At least he had a shirt on underneath, I thought as I took off running down the street. I didn't have my car keys and wasn't going back in the house to get them. Past my aunt's house, there was a trail through the woods that came out in town. I jumped over the fence and kept running.

A wide hunter's tarp covered several lumpy objects about waist high just inside the woods. I slowed, curiosity taking control.

A quick peek revealed what I feared: abandoned motorcycles. And I knew where the owners were. This trail went through the trees for about fifteen minutes and arrived at the back of Le Lounge, the sleaziest dive this side of the Appalachians and where my aunt liked to hang out playing pool. AND PICKING UP HER NEXT VICTIM.

I couldn't be too dramatic about the whole situation, though. Murders happened. Every family had at least one embarrassment. Dirty laundry and skeletons in the closets. I needed a drink.

I had no wallet, no phone and no car. Normally I needed to be at work in ten minutes. So I didn't have much time to stand around freaking out about my aunt's illicit pastime. I broke into a steady jog and made it to Le Lounge in record time. It was actually open already. Or it hadn't closed, by the looks of the patrons.

"Excuse me, have you seen Jordi Smith? She's fifty, about this tall—"

The grungy bartender pointed without bothering to look up. Aunt Jordi was in a dark corner wrapped, like an OCTOPUS, around a Santa Clausesque gentleman.

"Sorry for interrupting, but I need to talk to you now, Aunt Jordi. In private," I said. She blinked up at me, not placing me immediately.

"I'm Mikey, remember? This is about the basement," I said.

She unwound her arms and legs and tried to stand. "Did you open the door? I told you not to open the goddamm door."

"Buy me a whiskey and then we have to get out of here. We need to talk."

I used her phone to call my boss while she asked for a shot of their cheapest whiskey. It burned viciously all the way to my gut. A little liquid courage would have to go a long way this morning.

"Let's go." I got my aunt into her car, told Mr. Claus that whatever escapades my aunt had promised, he was better off not experiencing them and drove back to her house. During the drive, she assured me that the things I had seen – corpse, tentacles – and heard – splats, ripping, swishing – could all be explained. She passed out as I pulled into the drive.

I had to get a few things in order to leave. My clothes, cash, wallet, laptop and fingerprints off the basement doorknob, for example. Aunt Jordi had mentioned heart attacks and toys to explain the weirdness inside.

Which made a lot more sense than serial killer stalking and monsters in the basement. Sparks flashed at the edges of my vision and the house disappeared, replaced by the huge, floating baby. The sun was rising behind a distant planet, bathing the baby and the black space station around it in golden light. More sparks flashed and I rubbed my eyes trying to clear them.

A floating mega baby was better than my normal saints-to-be being nailed to various trees and posts or having their fingernails torn off. A goat with a metal mask and glowing, green eyes bleated at me from the porch and turned into a puff of smoke.

This migraine was going to be a doozy. I had better call my boss back and tell him I wouldn't be late; I wasn't coming in.

If there was no creepy, tentacled monster in the basement, and simply a heart-attack victim on the kitchen floor, I could reasonably go inside to collect my things. Aunt Jordi would be on her own to explain things to the authorities.

Right.

Move your ass, Mikey.

I made it into the living room without encountering any problems. I peered into the kitchen. The dead man had left, closing the door to the basement.

Great.

I picked up a blue 'West, Highway 45' sign complete with direction arrow and solid, metal post I could swing like a bat. Tiptoeing into the kitchen, I expected the man to attack me zombie-style at any second. Do zombies shut doors? Or leave the sink full of water and live trout? Or straighten crooked signs? The 314 was hanging straight again.

Was zombie dude relaxing in the basement? There was only one way to find out.

Make-shift bat held high, I reached for the doorknob and carefully, slowly turned, hit the resistance and pushed through.

Pop!

I let the door swing open on its own, ready to strike.

A black horror of tentacles and a flaming red starfish head shoved up into the kitchen. Writhing tentacles wrapped around my legs. I was screaming and whacking with the post. High pitched whining filled my ears, a song I could almost hear and understand.

Baby, baby, baby, it seemed to chant. The overwhelming urge to mate rushed through me and I stopped whacking the thing in order to start unbuttoning my pants. It pulled me across the floor to the basement. And some part of my brain was screaming for help, but it was a small insignificant part that I gave a wedgie to. I was getting laid today, ladies and gentlemen!

Aunt Jordi sprayed me and my monster lover with the hose. Cold water jerked my brain from my nether regions and back into my skull.

"What the hell?" I remembered my sign and reached for it.

"Don't you dare hit her! Are you crazy?" she said. Using the hose and her foot, she maneuvered the monstrosity mostly into the basement. "Go get Ted! Get Ted!"

I stumbled out the back door and to the neighbor's house. He must have been watching from a window because he appeared in all his red-neck glory of overalls, pipe and fisherman's hat the moment I hit his yard. Weaving through the piles of rusting machinery, he kept his pop-eyes fixed on me and gills working overtime.

"My aunt needs your help. There's...something crawling out of the basement."

He snarled as he passed me. I got a close-up view of the scales forming on his wet skin and a whiff of fishy smell.

I must have fainted because the next thing I realized was that my head was in Aunt Jordi's lap and she was administering more cheap whiskey to me. I choked it down and sat up.

"What was that thing? The thing in the basement?" In case she wondered which thing. "How could you bring men here and kill them?"

"Despite your fancy degree from the university, you really aren't very smart," she said. "How hard is it to not open a door? Let a whole mess loose that way."

"What's going on?"

"Well, I'm saving the human race and quite possibly the world."

"By sacrificing men to it? And what the hell is up with Ted turning into a fish?"

"Mikey, Mikey. A few men are dead, sure, but I think the human race won't miss them much. I mean, I'm keeping their genes out of our pool and in hers, you know?"

"No. I don't know."

"Listen. She came to me, I found her with Ted. He was chosen to be her feeder and I was chosen to find her suitable mates to make a master race. She wants to rule humans and Earth through humanoid children."

"It's a space alien? Is that what you're telling me? This is our first contact with life from outer space?"

She nodded giggling. "Can you believe it? And it wants to rule us!"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Why do you think I've been bringing home the scummiest, dumbest hicks on the planet for it to mate with?"

I blinked.

"Which is why I couldn't let her get her hands on you, my brainy duckling. She's my guest and I've got the house filled with nonsense signs of where she needs to go next and men whose I.Q. is so low, they barely reach the chart. Do you want some fried chicken tonight?"

*** And that's the end! I used the following prompts: 314, Men in black and green suits, Space ship, T-Rex in a neighborhood, Giant robot and mountains, Space Baby. I want to say a huge thank you to Oorah! and AngusEcrivain for hosting the contest as well as the very kind judges who volunteered to help! You may have already noticed, but there are also a handful of H. P. Lovecraft stories referenced. Hope you spot them. :-) It's been fun!!! ***