I'm happy cant you see?

Don't you see the smile spread across my face?

Don't you hear my cheerful words saying sorry it won't happen again?

Why wouldn't I be happy?

It's not like every harsh word you've ever said digs into my skin leaving red lines where no one will see

It's not like I rethink every friendship I ever had and where I went wrong. What made you leave?

It's not like my self esteem drops to my feet when I look at how low numbers and letters on the screen that determine my worth to society are.

It's not like these voices in my head are screaming at me to do better. To try a little harder and they might like you

It's not like my head is pounding everyday from the sheer strain of trying.

And it's not like ending it all seems like such an easy solution that I have to remember all the people I love

It's not like I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that anyone would actually choose to be around me

It's not like I lie in bed just trying to breathe when it feel like the world is putting it's full weight on my chest condensing my being untill it is nothing

But can't you see that I'm happy?

...🖤