I went home right away after I left Sade's place and I got rid of almost everything that reminds me of him, or at least he can't know that I'm mentally unstable. I won't, and will never, let him know that I'm dying just from his utmost existence.

My thoughts and feelings were always ready to submerge. It's so fucking overwhelming. And at some point, I can't breathe again as I start to lose sight from every corner of the ceiling, a sign that I'm about to pass out.

The next day, I didn't attend class. Instead, I cleaned up my room and placed everything inside the trash bin. I figured it's for the best. But the thing is, I left the pictures hanging on the wall.

I didn't want to put them in the trash. I want to keep it that way... "Fuck..."

I'm madly, crazy, deeply... in love with him. To the point where I'd rather die than to suffer from these emotions. I didn't even know why I'm feeling like this. It hurts, but I like it. It's painful, but I'm obsessed. I feel like my mind's going to burst if I can't do something about my fragile heart.

I want him that badly.

However, that can't happen. It excludes the fact that I've only met him for months, so there's probably something wrong with me.

In the end, I caught a flu and I didn't go to school for a week. It's also a good thing that my credentials weren't that bad. If it was, it'd be nothing more than a nuisance to me.

Fast-forward, I went to my philosophy class after suffering from a low grade depression and a flu, and I was greeted with Sade's worried muttering. I told him it was nothing, so that he didn't have to worry. But he really felt kind of bad about it, just like the incident from before.

"Y'know what? If you really felt bad... why don't we just hang out later?" I said, grinning.

Sade's face looked stunned from the thought as he bit his lip and averted his gaze. "If it's fine with you..." He mumbled.

I sighed, softly. "So... is this a date?"

"Whatever."

I chuckled. "Let's eat dinner after class. I know a place."

Now that I think about it, why did I unconsciously speculate that Sade's straight to begin with? Besides, I know nothing about him at all. I just know that he's effortlessly beautiful with a heart, and I don't know a single thing about him.

Oh my, this is really fucked up.

Don't tell me I've been obsessing over a guy whom I don't even know what their zodiac sign is.

But then again, I can't think about this stuff right now. I should erase my pessimistic personality, even just for today. I can't ruin this opportunity. "We're in a seafood restaurant?" Too late. It looks like I already ruined it. Because when we both arrived at the place, Sade's face looked bewildered from the sight, and I was arisen in confusion. How frustrating. "Sorry... I'm allergic to seafoods."

"O-Oh? Is that so? Sorry, I didn't know about that..." Shit. This is embarrassing.

"It's even a luxurious place. You really do want to out do yourself." He smiled as he budges my shoulder. "Why don't we just go to the food court? It's more fun to eat on the streets!"

"Yeah... I think we could do that."

It was inevitable to not fall for his enchanting smile. Was it just me? Or... does someone liked him first? It can be a girl, does he have a girlfriend? I don't like it. I know I said that I'm okay being just friends with him, but I don't like him being someone else's lover.

"Hey... you're spacing out."

"H-Huh?" Since when did we come to the food park? "A-Ah... let's eat ice cream. What flavor do you like to eat?"

I can't believe I'm spacing out in front of him, I have never been embarrassed all my life.

"Strawberries." Sade giggled.

"You like them?"

He nodded. "A bit. I used to eat them when I was a kid." He then looked at me with a killer smile. "You're paying, right?"

"O-Of course..." I whuv (love) him. My pure heart...

"Kiel... Can I ask a question?"

These past few days, Sade's been a bit weird. I didn't want to have my hopes up for nothing, so I can't let my guard down.

"Sure. What is it?"

"I was just wondering if... do you have a girlfriend?" I almost choked when he asked me that question. Thankfully, I wasn't eating my double Dutch ice cream.

"N-No..." I stuttered.

"Oh? I see... then, what about a boyfriend?" [GAY PANIC!] CALLING 911! WHAT IS GOING ON?! "I-I'm totally cool with it if you do have, but... do you?" Sade asked once again. His face tells it clearly that he's not cool about it if I don't give him a proper answer.

As a response, I patted his head and shook mine's. "No... I don't. No one seems to be interested in me." I jested. "What about you? You seem like a player."

"A-Ah... No... Not really in my area at the moment. I'm single."

I smirked. "I see..."

I can't hold it anymore. I love him... I don't want to be his friend. I want to be more than that.

I said it before, but I'll say it again, I don't want to have my hopes up.

But if he keeps acting strange like this, I can't help but wonder if... even just for a little, there was a place for me in his heart.

"I'll take you home..." Just by thinking of parting ways with him really stings. I don't want this day to end just like last time. The time moved so quickly, I didn't even realize. "I'll... see you later."

"Before you go... want some decaf?" Sade then asked, hope in his eyes.

As much as I wanted to, I don't think I can hold back anymore. "Sorry... I have an errand tomorrow."

"Oh... I see..."

His look of incredulity struck my inner impulse. Why? Why would he act so disheartened?

"Sade..." I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to my lean figure, giving him an embrace. "I... I'll pay back the hug that you gave me..." What a rubbish excuse to cling onto someone. "I... I'm going crazy... I'm sorry-"

"No. Let's stay like this." I have so many other questions, but I didn't want to say another word.

For now... I wanted to imagine him in my life, and It'd be nicer if he likes me the same way.

To be continued...