Robin and the Red Crow by missivylynn

Review conducted by aar_nalu

Cover 5/5 points

Strengths:

~Visual appeal: The cover is eye-catching and richly atmospheric! The blend of vibrant reds and darker tones evokes an aura of mystery and danger, perfectly fitting the themes suggested by the title and blurb. The crow prominently featured gives the cover a strong focal point, while the subtle details (like the sunlight filtering through or the design on the crow) add depth and intrigue. The font choice for the title is clean and readable, with subtle flourishes that add a touch of elegance and sophistication. I also personally love your placement of the title! Making the words "and" and "the" small with its placement is unique and interesting to look at. This book I would definitely at least pick up based off of the way the cover looks.

~Symbolism: The crow symbolizes intelligence, mystery, and perhaps even omens, while the title suggests an emotional or personal connection to the crow. Together, they hint at a story of hidden depths and secrets. The combination of nature and magical elements suggests a balance between the fantastical and the grounded, aligning well with the story's magical yet gritty Wild West setting.

Suggestions:

~Tagline Addition: Adding a short tagline to the cover could further tease the story's tone or stakes. Examples:

"In a world of magic and betrayal, nothing is as it seems."

"Secrets hide in the shadows, where the Red Crow reigns."

(These are just examples though.)

~Font Enhancements: While the font is clear and stylish, slight shadowing could make the title stand out even more against the background.

Title 4.5/5 points

Strengths:

~Intriguing: The title creates instant intrigue with its contrast of "Robin," an ordinary-sounding name, and "Red Crow," which carries strong symbolic and fantastical undertones. The contrast makes it memorable and suggests a relationship between the mundane and the magical.

~Genre Clarity: The title suggests a fantasy or magical realism genre, with elements of adventure or mystery, making it appealing to readers of such genres.

Suggestions:

For me, I don't know if I would pick this book up based off of the title, but I do find it to be interesting!

Blurb 3.5/5 points
Strengths:

~Core Concept: The premise is unique, blending elements of fantasy, mystery, and a Wild West twist. The blurb effectively establishes the setting (Sunshine Acres) and introduces the key players (the sorceress, her apprentice, Robin, and the shape-shifting beast).

Tone and Voice: The mix of whimsy and danger comes through clearly, especially in the dialogue snippet at the end. The line, "Might as well admit you're lookin' for trouble, boy," captures the tone perfectly and leaves the reader intrigued.

~Hints of Intrigue: The mention of "hidden dangers" and the sorceress's "secrets" teases the reader while leaving enough mystery to draw them in.

Suggestions:

~Opening Hook: The first sentence lacks punch and doesn't immediately grab attention. Consider starting with something more vivid or character focused. For example:

"Robin didn't come to Sunshine Acres for magic. He came to find his brother—and found trouble instead."

~Character Stakes: Flesh out Robin's personal stakes and motivations beyond being "desperate." Why is he so determined to find his brother? What does he stand to lose?

~Ending Hook: The final line could be more impactful by hinting at the story's deeper themes or stakes. For example:

"But as secrets unravel and shadows close in, Robin discovers that surviving Sunshine Acres might mean losing himself."

Prologue 8.5/10 points

~I like how you started off with a letter!

~The prologue is interesting! From the letter and other context, Robin is looking for his brother Otto (who seems like a character based on Robin saying it'll be a wild goose chase). I think I'm picking up that he's looking for his brother Otto up (from the letter). This does pique my interest in what happened for Otto to ask if he's tired of being a hero yet. It also sets what we're going to be doing for the next chapters so I think it's a good start. I think based off of the prologue I would keep reading to find out what happens next! However, after reading the first chapter, the prologue just feels like a start to chapter one so they can almost be combined. For me when writing a prologue, I ask myself what is its purpose? I also ask myself, "Can this information be incorporated into the main story instead?" If so, you might not need a prologue. In this case, I feel like you don't.

Character 8.5/10 points

Robin~ He seems quite clever! However, I feel like I don't get to know much about him or his thoughts. (I'll explain this in plot.)

Plot 13/15 points

~The pacing for the story felt a bit slow for me. Robin trying to find his brother was a good start for the first chapter, but it felt dragged along for the next few chapters. Sometimes I felt like the dialogue wasn't necessary. While dialogue and descriptions of the visuals are a vital part of any story, it needs to do more than just entertain. It should move the plot forward or reveal something important about the characters. Robin's character feels underdeveloped. In any story, the core elements of character, plot, setting, and theme must work together to keep the reader engaged. If a scene doesn't contribute to at least one of these, it risks losing the reader's attention. In every scene should support two or more of these elements, though focusing on one can still be effective when executed well. When writing character exchanges, consider how each conversation can reveal more about the character's motivations, deepen the plot, or enrich the setting. Even better, have characters discuss ideas that are linked to the story's themes. This approach ensures that dialogue feels purposeful, keeping the reader engaged while also strengthening the story's foundation.

Writing Style 18/20 points

Strengths:

~Your visuals were good! I didn't find them overwhelming or like an information dump. One thing that writers find it hard to do is not go overboard on their descriptions. Overall, you did a good job with this! (If I noticed it was too much, I commented on it in-line.) I also like your use of short sentences for a more dramatic effect.

~Your chapters were a good length!

Suggestions:

~Grammatical errors that I mention in other sections.

~Sometimes I felt like the spacing in-between paragraphs was too soon. The way it was broken up in some spots, it was like sometimes each paragraph was only a sentence. Some of them could've been combined, especially when they relate to one another. Here are my big five when writing:

1) When a new speaker talks (in dialogue).

2) When the focus shifts (new idea or action).

3) To create dramatic impact.

4) To establish pacing (is it quick or slow?).

5) To describe setting or mood shifts.

~Keeping these things in mind, I would suggest writing like this in the future so your thoughts aren't broken up. Sometimes I found it a bit hard to read because the spacing was broken up in a way where I felt like they went more together at times. Does this make sense to you?
~Funnily enough with all my commentary above, I felt like some paragraphs could've been broken up. Just keep in mind what I said before about when to do so for future reference in yoru writing!

Dialogue 8/10 points

Strengths:

~I love your use of slang! It fits the setting of your book and feels like a very natural conversation!

~Your prologue was a good length. It felt like a mini introduction for some of your characters.

Suggestions:

~Grammatically, some of the quotes had a couple of errors (I pointed this out in your in-line comments.)

~I suggest adding more dialogue tags. I didn't see them very often. I copied the advice from another review I wrote but I think it'll be helpful for you! Here it is below of what I'm talking about:
1) Anger and frustration:

a) "Get out of here!" he roared, slamming his fist onto the table. His face was flushed, and his glare could have melted steel.

2) Fear and urgency:

a) "Get out of here!" she shrieked, stumbling backward as her wide eyes darted to the shadow looming in the doorway.

3) Playful annoyance:

a) "Get out of here!" he laughed, throwing a pillow in her direction. The corners of his mouth twitched upward, even as he pretended to look stern.

~Sandwich your quotes more. (I noticed sometimes you did this very well, but other times not so much.) I mean instead of having the quote in just the beginning or ending of the paragraph, sometimes have it in between and add context around it.

Here's an example:

Before:

"I've missed you," she said, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

After:

Her breath hitched as she saw him standing there, as if no time had passed. "I've missed you," she whispered, pulling him into a tight embrace. For a moment, the world around them faded away, and all that remained was the warmth of his arms.

In my opinion here, it feels more like a show not tell situation, if that makes sense. It provides more context and leaves more room for you to work within your description. However, sometimes you do want that quick and forth banter to make it feel like a natural conversation...Does this make sense for you???

Grammar 16.5/20 points

Strengths:

~For the most part good use of puncation, italics, and capitalization!

Suggestions:

~I wrote it in the in-line comments but there were a few errors:

Spacing of punctuation. Sometimes the words would be on top of the comma or quotation marks.

Some of the commas were not placed correctly. A comma shouldn't be outside of your quotation marks, but always inside.

Overall score: 85.5/100