Cassian meant it when he said we'd be flying hard and fast. All those extra hours of training by myself and with Azriel are called in as we fly north towards the far Night Court. Cassian leads at the head while Az and I bring up the back to make sure no one is left behind. Luckily, there are enough strong High fae that winnow us all to the Dawn Court which cuts our journey in half. It takes the entire day to reach the southern border of the Night Court and I hang back watching as Cassian commands the troops with Azriel at his side. I take note of how Cassian stands, how he holds his wings, the tone he uses when he speaks, and tuck each scrap of information away for later. I know I'll need it.

I see the way they all look at the two of them with a mixture of disgust and awe. Bastard born Illyrians that somehow gained more power than any other in history along with being friends and part of the court of their High Lord. Many eyes wander to me as well, one of the rare female almost Illyrian soldier here, but usually look away before Cass or Az can snarl at them. I let them defend me. It'll be better if I remain a mysterious figure until it counts. However, the sheer volume of male eyes on me makes my palms sweat no matter how well I keep up my mask of cold indifference. I've no doubt it'll be harder in the Steppes if we make it there after the war with most of these males.

Cassian and Azriel make our camp in the midst of everyone on elevated ground which would give us an advantage in battle, but also makes us easy to see. Even as I finally bathe within the privacy of the tent, both males pacing outside, I can feel eyes roving over the tent. "Best get used to it." Cassian says when he catches me scanning the tents around us afterward for the fifth time within a minute. "While being rare, you're also astoundingly beautiful, so expect a lot of attention from everyone."

"Your assurance warms my heart, Cassian." I deadpan and he grins while toweling dry his hair from his own bath. Azriel is taking his turn now even though it took nearly an hour of arguing to get him to leave my side. A fact that secretly warms my heart. It does feel incredible to be clean again, but it hadn't deterred the stares. The opposite, actually. "I wonder if it would help if I had my shadows turn into their greatest fear, then wander freely through the camp." A few eyes leave me and I smirk at the fact.

"Not that I'm against seeing my army shit their pants, but remember what they've gone through. Remember what they've lost." The ire gathering in my gut fades at that and I nod while looking back to the fire in front of us. "I recommend that you tread carefully as advisor. Illyrians have twisted views on females." He suggests and his tone is kept purposefully low.

"Why do you think I was watching you and Azriel today from the shadows? You're not that pretty." He frowns and I press my lips together to keep from grinning. "I'm aware." My reading about Illyrians back in Velaris had finally become useful given my new title. While their attitude towards females may have slightly improved since the histories I was getting into, it's not by much. Cassian hums in acceptance and something like approval shimmers in his eyes before he jerks his chin to the tent.

"I'll bet he's out of the bath within the next two minutes." Cass teases and my eyes lift to find him shaking his head at the tent beside us. My shadows whisper to me and my smirk grows.

"I'd bet the next minute." I return and no more than ten seconds later, Azriel walks out of the tent with eyes sweeping the area before they land on me. I hum a soft laugh and catch the small parcel of coins that Cassian chucks at me with a sour look. Az, however, looks less than amused with us and his eyes hold the same worry that they did when Rhys gave me my position.

"I'll be fine. Cassian won't let a thing happen to me and besides, I won't let a thing happen to me either." I assure him across the bond with a soft nudge as he settles close to my side with our wings bumping together. He doesn't look towards me but towards Cassian.

"Perhaps I should come with you to the Steppes." He says and the general's brows go sky high.

"You're needed back in Velaris," I respond before Cassian can open his mouth. Az clenches his jaw.

"You'll both be back before the meeting and so will I."

"You certainly will be because you're going back in the morning." Now, he turns to me and we're both steaming slightly.

"You don't understand what you're walking into."

"That's part of why I'm going. To learn." As Rhys said. He huffs and the worry grows in his eyes before he turns back to Cassian. "Look, at times I need protection, but within that protection I need freedom."

"Is my presence a cage?" These words are soft and have me reaching for his hand despite Cassian staring between us.

"Of course not, but your distrust is. I need you to believe in me."

"I do. I swear that I do, but..." His words trail off and he allows me to feel what he wants to say rather than put words to it. The belief is there with trust standing firmly at its side, but then I feel the deep-rooted fear underlying everything. Fear that I'd be pushed back to when we first met and I was cowering from every touch, fear that something else should happen and I be injured, fear that something at all would happen to hurt me. I caress each fear before pulling back and just focusing on his warm, hazel eyes.

"I understand. Once, fears like that would have stopped me from touching you. Trusting you." My fingers rove over the scars of his hand for emphasis. "They still haunt my every step. But I didn't let those fears stop me and I can't let yours stop me either." Idly, I'm aware of Cassian turning around in his seat on the grass so his back is facing us, so he doesn't see it when Azriel lays his forehead against mine. I take a deep breath of him; night-chilled mist and cedar.

"Promise you'll return to Velaris in one piece." His whispers and the corner of my mouth tugs up.

"I promise, so long as you return there tomorrow morning." I give him my word and he sighs, but nods.

"It's a bargain." He relents and I pull back when I feel something feather-light leak across the back of my neck. My head shakes at the strangeness of this court before I lean forward and ask Az to tell me what this tattoo is. He sends me the image across the bond instead and I take a breath at the sight. It's a simple circle with lines coming off one side and a curved line drawn more to the right of the circle. A moon and sun in perfect harmony. "At this rate, you'll be covered in more ink than skin." He says and I hum, liking the shining that returns to his eyes when I do.

"I don't mind the sound of that."

"Are you two done?" Cassian groans and doesn't wait for our answer before turning back around. Az and I part but remain close together with our wings brushing every now and then.

*     *     *

Azriel keeps his word and leaves right after the three of us wake up, winnowing away with a soft brush of his fingers against mine. The next moment Cassian is facing me with a wide grin on his face. "Time for that race, little sister." My eyebrows quirk at him before I step forward and grab onto his forearm, then tug him after me through the folds of darkness all around us. I'd done enough research to know where the Steppes are and my shadows guide me the rest of the way. I winnow us there in moments and happily take in Cassian's deep frown as we turn to look at the camp stretching out below us.

"We'll fly back to Velaris," I promise him, but he just huffs. "I also think it would be better if they didn't know who I was. We're not here to pronounce anything or declare victory. This is a hard day and we have a grueling task." Cassian takes in my every word before nodding with a smaller smile as he remembers why we're here without the buffer of a flight ahead of us.

"Spoken like an advisor already." He teases lightly, but I can tell he means it. "Then what are you should they ask?" I shrug and keep to his side as we approach the camp.

"Whatever lie you can come up with quick enough." Cassian's smile slants at that while mischief dances in his eyes, but the closer we are to the camp, the more that levity dies.

"Take all your cues from me, Kaira. Show no weakness. Wings up at all times. Hands near your weapons." He gives me directions and I acknowledge each as a general to a soldier. I can do this. I tell myself and fall into perfect step with Cassian as I adopt the way he walked the other day. I push my shoulders back so I stand taller with a cold, dangerous mask sliding onto my face. When Cassian glances back at me next, he does a brief double-take, then nods his approval before we enter the edges of the camp.

It's all bare rocks and mud this high in the mountains and on the far end I see training rings dreadfully close to the ledge. Purposefully so, no doubt. Racks of weapons litter the area while males of every age wield them with various levels of skill. More males cover the sky and it takes most of my focus not to stare at them, even though most of them look like children. No doubt we left most of the males at the southern border waiting to fight. We march towards the center of the camp before we're met by a tall, broad-shouldered male with two more behind him.

"We're here to give condolences to the families of those lost. We won't be long, but by the time we leave I want to see the females in those rings." There's sheer command laced into Cassian's each and every word, but the winged male in front of us only looks him over, then glances back to me.

"We?" He asks and scents the air. I reel in my shadows as close to me as possible. I want to keep as many secrets as I can until it's time to release them. The more they don't know about me, the better.

"She's mine," Cassian growls and I make sure to keep still with a straight face as the male looks back to him interestedly. "And she needs no permission to kill any of you, so tread lightly." His eyes wander back to me and purposefully look me up and down while Cassian watches.

"She's a fine bitch, I'll give you that." He comments and my jaw ticks. The growl Cassian releases nearly has my stomach flipping inside me, but I only take a measured step to his side to rest a hand on his bicep. A light, easy touch between close relations, but one that tells him to let me handle this. I loose a thread of shadow that reaches out to the stranger so his fears flash through my head. It's simple this time. Him, surrounded by great warriors while he's the size of an ant. Even as he screams, no one pays him any attention. An easy smile curls on my lips as I pull back while his face has gone pale.

"What—how?" He stutters while the males around him shuffle uneasily.

"Something wrong?" I ask demurely, my face the picture of meekness and sincerity. I keep my power quiet and calm; an underlying current that could raise at any moment to swallow this camp in fear. The male swallows once. Twice. A third time before he shakes his head. "Good. As your general said, this is a peaceful visit. Get those females into the ring, and you won't even have to see us again before we leave." I offer and he straightens, his face set as his teeth grind together.

"We don't take orders from...you." He wisely skips calling me another name when Cassian takes a step towards him.

"Her orders are my orders. Do it." He commands and they stare off for a moment before he nods and walks away with the others at his back. I wait until they're out of earshot before I take my hand off Cassian and shoot him a slightly scolding glance.

"Yours?" I repeat and he struggles to tamp down the grin on his face as he stares after the males, then looks at me.

"Well, you are my little sister. Mine in a way." He tries and my head shakes before we move deeper into the camp. "I've never seen anything like that. He actually pissed his pants." Air bursts from my nose in an ugly snort.

"Did he really? I didn't even notice." Cass nods and I marvel at myself.

"This arrangement might be even more fun than I originally thought. I can't wait for you to go head to head with Devlon." His head shakes before we come to a stop in front of one of the tents and I see weight, the weight I came along to share, settle onto his shoulders.

"I will be right here," I tell him, firm and strong as steel when his guilt-ridden eyes meet mine. "If you feel like you need a break, I'm here. If you need me at your side, I'm here. If you need to hang back while I tell them, I'm here." My eyes don't break from his for a moment as I speak and a moment of silence passes before he nods while releasing a breath. Then, we enter the fray.

It takes all day to speak to all the families that Cassian knew from the list. He tells each and every one of them what happened to their loved ones, who died, what they died for. Halfway through he begins reaching for me, so I remain within two feet of him as we visit the rest. Even during this horror, Cassian is careful not to touch me unless I offer it. If I don't, his hand only coasts around my body as if feeling that I'm there is enough. Knowing he has someone at his back.

Some people collapse into tears, some rage against him, some just freeze as if the entire world has stopped now that they know their family isn't coming home. Through it all, Cassian and I remain firm as a boulder in the ocean of their grief even though I know he feels it keenly. Blames himself, more than likely. At the end of the day, we're both emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I'm more than willing to winnow us directly back to Velaris, but Cassian objects.

"We have two days left." He says and gestures into the mountains. I'm not sure what that means other than the obvious, but I take his hand and winnow us where he gestured. Then he starts to walk. He seems to know these woods like the back of his hand, so I follow. Eventually, we come to a log cabin nestled into the woods as if it grew there and Cass lets out a long sigh at the sight of it. "Rhys, Azriel, and I used to come here a week in autumn to hunt. More often than not, we'd just get drunk." He chuckles as we enter the cabin and I take a shocked breath in at the paintings that cover every available surface.

"When Feyre found out she was Rhys' mate, she painted all this." He says as my eyes stall on the mantle at the beautifully rendered Illyrian wings there. Azriel's, going by the red and gold veining. My eyes note each and every thing that Feyre painted while naming each in my head before coming to the doorway. Eyes, each pair from the court, adorn the threshold as lifelike as if they were each here.

"Amazing." I breathe, my fingers tingling as I brush a hand over the dried paint as if worried I won't feel wood underneath, but real flesh.

"Mm, we are." He mumbles and I turn around to find him stuffing his face with food. My head shakes, but I move towards him and commence eating whatever I can before he inhales the entire table. After that, we sit in front of the fire with Azriel's wings hovering over us. I'm surprised to find that I'm comfortable with Cassian. In all honesty, he does remind me of my brothers more often than not. Not that I'd ever admit that.

"Part of the reason Azriel hates this place is because of how they treated us, but the reason he doesn't want you near it is because of how they treated my mother. All our mothers." He says conversationally, but as I look over at him, I doubt the story is a light-hearted one. "Illyrians, most of them anyway, see women as breeders. Things to be taken and used, then thrown to the side when they don't work anymore." His words are harsh, but his tone is tired. It's clear that he'd been fighting that opinion for a long while.

"My mother—she was a female like that. A laundress. When she couldn't work anymore from sheer exhaustion, they tossed her out in the mud and filth. That's how she died." He takes a steadying breath as the siphons glow slightly in his hands. "Azriel's mother was a servant in a big house and treated like trash. Disposable. Expendable. Then Rhys' mother and sister...they were betrayed by friends. Taken and killed, then their wings sheared off to be kept as trophies." My wings tuck in tighter into my back with every story until it actually hurts. I didn't know that Rhysand had a sister. Cass's eyes lift to mine and the corner of his mouth lifts wryly. "So, give us all a little slack if we seem a bit overprotective." I hum in thought as I stare at the fire in front of us.

"I'm sure your mothers would be proud of the men that you've become. Proud that you remember them and endeavor to make things fairer for the females you can help." Like me. I look back to him and find his eyes already on me with a soft shining in the hazel depths.

"Thank you." He murmurs and considers me a moment more. "She could do that too. Rhys' mom. Say the right thing at the right time." I snort and my wings flutter slightly with the movement, loosening comfortably.

"Funny, since I usually say the worst thing at the worst possible time," I reply and Cassian scoffs, setting his elbow on his knee.

"Yeah, she had her fair share of those moments too." He says softly and I smile at the thought of a loving woman with a sharp tongue. "She would've liked you. She would've been glad someone was watching her boys who had half a brain. No doubt Feyre is glad for the back-up too." His smile grows and I have a feeling the female made the comment often. The sentiment settles around my heart like an old quilt, warm and reminding one of home.

"And his sister?" I ask and he takes a breath.

"A spitfire. But sweet with those she cared about. When they deserved it." The corner of his lips pull up at the memory, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "They were my family. Them, Azriel, and Rhys." And when he looks at me, I know that he's saying that I'm now part of that too. I say nothing in return. It's too soon. Even if I may feel the same.

"We should get some rest. We'll need it for the flight back home." I say and stand, wincing at the ache from my wings. Cassian chuckles softly, but stands and jerks his chin towards the stairs.

"Good night, little sister." He bids and I shake my head, but head in that direction. I pause with my foot on the bottom step and wring my hands. Without thinking too hard about it, I turn on my heel and rush towards him, then toss my arms around his neck. The hug is quick and too brief for him to wrap his arms around me in return, but it's tight and full of care. I don't look back as I release him and head up the stairs, but the warmth from his body lingers long after I've gone to bed.

That night, I throw myself out the window so Cassian doesn't hear me retch into the bushes. Other people's fears still flash through my head, now along with the sight of two women that bear a resemblance to Rhys having their wings torn off, then faceless Hybern soldiers turn to me to hack my wings to pieces. I spend the rest of the starry night in front of the fireplace with the drawings of my friends around me and Cassian's soft snoring drifting down the hall.

*A/N*

My heart. </3 Cassian and Kaira are kind of my BROTP. Not gonna lie. ;)