10: Artist
There were a ton of disgusting, horrible stories out in the world. Some of them were bad situations outside of anyone's control, some were terrible accidents, some of them were due to people who couldn't control their feelings, and others were from people who had some kind of evil lurking in them. And as horrible as it sounded, all of those stories had a purpose when they were told. Knowledge was power, and if more people heard the story, the less likely it would happen again.
But now that Courtney specifically asked me not to tell her story about what happened at the sorority Christmas party, what was I supposed to do with the information I had collected and the warning I had already begun to concoct for everyone about the dangers of the real world? I knew life sucked by this point in my life, but there were still plenty of people who hadn't been kicked in the ass quite yet. They still had wide eyes and hope for humanity.
As I explained to Ryan what Courtney had said to me, he let his shoulders slump. "Oh. Well, I guess that's it then. We can't ask her to relive that."
I nodded. "Unfortunately, I do think we've hit a bit of a dead end at the moment. But I promised Isabel a good story that was going to get us clicks, and now that I don't have one anymore, can you guess which one she's going to want to use?"
"Layla, there's a huge difference in the trauma of being violated and almost dying versus getting embarrassed at a football game."
"I know that. I just—" I hesitated. "There's also a huge difference in the importance of the two situations. One means something. The other is just worthless entertainment."
He nodded. "That's also true, but sometimes people want to hear stories like yours. Worthless entertainment sells for a reason."
"Are you defending Isabel? Don't you remember how she cropped you out of the headline picture?"
He shook his head vigorously. "Of course not. I'm still very mad about that. But, like, mostly for you. My secondary reason is petty."
I didn't really care why he chose to be on my side as long as he picked the right one.
"So what do we do? We have to come up with some other way to get Courtney's story across without actually telling it or making it seem like she was involved with it in any way," I said.
"Or we just wait and find a new story. Look, Layla, I can tell that this story is important to you. But Courtney went out of her way to tell you that she doesn't want to relive it, and I don't think it's right for you to ask her to."
I knew that. I knew in my heart that I couldn't drag her along with me in the Badger Times just so I could warn everyone that it could happen to them. But why did I have to have the perfect story just ripped from my fingers like that? It had to sound selfish, but I had a job to do.
"Well, Ryan, we need to find a new story to distract me then. You're one for one on getting us into places where we stumble upon a really important story. So tell me, where are we going to get our next article?"
"I don't know if you knew this, but our school is actually in the top four football teams in the country, and they're going to have the chance to play in the national championship game—"
"Nope. I can't do that one, you know, with Corey and all."
He smiled. "I know. So what kind of trouble are you looking to get into today?"
It was the same up-to-something smile he gave me when we had our first conversation in the school news room.
When I met Ryan, he and I were in our second year of college at the University of Wisconsin, but it was his first year as a Badger. He had told me that he was from Arizona, and when I asked him why on earth he would ever want to leave that for the frigid, snowy winters of the northern Midwest, he just laughed and said that the heat in Arizona wasn't any better just because it was dry.
He also told me that Sedona was dead and gone and nothing more than a tourist trap anymore. Everything that made it special once upon a time was replaced, and the neon no longer burned a Saturday night kind of pink, whatever that meant. Even if that was the case, though, it still seemed better than Madison.
We both liked to work on the sports stories, and when Isabel found out that I had the inside connection to future first-round NFL draft pick Corey Hansen, Ryan and I were put on a lot of football stories. I'd write, he'd photograph, and we could put together a good story that people wanted to read between my serious approach and his playful, fun-loving perspective.
"You're the expert on that subject. I trust you," I said.
He thought for a moment, and I waited for the wheels to turn and stumble onto something brilliant, because when my thought train got going, it lead me down a much different track. If I knew myself at all, I would definitely end up right back where I started—sad about Corey's stupid decision.
Would you look at that? I didn't even have to let myself get started. It just happened naturally.
"Well, we could always just run and run and run all around campus and see what kind of chaos finds us. There's got to be a bunch of people doing something exciting somewhere, or there's definitely a tragedy somewhere," Ryan said. It wasn't a well thought-out plan, of course, but at least it was a place to start the shooting-down process.
"Ryan, don't be ridiculous. I work tomorrow morning."
"Your job is really that important? You can't pretend that you don't have any responsibilities for a few hours?"
I shook my head. "Who on earth can do that?"
Of course, my stupid little job at a grocery store wasn't that important to me, but he wouldn't understand my mom's situation, and I wasn't about to explain it all to him.
"Anyone who can accept that the whole entire world isn't going to go to shit the one time they decide to do something for themselves."
"Is this your way to peer pressure me into doing something? I don't know what they teach in schools in Arizona, but here in Wisconsin, they teach us how to say no to drugs and peer pressure."
"I'm not asking you to do coke with me," Ryan said, and then he laughed. "I can't even imagine that. That would be either terrible or hilarious."
It probably would be terrible, but I didn't say that. I barely agreed to go to the party where the Courtney incident happened, and if I let myself do something like that again, it would be the time that something bad happened with Mom, and with Brooke only being in eighth grade, her options would be limited in helping.
Instead, I changed the subject back to finding a new story for us to convince Isabel that mine was no longer the most interesting one in the entire university. "Any ideas that won't ruin my productivity for tomorrow?"
"Look, if you want to get any inspiration for anything, you can't not live your life," he said and held his hands up defensively. "Artists have to really live, Layla."
"I'm not an artist. I report facts, which is much more of a science than anything," I said.
"And scientists need to explore the world to know what questions to ask, so that argument isn't going to work either," Ryan said. "Boom. Try again."
I crossed my arms. I wasn't trying to argue with him. I was only explaining my point of view, because if we were disagreeing, I would have won. Easily.
However, he did have a point in one regard. A story wasn't just going to come to me; I had to search it out and grab it when it finally hit me.
"What if we walk around instead of running?" I asked.
He hesitated. "In the cold?"
"You can wear a coat."
He smiled. "Well, it sounds way less fun than my plan, but I'll compromise."
As I stood up from my seat, I put on my coat and tugged on my white winter hat.
"Your hat is really cool," Ryan said and ran his fingers across the pom-pom. "Did you make it?"
"My mom did. She used to knit all the time," I said.
"Just doesn't have time anymore?"
The problem was that she had plenty of time on her shaky hands that she could barely control anymore, but I nodded anyway. "Let's go find our next story."
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Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading. I'm going to try to update this book as much as I can, but I do have to place priority on 33 Things until that's completed. Thank you for understanding.
So for today's question, if you got arrested today, what would your friends and family assume was the reason?
I feel like they would assume I got arrested for getting in a fight somewhere. And that probably wouldn't be a bad guess, even if I'm really not the type to fight.
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