Note this fic has been in the drafts forever (over two to three years??!!) and I was so unsatisfied with this first chapter I deleted it all and am restarting it <3

It's crazy how I started writing this when I was a junior in school and now I've graduated-

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You needed to get out more. There were times when life felt enjoyable, and like everything was going to work out just fine.

And then boom.

Here comes reality on a bike rolling in to remind you it'll still make you it's bitch.

You sighed as you rolled onto your side, keeping your phone in your hand as you scrolled through short videos. This is what your life mainly consisted of. You kept yourself locked in your room either talking to your internet friends, or playing games. You never talked to your family, you had no friends in real life. The only time you did ever get up was to either go to the bathroom or get a cup of coffee. You never really ate anything, if you really needed to it would be something small and not so much of an inconvenience to prepare. Your bed creaked under you, the plastic ruffling. Your mom liked to keep the plastic on the mattresses so that the mattress never got dirty. It was annoying.

For a moment, your eyes glanced towards your window, the curtains pulled back to reveal the scenery outside. It was nice. It was pretty. It didn't change that emptiness that seemed to swallow you, but every now and again you were reminded that there is still an entire world outside of the box you kept yourself in. You looked back at your phone. It hurt feeling so trapped and alone, the kind of hurt that it was past the point of hurt and felt like nothingness.

It felt like hopelessness.

It felt like.. what's even the point anymore?

You think the world is beautiful, but what's the point of dreaming of it when you've been confined to one space your entire life? So much so that you could never even imagine a life outside of it?

A loud knock, no, bang on your door startled you, and you jumped slightly. That fear quickly turned to pure hot annoyance, "Y/n!! Are you awake in there you lazy bitch, wake the fuck up..! Damn.."

You gritted your teeth, the grip on your phone tightening before you tossed it. Your stepdad. Who had to be so loud, so disruptive. Did he think that made him intimidating, did he think that made him masculine? A man? Real men, you think, don't treat their "family" like this. Like they're doing them a favor, in some way. Like they're owed something. "What?!" You called, not caring to mask your irritation with this man. You rubbed your eyes as you were met with silence, and then another loud bang, "How about open the door, can't nobody hear you!" Your fist hit the comforter, before you pulled the covers back and stood up quickly, too quickly. You almost stumbled back down as your vision blurred and a white noise filled your ears. You shut your eyes tight, taking a breath as all the weight seemed to leave your head. For a split second you could feel every individual beat your heart made, until you faded back into your senses. You opened your eyes, your vision back to normal along with your hearing. You could clearly hear the tv again, along with the hum of the air conditioning somewhere in the house and another loud obnoxious bang on your door.

"Bust the fuckin' door down why don't you.." you mumbled as you stumbled over to the door, trying not to trip on the things you had thrown on the floor. You still weren't all the way there, the lightheadedness never goes away. When you opened the door your eyes slowly looked up to meet his. "... Yes?" You asked after a few seconds of him staring at you with an irritated expression, as if you were supposed to read his mind.

One of your top pet peeves. People staring at you as if expecting something yet not opening their mouth to say it.

"You left your clothes in the washing machine again, do any of us in here look like your maid? Get them the hell out. How many times does one of us have to tell you, it's like the damn gears aren't turning in there." You rolled your eyes. You just forgot. You always do. You'd remember next time. That's what you always said.

His nose scrunched up as he looked past you and around your room. He saw the dishes on your nightstand, the clothes strewn about your floor. A talk stack of novels next to your bed, the way there was a layer of dust on your furniture and surfaces. Trash and paper was on the floor. It wasn't horrible, by any means. There was always worse. But it was very unkept. "How the fuck do you live like this? Dirty, like a pig.. it's like you've never learned how to..-" you crossed your arms, you didn't have a response, from experience it was better to just sit there and endure it. Nothing you said when your parents were upset was enough to reason with either of them.

Sometimes your mind would automatically wonder, like now. You wondered if there were any more popsicles left. Probably not. But the lightheadedness was starting to get annoying, a cup of coffee would help. Surely. It always did. It always got rid of the brain fog and you could think clearly.

You should go make a cup right now except.. oh right. The laundry. And there's no more creamer. Fuck.

".. and you need to pick up these damn clothes from the floor. With as much money as I've spent on your ass you sure are ungrateful. Hello? Are you listening to me?!" He forcefully cupped your face in his hand and turned your head to face his. His eyes bore into yours, he always had a permanent crease in his brow and a frown to his lips. You've never seen him smile, just angry. And it makes you wonder how, and why your mom chose this man. Of all men. Why? He was expecting an answer, his grip tightening on your cheeks.

".. Yes." You mumbled out, barely audible to the fact that he was squishing your face. His eyes narrowed, "Yes... what, bitch?" He spoke low. You released a breath. "Yes sir." With that he let you go, and turned, "Get your clothes out of the wash. And clean this fucking room." He walked away, and you closed the door.

You stared at the full body mirror that hung on the back of your door. From your messy hair, to your tired eyes, to your chapped lips, down to your oversized shirt that hung off your shoulder and your shorts and mismatched socks. You sighed, releasing a heavy breath as you walked to your bed. You slipped on a gray cardigan that was strung across your bed, and walked back to your door, stepping into your house shoes that were set next to it. Better to just get it done now so he'd leave it alone. You opened your door and walked out. Your room was on the second story, and instead of your house having a full upper floor, it more so served as a balcony to the other rooms. You could look over the end of the railing and see all of the kitchen and living room. Your mother was doing the dishes, her sleeves rolled up and her hair tied back by a clip. Your younger brother was on the couch, his toys scattered on the floor and a show was on to preoccupy him. It smelled like your mom had something slow cooking for dinner later.

You walked to the laundry room, opening the door and turning on the light. You started to get your wet clothes out of the washer, tossing them into the dryer. After all of your clothes were transferred you tossed in two dryer sheets and closed the dryer door, turning it on. With that you left, closing the door behind you and going back to your room. You took a look around, the only thing that seemed to be in decent shape were the plants on your dresser and hanging by your window, you took better care of them than you did yourself. It was the only reason you even decided to ever get up and open the blinds. It was comforting knowing that something was at least thriving in this room.

You picked up your clothes off the floor, taking them to the hamper. At least your room was disorganized clothes and papers kind of messy, and not dirty dishes and rotting food messy. That probably would've been your last straw. But you weren't that far gone. Not yet. You picked up the papers next, placing them in your trashcan. Maybe you should get a job. It'd bring you out of the house. You'd be getting paid, at the very least. You'd be away from your family for most of the day. And that in itself seemed like a win.

Your room was already looking a little bit better.