Talk of war and battle fill the air along with Helion's story of the Lady of Autumn. Dinner comes and goes with Helion joining us, then Kallias, and Viviane. Azriel says nothing and doesn't let me in the whole while. I don't linger afterward and leave soon after Nesta to my own room in the hall despite Helion's invitation to remain longer. I decline. Whatever is going on with him and Mor, I don't want any part of. I've barely started to think about physical touch in a positive way. Jumping into bed with more than one person seems more than foolish.

I sink into the plush blankets the color of the rolling green hills in the distance and release a long sigh. So much happened today. Too much. I wiggle out of my clothes and lay naked on the bed to feel every inch of the supple fabric against my skin. Sometimes I forget just how sensitive it is now. Including my wings. My eyes shut as I slide around on the bed with the silk caressing me and I imagine the same happening to my wings. Hands, scarred and rough, slide over the straining muscles and stretched skin before I realize just whose hands I've imagined. My head shakes the image away before there's a shadow that undulates outside one of the arches on the side of the room before I recognize it.

Azriel tumbles into my room, destroying a small desk and vase in his clumsy landing while I clutch my blankets to my naked body. "What are you doing?" I hiss as he rights himself while swaying unsteadily on his feet. "Are you fucking drunk?" His eyes meet mine and I know I'm right when I see his blown pupils. Idiot.

"Yes." He confirms after the fact and I roll my eyes, sliding down the bed to pull him onto it before he topples out the window to his death. "You...you look ethereal." He murmurs and I pause from making sure he's secure on the bed to look up into his eyes. Emotion he doesn't usually show leaks onto his face and I'm frozen by it for a moment, then my head shakes.

"Why tonight, of all nights, do you decide to get drunk? I swear, I'm going to straddle you and Cassian!"

"I doubt he would object." He returns and frowns softly at the thought. "But neither would I." He continues and my head shakes again even as his hand remains in my lap. "It was a hard day." His voice hardens and my eyes stall on his as I remember the rage that lined his face today.

"You could have come to me with it rather than shutting me out." I remind him and let my hands lie on either side of his. His lips press together and it's strange to actually see the indecision on his face.

"I want to tell you." He murmurs and his hand lifts to gently tug on one of my curls.

"Then tell me." I encourage softly and he sighs with his eyes burning into mine.

"I love Mor." He admits and I hope the pain that strikes my heart doesn't show on my face. "I have for hundreds of years, yet neither of us takes a step towards one another. I know...I know I don't deserve her. I'm marked a bastard. Scarred." His eyes flick to his hands before returning to me. "I never want to chain a female to me and I doubt one would ever wish it, but...I still feel. Still care." I can't help but reach for him now and cling to his hand as I hold it between both of mine.

"Then you came and I knew what you were to me the moment I saw you. Mate. My mate." I go still as ice with our eyes still locked on each other's. My heart thunders in my chest as the bond between us seems to thrum at finally getting a name. Mate, mate, mate, mate. "That's what the connection is between us. I have loved Mor for so long, but when you came along, I was torn in two. Torn between a love that I've been loyal to for so long, but has never moved forward, or you." I swallow when his scarred hand frames my face and his wings ruffle a bit as if just that little touch is thrilling. "Something new, but that I know will last a lifetime. Even if you barely let me touch you, it would be enough. More than enough. More than I deserve."

"Even if all I want, all I can think about at times is holding you. Having you sit in my lap just to be close, just because you can, because you know you'd never be unwanted when you're near me. I dream of kissing you." His thumb brushes over my lips and my breath hitches at the feeling. "Of letting my scarred hands that you're not afraid of, that you've never been afraid of, wash over your skin like water. I dream of other things." Heat simmers in his eyes and I'm completely caught in them as I feel the same heat rising in me. Something I wasn't sure could happen.

"Then why did you shut me out today?" I murmur and my voice is hoarse. He grimaces.

"I didn't want you to see my depths. Everything within me is still so tangled. Then Mor took Helion to bed to put me off and Cassian took me to the nearest pub, then I felt you. Saw the images that you were imagining. I...I couldn't keep away." He whispers and lets his hand drop from my face down my neck, then lightly over the tattoo on my collarbones.

"Don't keep away and don't shut me out. I can take your confusion, your indecision, but I can't take your silence. Your avoidance." I tell him and he nods, then I feel his walls drop as emotions drift over the bond towards me. Confusion and indecision are indeed there, but so is pain, sadness, doubt, and self-loathing. Still, the overarching emotion that washes the others to the side is love. Real, deep, kind, abiding love. I let my walls drop and we remain staring into one another's eyes as I feel him sort through all of mine. My own confusion, pain, sadness, shame, fear, and...love.

"Why are you afraid?" He asks softly and I'm almost trembling with it; with this vulnerability.

"After...after everything in Hybern, even though I know it wasn't my fault, I gained this fierce shame," I murmur as his hand squeezes mine. "Showing all of myself to someone is terrifying because I'm unworthy too. I don't deserve you, Rhys, Feyre, any of you. I don't deserve your care. Sometimes I think I don't deserve life at all." A muscle flickers in his jaw and our grip on one another is bruising, but he doesn't chastise me.

"Why?" His voice is barely audible and my shoulders hunch slightly, but if he's honest with me then I will be honest with him.

"All those people that forced themselves on me, I didn't want any of it, any of them, but...my body." Tears prick at my eyes, but Azriel's hand is there to wipe away each tear that escapes. "I couldn't control how my body reacted. Couldn't resist release at times or the relief that flooded me at feeling something other than cold. Other than fear. Even though I tried. Even though I fought. Every. Second." Tears cover my cheeks, but Azriel just holds my face in his hands as if I were the most precious of gems.

"Your body is not you, Kaira. I see you. I see you and I'm awed by you." He whispers and my tears slow as he wipes away each one. There we are, bare in front of one another, yet neither of us turn away. Neither of us blanches. "To me, you're worth more than jewels. More than coin. More than blood. More than life." His hands fall from me as I reach out to frame his face with my own. My fingers card through his hair, my thumbs over his eyebrows, a finger down his nose, another over soft lips. I memorize him, immortalize him in my memory, while he stares at me with all the emotions swirling across the bond.

I don't have any beautiful words for him, so I just let him feel every ounce of emotion rising in me. My gratefulness, my surprise, how I treasure him, how I care for him, how I love him. Then I pull back with a soft sigh. "Stay." I invite with my eyes caught in his hazel depths. "Stay with me tonight," I repeat and he blinks, then nods slowly. He rises on slightly steadier feet than before and I feel his eyes on me as I slink back to the middle of the bed still in nothing more than a sheet. When I face him again, he's frozen just staring at me. My chin flicks to the massive space next to me, then to his clothes. "You do remember how to get into a bed, right?" I tease and only then does he begin to disrobe.

When he's down to his underwear he pauses a moment more with a hand on the bed. "Is this alright." He whispers and I nod, then he gingerly climbs into the bed, careful not to touch me as he lays down. We're still for a moment with less than a foot between us as we stare into one another's eyes, then he reaches over and slides my dark curls behind my neck to leave more of my skin on display. His next breath is shaky.

"Would..." I trail off as my hands rove over one another nervously. "Would you hold me?" I finish and take in every ounce of surprise that flickers across his face before he nods. He lets me move to him rather than him moving towards me as his arms open. I slide into him before we're pressed together with nothing but my thin sheet and his underwear separating us. His arms move to wrap around me, but I reach out a hand to stop him.

"Wait." I breathe and focus on the thunderous beating of my heart. So close, I can smell him and it's so distinctly male that it's caused my mind to race.

"Kaira?" He asks and a little bit of my panic abates.

"Keep talking." I encourage softly.

"You...you smell like paper. From all the books you read. And leather from the Illyrian leathers that fit you so well. There's something else too, something sweet and rich." My heart calms as he speaks and I hear that this is Azriel. He's safe. I release his hand and wrap my arm around him with the other flat against his chest between us. Slowly, and ever so carefully, his arms wrap around me.

"Skin on skin, remember," I whisper and hold my breath as he hesitates, then slides a hand under the sheet around me until his arm is completely around my bare waist. His other hand slides under my hair across my shoulders and above my wings. A moment passes as we both relax and breathe each other in, then his arms tighten around me while my head rests in the crook of his neck. This must be what true safety feels like. While cocooned in his arms, he lets me feel his every emotion since our walls are still down for each other. I'm able to feel his joy and pleasure at this simple gift while I let him feel how safe I am. How calm and protected.

"When we get back to Velaris," I start, my lips nearly brushing the skin of his neck with every word, "I'm getting my own place." It was time, I'd decided, and Feyre deserves to have her house back. I could afford it now, after all. "I wouldn't mind if this were a common occurrence." His fingers drift up on my bare back and my breath catches as the rough pads skim over where my wings melt into my skin.

"Nightly?" He asks and I smile against his skin.

"If you can spare the time." I feel the rumbling laughter in his chest. We fall asleep tangled like that and for once, I dream of absolutely nothing.

* * *

The next morning, we wake up in almost the same position, only I'd kicked my legs free and I now straddle him as I'd promised to do last night. He's awake before me and the first thing I see when I wake up are his eyes, then the first thing I feel is his hand brushing over my curls. My mouth instantly curls up. "And how are you feeling this morning?" I tease and a smile alights his face as well.

"If you're expecting me to complain of a headache while you're in my arms, then you'll be disappointed." He bids and I grin while my cheeks heat slightly. "But we've overslept more than we should and we need to go." His tone lets me know that even this stolen time wasn't enough. I sigh but nod and slowly remove myself from his warmth.

"You first," I tell him, still very much aware that I'm naked under this sheet. He hesitates one more moment with his eyes darting between mine and my lips, then he slides out of bed. In the light of day, I can clearly see the ripple of his muscles under tan, tattooed skin and the morning light seems to delight in running over his shadowy wings tinted red and gold. He's breathtaking and he's my mate. Mine.

He gets dressed and stays turned away as I slide out of bed and dress as well. Once we're both decent, I walk over and let my hands slide over his back just because I can. I want to take hours to touch every inch of him, days to study his wings, years to learn every corner of his body and soul. I step back when he turns around and his eyes are brighter than I've ever seen them before. "I wish I could give you that time." He murmurs and I hear the words he didn't say ringing in my ears. Even though time isn't something we have. "But...but I choose you, Kaira. It won't be easy or happen overnight, but I choose you." I take his hand and nod.

"It won't be easy for me either, but I choose you too Azriel. All of you." I promise and it's strange to see the Shadowsinger almost glow from the words. Then we walk out of my room hand in hand, down the hall, and into the shared foyer. Our hands part before the doors open and we behold the group. This is new. It should be ours for a little while.

We all move back to the meeting room with the reflection pool before commencing another meeting on how to proceed. "I thoroughly reviewed the charts and figures you've compiled, Tamlin," Helion says with his businesslike mask back on rather than the playful one I saw last night.

"And?" Tamlin bites back and my eyes roll.

"And, if you can rally your forces quickly, you and Tarquin might be able to hold the front line long enough for those of us above the Middle to bring the larger hosts."

"It's not that easy." Tamlin grinds out. "I have a third of them left after Feyre destroyed their faith in me." I'm about to roll my eyes again when Nesta and I both surge from our chairs as pain ripples through my body. We meet eyes across the room as it feels like a weight is dropped into my stomach, trying to rip it out with a blunt tool. Azriel is there in a second to hold me up off the floor.

"What's wrong?" Mor asks with a hand bracing Nesta.

"Something..." She groans and my hands brace on Azriel's arms as pain slices through us both.

"Kaira," Az speaks through the bond and my eyes flash open to start into his.

"It's not us." I gasp even over the bond. "Far away." The pain is connected to a tether that stretches across miles and miles. I tell him and he looks over to Rhys while Nesta says basically the same thing. We both cringe again before the world around us seems to shudder and Azriel throws us to the floor with his wings wrapped tight around me. My arms lock around him as well as the mountain quakes, then everything stops. I whimper as my stomach roils from the pain and I hear Nesta vomit again.

"What in hell—" Helion curses, but Azriel holds me tight as we stand to look at Rhysand whose face sends chills down my back.

"The King of Hybern just used the Cauldron to attack the wall. The wall is gone. Shattered. Across Prythian, and on the continent. We were too late—too slow. Hybern just destroyed the wall."

*A/N*

So, I nearly cried a lot of times while writing this book, but this chapter made me ugly cry. But, they're mates!!!! :'D Thoughts? Feelings? Tissues? ;) I hope you're enjoying things so far!

Keep reading!