Dawnhope didn't understand why Swiftwind was so worked up over the death of Lavendertide. She supposed she should be feeling remorseful that she was unaffected by the death of a Clanmate, but Lavendertide hadn't exactly gone out of her way to make Dawnhope feel welcome. Dawnhope already felt that simply by paying her respects to Lavendertide by sitting vigil was all the lavender she-cat should expect of her. Had they been back in DawnClan, Dawnhope wouldn't even have sat vigil, but there were few enough cats mourning her as it was.

Lavendertide was buried underneath a flower bush by Swiftwind and Blackstorm. The true burial was something Dawnhope wanted no part of, but she still felt bad seeing Swiftwind and Blackstorm heaving her body into a deep hole they had dug. Lavendertide wasn't heavy, per se, but Swiftwind wasn't the strongest and Blackstorm certainly wasn't in his prime. Dawnhope watched from the side anyway, willing herself not to help them. It might have been petty of her, but she wasn't going to bury someone who hated her. She and Lavendertide hadn't even made up before the end.

They didn't ask her to help either, and when Swiftwind suggested it to Blackstorm, the old black tom muttered that Lavendertide wouldn't want it. Although they weren't mentor and apprentice, there had always seemed to be a rather fatherly connection that Blackstorm had with Lavendertide, and perhaps that was why he cared about her so much. Dawnhope couldn't care less and she didn't understand why Swiftwind even teared up after placing Lavendertide gently into her grave.

Perhaps his mind wasn't with her as much as she thought. Dawnhope wasn't a jealous she-cat, but if Swiftwind was so broken by the death of Lavendertide, surely it meant that he didn't actually care about her as much as he cared for the lavender she-cat. Still, she held back her suspicions from Swiftwind and acted as normally as possible. She didn't want to lose another friend. She'd barely made it through Ivory's betrayal, and that had been with Swiftwind's help. There was no sparkly and hopeful tom to replace Swiftwind if he decided to abandon her. Dawnhope wasn't even sure if she'd want another tom to fill the hole. She'd gone through way too many lovers already, even if it was only two.

They continued on their journey to the mountains, although they were significantly quieter. It wasn't just that Swiftwind and Blackstorm were mourning Lavendertide, but also that Lavendertide had always been the one complaining and chattering and filling up the quiet spaces. Regardless of her earlier opinion of the lavender she-cat, Dawnhope did feel a twinge of sadness that their journey seemed to have had a Lavendertide-shaped hole carved into it. She hadn't approached Swiftwind on the subject of Lavendertide yet, as neither he nor her were ready to discuss it.

The death of Lavendertide meant the end of her endless chase for the love of Swiftwind, and he was finally free to pursue any she-cats he wanted, which should be, in that case, Dawnhope herself. But she didn't know if he wouldn't want to be with her anymore, now that his love for her had possibly cost the life of one of his Clanmates. He certainly looked choked with grief every time he turned to face her, and Dawnhope's doubt was increasing by the day. They hadn't even talked in two days, but the group hadn't said much at all, blindly following Swiftwind through the mountains.

The way he hung his head made Dawnhope wonder if they should be trusting him to guide them at all. She didn't have a clue whether or not he was actually paying attention to his surroundings, and she barely stopped him from crashing into a tree once. Nevertheless, the mountains were coming closer and she could see the snowy cover over the mountains. She had expected it, having seen it many times from afar, but up close, it was even more beautiful than she'd ever imagined.

If only she had someone actually focused on the present to share it with. She tried not to feel sulky as her eyes traced the air at her side where Swiftwind should have been, but naturally, he was lagging behind again. He kept stealing glances at the way they'd come from, and it hadn't done anything to help the uneasy prickling of Dawnhope's pelt. He was constantly looking in the direction of Lavendertide's grave, and if that wasn't supposed to bother her, she didn't know what was.

Was he trying to force her to be jealous of Lavendertide and start talking to him again? If he had that intention in mind, she wasn't even sure if he was the kind of tom she wanted to love anymore. But Swiftwind had never been cruel or calculative, he'd always been right there, a bright ray of sunshine, and seeing him shrouded in gloom broke Dawnhope's heart. Still, what did she have to say? She wasn't affected by Lavendertide's death, so there wasn't really anything she could say to comfort him.

Still, her conscience was prickling even though she hadn't done anything wrong. Should she be doing something to help him, to guide him back on the right path? She had been stealing glances at Blackstorm as well, but while he did look more solemn than usual, at least he was aware of his surroundings. He's actually chided her for being so fixated on Swiftwind that she'd let a squirrel scurry over her paws.

The only good news she had was that he was still eating. Most cats stopped eating when seriously traumatized or sorrowful, but he continued eating some prey each meal, although it was significantly less than what he needed. As she watched him get scrawnier the closer they got to the mountains, her patience finally waned and she decided it was time to talk to him and get the truth out of him, even if it meant she had to hit him a couple of times.

She approached him as he practically drooped in a corner, even his ears tilted downwards slightly. She had to kick him before he even noticed she was standing in front of him. So far he'd been looking demented whenever he saw cats, but his eyes softened slightly when he saw her.

But only slightly.

"Swiftwind, what's up with you? Surely Lavendertide's death can't be hurting you this bad. We shouldn't dwell on things that happened in the past." Dawnhope hated how old she sounded when she said it, but she didn't know what else to say.

His closed eyes cracked open. "You trying to sound like an ancient StarClan cat?"

She tried not to be overjoyed that he sounded like his usual self. If she reacted too badly, it could ruin their entire relationship. "No, but was there anything else you expected me to say?"

Swiftwind glanced behind her. "Something about the badger approaching you?"

She couldn't believe his tone was so careless as he discussed a badger! She whipped around but saw no black and white stripes, and she glared at him to find the corners of his mouth twitching. He wasn't smiling or laughing, but this... mouth-twitching was definitely an improvement from saying and doing nothing.

"We're almost at the mountains," she meowed, dismissing the fact that he had just tricked her by saying there was a badger.

"I do have eyes, you know."

He wasn't quite sounding like the Swiftwind she remembered. He was a little too sarcastic. Swiftwind had been kinder with his answers and always comforted her somehow.

She'd even expected him to say something about the wound in her side. They'd had to rest for three days just so she had enough strength to carry on, and even Blackstorm kept telling her not to overdo it. She'd thought Swiftwind at least would show some concern. But maybe she was wrong about him.

"I was wrong about her," Swiftwind meowed, sounding lost. When she looked confused, he added, "Lavendertide. I thought she was just annoying and she was sticking to me as her childhood crush, but... I think she really cared, and it hurt her that I chose you over her."

Her heart fluttered as he mentioned his choice, but she knew now wasn't the time to act super madly in love. She needed to remain calm, and be solace for him.

Calm. Tranquility. Composed. She thought up as many words as she could. She needed to be all those, for Swiftwind's sake.

The corners of his mouth twitched again. "Look, I'm not dying, okay? You don't have to stare at me like I'm breathing my last. Lavenderpaw... Lavendertide... her death just hit me harder than it should have. I didn't think I cared about her anymore, but maybe I did."

"You cared about her before?" Dawnhope's voice was barely over a whisper.

Swiftwind laughed a dry laugh and it didn't seem real. "No, of course not. I never thought of Lavendertide romantically, which is why I didn't go along with her. I always loved her more as a sister, and maybe that's why it hurts, too. Even as an older brother, I should have done something to help her. Prevented her from going after it. She was all disappointed when it ran away, too. I should have seen it coming."

"It wasn't your fault." Her voice cracked. "How would you know what Lavendertide wanted to do, Swiftwind? You weren't made to predict her every move, to counter everything she did so she would be perfectly safe. She made her own choices and she had to face the consequences of them."

"But the consequence is her dying!" Swiftwind exploded, and he was looking demented again. "She died and I didn't do anything about it!"

"She was dead!" Dawnhope was so exasperated, she was hollering at him. "What were you supposed to do after that? Breathe life back into her? You can't even do that! She died! She's dead and gone and she died because of her own choices! You need to stop blaming yourself!"

Swiftwind's breathing became ragged, and he nearly fell over. Dawnhope moved over to support him and he didn't even resist.

"I should have done something," he mumbled through a mouthful of her fur.

"You couldn't have done anything. She brought it upon herself," Dawnhope soothed.

"I could have stopped her. Said something. Warned her of the dangers..."

"You think that would have stopped Lavendertide?" Dawnhope intended to make it sound ferocious, but it came out as soft and gentle. "She was headstrong and stubborn. Even if you could see the future, you couldn't have stopped her even if you tried to strangle her. You need to realize, Swiftwind, that it wasn't your fault."

He collapsed against her but she didn't stagger. He was too scrawny to weigh much.

"You need something to eat," she said firmly. "If one moon ago Swiftwind saw your condition now, he would freak. I'm going to catch some prey."

"Already got some." Blackstorm trotted out of the bushes.

Dawnhope blushed hard. "You didn't hear all that, did you?"

Blackstorm raised his eyebrows. "As a medicine cat, I've heard a fair share of squealing when a she-cat finds out she's expecting kits. You weren't even discussing anything romantic anyway. Why are you bothered?"

She was sure her cheeks were flushed. She was in the middle of spluttering, "It's private!" when she noticed Swiftwind's stomach growling and realized he needed the food and she was complaining for nothing.

She watched as he demolished all the prey Blackstorm brought him before stopping at the sixth piece.

Blackstorm looked surprised. "You've had enough?" he asked, because Swiftwind didn't look full.

Swiftwind spat out a mouse bone. "No, I think Dawnhope should have it." He eyed her. "I saw you sip breakfast. Don't you dare try to hide it."

Dawnhope smiled. "Now that's the Swiftwind I remember." She gulped down the last piece of prey.

Blackstorm sighed. "Nothing for me as usual. Life is hard."

He perked up. "Oh, by the way, I saw where we can start climbing the mountain!"

Dawnhope's heart sank. "And you said the herb grows on the mountain peak, right?"

Blackstorm shrugged. "Somewhere there! We might not climb to the top. But there will be a lot of climbing." He glanced at Swiftwind who looked dumbfounded. "Yes, and you have legs for a reason."

Swiftwind considered for a moment. "To... kick people?"

Dawnhope burst out laughing. She was sure he had said that just for her.

Blackstorm scowled. "No, for walking. I don't know who invented kicking, but"

Dawnhope kicked him.

When he gave her a death stare, she feigned innocence and meowed, "Hey, it's satisfying. And my claws weren't even unsheathed."

His eyes glinted. "I do kick back, you know."

"Bring it on," Swiftwind challenged, moving next to Dawnhope. She felt a familiar warmth that he was standing next to her, and her heart fluttered awkwardly again. She took a few deep breaths and was about to say something snappy when Blackstorm ended the whole thing.

"Well, we don't have time for that right now. The mountains await us."

"Well, they're dead, right?" Swiftwind jumped in. "They can wait a few more hours! Or a few days," he added, with a sidelong glance at Dawnhope.

She grinned. "Yeah, why not? It's not like the herb's going to wither in the middle of summer."

Blackstorm scowled. "No, it won't, but our Clanmates would still die of the Sickness."

That shut them both up. After sharing a look with Swiftwind, Dawnhope was pretty sure neither of them had considered the lives of their Clanmates when they'd suggested spending days on a kicking match. On hindsight, it was rather childish of them.

"Well," Blackstorm meowed in a tone that killed all joy, "now is when our journey truly begins."

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐𝟐𝟓𝟒

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲! 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤?