I stare at the wall, not wanting to exit the cell. Somehow, I got away from the guards for probably the 3rd time this week. I don't want to go eat. The door is open but I don't move from the rickety bed. "Finally broken huh?" The voice is right in my ears. It's deep, harsh and fills them.

The sickening feeling grows and grows in the pit of my stomach. "No I just don't feel like moving right now. I'm not broken and I'm not giving up on anything." I open my eyes, gluing them to the Shadow man. He radiates sickness in a way, covered in flickering shadow flames. The way he stands is meant to be intimidating and he always holds a crooked smile. He's tall in size, always towering, holding power in just a stance alone. One day I just hope to wipe it off his face. "You don't control me." I growl, standing in defiance.

Shadow Man's hand grips my throat and pushes me into the wall, he looks straight into my eyes as he does so. They're a void black and always seem to swirl around. The grip almost seems to burn around my neck. "You wanna bet? I own every damn part of you. Including your life and especially your mind." His face moves next to my ear as I struggle to breathe. His breath touches my ears. "I do control you, don't forget it sweetheart." He disappears and I fall down into a coughing fit. I bang my hand against the ground, pain vibrating through it when I do and coughs still leaving me. I'm always too damn weak to fight this thing and no matter what I do, I fear of failing at ever being truly strong.

After I finish coughing, I just stay lying down on the ground until I hear footsteps coming my way. A young man in a suit holding a briefcase is standing at the entrance to the cell. His hair is unruly and red, almost covering his hazel eyes which are slightly deep set and have small bags underneath them."You have to eat. I have food in my office, come on."

"What if I don't want to?"

"We have to talk about stuff Hyacinth." Sighing, I stand. My black hair runs softly over my shoulders as I do so, falling almost perfectly around them. I'm slumped, another day feeling completely defeated and yet I lied in saying I wasn't broken. "There you go. I've got more information about the trial and your mom."

"I don't care about my mom. She didn't care about me so I offer her the same respect."

"Sadly, I don't think you have a choice in this one. We will talk more once I get you to my office."

"At least I will be out of here."

"Two things. There will be guards on the other side of my door and your brother is coming to visit today."

My breath hitched and I stumble, just about to falling to the ground. "He can't see me like this, no way no how."

"He wouldn't take no for an answer on seeing you. Look," he pauses in front of me, "this is something that you have to get used to. It's not normal, it's hard and I get it but you're lucky that you're getting a trial. They don't have as much evidence against you which can work for us. At the same time though we don't have enough evidence for you to get off the hook. Maybe your brother, can help."

All I do is nod and follow him into his car. I'm in the back and handcuffed. It's surprising they let me out at all. It's a small town though so our rules are different from others. Some people don't understand yet here I am, sitting handcuffed next to a cop in a lawyers car. It's odd really. I've seen this before, with other criminals when I was just a few years younger and I never thought it would have been me being the one stared at.

I am only 15 years old and I saw my dad killed in front of me. He was killed by Shadow man. I don't know who he is or how he does it but he can disappear or appear at any moment. He haunts my mind. He crushes me from the inside out because I can do absolutely nothing about it. I don't have power and I don't know if I ever will.

It takes a bit for me to notice we made it. The cop pulls me from the car and roughly into the tall, almost intimidating, building. I'm allowed to be without handcuffs when I enter Mr. Arlan's office. That's the amount of respect I get and it's all I really get. He still treats me like a child but at the same time he has a sense of respect for me that makes me relaxed.

As soon as I enter the room I can feel the sickness reach me. I know Shadow is around but he doesn't make himself known, at least not to me. I wait for him to start our sometimes weekly discussions about what he found out or just plain discussions. He doesn't though.

When I notice his eyes wide and his gaze fixed on something behind me I turn around and, for a moment, see Shadow's crooked smile. "Y-you saw him. You just saw him." I screech, pulling Mr. Arlan back to Earth with me.

"I don't know what I saw." He replies, going back into a calm mood. His suit jacket becomes smooth as he runs his hands over it, his hair falling back into place with no help.

"You just saw the Shadow Man. He's been haunting me for months now and you just saw him. I need someone to believe me. He killed my dad and I don't want to go to jail for it." My voice cracks and tears start to fill my eyes. "I didn't kill my dad. I loved him and he stayed with me my entire life when mom just left us."

Mr. Arlan watches me as I try my best to hold it together, me and my 15 year-old self. "We must find proof of him then. That way you don't have to go to jail and this dragged along trial can be finished."

"Thank you. Oh god thank you." I mumble, dropping my head into my hands. For some reason, I haven't let anyone see me cry, it's hard to do so when you want help. Feeling broken, one wants to do everything to pick themselves up, prove they can be strong on their own. It's a mentality I grew into, so I wouldn't have to ask for help and so I wouldn't seem useless.

"Hey now, Hyacinth, it's okay. I think I realize this now what has kind of been going on. Why you grow more distant, why you have the bruise on your neck and why you sometimes yell when I see nothing. I'm sorry I can't do much to help right now but I will do what I can. I owe it to your brother."

I peer up at him. "What do you mean?"

"Your brother and I used to be friends in high school, he talked about you and your dad all the time. Pursued me to be a lawyer and called me when he heard about your situation. He's why I'm here. Why I care. There are a lot of people who wouldn't care about what happened to you." I bit my lip to keep from letting cries escape my mouth. "And that's what we have to talk about next, what happens to you. You are to go live with your mother and go to a high security school like all the other juveniles."

"How am I even able to go around other people if they think I killed someone?"

"Lots of convincing and you have to be followed just about everywhere so people can keep an eye on you." He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. Nervous about something it seems.

"Where does my mom even live?"

"Um, so that's an interesting thing." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "She lives here in this small town."

"What?!" My voice cracks as I raise it, my body becoming tense. "She's lived here the entire damn time. I can't believe I didn't realize. She kept sending letters for my brother and I didn't check the address. I'm surprised she cares about me at all."

A knock sounds at the door, causing Mr. Arlan to stand. "Come in."

My brother walks in, same as ever and instantly I get up and walk to him. He has food in his hands and looks down at me. His once bright green eyes seem to be filled with sadness covered by his curly same black hair. "I heard you weren't eating much so I thought if I brought food, you would." Tears filled my eyes. "Please eat for me?"

"Yeah." I nod, my voice soft. It's like it's harder to speak louder than that, that if I did I would possibly break from the pressure I feel inside. "Yeah I'll eat." We move to in front of the desk and he sets the food down before me. It is hard to speak, it's been a few years since I've seen him. Maybe 4? But what does he think about me? A lot of people think I killed our dad and I'm some damn wreck right now, sitting broken.

He must have caught my expression as I took a fry from the bag of food. "I don't hate you Cintha. I really don't. No matter what anyone says, you're still my sister and I don't think you killed our dad." His words made me cry and I quickly faced downward. Without any other words, arms pull me into a hug. It made me ache for the way things used to be with the three of us and now it's just the two of us. The contact is just enough to calm me though, let me breathe. It was warm and a change from the sick feeling that follows me every time I move, that follows me with void eyes. Keeping me from ever feeling like I deserve to be free.

Instead of first asking about what was going on laughter ensues, and, for once in a while, I'm happy. I don't feel utterly awful, so I hold onto this feeling, afraid that if I let it go, I'll never get another chance to hold it. Happiness is a fleeting feeling for me though. Fear, sickness, and pain are what hang over me like a curtain covering everything i ever want to see and blocking the way to freedom. I'll do anything to bring things back, to take back what I once had. The feeling of now will never fade, even when it turns into a different talk, even when the day ends. I know it will be here. Deep inside my almost broken chest.