"I need to love/But I can't find my heart" - So Wrong, Jacob Lee.

For a moment, I thought I was going crazy. I didn't know the difference between dream and reality anymore.

I decided to hit the Pizza place on my way home, expecting that it could fix me for some time.

I parked my car in the parking-area beside the shop. The small bell on the door chimed and scent of melted cheese ran through my nerves as I entered. I went up to order a takeaway and came back to a table to sit by the window.

The place was quite empty, except a table with a couple and another with a few boys and girls. They looked like students.

Ding! My phone beeped, I unlocked to read Jeremy's text - "Hey, reached?"

I didn't feel like texting him back. I kept my phone on the table and looked out of the window.

Ding! Urgh! I looked at the screen that read - "Are you feeling okay? I could drive you to the doctor if you want". God why is he so clingy? I unlocked my phone to lie - "I'm driving. Will text you later".

Jeremy has tried to ask me out few times, but I've always avoided him. I've been steering clear of every guy on this earth for last 8 years. It's strange how one person can break the trust in love, for a lifetime. Since then I've had commitment issues, trust issues. I mean, how could you say you love a person and then you don't because you think you love someone else, and you want to keep them both?

My chest burned, my throat choked, and my eyes welled up with anger. I closed my eyes trying to stop my tears from falling.

But sometimes, this loneliness makes my heart heavy, makes my body crushed. I remembered the warmth of having someone care about you, feeling cozy to have someone worry for you, lively to have someone living only for you. I wished I could feel that body heat. I missed him; anger started to engulf me from my chest. I wanted to become reckless, self-destructive.

"Here's your order ma'am! Have a nice day"- the waiter said smiling and holding the box of happiness. I picked up my phone and typed - "Reached. And..thanks for asking. Enjoy your lunch."