Bright green light...all around me...pain, pain, pain pain! God, please, no, just let me keep one thing...just a shred of who I was...no, no, NO! It's slipping! I'm losing grip! Who am I? What am I? Robot? Hedgehog? What is my name? Oh, God, Oh, GOD, where am I?! I don't remember! Please, stop! Stop, I beg you! Don't show it to me again! That hateful diagram... No, no, oh, no no nononono...all a lie, all a lie...

What is my name? What...? What is my name? Who am I? Do you know? Do I know? But what has become of my mind...I cannot remember...who is my mother? Where is she? Will she come for me? Will she take off my metal prison and take me home? I remember her...I feel her smile, hear her voice... she saved me once. Can't she do it again? Who are you? Where am I?

What is my name?

What is my name?!

I leap upward in my bed, a desperate howl escaping my lips. For a single terrifying moment, I don't know who I am or where I am or anything. I can't think at all and I struggle to recall. Then it comes back, first as a trickle and then roaring in, the knowing, the awareness...

That's right...I'm a robot. No, I'm not. I found that room, the room with answers...but didn't I pass out there? I look around, baffled. No...I must not have...I'm here. How can I tell if it happened or not? Was I dreaming...or is this the dream? How to tell...

I think on it for a few moments, still muddled, but then, ever so suddenly, realization spears my mind. The button.

That's it! The button! If I look and don't find one, then it was surely a dream. But if I do find one, then it was all real...

Again, as if by its own accord, my hand glides upward, pushing aside the fake fur and my pendant; my breath catches in my throat as it finds the panel. Easing it aside, my fingers search blindly...

My heart stops. The button. There it is...the little monster that changed my life...

The emotion. Horror. Fear. Shock. Sickness. Panic. Despair. Worry. That awful feeling that the ground's fallen out from under your feet, and you're falling forever and ever... All wash over me, overwhelming me. I can't think straight, the power of all these emotions is so strong it's all I can do to breathe.

Brain isn't working anymore. All I feel is terror, uncertainty...my hand falls, hits the metal frame of the bed with pain...What am I? Without that knowledge, then who am I? What do I do now?

I leave. But first...I bide my time. Until tonight. The Robot Rebellion is tonight. At its success, I will be free. I can slip away... disappear forever...

Plan. I have a plan now. A plan of escape. A mirthless smile twists my lips. Escape? No. You'll never escape. Not from this. No amount of running can take away that knowledge. An odd laugh lacking in all joy bursts from my mouth. You can't run from being lied to your whole life, you can't run from everything that's shaped you...

You can't run from your own identity.

----------------

Ten 'til midnight. I stare at the clock, willing time to move faster, but it seems stubbornly insistent upon crawling along slowly... I sigh. Not much I can do about time. Turning away-a watched pot never boils-I look back at the pendant resting on my pillow.

The past few hours have been such torture. I called in to Robotnik, claiming to have caught a virus, and stayed right here. Right on this bed, all day. And it's been horrible, absolutely horrible, trapped in a room with nothing but my own mind for company. My thoughts have raced around in my head so fast all day that it was all I could do to hold off my impending headache. For a while, I couldn't control these new feelings soaring through my body and mind that were taking over. All I was able to do was lie there on my bed, sobbing and wishing that I would just wake up and have this all go away...be back with Lightpaws and Strongarm and Hyacinth and Fleetfoot and Fallowfang in the cave, waking up to another sneak attack.

But I know I won't. And I can't go out and face people-Lord no! The world feels surreal, dreamlike, but...it's real. This is the truth, and I can't go back to my web of lies anymore. The only thing I can think to do is help the Rebellion to justice and then vanish, becoming another war casualty with no body. It's pretty common nowadays, with Sonic blowing up robots and then stomping on them a bit or taking the remnants back to his buddies for studying.

A knock sounds at the door, distracting me from my thoughts. "Who is it?" I growl.

"It's me, Shadow." The familiar voice of the Rebellion's leader is muffled by the door, yet still recognizable.

"Come in, it's unlocked."

The door opens just wide enough for him to fit his head through the doorway. "Now or never, little one."

Startled, I look at the clock. A minute to midnight. Where did the time go?! "O-On it, Leader."

He nods, about to close the door when suddenly, a laser shot sounds and he falls to the floor. I let out a yelp of terror as I watch him crumple, the laser having torn a gaping hole in his body. Horrified, I rush over. "Leader?! Leader?!" I hear footsteps in the hallway, fleeing the scene, and a clatter as something hits the ground. What just happened?!

"Hush, Shadow. I should have known this would happen," He growls with effort, "but this act of cowardice doesn't mean the Rebellion must stop." Sparks fly from the hole. He's losing power.

"But, how will we go on without you to lead us?" My hands shake uncontrollably as I attempt to prop him up.

"You... Shadow, will you lead...in my place?"

For a single shocking moment I can't think of anything to say. Leader continues, seeming to plead with me, "You...know the plans backward and...forward, better than anyone other than me. You're...the only choice...and our only hope...for freedom!" The glowing LED bulbs of his eyes begin to fade.

"L-Leader?!" I sputter, looking into his eyes. "Leader! Speak, Leader! LEADER!"

I am met with silence. A cold knife spears my heart as I realize that he will never speak again. He's gone, and it's over. What can I do? I have to fulfill his wish, lead the Rebellion for him, but...can I? Am I capable? I have to be. I stand up and step over Leader's body. Casting one last mournful look over my shoulder, I silently close the door. He would have wanted me to be all I can be...for him, for the Rebellion, for our freedom.

Taking a deep breath, I turn and dash down the corridor. If I don't hurry, I'll be late. I have to...to ignore what I've seen. Right now, I have to be Shadow the Robot for them, for the rebels. I can't afford to be distracted. NOT NOW. Skidding around the corner, I leap forward and tumble head-over-heels right up to the mirror. Standing tall, I wait for it to recognize me and open. There's a clank, then a pause, and it opens into the dark corridor. I rush through, impatient, and burst out into the rebel HQ. All the robots in the room turn to look at me.

Breathlessly, I tell them I have terrible news. Everyone bursts into a panic at my words, but one stands up and yells for everyone to be quiet. Recovering my breath, I begin to explain why Leader didn't come with me here, and when I finish I notice that all eyes are on me...Some are filled with suspicion, some are shocked and horrified and some seem like they can't believe me.

"I swear to you, brothers," I say, worried by their reactions, "I tell you no lies. Some weasel snuck up and...and destroyed...our leader..." I stifle a sob. "He told me to lead you instead. I swear to you! I make none of this up!" Gah! No sobbing, no sobbing, get that emotion out of your voice! You're a robot! R-O-B-O-T! Synonymous with unemotional.

"We believe you, Shadow." One rebel pipes up. "But this...this is a lot to take in."

"No time for 'taking in,' Comrades! We have to move!" Another shouts, scrambling to his feet. "The Rebellion has to proceed as planned!"

Several cries answer that one. "Yeah!" "It's what he would have wanted!" "For Leader!" "Let's go, Shadow!"

"Right!" I cried, forcing myself to smile, "For Leader! ONWARD WITH THE REBELLION!" A roar of joy and determination punctuates my speech. Looking about, I assess the situation and try to recall our plans. All of the robots' morale is higher than it ever was, and already many of them were going to their stations and grabbing weapons-preparing for the Big Fight. A sudden pulse of nervousness washes over me. This is it. The big thing. The outcome of this battle will determine our future!

"Shadow, we're all set." Leader's right-hand man turns to me. "Take your place at the front of our lines."

"O-Oh! Yes, right... let's go, everyone!" Momentarily startled, I stammer a bit, then whirl around and disappear into the tunnel. Loud footsteps sound behind me and I have to stop and say, "SHHH!" At this rate, Robotnik will hear us coming from a mile away. The Rebellion has to work better than this!

We crept along, splitting up along the way and following the plan to the letter. As I led the largest group up, up and up to Robotnik's Headquarters, I reviewed it step-by-step in my mind:

1. Split up and, once each group is in place and gives the signal, begin the first wave of assault. This involves tearing into the data files, destroying Robotnik's guards as well.

a. Private Step: Download personal file.

2. No doubt reinforcement will come. That's when the big skirmish starts.

3. Alpha Group [My Group] will sneak into Robotnik's room, forcing him out onto the balcony so that all robots fighting in the courtyard below can see him fall.

4. Some sort of pun is said while I shove him off the balcony. ["See you next fall!"? "How high you've risen, Robotnik...now let's see how far you fall."?...Oh, I like that last one.]

5. We are free when he dies!

I gulp as I look at the doorway to Robotnik's room. He's sleeping inside... Is he peaceful inside his dreams? Does he think he's safe? My heart is thundering in my chest. Does he dream? What about? What if he dreams of unicorns? Or perhaps his dreams are bathed in blood, like mine...

"Shadow!" The robot at my side hisses. "What are we waiting for?"

I jolt out of my sick thoughts. "The signal!" I snarl, looking all about me. Everything seems surreal again... A light glints out of the corner of my eye. Three quick flashes, a pause, then another three, another pause...three more...the signal. I nod in satisfaction, creeping nearer to the door like it bites. I flash one light back, then kick to door down.

A squeal sounds from within. It's Robotnik, huddling up in his bed with his covers pulled up to his chin(s). The door hits the wall, and then falls heavily onto the floor as I leap in. My anger, hurt, sadness and all the other emotions that I have bottled up and hidden from the other robots suddenly overwhelmed me. A roar began to build up in my chest, swelling and rising and, finally, bursting forth from my mouth in one massive sound. I felt the tension in my heart leaving as I howled, and a strange feeling came over me. I felt almost like laughing, but I couldn't understand why I would. My soul ached and I was full of despair, yet I felt like laughing...and...

Murdering him. I felt like killing him, over and over again, making him suffer and gloating in his pain. Images flashed across my mind as I soared across the room on light, silent feet. The moonlight suddenly flashes in my eyes as I pass the glass doors to the balcony, nearly blinding me but the blood-soaked images in my mind of what I'm going to do to him keep my eyes clear.

The other Rebels have entered the room behind me, and are also making their way towards Robotnik's bed. I growl menacingly as I spring onto Robotnik's bed. I barely realize that I'm grinning ear to ear, and my eyes are glowing. Robotnik whimpers and pulls the covers up as far as they can go. I crouch at the foot of his bed, my eyes red slits.

"Sh-Shadow...? Is-Is that y-you?" Robotnik whimpers, trembling.

"Is it?" I hiss, my words like ice shards, "Or is it not?"

"Wh-what do you me-" He begins, but I lift my arms and wrap my hands gently around his throat.

"Hush now, dear Father..." I whisper, tightening my grip, "I am in need of a hug." As he begins to choke, something strange starts to bubble up inside of me. I can't explain it, but it makes me want to laugh and cry and screech in the rain and scream at cars passing by all at once. I want to get up and dance, I want to drive a knife through his heart, and I want to sit in a corner and softly cry for hours. I want to howl at the moon and do somersaults underwater in a clear lake under a bright shiny sun. I want to bathe in his blood and live in a crypt but still I want to run through a field of flowers under the summer sun...

I think I'm going mad.

I think...I think I like it.

"Shadow! Remember, the balcony!" One of the other rebels blurts, interrupting my sickened mind's thoughts (and epiphany).

"Oh, I know..." I say, absentmindedly, and the dream-like feeling intensifies. Picking Robotnik up by the neck, I throw him out of the bed and instantly regret it:

He's wearing nothing but his underwear.

While this will make for a more embarrassing death, it's also very unfortunate for those of us who have to look at him. I don't want to describe it.

Looking away from him, I pick him up and haul him to the balcony, forcing him to stand 'outside' in the cold. I survey the battle, and it doesn't look good. The rebels have been split up, surrounded by still-loyal robots. I know I have to do something about that. If I can distract the loyal robots for even a second...

I let out a roar, loud and full of newfound emotion, and all of the robots look up in surprise as it stretches on for half of a minute. Finally, my mouth snaps closed and the sound dies. Shoving Robotnik up against the handrail of the balcony, I look down at the amassed robots and feel a surge of power rush through me. They're all looking at me, wondering what I'll do next. Those Robotnik-worshipping fools will do whatever I say so long as I don't kill him.

But today, whatever I say won't be enough.

"Well, well, well." I say, surreptitiously glancing at the crowd. "What have we here? A fight?" I gasp as if I couldn't possibly fathom the idea. "For this lard ball?" I shove Robotnik against the handrail harder and he yips in pain.

"Shadow, don't do this!" He squeaks, looking me in the eyes. "Think! Think of how I've helped you. I loved you and gave you a home and raised you and trained you-"

I yank on his shoulders, bringing him face-to-face with me. He stops, horrified, perhaps at what he sees in my eyes and perhaps at the realization that he's going to die. In a flinty, unemotional and inhuman voice I whisper in his ear, "And I regret everything you're ever done for me."

And then I shove him off of the balcony.

T i m e s l o w s d o w n . . .

Robotnik tumbles head over heels, falling in slow motion. I watch with sick fascination, waiting for the moment when his skull fractures on the cold, hard, unforgiving metal floors... A collective gasp goes up from the robots, a mixed one of horror and joy as he slides through the air...

He hits the ground.

I watch, eagerly, but nothing happens. Confused, I blink and rub my eyes. Am I not seeing right? There was no bleeding, no brains on the floor, only...sparks. Sparks?! Stunned, disbelieving, I stare blankly at the cracked hull of a robot lying where a dead body should have been.

Again, the robots as a whole let out a roar of anger and rage. The Robotnik-loyal robots assume that he always was a robot. The Rebels know that he duped us somehow, and has fled somewhere else. The fighting ensues again, far more vigorous than before, and the other Rebels up on the balcony with me are frozen. My eyes are fixed upon the robot's hull, the carcass that should have been bleeding out but simply fizzes and pops.

I'm so focused on it I don't see the missile until it's too late. And then...it hits me.

An explosion. Fire, burning fire, and the sense that something outside of my skin is melting a bit. The acrid smell of explosives and air caught on fire along with the smell of something else burning...the flash from the explosion has blinded me, the noise deafened me and now I'm flying, I'm flying, but I don't know where. I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't see or hear or smell. There's the sound of static in my ears, with a shrill, shrill whistle and the world sounds like I have a fishbowl over my head. I can't tell if my eyes are opened or closed and it wouldn't make much of a difference anyways. I can't see, I can't hear...all I know is that my life is over. I must be dead. Surely, I couldn't have survived that blast. If I am dead, does that mean I'm free?

Free from the lie that my life has become, free from trying to figure out what to do with my life, free from trying to disentangle the truth from his lies? Free, inside all the blackness...

But I'm not free, I'm not dead. I slam into the cold metal walls, hard, and then fall to the floor where I smack brutally against it. Pain lances up my back as something sharp forces itself into my skin. Panic blossoms in my chest. What is that?! I-I've never felt this before! Some sort of liquid, warm and sticky, was soaking into my back fur. Yeeh! A-A another new sensation, far less pleasant than any before! I can feel, as the sticky liquid seeps through my armor, warmth is leaving my fingers. I try to sit up, but moving even a fraction of an inch intensifies the pain. I know that I can't stay there-I have to get away, have to find the real Robotnik and kill him. Make him suffer as I have!

Struggling up into a sitting position, I notice that I was lying in a relatively large puddle of the stuff, the sticky liquid. A coppery stench hits my nostrils and I cough in disgust. Is that liquid...coming from me?! I force myself to stand, moving inch by inch and eventually heaving to my feet. Wincing at the pain, I look all about me. The battlefield is silent, dead, with smashed and scorched and battered robot carcasses lying strewn about. Horrified by what I see, I stand immobile until the sensation of the fluid oozing down my spine motivates me to start walking.

If I thought standing was a feat, walking was impossibility. And running? Completely out of the question! Shuffling my feet, staggering a decent bit, I struggle my way to the nearest doorway, stifling sobs. The majority of the empty shells, I now see, are rebels. In fact, as I count them up, I have no choice but to assume that near all of the Rebellion is dead. I'm cold, in pain, and leaking some odd fluid-now that I can think a bit, I have no choice but to assume it is blood-feeling like a failure. How could I not tell that he was a robot? How foolhardy was I, how gullible, to have believed that he had moved with me from the Sky Fortress to the Space Base?

Suddenly, I am aware of someone calling my name, loudly, and nearby. Everything is still sounding like I've got a fishbowl on my head, but his voice rings through. I turn to face the sound, and see Scourge, standing in a nearby darkened hallway. It takes me a moment to realize that the power's out in the base. Our attempts to destroy the base's data by yanking all power must have succeeded...

"Shadow?" Scourge sounds a bit echo-y in my ears, but I nod dumbly. He probably can't see me. It's too dark. "Shadow, what happened here?"

"We...lost." When the voice responds to his question it takes a second for me to realize that it's mine. I don't sound right. I sound almost drunk, and hollow...I sound like something inside of me must have snapped. "The rebels...the Rebellion failed..."

Scourge stares at me in shock. "Y-You were p-part of the R-Rebellion?!" He stutters, disbelieving.

Sudden dizziness overwhelms me, and I put a hand on the wall to steady myself. "I led it." I say hollowly. "I led them to their deaths."

Scourge gapes, stepping closer. "H-How did you survive?"

A cheerless laugh bubbles up through my mouth, along with some of that liquid. "By not being a robot." A coppery taste fills my mouth.

He advances further still, almost gingerly, like I might be a ghost. "What do you mean? Aren't you a robot built to look like a hedgehog with fake fur and everything?" Taking another step closer, he's almost at my side. Oh, come on, Scourge, you've got to see it now!

"That was a lie." I say, hollowly, and I realize that that's the first time I've said it out loud and my heart wrenches all over again. "It was all a lie..."

Scourge strides another pace nearer. "What do you m-huh?" He looks down as another step lands his black-and-green sneaker in the middle of a puddle that has pooled at my feet. I didn't even know it was there until he stepped in it. "What is...?" He stares at it more intensely, and another wave of dizziness shakes me. My legs wobble.

Scourge kneels down, careful to keep his jacket out of the mess. "Shadow, why..." He looks up at me. By now, I'm trembling all over and I feel awful. The pain in my back is fading, being replaced by a cold numbness that I don't like at all. It feels...dead. My vision is blurry and there are black spots that seem to swim in my eyes, so I close them but that doesn't help. One hand hangs limply, unable to move, while the other holds me up, entirely unassisted by the rest of my body, using the wall.

His eyes widen as he realizes that all of the sticky stuff on the floor is coming from the middle of my back. "Oh, God Shadow! How-?!" All of a sudden, I can't stand. My legs won't stay stiff and they crumple. Scourge leaps up and catches me quickly, before I hit the ground. His eyes are full of fear, and he cradles me gently in his arms, seeming very worried for my sake. "Sh-Shadow, we gotta get you some help!"

"N-No...just...get me away from here..." I choke out. "We'll find help planetside..."

"Planetside?! Bro, who's gonna say 'yeah, sure I'll help Shadow the Hedgehog, the biggest killer in the world, get better so he can kill more people!'" Scourge hefts me onto his shoulders, "That'll really work. By the way, we haven't talked in a few days. What's happening?"

As we begin to hobble down the corridors, him supporting me, I take a deep breath and begin to tell him everything that's happened. To my surprise, he listens patiently without asking any questions, even though I'm sure that my words are slurred and I'm not expressing myself as clearly as I could. There's something else different about him, too, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I find myself wavering in and out of consciousness as we walk along. It seems to me like no time passes between blackouts but in fact much must have-I would pass out just as we were rounding a corner and snap awake just as we were entering another room. I kept fighting to stay alert, fearing that if I pass out I won't ever wake up. But my eyelids seem to have other plans for me.

Scourge does his best to keep me awake, constantly talking to me-at least; I think he's trying to help. He can be a bit of a chatterbox. I'm never quite sure what he's talking about, seeing as how I can't stay awake long enough to figure it out. Something's horribly wrong with me if I can't even listen anymore. I've started to notice that even when my eyes are open, there's a sort of haze around the edges of my vision. It grows a bit bigger and darker each time...

I never realized just how far away the Hangar Bay is...Will we get there in time...? Or will I die? It's getting so bad now that I can't even think. I can hardly hear Scourge over the sound of my heartbeat in my ears, far slower than it was before. Each and every time it beats, I think it gets a little slower...

"....So you see why when I asked for his driver's license.....cop said, laughing, and......donuts...." Scourge is still talking, telling me some story or other. I'm not sure why, but he likes to try to tell jokes. Long, involved jokes that someone on the edge of a coma from blood loss couldn't possibly follow. "....And then I said, 'If you don't pass the ham right now.......and then he was all like, 'yeah, yeah, I......but then the duck said.... Oh, hey, the hangar bay." He stops walking, now more carrying me than helping me move. "C'mon, buddy, let's nick a jet."

Next thing I know, he's shoving me into a relatively small fighter jet and climbing into the driver's seat. "Man, I've nicked cars and stuff before--even a boat, once--but never a spaceship! This is too cool!"

"...D'you even....know how to drive...one?" I whisper. My lips feel like they can't move, my mouth wooden and dry.

"Nope. But I've always wanted to learn, so why not try now?" Scourge grins over at me, starting up the engine. "Don't worry, buddy, you'll be OK. I'll get you down planetside, no problem. All right?"

The most I can say is, "Geronimo," as he starts up the plane, opens the hangar bay doors, and floors it out of there.

----------------

"My Lord, I have just seen, through one of my robot duplicate's eyes, a rebellion." Robotnik speaks to the large silhouette on the screen.

"And? How does this concern me?" The voice sounds irritated, impatient.

"The leader of the rebellion was Shadow."

"WHAT?!?!" A baffled screech erupts from the shadow, full of anger and rage.

"I'm not sure how it happened. I instructed the robot duplicate to wipe his mind, as per the rules, and I watched it do so," Robotnik scratches his chin, seeming just as surprised as his master.

The monster roars, bellowing with rage. "He was never supposed to become suspicious! You told me that suit was made so that he could never suspect anything! How did this happen?!"

"I just said I don't know how it happened! We're both in the same boat here!"

"What boat would that be?!" The figure snarls, sounding impatient once again.

"Hmm, how about the 'SS Lost and Confused'?" Robotnik snaps pointedly.

The shape growls, frustrated. "Where are they now?"

"All of the rebels are dead, but Shadow is missing."

"Missing?" The voice acquires a dangerous edge, "What do you mean, missing?"

"I mean, no remains were found. Only a lot of blood--such a substantial amount that he couldn't have possibly gone far before he died."

"So... you're certain he must have died?"

"Yes, I am c--" Robotnik began, but the door burst open before he could finish.

"Sir! Unknown ship leaving the Space Base, sir! Flying like nothing we've ever seen before!" The robot standing in the doorway squealed.

Robotnik turns back to the monster, aghast. The figure exudes a sort of smug bemusement. "Go. Catch him. And make sure his mind is really wiped clean this time."

----------------

"I'm sorry, Shadow! I swear, I'll get it down!" Scourge howls as we tumble over and over, hurtling towards Earth far too rapidly for my liking. He probably should have mentioned that he didn't have a driver's license for a car before he decided to try flying a space jet. I could probably do better and I'm half-dead! Scourge swears as the ship lurches violently to one side, throwing his head against the glass. He's been doing that for a while now, swearing every time he makes a mistake. I would never have thought he has such a colorful vocabulary; he's saying words I don't even know.

Suddenly there's an explosion noise and the ship shudders. Scourge curses, then curses again as another explosion tears the left wing off. "They're shooting at us! And they're hitting!" Another blast and the ship makes a horrible whining noise. All the lights go off, and Scourge cusses once more. "Ahh! I've lost control!"

A fourth detonation rips a hole in the hull right next to me, and suddenly I'm tumbling out into space. I can see the ship as I float, gliding along on the stars, and it's under a barrage of lasers. Beautiful flares of light spout up slowly, oh so slowly as the beams hit the hull. The universe is moving slowly, and everything is blurred...I look at the stars around.

They twinkle oh so prettily, and they talk to me. Their voices seem to come from a long long long way away, warbling and soft. They're singing, and it's a pretty little song... Or am I singing? How can I tell anymore...nothing's real. It doesn't matter. As darkness closes in, I begin to fall backwards, and I welcome my fate.