Lance dumped his helmet down on his bed next to him as he sunk into the fabric.

He was quite frankly, exhausted, and honestly wanted nothing more than to just strip off his paladin armour and sleep, but, what happened earlier that day... just wouldn't leave his mind.

No matter how much he tried to shove it aside or replace it with much more pleasurable thoughts, it just stayed there, fixed in place.

They had been fighting the Galra again, of course.

One of Zarkon's higher ups had made a last ditch attempt to recapture some alliance territory, and had sent a fleet to a planet inhabited by a generally pacifistic race, and set up a very quick and inefficient base.

Team Voltron was close, so decided to quickly swing by and free the planet once again from Galra control, but, it didn't go so well.

The first part was smooth, getting in there and 'kicking furry butt' as Lance put it.

That lead to a few comedic lines being thrown around the communications. Pidge pointing out that Lance technically just called Keith a furry, and Hunk adding "But Keith doesn't have fluff" and Shiro telling them to get on with the task at hand but secretly laughing in his lion. Allura was rolling her eyes the whole time.

But then, it all turned sour. The commander who lead the operation attempted escape in a small Galra shuttle, and Lance - as pilot of the red lion, the fastest lion - was sent after them, to catch them before they got away.

Just as the red lion's jaws were about to close on the shuttle, it barrel-rolled to the side and shot straight into the nearby asteroid field, too dangerous and tightly packed for the lions to follow.

He had let the commander get away, because he didn't anticipate an obvious move. He had let the team down.

None of them said anything nasty to him, Hunk even patted him on the back when they got back to the castle, mumbling:

"Nice try, Lance."

But even so, he could tell that he disappointed them. The way they looked at him when they thought he wasn't looking. The way they avoided eye contact.

Maybe he was just imagining it, but what if he wasn't?

He felt like crying, but instead he just put on a neutral facade and went back to his room, and that brought him back to the present.

Why on earth didn't he think about any attempts at evasion? Why didn't he chase the shuttle away from the asteroid field? Now that he was past that time, able to look back on it, he could think of so many things he should have done.

That he didn't.

Why the hell did Keith have to go and join the Blades? He should have been the one piloting the red lion. He was better at it.

Lance just... messed up. All the time.

The universe was on his shoulders. He had to pilot the red lion to form Voltron, but by doing that, he was putting the universe in jeopardy.

If only Keith would come back, pilot Red again... but then... where would he go?

Allura could pilot Blue better than he ever could. Neither Hunk or Pidge were going to give up their lions, and Shiro was back in his place as leader of Voltron in the Black Lion.

He'd just... be on the side. Useless.

Doing nothing at all. Stuck in the castle, alone. Of course, Coran would be around but...

Why would anyone keep up a friendship with him if he was no longer part of the team?

His use would be so limited, his uselessness almost infinite.

It hurt to think about it.

He just wanted to go home, but home was a long way away. He had nobody to talk to. He was too scared to question the rest of the team on their feelings about him.

He knew what they were anyway.

They found him obnoxious and annoying. Lance knew it, but he kept on being obnoxious and annoying because he was just... too scared.

Too scared to look weak.

Too scared to show his true emotions.

He was scared that they would cut him off, quicker than ever before.