucking these like three guys. I mean, not at the same time. But there was this one guy called Damien and he was topping me, and it was just-,"

"What?" Lurches from my mouth.

Louis just laughs, rinsing his skin where apparently he'd been washing.

"What?" He grins. "Yeah. I mean, he's not the only guy."

"You've bottomed?" I choke.

Okay. So my daydreams weren't futile.

"When I'm in the mood." He smirks, repeating the words I'd said earlier.

"Oh, oh right," I choke. "Yeah. Yeah."

Great. You sound like a bumbling fool.

"What if I said I was in the mood now?"

The conditioner bottle I am holding slips out of my hand, flying and hitting the wall.

"Huh?"

He crowds in my space, knowing exactly what he's doing. How to take my attention and confuse me from my thoughts screaming at me to pull away and get the fuck out of this shower.

"Well," He looks down between us. "You're pretty hard, mate. And what I'm saying is I wouldn't mind if you topped me."

My head is a whirl of screaming yes' and resounding no's, and it's becoming really hard to breathe.

"I - I don't - with-," I try.

"Oh, come on," He whines. "Live a little. You don't have to save that for relationships," He scoffs. "Don't you miss it? Even a little?"

"Yeah, yeah I - fuck." I palm at my face.

What is he doing? He knows this is wrong.

"So if I fingered myself open, would you just walk away?" His fingers trail down the hair below my navel towards my very obvious erection.

"I-," I swallow. "Well, I-,"

"Because you're pretty fucking big," He grabs it, and all reason has suddenly gone in my aroused head. "Thought about it when I saw it first time. I never leave you wanting."

I almost snap. I'm always wanting. Always wanting him. As mine.

But he thumbs under the head of my cock, mouth moving dangerously close to mine.

"I'm not begging," He says, voice deep and horny, but somehow like he's warning me. "So either do it," His brings my hand around, pressing it against his bare wet arse. "Or don't."

Fuck. He's got me. My fingers are already trying to go there, because the revelation that Louis has done this and that he probably fingers himself sometimes is too much to resist not doing it.

"Here?" I shakily ask, his lips still against mine, running my fingers against his entrance gently.

He pull of air he takes into his lungs is the final reel in, how he grabs my hair.

"There." He bites my lip.

My cock somehow gets much harder than it was, which I don't know how is possible.

"Lou-," I try to stop this again.

Just because I don't know what this is going to do to me.

"Stop thinking," He pulls my hand, dragging me out of the shower, turning it off. "Seriously, Haz. You'll burst a brain cell."

My heart is racing away as he walks me towards to sink, completely naked, moving to sit on it.

"Lube." He gestures to the bag he knows I brought.

Fuck. I should've left the lube behind.

I walk towards it, finding it easily and handing it over to him.

He doesn't take long to open himself and my mind is blank the whole time. Because he's doing it. It's him. It's his fingers. I think he's talking to me but I just can't-

"You'd look so good inside me, you know that?" Louis teases and I choke. "I know you don't usually do that, but you know how badly I'd enjoy it if you did."

He's too good at goading me into this. All of this.

I grab his hips and tug him into my body and he actually gasps, feeling how hard I am. I both can and can't believe I'm between his legs like this.

My hand creeps towards the condom on the sink, chest burning so badly. He grabs my hand, stopping me.

Has he realised this isn't okay?

"No," He pulls it back, mostly towards his hip. "I'm clean."

No, no, no. This is so bad.

"Harry." His voice is sharp, making my head pop up.

I gasp out when he kisses me hard, demanding all of my attention. He pushes his arse against my cock, and just like that, I'm pressing in slowly, hands shaking. I struggle, it's so hot, so wet from lube, and so fucking tight. My hands grip onto his thighs, and I get a feeling I won't fit but I do, burying myself for the first time in years.

Don't look up. Fuck, I'm already looking up.

I never thought Louis would ever bottom but he does, and he does it looking gorgeous, his mouth open, his eyes closed, but he looks in so much pleasure. And it's all me.

"Oh fuck. So full," He gasps for air and I don't recognise his voice at first. "So, so full."

"Fuck." I have to swear to get out my panic, my pent up arousal from how good he feels around me, and how good he looks taking it.

This is Louis. Oh God, what am I doing?

"Harry," Louis opens his eyes, cheeks starting to burn in a way they never have. "Jesus, you gotta move."

And I'm going to. I know that seeing his blue eyes dilated like that. From his slight clenching like he just can't not do it.

I push him back, holding him so he doesn't feel like he's falling and it makes him lean against the mirror. I thrust up into him and my toes immediately curl, because he's so tight it's amazing.

I don't talk. I can't talk through this. It's just sex. This is just sex.

Even though the reason I don't top is because when I do, I put all my emotions into it. But I'm not now. I'm just moving.

But it seems to be doing something because he keeps calling out with every time my hips meet his, voice not sounding like his own but I can tell it's him.

Louis is a great bottom. Why isn't he always a bottom?

Oh right. Because he has a girlfriend and he's also a fantastic top.

"I thought you were good when I was fucking you," He groans. "Jesus Christ, Harry."

His hands desperately grab against my sides, pulling in, but my eyes remain closed. I can't look. I just can't.

"Open your eyes, Haz," I pound into him just a little harder and he gasps. "I know it feels good, but I gotta see your lovely green eyes."

My eyes open, and moan loudly into the shower room.

He's all wet and flushed and fuck me if that doesn't fulfil every fantasy I've ever had over Louis Tomlinson.

"There you are," He breathes, smiling. "Look at you, so hot like this."

That's what makes me completely snap, hand on the wall above me, leaning in, needing to hear him closer, to give him more, to fuck deeper.

To actually top him like I want to.

"Shit," His heel meets the bottom of my arse, digging in. "Oh shit."

I put my hand at the back of his neck, the other gripping at his thigh and I do, fucking him deeper, making his legs shake deliciously. I can't stop myself, kissing at his neck, and he clenches, making whining sounds with each thrust.

"I - I'm close, Harry," His nails meet my back. "I'm - I'm so close."

Right. Right okay. I can make him come and pull out. Maybe come on him.

Shit. I'm closer than I thought. I should probably stop thinking dirty things like coming over his arse and thighs.

Without taking my hand off the mirror, I grab his cock. I have no idea if he could come with just me, but I don't want to find out because that'll make me come too.

His nails dig in much harder with every pull I make, signalling his impeding release, but then he is.

And he calls out my bloody name like I've just done the best thing in the world, echoing around the room and fisting at my hair. The clenching and the name calling is what gets me, and even though I didn't want to, I'm furiously thrown over the edge, hips stuttering as I come bare into Louis.

All I can hear after is our chorus of gasping, feel the heat of our skin, and try to cope with the sate of doing that.

I can't believe I just fucked Louis. And God, it was good.

"Okay?" He asks, and I nod.

I'm not sure but I won't tell him that.

"Yeah." My voice is wrecked. "Gonna pull out."

I do, and he cringes. I don't think I hurt him, just more over me pulling out than anything else.

"Jesus Christ, that was good," He says with a breathy chuckle. "No two men should be able to come after coming twenty minutes ago."

"I lasted more than that." I pout.

Louis smiles, and it's surprisingly soft. Being a bottom makes Louis soft.

"I'm so tired, but so wired at the same time, you know," He start to talk. "My legs feel so wobbly, but like, I'm sure I could run a mile."

I hum, starting to dress.

"I wonder what the guys want to do today, because we're going back tonight, aren't we?" He asks me, and upon turning around, I see he hasn't moved at all.

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" I raise my eyebrow.

It's not really fair like this. He looks hot and I did it.

He looks down at his body.

"Too tired, I reckon." He responds. "Just leave me here."

"With your bottom half completely out? No way." I laugh. "Come on, get up."

Louis groans, forcing himself to sit forward.

"Nope," He sits there, smiling. "I am fucked. I'll just - yeah. I'll sleep here or something."

He's joking, that much is obvious, but I come up to him with his jeans anyway. He huffs, snatching them away from me.

"You look so tired." I point out.

"Well, you did it to me." He raises his eyebrow as he tries to pull his leg up to drag his boxers up his thighs.

I did. Fuck. I really did just do that. Bare.

Why would I let him talk me into that?

"What did I say about thinking?" He says without looking.

He pulls his jeans up to his knees before standing up. He stumbles but he's tired, so it could've been my cock, or just that.

I unlock the door, deciding it is fair game now I'm dressed, he has something on.

Louis starts humming a tune while he dressed and it hits me so hard. It is casual sex to him, of course it is. But it's never going to be just that for me. I won't ever be as nonchalant about it as he is. I'll always be on the other side, waiting to worry about what just happened. To over think it. To watch him dress with a small smile like he's just got away with murder.

As if on cue, his phone goes off, and my guilt nearly makes me sick. He bends down to his bag, like I didn't just come in his arse, getting the phone to answer it.

"Hey, baby." He responds. Far too happily.

He's too okay with this. What have I done? What am I doing to Eleanor?

"Yeah, I miss you, too," He replies happily. "Nah, I'm not doing anything."

I get Louis' attention, gesturing to the door as I pick up my bag and he nods with a small smile to say he's okay with me going.

I get out into the fresh air, choking on all the emotions I was just trying to hide from him. I look around, wondering what I'm going to do. Where I want to be. And it's not here.

I run towards the forest as the first of my tears fall from my face, feeling like a fool.