That title isn't ominous at all. I swear if it's foreshadowing-

Oookay so, after I heard what's most likely going to happen to Nick's granny and how much that could negatively affect me and my business, I decided to do something about it.

Yanno, unlike Lee-diot, who just lets anything happen. No way I'm letting fate be the boss, I can form my future!

 So, you know how most bank robbers have connections with other groups or even something bigger?

Yeah, believe it or not, I'm friends with the Mafia.

The Mafia in this state, at least. The main dude's great, smokes a lot, which is good for me. A better chance his lungs will fail and he'll die, and I take his place!

Obviously, I mean, the next person to be the Mafia King would totally be their friend, right? Logic, who needs it?

I mean logic was already thrown out the window the moment the author threw the Mafia in this story because she doesn't have any other creative ideas to finally end this book.

Geez! I didn't expect to be the star of such a lame story!

Anyway, so I decided to call this friend of mine, his name is Pete or something? Or maybe it was Jeremy...Janus? I don't fuckin' know-

The point is, I called the guy, and we arranged a meet-up for this dusk at their base. Which was perfect for me, I had nothing to worry about! I already knew where their base was since I've been there when they kidnapped me and my old shitty partners-in-crime because we thought we were enemies.

We still kinda are. I mean I know I said friend earlier but I might've exaggerated it a small bit. A small bit.

But there was no way they wouldn't help me! I'm Kevin fucking Parkers! Who wouldn't want to help a guy like me, with an ego as big as good he looks?

So there was absolutely no chance they would try to kill me. None! That's ridiculous, are you kids out of your mind?

Now the only problem was...what to do until dusk. It was still three in the afternoon as Lee was having his wimp drink around this time, not to mention I went into the kitchen to see it a few moments ago.

There had to be some way to occupy myself, right? There were so many options and possibilities.

It was a shame none of those possibilities and options caught my interest. I mean, the ones I did find all right were jail material and would potentially end my career as a bank robber, I know I'm already wanted, but stabbing people in their crotches would give the popo a fair chance to find me out.

Why their crotches? Why not? It's unique, it's different. Plus it'd hurt like hell, especially for guys.

I have no clue why I started talking about this, I digress, let's get back onto the topic at hand.

So, I just decided to observe my beautiful self in the mirror again, like I did in the first chapter.

And would you look at that! We just needed a weird and lazy time skip, and it's already dawn! Meaning it was my time to shine! And also to steal Chris's car again for a ride so I can get myself to my friend's base. Did I say friend again? Oh well.

So I glanced at the clock just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me again, I mean I am colorblind but who the heck knows, I might just be blind too!

Then I looked around the base to see who was nearby, but no one was there. I knew Lee was taking a shower cuz' he smells easily (don't ask how I know that), Nick was still whining and crying in his room and Mr. Goody-two-shoes was preparing to go to bed since he just adores punctuality. It's a surprise it wasn't his second bae, after Nick of course.

So this was my chance to sneak out and hop into the car. I wasn't that good at driving, never got a license cuz' my dad's a fucking jerk, but who cares! It's not like I was driving drunk!

Ooo. I should try that someday. I mean it's clear suicide material but eh, I always liked danger.

I hopped in and started the car. It wasn't loud, so I know I didn't catch the others' attention in the house. Then again, maybe the bright lights of the car gave me away.

Nevertheless, I was going. I knew which direction to go in, even in the dark.

But then, just before I could make it, this stupid car failed me and crashed into a tree! How pathetic, clearly my driving is perfection!

Man, it seems like everything Chris owned was as much of a loser as he was.

I did survive though, I crawled out underneath the car since it flipped, don't even ask how it flipped when it just crashed against a tree, you should know by now that this book clearly defies any logic.

I coughed a little and heard footsteps and saw flashlights coming closer to me. I looked up to see a man, my old friend!

Ah, it was so nice to see his mad and intimidating expression again! 

"Hi uh...Damn, I forgot your name again." I croaked out. It seemed the car crash stole my amazing voice.

The dude didn't reply, how rude. He just snapped his fingers and his men lifted me up and started dragging me somewhere, not even listening to my protests.

They were touching me! Physical contact for Kevin is a nono! I don't need filthy hands on my jacket! This is why I find blood so gross as well. Too bad I'm made of it.

So we're close to 1000 words, so I'm gonna keep this short. They brought me in their base and sat me down on a chair in front of a table in a dark room, which had a lamp on it. Like in the movies.

My friend sat in front of me at the other end of the table.

"So, Kevin Parkers."

"Call me Kevin."

There was a moment of silence, the guy's intimidating and mad expression didn't change though.

"Kevin."

"Actually no, Kevin the amazingly talented robber is good."

Another brief moment of silence, I could tell he was getting impatient, he kept his cool though, I commend him for that.

"So, Kevin," he growled on purpose. "You do know who you are, right?"

"An extremely attractive bank robber? Damn right!" I smirked.

He blinked a couple of times. "You're a huge prick, you know."

"Sheesh. Tough crowd."

"You're a fucking selfish prick, you're so full of yourself, you don't even realize how fucking stupid you are. Not to mention, pathetic. But...you do have some benefits."

My eyes shined, like he wasn't feeding my ego!

"Mainly the fact you're...wanted. And I can't pass up the opportunity to hunt down such an easy and stupid criminal for some cash. So..."

I was in disbelief.

"So you teamed up with the fucking police!?"

He directed the light at me, almost making my eyes burn from the sudden contact.

"No. An investigation team wants you dead. We made a deal, if I give you to them, not only will I get money in return, but they'll also retract all investigations and suspicion they had against me and my group." he hissed.

"And I'm the selfish one?" I sighed. "So how do I get out of this?"

He slowly smiled. "It's simple."

He snapped his fingers yet again, two guys coming out of the shadows behind me.

"You don't."

At that moment, the two men grabbed my arms and forced me down from the chair to the ground, ignoring my yelps and swears,  tying my hands together.

"What the fuck are you doing! This isn't how I'm supposed to end, I'm supposed to go down in glory and fame! People are supposed to fear me!" I shouted.

But the guy didn't seem affected by my words, he just pulled his phone out and dialed someone's number, putting it near his ear.

"Yeah, Mike? We got him."

My eyes widened. Mike? Fuckin' Mike?? The guy I mentioned being in my team as a loser last chapter? I thought he bled to death! That fucker really went against me after I ditched him?

"I'm supposed to be confusing the police all around and rob banks! I'm supposed to be on everyone's good side! Why the fuck are you doing this!?" I shouted again.

He pulled the phone down from his ear and put it in his pocket, just looking at me struggling as I was tied up and yanked up on my feet again.

"Sorry Kevin, but this is the end for you," he stated sternly, making me struggle again out of frustration. And as I was dragged out of the door while I was shouting even though my mouth was now covered, he spoke again. "And by the way, my name's George, asshat."

The door closed and I was pushed into the back of a van, laying there uncomfortably, tied up in the darkness as they drove me to that...Mike.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No, I don't care that right now we're 500 words over the limit, I can't just let this happen!

My story's not supposed to end like this! Why did I get such a lame ending, why does the villain always need to die!? What did I do to deserve such a shitty ending, where I DIE by the people who are against me for some reason?

I've glanced over the fact this is a five-chapter stupid story which isn't even comedy-action, but this is just too fucking ridiculous!

Fuck you, author! Fuck all of you readers! I hope you're happy, I hope you're satisfied!

You got rid of an annoying character by ruining his dreams and cutting his life short.

I hope you had a good laugh at this shitty book.