Sleep was a luxury that came painstakingly to Jonathan Crane.

He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to collapse on his bed and pass out in a fitful slumber, but he couldn't as his mind was churning in turmoil.

He should have gotten used to it. But for some reason, the annoying whispers had grown louder that day and he found it impossible to shut the noise out.

"You're out of your mind!" The voice resonated in his head, "Why the hell did you tell Charlize everything?"

"I didn't tell her everything," he mumbled, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to keep himself calm. "I only told her what was necessary."

"You've told her enough. What were you thinking? Do you have any idea what complications it can cause for us later on?"

He lowered his head, weighed down by his past and present. "I know... But I can't keep her in the dark."

"You trust this woman too much, Jonathan. She will be your demise, mark my words."

"No, she will not."

"And how can you be so certain? You can't even control yourself around her and you expect her not to complicate anything? Real smart of you..." Sarcasm dropped from that scratchy voice, and the frown on Jonathan's face deepened.

"She won't interfere," he stated firmly, very sure about what he was doing, "I'll make sure of that."

"Still, you trust her too much, you give in to her too easily... You're making terrible choices."

The voice tutted in disappointment, the clicking sound increasing his irritation further.

"I am not making terrible choices! I got the deal with Falcone, I refurbished Arkham, and I came up with the formula for the fear toxin," he spoke, letting his frustration loose as he stared into the mirror in front of him. "You need me, and I need you to stop making things difficult for me."

"You and I, what a clear distinction you make between us," an unnerving cackle split through his head, making him clutch at his throbbing temples. "We aren't different. When are you going to accept it? All you have to do is accept me, and the world will be ours to take."

"Yes, but you are rushing things and making me anxious. Be quiet for a minute, will you?"

"Quiet? Very well. I'll leave you for now, but you must pay my words heed. We have a common goal, and we have our path ahead of us. And at this crucial point, we can't afford for you to get distracted, Jonathan. Right now, all you're doing is getting distracted by this woman who will only bring us down. So I will be silent once I am certain you aren't wasting away our years' worth of progress."

He sighed wearily, facing a decision that he had been delaying for so long. That dreaded question fluttered in his head again. Was he really getting distracted from his purpose by the only woman he didn't feel contempt for?

In a sense, the voice was right. But he didn't want to think about it too soon. He was reluctant to think about the answer to that question but that voice kept reminding him, bringing him back to the thin line between reality and fascination.

The voice he could constantly hear in his head belonged to Scarecrow, a malicious alter that he had encountered the first time when his grandmother had locked him up after a harsh beating in the basement of her farm. Due to a childhood of abuse and neglect, his psyche had fractured into alters. He frequently encountered one voice that he had named Scarecrow but was briefly aware of another presence—a timid being who hardly ever came into the light.

In his case, Scarecrow, the aggressor, shielded him from fear. Jon, the submissive one, personified his repressed childhood and offered solace in times of turmoil. Thus, Jonathan himself was a sum of the three, but he had kept that truth concealed from everyone up until then.

Lately, Scarecrow had started influencing him a lot and was, in his own words, trying to help him fulfill his purpose. But the true nature of that purpose was quite horrifying, one that Jonathan would never want to disclose to Charlize even though he trusted her enough to share the darkest period of his life with her.

"You have started to care for her," the scratchy tone mocked him again. "Emotions are a weakness, Jonathan. Your certain attachment to this woman is making you weak."

"No... You know nothing..."

"I know everything," Scarecrow sneered, his voice relentlessly cruel, "You're the one who is intentionally turning a blind eye."

The constant noise in his head and the weight of something that others would call conscience had given him a splitting headache. He clutched his head in his hands helplessly, watching his reflection in the mirror distort to take the shape of a straw creature.

A monster with a stitched burlap mask, hollow eye sockets and a wild maniacal grin.

"You like crediting yourself with everything you have achieved so far, don't you? The doctorate, the position at Arkham, the deal with Falcone, and the fear toxin..." The taunting whispers continued, a chilling cackle serving as a background to it all. "But it wouldn't have been possible without me. None of it would be possible if I didn't give you the power to fight your fears. You're nothing without me, Jonathan, nothing but a scared little boy!"

His blue eyes turned frantic, and his hands clutched his temples, on which the veins stood out. "Stop... Stop shouting at me... Just stop!"

"If it weren't for me, you would still be stuck in that rotten old farm in Kansas, toiling away for your wretched old grandmother! I took you out of there, I gave you the power to fight back, it was me who saved you and you who will ruin everything if you don't listen to me now!"

He didn't know how long passed since he had failed to shut out that dreadful voice in his head. Too exhausted to put up with the Scarecrow, his head slumped forward, eyes falling shut as he passed out.

***

Charlize looked down at her phone. Ever since that evening when he shared his past with her, Jonathan had made no attempt to reach out to her. He had probably retreated in his shell again, self proclaiming that he was undeserving of her love and companionship.

She had thought about him repeatedly since that day, weighing out his words and contemplating her decision. One thing was certain, she didn't want to leave him.

But deep down, she was much more concerned for his safety. If the alter he had mentioned was used to taking charge often and could be violent, then it put him in constant danger too.

Before her scheduled visit to Arkham, she decided to confirm that he was still willing to have her and her students over that Wednesday. So after much contemplation, she rang his cell number.

After a few rings, he finally picked up, his voice somewhat clipped. "Hello?"

"Jonathan, hi." Her voice clenched up as well, thinking about the burdens that weighed him down. "How are you?"

"I'm... Busy. Is everything alright?" He asked and it was evident he was trying to avoid talking about himself.

"Yeah. I just wanted to ask if I can still bring my students to Arkham this Wednesday."

He took in a shaky breath, a pause following that question. "You can."

"Are you sure? We can easily reschedule..."

"It's fine," he sighed softly, sensing the concern in her tone. "I'm fine... I'm looking forward to the visit actually. It's been the only thing that's kept me on my feet since..."

He left the sentence deliberately incomplete and she didn't probe further.

"I hope you know I'm not avoiding you," she spoke up, "I just thought both of us would need some time."

He hummed in reply, sounding somewhat distracted, "I think so too." Then after a pause, he asked in a relatively softer tone, "And... How are you, Charlize?"

She felt somewhat relieved to hear that shift in his tone. That soft, gentle voice belonged to the Jonathan she knew, the man who wasn't cold or indifferent towards her despite being the exact opposite to the whole world.

"I'm alright too," she replied, but when he stayed silent, she added, "I've been thinking a lot about us,"

"What about us?"

"The present and the future."

"So you have decided?" He spoke up after a long pause, "I'll still say the wiser option would be to leave."

"I'm not going to leave you, Jonathan. Never."

A soft sigh escaped him and he added, "I really don't deserve you. You'll be better off without me..."

Though spoken so softly, there were years of guilt and self loathing behind those words.

"You shouldn't say that," she tried to reassure him, her gentle voice giving him a sliver of hope to hold on. "It will take time but I'm sure we'll be fine. We'll work things out."

"I'm a realistic man, Charlize... More than half of my life revolves around fact," his voice was gentle but the words spoke of a harsh reality. "And the fact in our situation is that living with me won't be easy. It will be like living with a ticking tomebomb in your hand and I don't want to put you through that."

"I know. But I can't give you up without trying. I can't have this regret."

He took in a deep breath and she could sense an uncertainty that made her heart clench. It would take her a lot of time to brush away all that uncertainty hiding like cobwebs in his soul, the thoughts that they were doomed from the start peeking behind the crevices.

He asked at last, "So you won't change your mind?"

"No."

"Then I want you to make me a promise," he resumed, the slight tremor in his voice fading away as he willed himself to accept her decision. "Whenever you feel that I'm not myself or I'm slipping away, you will leave me alone. You will not interact with any of my alters and you will always put yourself at priority in any such case. If I switch, no matter what I say to you, you will always leave."

"But Jonathan..."

He interrupted her, his voice straining slightly, "I will hold you to only one condition, Charlize. Whatever happens when I'm not in charge won't be your concern. And no matter what happens, you will not interfere in it. I'm saying this for your safety."

He had come to know her too well by then. She hadn't yet spoken but he could sense her reluctance even though she wasn't in front of her.

"Promise me." He insisted and she felt if he had been in front of her, he would have clasped her hands in his, blue eyes pleading with her to listen. "I can't lose you either. But there's a lot in my life that I would still keep you away from, that I must keep you away from. If you can accept this and promise to be careful, only then can I allow us to consider staying together."

She was a bit shaken but relented, "Fine. I promise."

Even if it wasn't entirely  what she wanted, she had to give in so that they could at least stay together. Little did she know that her attachment to someone never fully himself wouldn't end as she thought.

He was right in all his fears regarding her. Even if he kept her as far away from Scarecrow's grasp, he couldn't quell the jealousy and rage that burned within the deadly alter.

***