Mask & Mirrors by Sparkle_sunshinee7

Interview conducted by aar_nalu

Sorry in advance if the formatting is weird, I can send this to you via Google doc as well! I hope you find my feedback and let me know if you're confused or need more advice! I'll gladly help  :)

Cover 4/5 points:

Strengths:

~Visual Appeal: The black and white color scheme gives the cover a bold, dramatic feel that matches the title, Mask and Mirrors. This creates an atmosphere that can be used to immediately grab a reader's attention! The intense close-up of the couple conveys passion and mystery, which aligns well with the theme of deception described in the blurb. The title font is clean and well designed, with "Mask" in bold contrast to "and Mirrors," which gives a subtle reflection effect, reinforcing the theme of duplicity.

~Tagline: The tagline, "I love you as much as I hate you," adds an element of intrigue, hinting at a complicated and volatile relationship central to the story.

~Symbolism: The mask suggests themes of deception, hidden truths, and dual identities, aligning with the blurb's focus on secrets and unraveling facades. The juxtaposition of closeness between the characters with the concept of "masks" effectively ties into the title, Mask and Mirrors.
Suggestions:

~Tagline Alignment: The tagline at the top feels slightly off-centered and could benefit from repositioning for better balance and alignment. Moving it to the center or adjusting its placement to complement the overall layout would enhance the visual appeal (or perhaps you did this on purpose and I'm wrong).

~Contrast & Readability: While the black and white palette is elegant, the script font for, "I love you as much I hate you" blends slightly into the background. Increasing the contrast or adjusting the font color could improve readability without detracting from the aesthetic.

~Element Balance: The red lipstick logo at the bottom is a bold choice, but it stands out against the black and white palette in a way that feels disconnected. Softening its tone or incorporating red accents elsewhere on the cover (like in the title or tagline) might create a more cohesive look. 

~Mirror concept from title: Adding a subtle detail, such as the glimmer of a mirror in the background or faint reflections, could tie in the "mirror" symbolism more directly with the title and story.

Title 4/5 points:
Strengths:

~Intrigue and Mystery:The title is captivating and evokes curiosity! It suggests themes of deception, hidden truths, and duality, which align with the themes of the blurb. Also, the title is short, memorable, and impactful. Its simplicity makes it easy to recall while still being layered with meaning.

Suggestions:

~For me, there's a 50/50 I'll pick this up (why a blurb is important to tie the reader in more) I would suggest adding a twist to the tile. While Mask & Mirrors is intriguing, tweaking the title slightly could make it stand out even more and give readers a stronger sense of the story's tone, themes, and genre. Adding depth or a unique twist to the title might align it more closely with the plot and create additional layers of meaning.

~Examples:

Through the Mask and Mirror

This variation has a more introspective tone, suggesting a journey or transformation as the characters confront their true selves and navigate the layers of deceit.

Masks & Mirrors: Reflections of Deception

This version retains the original title but adds a subtitle to make the theme of lies, duality, and self-reflection more explicit. The subtitle gives readers a clearer sense of what the story will explore while maintaining the elegance of the original title.

Blurb 3.5/5 points:
Strengths:

~The blurb does an excellent job of setting the tone for a story filled with secrets, deceit, and self-reflection. The metaphor of wearing masks to conceal one's true self is compelling, and the imagery of facades unraveling creates intrigue. The ending sentence of the first paragraph, where the truth is described as being reflected back in the mirror, ties in beautifully with the title and leaves readers curious about the characters' revelations.
Suggestions:

~While the blurb is atmospheric, it's somewhat vague and doesn't give readers enough concrete details about the story's central conflict or the roles of Nandini, Manik, and the other characters. Providing a hint of the stakes and what the characters stand to lose or gain as their secrets unravel would add depth and urgency. Additionally, while the metaphor of masks works well, it might help to balance this with more tangible descriptions of the story's setting or time period. Are we dealing with modern society, a fantasy world, or something in between?
~The second half of the blurb felt out of place for me. It went sexual and didn't give much context of why.

Prologue 7/10 points

Strengths:

~Builds up the sexual tension and makes the reader wonder how they got where they were. This makes the reader what to read to find out what will happen next!

Suggestions:

~I understand the sexual concept, but I felt it was a bit much from the get go. Maybe build up to it a bit more.

Character 4.5/10 points

~Main Character: Nandini

I want to start off with I love the unique names you have! Moving past that, Nandini seems like she's doing everything she can to get through college. She seems hard working and pushes towards the goals she wants to reach.
~Main Character: Manik

It felt like his whole personality revolved around sex (maybe he has character development?)...but his obsession with Nandini was intriguing to figure out why along with Manik himself and watch it all unravel. 

Update: 

~I read again to respond to your comments and provide feedback I didn't realize that this character was going to be explicit and not ask for consent. This character's thoughts do revolve around sex as we saw in chapter three where he touches Alia and pretends it was an accident. 

Plot 13.5/15 points

I mention this in other sections! I think overall, the plot is interesting and has potential. I love the build-up to the title with the New Year's party! (Masks at the New Year party.)

Writing Style 6.5/10 points

Strengths:

~The internal thoughts and casual tone reflect the personality of the narrator well. The confident, slightly detached perspective makes the character intriguing.

~Character Dynamic: The interaction between characters offer their dynamics and hints at deeper tension, which adds interest to the story!
Suggestions:
~Grammar and Sentence Structure: The grammar and syntax need polishing to improve readability and professionalism (I go over this more in the grammar portion).

For example:

~"messy hairs" → Should be "messy hair" (hair is uncountable).

~"half - dressed entering college" → Remove the unnecessary space before the hyphen and rewrite for clarity: "half-dressed as I entered college."
~Pacing: Some sections feel rushed. For example, the description of entering the college and moving to the canteen could include more sensory details or reflections to immerse the reader in the scene.

Descriptions 7/10 points

Can I visualize the scenes?

Strengths:

~Character Insight: The description of the protagonist's disheveled appearance contrasts with their usual perfectionist tendencies, offering insight into their state of mind. (First chapter with Manik.)

~The internal reflections help convey the characters' self-awareness and personality~

Suggestions:

~Make sure you do show not tell.

~Scene Visualization:Add more vivid sensory details to bring the setting to life. For example:

Describe the canteen (e.g., its smell, noise, or atmosphere).

When Alia brings the coffee, mention the aroma or the warmth of the cup to make the scene more immersive.

~Grammar and clarity

Dialogue 6.5/10 points

Strengths:

~Natural Flow: The dialogue feels casual and conversational, which suits the dynamic between the characters. It reflects how people might naturally speak in real life, making the exchange relatable.

~Character Personality:The tone of the dialogue conveys the characters' personalities effectively. Manik's nonchalant and dismissive replies highlight his confidence and emotional detachment, while Alia's hesitant and soft responses reflect her timidity or nervousness around him.

Suggestions:

~Dialogue Tags and Style:Use more variety in how dialogue is presented to avoid repetition. For instance:

"She gulped and replied in a soft tone" → Rewrite as "She swallowed hard, her voice soft as she replied."

~Break up long paragraphs of dialogue with action or thoughts to maintain rhythm and engagement.

~Word Choice: Avoid redundancy and refine phrasing for impact. For example:

"plumpy lips aching to say something but she doesn't bother" → Could be rewritten as "her full lips parted as though she wanted to speak, but she held back."

Grammar 13.5/20 points

~Chapters 1-3 and beginning of 4 need to be refined in grammar, but chapter 5 is perfect! (I marked this in your story). This threw off my grading as well, so I gave a grade with chapters 1-4 being more heavily weighed since it's more of what I read.

Suggestions:
~Make sure to use a proper em dash (—) for proper punctuation in formal writing instead of a hyphen (-).

~Punctuation. Make sure to make proper use of commas, periods, semicolons, em dash, etc. I provide examples in the comment section of your story.

~Make sure to stay in the present or past tense. I think you lean more toward the past but it flipped around in the story.

~I wrote comments on your chapters to help guide you in the right direction! If my explanations don't make sense, I'll try to break it down better :)

Overall score: 69/100
Other comments:

~You asked about the pacing, and I think there are areas where it could be smoothed out more (I've highlighted this in my comments above). Overall, you're off to a good start! However, I have to be honest—I probably wouldn't continue reading if I picked this book up. For me, the tone feels heavily sexual right away, and it's a bit overwhelming without much build-up (it smoothes out chapter five, if it started like that I would continue reading). I mentioned how I don't like to read a plot with smut surrounding it, so I hope you understand. That said, I understand this style appeals to some readers, so it's definitely a matter of personal preference. One other thing to note is grammar, but that's something that can be easily improved with some editing. With more polished grammar, deeper character insights, and tightened phrasing, the writing style has the potential to become more engaging and impactful. Keep building on the strong foundation of character voice and atmospheric detail!