His Captive Heart by Yaahvika

Review conducted by aar_nalu

I hope this review is helpful for you. Please do let me know about any questions about the feedback or if you have suggestions for me to improve this process for you guys!

Cover 3.5/5 points

Strengths:

~Visual Appeal: The cover has the two main characters, both having a bit of their faces cut off on the sides of the cover. Seeing the side profile and intense look of Rivansh as he looks off to the side makes me curious what he's staring at. I wonder what its significance is. Anvika is looking in the same direction, furthering my curiosity about what is so important over there. I also like the nose room you used that created suspense. Nose room is a term my college uses (that a lot of photographers use too I'm sure) that leaves open space where the nose is facing. It's more appealing for viewers and looks a lot better!

~Title placement: I like where you have the title and how it progressively gets bigger as it heads more toward the bottom. The word "heart" is very emphasized and hints at it being important in the story.

Suggestions:

~Tagline Addition: Adding a tagline could enhance intrigue and provide a hint about the story's tone or themes. Here's some examples for you:

1) A tale of intense romance and betrayal

2) A story of forced marriage with dangerous romance

(These are just examples that I thought of quickly, so I'm sure you can come up with something better.)

~Name of Author: Make sure to put your name on your book just so no one copies your work and so we can know who the name of the author is.

~Filter or Photoshop: I'm not sure what it is, but the cover almost looks like AI (not saying that it is) but the characters almost don't look human because of either a heavy filter or something on Photoshop.

~More Connection to Characters:  I think putting Anvika in her scrubs or having a stethoscope around her neck could add more character.

Title 4/5 points:

Strengths:

~Emotional Impact: The title immediately conveys a sense of intensity, passion, and conflict. The word "Captive" suggests themes of obsession, control, and entrapment, while "Heart" hints at emotional stakes and romance.

~Genre Clarity: It aligns well with a dark romance or romantic suspense novel, making it clear to potential readers what type of story to expect.

~Memorable and Intriguing: The contrast between "Captive" and "Heart" creates a tension that can hook readers.

Suggestions:

~Uniqueness: While the title does grab my attention, it may not stand out in the crowded romance genre, as "Captive" and "Heart" are commonly used in titles. Consider a variation that emphasizes the story's uniqueness. For example:

The Captive's Gamble (you don't have to use this, but just example to explain what I'm talking about)

~Depth: If you don't want to change the title, then you can add to it instead to help make it different from others! Adding a subtitle or minor tweak could enhance the title's appeal. For example:

1) His Captive Heart: A Tale of Love and Betrayal

2) His Captive Heart: Bound by Obsession

Blurb 3.5/5 points
Strengths:

~Compelling Conflict: The blurb establishes a high-stakes dynamic between Anvika and Rivansh, blending themes of power, control, and emotional tension. The idea of a forced marriage and the darker secrets adds intrigue and raises questions that encourage readers to keep going.

~Emotionally Charged Ending: The last few sentences where the gun is raised and the unexpected twist is hinted at creates suspense and emotional pull, leaving readers wanting to uncover what happens next.

~Duality of Love and Power: The blurb explores contrasting themes (logic vs. power, love vs. control), which enrich the premise and appeal to fans of morally complex stories.

Suggestions:

~Length and Pacing: The blurb is too long, which risks losing the reader's attention. Streamlining it to focus on the core elements would make it more engaging. For example, trim repetitive details and condense some sentences.

~Opening Hook: The current opening is a bit vague. Start with something more direct and gripping, such as:

1) "She valued logic. He craved control. Fate made her his captive."

2) "Anvika Mehra never imagined her independence would be ripped away—until Rivansh Singh Rathore forced her into his world."

~Focus on Stakes: Add more specificity about Rivansh's secrets and what Anvika risks losing. For example:

1) "But Rivansh's obsession is a mask for secrets darker than she could imagine. With her freedom, trust, and heart at stake, Anvika must decide whether to fight for control or risk falling for the man who holds her captive."

~Ending Questions: Avoid overloading with too many rhetorical questions. Combine them for a stronger impact. For example:

1)"When the gun goes off, will it mark the end of their story—or rewrite their fate forever?"

First Chapter 9.5/10 points

Strengths:

~The opening sentence, "The operation theatre smelled like blood and antiseptic."—is a solid start. It quickly pulls the reader into a specific, intense setting and makes them imagine what it's like to be there. Using the sense smell, helps the scene feel vivid and real. (I felt like I could imagine it more detailed in my mind, if that makes sense.) After that omg it literally went downhill. You had me at the end of my seat wondering what was going to happen next. I mean, Anvika was literally kidnapped and had no choice but to sign a marriage certificate for what? The reader doesn't know, so this builds up great suspense as we uncover why!

Suggestions:
~The first chapter felt a bit short. Ideally, at minimum, you want to have at least 1500 words per chapter. If you ever want to enter a Wattpad competition, sometimes the minimum per chapter they require is 2000.

Character 10/10 points

~Anvika: is absolutely feisty and I absolutely love that. Even with everything she's been through, she still has kickback and doesn't just bow down even when Rivansh tries to force her to.

~Rivansh: I don't really like this character too much (I mean he kidnapped a doctor after a 12 hour long shift and then proceeded to try to get her to sign a marriage certificate instead of just ASKING her...). However, I have to say he's well written. He has this dangerous charm to him that is attractive for his character's personality. I'm curious as to why he wants her and why her.

Plot 15/15 points

I've kind of mentioned this in other sections, but I love the suspense you've built up from the very first sentence in chapter one. When I saw the description say arranged marriage, I thought it was going to be some trope of a cliche plot that included something like a business deal for the marriage. Or maybe one that the parents force them to. I've never read a plot where a person gets kidnapped to sign a marriage certificate...I was very intrigued to see what will happen next. Then to find out the reason was because he basically fell in love at first sight? I don't know why, but I laughed out loud at this because if that was the case... Why didn't he just ask her out on a date or try to win her heart in a different way?

Writing Style 19/20 points

Strengths:

I can easily visuzale the scene you're setting. You mix up short, medium, and long sentences very well. I love your placement of short sentences because it has a dramatic impact on what's happening.

Suggestions:

~This isn't exactly about writing style, but I felt that some of the chapters were short. You want to have at least 1500 words per chapter.

Dialogue 10/10 points

Strengths:

~You diversely used different dialogue tags to convey the tones of the characters. You place the quotes conveniently, sometimes in the middle, providing more context of what the character is doing. I like how you described the details of what the characters were doing as well! Your quotes felt natural and not forced. You also didn't overload your audience and had a really good balance!

Suggestions:
None for this section!

Grammar 19.5/20 points

Strengths:

~Proper use of punctuation

~Good capitalization

~Consistent use of past tense

Suggestions:

~Make sure to put italics for internalized thoughts. This rarely happened so it's not too big of a deal!

Overall score: 94/100

Other comments:

One thing you asked for feedback for was your plot. I think you've done a fantastic job with your plot! It's not cliche and feels very original. I quite enjoy reading it and I think it has a lot of potential to grow further and build tracking around it. I wish you luck dine the line in your writing as well!