"Let's have a look!" Zayn grins and I smile back.

I roll up my shorts, showing him the tattoo I've just had done on my thigh.

"Sick!" He calls out, before showing me the one he's just had done on his stomach.

"Ouch, did that hurt?" I ask.

"Yep."

I laugh. I know, because I've been through it before.

"Did yours hurt?" He asks and I shrug.

"It wasn't the worst I had," I tell him honestly. "Probably under my arm here."

I point to it, and he nods.

"Yeah, that looks like it would hurt." He agrees.

"Lets go," I say, hungry. "I need some food."

I walk away from the tattoo shop, leg warm and burning but that's what I like. I like that addicting tattoo feeling.

~~~~

A few days later, I'm relaxing in my room, reading a book. I'm rapidly getting bored.

I would've usually pulled tonight. That was my thing. But this is a new me, so I lay here with a stupidly hard erection.

Fuck it. I'm going to end up with my dick in my hand at some point tonight, might as well do it now.

I pull my boxers down, because it is all I am wearing. What? It's my day off.

I grip at myself, and starting moving because it's just wanking. It's not going to be amazing. It's going to be messy, and angsty. And I'll feel like a God damn teenager.

I'm so glad my hair was already up, it always got in the way during touching myself. It just liked to creep onto my face, and I only had it up now because I'd been reading.

It's not enough though, just my hand. It's never enough. I'm aware of my hand creeping towards my drawer when it's already halfway there.

I snap the lube, wetting three fingers before immediately putting one in, legs opening to allow it. My grip hardens around my cock, desperately needing some sort of release.

I change to two fingers because I can already tell one isn't enough, my entrance taking them greedily.

I push them in and out, my cock so hard, and I gasp out when I inadvertently press against my prostate. I do it over and over, legs twitching when I fuck against it.

I press in three and groan at how much better it felt to be full.

Louis would be better.

My back arches, and I grit my teeth because I'm sure Liam is in. My breaths are coming in strangely heated, and this feels really good.

I hate having to think about Louis during touching myself, but my body really, really likes it. I'm building far quicker, my breaths sharper.

Thinking about how his face looks during fucking me, his messy feathery hair becoming more and more saturated with sweat, his mouth open, his blue eyes burning into mine, and his-,

I come hard out of nowhere, making me call out sharply, before I grit my teeth and force myself to stay quiet, working myself through a toe curling orgasm.

"Are you okay?" Liam shouts from the lounge and I panic.

I pull up my boxers, wiping at my chest with the nearest tissue.

"I - yeah, just dropped my book on my head." I call back, awkwardly.

Luckily, he doesn't try to come in, he's seen that before, too.

I pant to myself on the bed. This is the worst bit. Feeling ashamed because I had to think about Louis again to come. Again.

Fuck.

I'm starving, annoyingly hungry, which is weird considering I'd just come. Usually I just feel sleepy.

"Liam, what is for dinner?" I call out, because it is his turn tonight.

"Pasta," He calls back. "I've already made it. It's in the kitchen."

Nice. I'll get a bowl of that.

I recheck myself in the mirror to ensure I have no come on my chest, liking the way my tattoo looks against my skin. It's still a bit sore but it has a thin layer of cream on it to soothe.

I open the door, sort of watching my feet because I always trip.

"No, she's been really odd recently. I don't know what-,"

I look up sharply because that's Louis' voice. And I'm just in my boxers. And my cheeks are obviously still pink from my release.

His eyes burn at my skin, travelling down to my boxers before becoming transfixed on my thigh. It makes my breath completely disappear.

"Hey, Haz," Liam says. "I wasn't sure on what pasta you wanted but I went for the cheese and ham one."

Louis is still staring, his head cocking slightly.

"I like - yeah - that's fine." I blush.

"That's new." Louis suddenly says, stating the obvious.

I touch near the tattoo, and his eyes flick to mine. Does he know how inviting that is?

"Yeah, I got it on Monday." I say. "I went with Zayn."

He struggles to look away. I can see it. I turn to walk to the kitchen, wanting some food. Needing something else completely.

I fill a bowl up, and also take some water, eager to be alone again because it's too much to see him react like that to my leg.

"Haz, don't run away, I haven't see you all day." Liam whines when I'm near the door.

I roll my eyes, face away from his before turning, smiling.

"You make it sound like we're married." I laugh.

I sit down next to Liam, opposite Louis, and start eating because I want it to be over quickly. Especially when he's watching me eat, looking at my skin, just everything.

"So carry on," Liam says, making Louis jump. "She's been weird?"

I cringe. Are they talking about Eleanor? I feel weird.

"Yeah - she's just never wants to see me," He says, rubbing his fingers against his chin. "She doesn't talk a lot."

"That is odd," Liam agrees. "You talked to her about it?"

"How can I when she's not around?" Louis frowns.

"When she's back again, talk to her then." Liam says and Louis shrugs.

"I'll try," He says, before his eyes flicker to me again. "Could you eat that any quicker?"

I blush, mouth full. Prick. I swallow my mouthful.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I bite. "Some of us are hungry."

He flushes hard and I frown.

"I haven't seen this tattoo yet," Liam says, turning to me. Liam. Could you not? "Let me look."

I lay my legs out from where they're tucked underneath me, sitting on the chair normally, relaxed.

He looks at it, before smiling.

"Yeah it's cool," Liam grins. "I need another tattoo."

"Yeah you don't have many." I agree.

"You're making me hungry eating that," Liam groans. "I'm getting more. You want some Louis?"

"No thanks." He says, and Liam stands.

Which is a problem because he leaves just us two together.

"I think you're trying to kill me, you know," Louis calls over, quietly. "Fucking hell."

I look up, mouth full again, and I swallow to answer him.

"How?"

"You and that fucking thigh tattoo." He hisses. "Are you fucking serious?"

I frown.

"What about it?"

"Are you that oblivious? That's the hottest thing I've ever seen, and if Liam wasn't here, I would've fucking hurt you." He calls over, quietly.

His words curl down my back, and I breathe all the air from my lungs.

"Well, I didn't expect you to be here," I say back. "Sorry."

He flinches at my sarcasm.

"Don't be all sarcy with me," He snaps. "Just because you're not mine, doesn't mean I don't fucking want you."

I flash him an angry look.

"Oh. Sorry, Daddy," I growl. "You want me to just turn my feelings off, and just sit on your cock because you want me?"

He flushes hard.

"Don't talk to me like that," He hisses. "Don't. Not when I heard you come in there," He nods when I flush. "Yeah, I knew it wasn't a book."

"It doesn't change anything," I frown. "You can't have me, so forget me. You have El. Isn't that enough?"

"No," He stage whispers. "It fucking isn't, because she's barely around. I haven't - we haven't in ages."

Why is he admitting this to me? It makes my chest burn, I know how badly he needs it.

"And why the fuck are you telling me this?" I continue to eat my food.

"Because you're all I fucking think about," He growls, making me stop chewing. "All the time and if I don't come, it gets worse. And you walking out of that room looking like fucking - I don't know - isn't fair."

I flinch at the compliment.

"And you're getting hard again," He groans. "Don't."

"Don't talk rudely to me then." I hiss.

"You don't care what I'm saying about, it's over, isn't it?" Louis spits. "Why would you be getting hard?"

"Because I always fucking need you," I say. "And I hate that."

His eyes are wide.

"You hate it?" His voice is quieter.

"Why would it be okay to need you when I want you be mine? I can't only have you for one day, I need you every day. I don't want you to just roll off of me, I want you to fucking hold me, so I can tell you how beautiful you are, play with your hair, Louis. And even if you let me, why would I do it if there were no feelings back?"

"What makes you think I don't have feelings for you?" He cocks his head.

It takes my entire breath, body and soul away.

"What makes you think I like sharing?" I retaliate.

Liam walks in and we both jump.

"I reckon she's cheating on you." Liam suddenly says, making me and Louis look at each other.

"Do you - really?" He frowns.

"It does sound weird," I frown. "I still wouldn't ask her about it. Just ask where she is."

He nods. He has no right, not when he cheated on her with me.

"You looking forward to your date, Haz?" Loam suddenly, and I frown because of the conversation I'd just had with Louis.

I blush.

"Yeah," I stare at my food. "Freaking out."

"I need the toilet." Louis suddenly says, and I know he isn't going because he needs it. It's because of the topic. He pushes up from the chair and I watch him go.

"Why are you freaking out?" He frowns.

"I don't want to go." I say, playing with my food.

"Why? Isn't he nice?" He frowns.

"Yeah, really nice," I say. "And really, really beautiful."

"But?" He says.

I sit there. I can't say it.

"Does this have to do with when I asked if you'd let someone into your heart?" He asks and I flinch.

"Li, I - I'm in love with someone else." I say, looking to see his reaction. "And I can't go on a date with someone so nice, who is so kind because it won't be real."

"This person you're in love with," He frowns. "You can't tell me who they are?"

I shake my head.

"But they hurt you?" He looks so confused.

"Only because I can't be with them," I sigh, dropping my head back. "I'm - I think I'm okay now, Li."

"It's funny because you're lying to yourself." He says, cocking his head.

"What else can I do? This is completely unrequited love we're talking about. I'm so in fucking love and there is literally nothing I can do." I frown, losing my appetite.

"And how is this guy so special? Compared to the other guy?" Liam asks, looking completely confused.

I sigh.

"He's perfect. Utterly perfect. Every single thing about him. His hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips. The way he talks. How his voice sounds. When he laughs, and shows his teeth. His perfect fucking teeth," I laugh because I'm talking about teeth. "His body. How toned it all is. His stomach. His hips, his thighs."

"Apart from his body, Haz." Liam rolls his eyes. "I can't imagine liking a mans body."

"I guess so," I laugh. "The way he laughs really hard and doesn't even try to hide it. His voice. I know I've said that but Li. His voice. How funny he always is. He's very quick with his humour. When he talks about football, and I don't even know what he's talking about but he loves it. When he talks about his family, because he really loves them. When someone annoys him and he crinkles his nose. His music taste. How he's always talking about gigs he's going to. The way he plays with his chin when he's worried."

I sigh.

"You're completely gone for this guy?" Liam states the obvious and I nod.

"Yep."

"You're in love with Louis."

My heart jumps out of my throat with panic. How did he guess?

"What?" I feel myself blushing furiously.

"It's obvious now," He muses. "So obvious. But he can never love you back because he has her, right?"

I cringe.

"Do you hate me?" I blush, voice panicking.

"No!" He calls out to me. "How could I hate you for that? You can't help it."

I put the bowl on the table, putting my head in my hands.

"Because we-,"

"Hey, you've run out of toilet paper." Louis comes back in making me jump.

Fuck. I forgot he was even here.

He looks at us both, probably sensing something isn't right, freezing.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, voice concerned.

"Yeah - I think," Liam says, voice tight. Something about his gaze makes me feel uneasy. "Harry's just eaten too much, haven't you?"

I have? He gives me this look.

"Yeah. I feel sick." I cringe because I'm half lying.

"I should probably make sure he gets to bed, Louis," Liam says, actually sounding concerned. "Talk to El, yeah?"

Louis takes the bait, looking at me likes he's actually worried.

"Yeah, okay," He says, grabbing his keys. "Hope you feel okay, Haz. Night, Li."

Liam lets him out and he returns back to me.

"I'm just going to start with this, Harry," He sits opposite me, leaning forward. "I'm not angry with you. I think I know the answer to my question, and it scares me. Have you and Louis...?"

I flush immediately because I never wanted to talk about it.

I nod, hiding my face because I'm so ashamed.

He lets out a large breath, and I look up to see him with his head in his hands.

"Tell me everything." He says, pulling back from his hands to give me a worried look. I swallow. "Everything."