17.

Elias walks with a slight limp, bodyweight primarily on his left side. I stay a beat behind him and slow my pace to match his. The passageways through the cave are too narrow to walk side by side, and surprisingly, it's a relief. The air between us buzzes with tension. And after yesterday, I don't know how to feel. The last time Elias lit up like that he was upset with himself. But comforting him feels wrong somehow. An invisible string ties me to him, and I have to do whatever I can to cut it loose.

"Have you been here before?" I whisper. In the dead quiet, it feels wrong to talk normally.

"Aside from the time I came a couple of months ago? Once, a few years ago."

"Was it always this... quiet?"

"Always." We continue forward, deeper into the cave where the lights strung along the roof become less frequent. "The Elders stick together, but they don't live in regular shifter villages. Once their children become of age, they go off and join their own villages."

"What about Malik?"

"Malik doesn't live here," he says. "He leads another shifter village over the mountains. But he grew up here."

"He told me you were friends, once."

Elias doesn't say anything for a few moments. Then, "He lived in the mountains when I was a young boy. Back when all the Elders lived there."

We come to a stop at the end of the passageway, before a doorway carved from the stone. The room stretches around the corner, so I can't see past the doorway. I turn to look at Elias. He's staring down at me, eyes dull. It makes my heart ache. His eyes used to glow so brightly in the darkness.

"Why did the other Elders leave Ana if they're supposed to stick together?" I ask.

Before he can answer, someone appears in the doorway. In fright, I step closer to Elias, our arms brushing. "Elias." It's Elder Rosemary. She wears a long red dress, her grey hair decorated with purple flowers. "Where is Malik?"

"He's occupied," Elias says.

She pauses, her hand on the doorway. "Well, thank you for bringing her. You may leave us."

"I'll stay."

"You would simply be bored, child," she says, waving a hand. "Besides, you need to rest. Healer Abrams said you were quite weak."

He opens his mouth to protest, but I put a hand on his arm. "I'll meet you on the beach and help with the nets?"

He looks at me, then at the hand on his arm, and gently brushes it off. "Okay," he says reluctantly. "I'll meet you on the beach."

I swallow, stepping into the room and gazing around. Much like her hair, it's decorated with different pots of flowers. Elder Rosemary hovers by the bench. "Tea?"

"Oh, thank you." I take it from her, the cup warming my fingers. The elder takes the seat opposite me, an identical cup in her hands. "You wanted to see me?"

"You grew up with the hollowers. I am intrigued by you." She notes my expression and laughs. "I do not mean to scare you."

"I'm not scared."

Her face, once cold and intimidating, transforms with her kind smile. The tension in my shoulders eases. "You have had quite an... interesting year," she says softly. "Plucked from your home and placed in a shifter village."

I take a sip of the tea, my throat dry. "It wasn't so bad," I say.

She laughs. "You are far too polite, Milena. I know my kind can be a little... hostile towards outsiders."

I can't help but return her smile, thinking of Eric and Harrison. "Some more so than others."

She hums in amusement, then moves across the room like she's walking on air, each movement purposeful and graceful.

"This is a wonderful place," I say, watching as she places her cup on the bench. "Do you enjoy it?"

"I much prefer the sea to the mountains. How about you, Milena? Do you miss your village?"

I shrug uncomfortably. "Sometimes."

"And your people? Do you miss them?"

It's been a while since somebody has asked me about them. The past few months, everybody's minds have been on Elias. My childhood and the people I grew up with plagued me, and me only. It wasn't important to anyone else anymore.

A memory passes through my mind. The month's Cassia and Eric were searching for Elias, I struggled through internal torment. Nightmares plagued my sleep—nightmares of Darius, Flo, Charles. All these people who once meant so much to me dead from my doing. Am I allowed to miss relationships that may not have been real? Am I allowed to mourn the deaths I caused?

"They're not my people," I say finally. "They never were." Maybe if I say it enough times I can believe it myself.

Elder Rosemary spares me a sympathetic look, as if she can see how it pains me to think of them. "And Elias—the wisper. You seem... close with him."

I pause. "Elias sacrificed a lot to keep me safe."

"He was the reason you were in danger place."

There's a chill in my body, thawed only by the warmth of the cup in my hands. "What do you mean?"

"I'm surprised, is all." She waves a hand. "Nobody would blame you if you resented the boy."

"Elias shouldn't have to take responsibility for the choices of somebody else. He was just a child too, after all," I say. "Were you there? When Ana switched me?"

"I was."

I swallow the lump in my throat. She was there for the event that changed my life forever. "My parents..." I trail off. "Do you know—"

"Your parents are dead, Milena."

My heart sinks. "I thought... maybe—"

"They were killed by a wisper."

I dart my gaze to her. "What? I thought wispers weren't enemy's of humans."

"They are not, but accidents happen, as you may have seen." My cheeks burn as I picture what happened between Elias and I in the forest. "Not all wispers were dangerous. But depending on their gifts, they could be some of the most powerful beings on the planet. Your Elias is testament to that."

"He told me you moved away from the mountains because of a conflict," I say. "What happened exactly?"

She sighs and sits in the armchair, the question seeming to age her a few years. "It was a long time ago. Ana's morals no longer aligned with ours."

"Her morals," I repeat, frowning at the floor. "You mean... what she did to me?"

"We did not all agree with Ana's decision," she tells me. "Some of us did not want to sacrifice an innocent child."

"You would've rather given them the real wisper? They'd become immortal."

"There were other options available," she says. "But Ana had formed a bond with the child, she did not want to risk anything and she went behind our backs. By the time we found out what she'd done, it was too late. The hollowers had already taken you."

"So you cut her off?"

She looks at me sharply. "She made her choice—to sacrifice you. She understood the consequences. She alienated herself."

I swallow, her piercing gaze setting me on edge. It's scary to think about—what might my life have been like if the elders had stood up to Ana, caught her in time to stop her. I stare at the ground, feeling heavy. Nothing good can come from imagining my life any other way.

"And you will go back with them? To Elias' village?"

"Where else would I go?"

She smiles sadly. "It is a shame the way the decisions of others affect our lives. Because of them, you will never live a normal life—the life you could have had."

"Elias didn't play any part in it. I can't blame him for the choices of someone who isn't even alive anymore."

She doesn't say anything. She simply stares at me, eyes running up and down my body as if she knows something I don't. I hold my breath, like if I breathe the silence between us will shatter like small shards of glass.

Finally, she speaks. "There are things you don't understand, Milena. Things that have altered the—"

My elbow hits the cup off the side of the table; it shatters on the ground. "I'm so sorry!" I say, just as Elias bursts in, eyes darting around the room."M-my arm just slipped, I didn't mean to damage—"

Elder Rosemary waves her hand. "No need to apologise."

Still, I shift guiltily. "What were you saying? Before I..."

"No matter," she murmurs, eyes flashing to Elias and back to the ground, so quickly I almost missed it. "You may go."

I start to kneel. "I can help clean—"

"Go." She looks up to offer me a small smile. "I believe there are nets you must do."

Sighing, I push to my feet. Neither of them looks at me as I walk over to Elias. Once through the entryway, Elder Rosemary draws the curtain back and blocks us both off. I release a tension-filled breath and lean against the wall of the cave, looking up at Elias. What was she about to say before I smashed that cup?

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah." I step closer. "You were supposed to wait on the beach."

"I thought the tide could wait."

His excuse is so pathetic I have to conceal a smile. "This may all be new to me, but even I know the tides don't work that way."

"I guess we should go then."

And as we walk back through the cave, a sinking feeling fills my stomach as I recall Elder Rosemary's revelation. I shouldn't dwell on it, I know that, but it's nearly impossible not to. Not so long ago, Ana had simply been another shifter to me, Elias' mother figure. She'd been a frail, innocent, old woman. But in her death, a harsh light exposes the truth. The more I learn about her, the more I grow to resent a woman I never knew.

~

The sun is high in the sky by the time we get outside, the tide leaving dark stains on the hard sand. I walk behind Elias towards the rocks, trying to keep up with him. It's ridiculous—even injured he's still faster than me at a normal pace.

When we arrived, the tides must've been out, because the water covers more of the rocks we clambered across on the way here. We reach the edge of the rocks, where the sand gives way, and Elias climbs up, offering me a hand. "How do we get the nets?" I ask as he pulls me up.

He wanders over to the old, overturned wooden structure we'd passed on the way here and smiles. "In this."

I frown. "A boat?"

He nods, and leans down to flip it over back onto the sand. I watch as he drags it to the water's edge, my stomach flipping and fear shooting through me like lightning. The last time I'd been in the water, I'd almost killed the both of us. Once at the shoreline, Elias turns back to look at me. "Coming?"

The boat is far enough in the water that it doesn't touch the ground, bobbing in the gentle waves rolling in. Fear grips me. The water we swam in to the island was dead still, and though this water is crystal blue, the water is choppy with big waves coming in sets.

Elias' smile turns to a frown when he notes my hesitation. "You don't—"

"I'm coming," I say, pushing off the sand to meet him. The water wades around my ankles, fresh and cold beneath the blazing sun. Elias holds the boat steady in the water so it doesn't float away. I can feel his eyes on me as I clamber in, ungracefully hitting my shoulder on the wooden floor. He doesn't say anything, but I don't miss the hint of a smile on his face.

"Are you getting in?" I ask, gripping the sides nervously.

"I'm just going to push it out a bit deeper, otherwise the waves will push us in and we'll get beached."

I swallow my protests and look out at the horizon. The blue of the water and sky blend together to create a hazy line, the reflection of the sun on the water glittering like thousands of stars. I let out a small squeal when Elias drags himself into the boat, rocking it side to side.

"This isn't very steady," I say.

"It's a boat and we're on water." He laughs, grabbing an oar and using it to propel us forward. The boat rocks even more. "It isn't supposed to be steady."

"Very reassuring."

He smiles. "Sit on the floor of the boat, it'll rock less." I do as he says, not letting go of the wooden sides as I clamber down, looking anywhere but the ocean. If I forget what lays beneath us, this could almost be peaceful. "I never knew you were so afraid of water."

"It's deep and wet and much more threatening than any creature."

"It won't hurt you," he says.

I snort. "I almost killed us both when I tried to swim back to shore from that island they were keeping you on."

"Another impulsive decision, I suppose?"

"One of the many."

"Maybe it's good that I was unconscious, then."

A memory floats into my mind. His distant eyes, his faraway calls pleading for death. "Do you... do you remember anything from that night?"

He lets out a long sigh, muscles pulsing as he pushes us through the water. "Bits and pieces, but it didn't mean anything to me. I thought it was just another hallucination." Before I can ask anything else, he stops paddling. "You see this?" He points to a line in the water that seems to span the length of the small cove.

"That's the net?"

He nods. "Sit on the opposite side of the boat to me while I pull it in, so we don't tip."

I clamber to the other side to give him room. He's still significantly heavier than me, so when he leans over the side, the boat slants slightly and I grip the wood for dear life as he starts to haul in the net. It's disappointingly empty.

"What did Elder Rosemary want to talk about?" he asks.

"She just wanted to know about my time in the hollower village. Nothing important." It doesn't feel right to tell Elias the truth—that our conversation revolved around defaming his dead guardian. "Did you know Elder Rosemary?" I ask. "From when all the elders lived together?"

He nods. "She's been around longer than all the rest."

He's not looking at me, still working on pulling in the mostly empty net, but it isn't hard to miss the tension in his voice. He'd waited outside even after I told him I'd meet him on the beach, and the look on his face when he'd burst in...

"You seemed... tense with her," I say.

Elias pauses with the net to look at me over his shoulder. "Ana never liked her."

"Malik said Ana didn't like any of them."

He seems to think it over, hauling the rest of the net in. "He's not wrong. But always Elder Rosemary more than others. They never got along, even before their disagreement."

It seems like Ana didn't like anyone that wasn't Elias, I think bitterly.

"She just asked you about the hollowers?" Elias asks again, pulling the end of the net in and turning to face me. There's one fish flopping around. "Nothing else?"

I think of our conversation—the hollowers, my integration into the shifter village, Ana—aside from the stuff about Ana, it wasn't anything worth noting. But at the end, before I'd smashed that glass, she looked like she was about to say something important. But as soon as Elias burst in, that look went away.

I shake my head. "Like I said, nothing important."

He turns away, punches the fish's head and it stills.

I look out at the water. When we're not moving, it's more still. Out here on the water, our problems feel worlds away. There's just me, Elias, and the ocean.

Beside me, Elias leans back, stretching his legs out and putting his arms behind his head, staring up at the sky. I blink at him. Because of his height, his legs dangle off the side of the boat and dip into the water, but it doesn't seem to bother him.

"What're you doing?" I ask, still gripping the sides.

He doesn't even open his eyes. "Relaxing."

I can't help but stare. Compared to Elias, everything around us seems dull. His hair glossy beneath the sun, the dried salt on his cheeks and droplets of water on his arms—he looks beautiful. There's something so peaceful about him it feels wrong to interrupt. But even though it's tempting to forget where we are and what we're supposed to be doing, anxieties press at my mind.

"Shouldn't we... shouldn't we be going back?"

He looks at me sideways through half-lidded eyes. "Are you afraid?"

"No."

His smile lets me know he can see straight through my lie. "Then lie down," he says, ushering me closer. "It's steadier the lower you get, I promise."

I bite my lip. "Elias—"

"Do you have somewhere to be?"

"Well, no but—"

"Relax, Milena, you've earned it. And you probably won't get another opportunity for a while."

Casting one last anxious glance at the shoreline, which seems to be getting closer, I maneuver myself so I'm lying across the boat the same way Elias is, my legs slung over the side, though they're not long enough to touch the water. My heart pounds as I open my eyes, staring up at the vast blue sky. We're lying next to each other, mere inches separating our bare arms from touching. And I can't help but admit he's right, it is much steadier down here watching the different shaped clouds float past. 

It's tempting to close my eyes, but I don't dare, squinting my eyes as I glare into the sun. I inhale deeply, the aroma of salt lingering in the breeze. A wave crashes against the boat, splattering me with salty water.

"Did you get to swim much when you were younger?" I ask, turning sideways to look at Elias.

He smiles, eyes still on the sky. "There was a lake Ana used to take me to up in the mountains. It froze over in the winter, but in the summer, it was beautiful. There was a waterfall that cascaded over flat rocks so you could slide down it into the lake, too."

"That sounds nice," I say.

"Afterwards, we'd lie on the sand and sketch what we saw in the clouds."

I wrinkle my nose. "How do you sketch the clouds? They all look the same."

"Look," he raises an arm to point at a cloud passing by. "That one looks like a rabbit."

I squint my eyes, trying to see what he sees. But there's no rabbit, just a huge white blob. "It looks like a cloud."

"Come on, Milena, use your imagination."

I look for another one, spotting a particularly long cloud. "That one looks like a tree."

"A tree? It looks more like a bird."

"No way. There's the trunk, and there are the branches."

"And what about those two things out the side? Are those the wings?"

I lift my chin. "So what if they are?"

"I've never seen a tree with wings before."

"Come on, Elias, use your imagination," I say, repeating him. He looks at me then, a lazy grin on his face and a spark in his eye. And while they're the same, he looks completely different—lighter somehow. Like out here, on the water, everything that happened to him has been washed away and there's only us and memories of his childhood.

Another wave crashes over us, rocking the boat and drenching me in water. I sit up, coughing what went down my throat. Elias laughs.

"How come you're not getting wet?" I huff.

"We've drifted in nearly all the way to where to waves break. Come on this side and you won't get wet."

I huff, rising to step over him. He's right, the shore is so close that in a few minutes the waves would push us all the way in. At that exact moment, another wave crashes into the boat and I lose my balance, toppling over the side. I scream, but it's quickly cut off by the water engulfing me, choking down my throat and I flail my limbs around and squeeze my eyes shut. Before I can struggle any more, arms hook around my waist and drag me back to the surface. I splutter in Elias' face, choking on the water. He's holding onto the boat, but it's flipped upside down.

"What—"

"I accidentally tipped it when I jumped in after you," he admits. I throw my arms over the bottom of the boat, but Elias doesn't let me go.

"Is it okay?"

"The fishing net is gone, but the boat's fine." I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

I stare at him wide-eyed, not quite believing what just happened.

"Look, you're in the water," he says, gripping me tighter as another wave pushes us closer to the beach. "I told you it wouldn't hurt you."

"The ocean won't, but the elders might when they find out we lost their fishing net."

He smiles and shakes his head. "I'm sure they'll cope." Between the lull in the set of waves, the boat has dragged us in further. My toes sink into the sand beneath me, and when Elias notices, he releases my waist and stands up himself. I move towards the beach as Elias pauses to flip the boat over and pulling it past me towards the shore.

"How can you pull an entire boat and still be faster than me?" I call from behind.

He turns to look over his shoulder and starts to say something when his smile falls, eyes behind me. "Look out—"

A strong force pummels me from behind, knocking me clear off my feet. I smack face-first into the water, tumbling. The wave sloshes me around, disorientating me and making it difficult to tell which way's up and which way is down. A few more seconds of panic and it spits me onto the sand. I splutter, lying flat on my back as the water bubbles around me. Elias appears above me, eyes frantic as he grabs my shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

He helps me sit up. "I—" Over his shoulder, I catch a glimpse of the boat. "Elias, you let go of the boat!"

He turns around, cursing beneath his breath as the boat sloshes around in the waves. He runs toward it, diving back into the water and tugging to get it up onto the sand on the shoreline. On his way up, a wave builds behind him. In a split-second decision, I run toward him, help him tug up the boat before the wave breaks. Together, we manage to pull it up onto the sandbank where the seafoam bubbles.

I flop back onto the sand, still breathless from tumbling in the waves, and Elias kneels down next to me, inspecting the side of the boat. He turns to look down at me."You okay?" he asks. 

I nod, still breathless. "How's the boat?"

"It hit a rock. There's a hole in it."

We stare at each other, a beat of silence passing between us. And even though I feel like I swallowed a gallon of saltwater, laughter bubbles inside my chest. And apparently, it's contagious, because Elias starts to laugh in relief, too. And once we start, it seems impossible to stop. We not only just lost the fish, but the entire net, and nearly the whole boat, which now has a hole in it, and for some reason, to be worried over something so trivial that doesn't truly matter feels euphoric for once.

Elias flops down beside me, letting out a huff. I calm down, my sides aching from laughing, and turn to look at him, his wide smile warming me from the inside out. We stare at each other, grinning as the water bubbles around us, and for the first time in so long, everything feels like it's exactly how it should be.

"Now you know why I choose to live in the mountains," he says.

I let out one last breathy laugh. I want to freeze this moment, capture it and hold onto it forever, because in our world, nothing that feels this good can last long. We're inches apart, flopped on our backs on the sand, soaked to the bone. Surrounded by glistening sand and shimmering water, rocks that climb so high, and Elias is still the most beautiful thing—his gentle eyes, the splashing of freckles on a strong nose, the slightly crooked tooth. Water drops from the ends of his hair to his cheeks, and sand presses against his cheek in the shape of a palm.

As he stares at me, there's only one thing pulsing thought my mind—friends, friends, friends, friends, friends. But when his eyes brush across my face torturously slow, I know there's nothing friendly about the way I feel.

It would be so easy to inch closer, close the minuscule gap between us, but neither of us move because we know what would happen if we did. After a few more moments, I sit up and look away.

"I guess we should get back," I say, my voice thick.

Elias doesn't say anything, just pushes to his feet, offering me a hand. I take it, stumbling into him. But he's quick to create distance between us, turning and walking back to the opening of the cave.

We walk in silence, the crashing of the waves mocking my misery. We have Elias back—it's all I've dreamt of for the past three months. But there's a distance between us, a necessary distance that can never be filled with 'friendship'. The thought fills me with an empty feeling. Will that feeling of being at arm's length remain forever?

The sand sticks to our wet clothes as we clamber up the sandbank, towards the cave mouth. We're merely metres away when Cassia comes running out of the cave, expression alarmed and eyes darting till they land on us. My spine prickles.

"Cassia?" Elias asks, alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"The hollower," she puffs, "she's gone."

~

WOAH! super long chapter. I couldn't wait for you guys to read this one. hope you liked it!

DISCUSSION:

1. Has your opinion of Ana changed at all?

2. What was your favourite part of the chapter?

3. What do you think might happen next?