The day ended normal as usual. Everything's still the same, unchanging, and I can't help but wonder what it feels to be in an extreme exhilaration.

It's not like I don't have any self-awareness, to be honest. I, of all people, would know that I don't stand out. I just don't feel like myself when I try to do the things that the rest of the world does. My feelings were buried, hidden deep down, and I always wonder when will it ascend.

Undeniably, my life continued to get more empty and numb as time passes. It's suffocating, I can't breathe, and I kinda just felt the need of fresh air. Longing for something, or someone.

The thought of killing myself never crossed my mind, either, but I surely thought that it'll be ten times better if I just, one day, got hit by a truck or had a sudden heart attack. It's as if I don't see the point of living anymore. One day, you'll get exhausted for no reason. The next day, you'll feel the responsibility to do things that were against your will. Each day's just making me so fucking breathless, I could literally collapse.

Even so, I still lost. I'm still living for no reason. Or maybe, I was just looking for one.

My name is Kiel, 23 years old, accounting major, and my best friend just went missing the other day. When I heard the news, I could only count how many times I've washed my hands until it bleeds. It made me stupefied to the point where I can't even afford to think straight. That very same day, I just laid myself on bed and stared at the ceiling, crying unconsciously. Then, one moment, I'll catch myself laughing while reminiscing those happy days that I've spent with him.

But... now he's gone.

It's making me cry over and over again. Never ending.

Yet, regardless of everything that happened, I knew I can't live like this forever. However, my urges to call someone and seek for help risen. Hoping that I could learn how to breathe again, now that he's not by my side anymore. And the fear of losing someone so important to me finally happened. Perhaps because he's the only genuine friend that I had... that I find it hard to accept. I don't even know if I could still make the same coffee every day inside this small coffee shop without him.

And then, I'll start on doubting myself as I contemplate about life while questioning my own feelings. Asking if am I really that sad, or am I just sick of how boring my life were... that people around me started fading?

I don't know.

But I think I'm just trying to convince myself that everything's fine... that everything happens for a reason, and that reason is just yet to come. I'd like to believe no matter how long it will take for me to get it. Even if it'll cause me abnormality.

Having said all that, it still came as a shock to me when, on the spur of the moment, some occurrence happened for the first time that were beyond my calculations. "Hey! Watch it, will ya'?!" A week after that, I kinda got myself into a fight which I'm not in the least involved. I wasn't even aware of it, like, how would I even know that someone would throw an apple on my face when I was just passing by the corridor in the first place?

"A-Ah! Sorry, mate." The pitcher guy who threw the apple at me apologized as the crowd started to brawl.

I watched him get the apple on the floor and handed it to me. "Why are you giving me this?" I asked him in confusion, eyebrows narrowed.

"I kind of mistook you for someone, so consider it my apology. Sorry, mate." Is what he said before he went back to join the commotion on the hallway.

People like him were the most annoying type of person. Base on his flashy outfit, I could guess he's in art major. Though, I'm astonished how confident those juniors were compared to us seniors. When I was in their year, I was just grateful that I survived the first semester. Luckily, my face didn't end up bruising. I wouldn't even bother to go to the clinic if ever, it's bothersome.

"I'll eat this apple later... I guess." I mumbled to myself as I placed it inside my bag and headed to my class.

The day ended normal as usual. Everything's still the same, unchanging, yet I'm a little bothered about the apple. I tried eating it in class, on lunch break, and at recess... but I'll only end up staring at them until the school ends.

The same thing happened again as I went in my room. I took the apple out of my bag, and I just stared at it, spacing out. And I don't feel like the need to eat it, not because I don't have any appetite, or anything...

It's just strange.

The next day, I left without moving the apple on the table.

Nothing much also happened today, other than the fact that I have the same class with the pitcher guy from yesterday in philosophy. We just both sat together, and it was kind of normal. After class, he gave me a can of coffee as a token for his apology again, since he still felt bad about the incident yesterday. I told him that it's fine already, and we both parted our ways.

Strangely, I never drank it.

I just placed it beside the apple that he gave me, and stared at it until I passed out on the floor.

But I wasn't expecting that it will repeat nonstop, that it will eventually become a habit of mine to collect things that came from him. From collecting smaller things like foods and school supplies... turned into stealing his gym clothes, capturing photos of him wherever he went, and collecting stuffs that he once used. I know it was unnatural, but I just feel calmer when I have them.

Months passed, and my room turned into a storage room full of his stuffs that I collected. That's where I finally started to gain consciousness. My entire room looked like a dump site, and the walls were filled with photos of him that I took.

I then laughed, dumbfounded, as I raise my hand to cover my mouth. "This is abnormal..." I felt a little calmer, distracted, just like what they call rhapsodies.

Time passed, and the apple finally rotted... just like me.

To be continued...