I killed 10 men. The process how brutal I was is vivid to my memory but the reasons behind my crimes are mystery. Why can't I remember my goal for killing?

  I know my name, my age, my favorite color and my favorite movie. Then why did my memory erased the most important part of my life? All I have right now is the last page of my diary with notes: "There's one more person I need to kill."

  It's been five years already. I'm well hiding myself from the authority while staying low. I never kill anyone since then but the guilt is always in my head.

  "Pizza delivery!"

  By working in water station, I rented a small space in an underground. Living here could be a little hard - cold, dark, eerie; but I managed to tidy it up as much as possible. There's no other choice for me since I'm hiding like a rat.

  "How much is it?" I asked to delivery boy.

  "Same price like last week," he said energetically.

  I always order on the same place but now that I looked into the delivery guy's face, I just noticed that they send same guy even from before. Not that I grew fond on him.

  "6pm," I uttered. "You're very energetic."

  "Thank you ma'am," he shyly said. His face is round, as well as his eyes. The way he smile is lovely, especially when it has a touch of shyness on each corners of his lips. Looking closely, he's cute.

  He isn't wearing any ID or nametags so there's no way of knowing his name unless I have the courage to ask him; frankly, I don't.

  "M-Ma'am! Your hand is bleeding! Omg!" He gasped after he gave my changes.

  I was cleaning on my bathroom when I accidentally hit my hand somewhere. Maybe I got this because of that.

  "I'm okay. It doesn't hurt," I said.

  "There's no way it does not!"

  Actually, it doesn't REALLY hurt. I've noticed this abnormality a long time ago. Whenever I got wounded, I don't feel any pain at all.

  "You need to go to the hospital. Come on ma'am, I'll take you," he offered.

  But I declined. "No need. I'll take care of my wound."

  He blinked swiftly as if he was left dumbfounded by my nonchalant response. "Are you..." He let out a long pause. "...scared that I might done bad to you? Well, it isn't easy to trust a stranger. But I've been delivering pizza for you since last year."

  He does?! For one year?! How can I not notice when he's this cute?!

  "N-No. I'm not scared," I stuttered.

  Among us, I'm the one who he should be wary of. I'm the dangerous one.

  "Then let's go to the hospital. You're bleeding too much," he begged.

  It's not like I'm playing hard to get. But I'm a criminal. Going to the hospital is like leaving the mousehole and accepting the cheese in the trap.

  "I hate going to the hospital," I uttered as I dropped my eyes on the floor before putting it back on his curious stare.

  He scratched his head. Faking a laugh, he snatched the pizza box on my hand. "If you won't mind, I'll aid your wound. I'm also leaving alone so I learn how to take care of myself."

  "..."

  "IT IT JUST MY GUESS THAT YOU'RE LEAVING ALONE OKAY?! I AM NOT A STALKER!"

  "..."

  "Hmmmm. Yeah. Maybe I'm butting in too much. Sorry ma'am."

  "What is your name?"

  "Huh?"

  "Your name."

  "S-Seungkwan."

  My friendship with the pizza delivery boy starts.

  Because Seungkwan and I are both busy, we casually met once a week- exactly every Sunday.

  Our personalities really differ. Seungkwan is a joker type, someone who can't stay still without talking while I'm a cold type who rarely talk. Still, we're having fun together. Bit by bit, I am forgetting the fact of my misdeeds.

  "And then boom! Jack kick his ass,"  he shared while we are drinking beers on my couch.

  "That's funny," I shook my head with a crackle of laugh.

  "You don't know how much I restrained myself from laughing since John is my boss."

  We both stopped to sip on our beers.

  "You know," I murmured. My hands were wrapped around the cold can and I watched the droplets of cold water drips to my fingertips. "You sounded like the most happiest person in Earth. I wish I could be like you."

  "Am I?" I heard a long and sharp breathe from him. "No. I maybe look okay outside but I once have a nightmare of my life that I would never forget."

  "Hmmm," I mumbled. "I'll listen."

  "Years ago, when I was delivering, I saw a bunch of guys who were dragging a girl inside of abandoned warehouse. I was so scared that I hid behind the cornered wall while watching. The girl was screaming and crying for help, until our eyes met. 'Help me,' she mouthed. She repeated the same words again and again but...."

  I title my head onto his side. He is clutching the canned of beer on his hands.

  "But you were scared," I continued his fear.

  He nodded his head very slow.

  "I went home," his voice cracked. "After some hours, I called the police. But it's too late. The lady was raped."

Biting his lips firmly, Seungkwan finally looked into my eyes as if meeting my gaze could kill him.

  "I'm coward right?"

  "Being scared is not a sin." I gulped my beer in one shot and shoot the empty can in the trash bin. "You should not blame everything to yourself. Human's imperfection made us this way."

  When I tilted my eyes back to him, Seungkwan smiled in relief. "I've always hear this answer but when it came from you, it's different."

  Next thing was my hand landed on his back. "Breathe. It's not all your fault so breathe."

  The suffocation of guilt, I know it. Breathing in ease is something I couldn't do. In fact, Seungkwan's mistake is nothing compared to mine.

"There's a ketchup on your lips," he pointed.

  We ate pepperoni pizza a moment ago so maybe that's when I had this. I raised my hand and quickly wiped my lips.

  "It is gone?" I asked.

  Seungkwan leaned a little closer, squinting his eyes to check my lips. "Yup. It's all clean."

  When he lifted his gaze, our eyes locked on each other. My body doesn't move the way I wanted to. It freeze, like I sat here just to be on his side. I felt uncomfortable with my pulse racing this much, but at the same time, I'm excited.

  "Your lips looks so soft," he whispered. That's when my eyes went down on his lips too.

  "Yours look softer," I murmured beneath my heavy breathes.

  "No way," he said. The moment Seungkwan cut the distance between us, my eyes were closing and my lips parted. "Should we check whose lips are softer?" He inhaled before I could feel his lips brushing on mine.

  This feeling I have is something new. There's no fireworks or detailed picture on my dark view while we're kissing just like how novels illustrated what first kiss should be. Simply, I felt his tongue swirling with mine, his hand on my back, and his chest pushing me down so I could lay below him. It was our skin ship that appeared in my imagination and I was freaking nervous.

  "So soft," he expelled a deep low moan in the middle. I opened my eyes for a bit and saw his blushing face from above. Once again, I closed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around his nape.

  When I said that "being scared is not a sin", I hesitated by my own idea. I am starting to love someone that I was scared to get caught. How will I tell him my pasts? How will I hide my crimes to the person I love?

  I am a monster. And as the days passes by, my sin is getting bigger.

  "Seungkwan," I called his name while my head is leaning down on his arm.

  "Hmmm?" Beside me, he mumbled.

  "What if... I'm a monster? Will you still love me?"

  His chuckles sounds more loud since my ear was on his bare chest. "Of course. Whoever you are or whatever you do, I will love you." He bend a little then kissed my forehead.

  With that... I'm happy.

  One Sunday night, I picked up the daily newspaper in front of the door. I was sleep all day so I picked it up very late. Yawning, I walked inside while reading the headline.

  [The police named the serial killer from 6 years ago. They discovered that the suspect was a professor from Harvard university who took revenge of her sister's death. The investigation revealed that the victims were actually the suspects behind the unsolved rape case of a young girl who was killed and abandoned in a warehouse. Superintendent Kim...]

  I didn't continue reading the whole story and threw the newspaper on the couch. Stepping in front of the fridge to fetch some water, Seungkwan came in.

    "Hi baby, I just finished my house chores," he greeted by hugging me from behind. "Did you sleep all day again?" Sniffing my neck, I felt the shiver down to my spine.

  "Hmmm," I uttered, faced him and pecked on his lips. "I miss you."

  Grinning, Seungkwan put his hands inside my shirt. "Then..."

  "No," I shoved his hands away. "I'm still sleepy." I walked away and perched down on my couch.

  Seungkwan followed me with a pout. "Unfair~" He also sat down beside me. Picking up the newspaper so he could put it aside, his eyes fixed on the headline I was reading before he came in.

  Suddenly, his face lost it colors. His hands were trembling as well as his lips.

  "Why are you..." I was trying to hold him but he stood up. With widened eyes, he dropped the newspaper at the floor.

  Wondering what made him act this way, I stared at the newspaper. Because I've read it with half folded, I didn't see the picture near on the news. My world seemed to stop when I saw my face on that gray paper.

  "Y...You..." Seungkwan murmured while stepping away.

  My tears were already flowing down from my eyes.

  "You were that one... The person who sent me death threats."

  Even though I still don't remember everything from the past, I could see the picture of our story. I am the serial killer who killed 10 men in order to revenge my sister's death. Seungkwan was the only witness of the crime and maybe... Maybe... He is the person I was talking about my diary - the last person I wanted to kill.

  However, I don't feel the urge to kill him. Instead... I just wanted to die now.

  "Seungkwan!" I shouted when he spurted out of my house.

  He's scared of me. He's trembling in front of me. The man who said he will love me even though I'm a monster, is now running away.

  The time when I stepped out of my house, lights blinded me that I covered my eyes for a moment.

  "Freeze. Raise your hand (Y/n)."

  In front of me is Seungkwan. He is standing still while looking at the police cars around us. The police are pointing their guns to me.

  I guess... This is my end.

  "Wait a minute!" Some guy stepped in and stood in front of me as if he's ready to block the bullets. He glanced at me but I don't recognize him at all. "This is not professor (Y/n)."

  "What are you doing? Who are you?!" One of the police asked.

  The guy showed his ID and introduced himself, "My name is Lee Chan. I'm a professor from National Science academic school. Miss (Y/n) ...was my head professor."

  He is...someone I know?

  "But believe me, this thing..." He pointed me. "...is not my professor. Miss (Y/n) was already dead."

  Why does it mean? I'm dead? And why did he call me as a thing? Not a person.

  "Professor (Y/n) was badly sick. B-Before she died, she created a clone of her. But because the process of passing the memory wasn't complete, this thing beside me is a failed product of her."

  A clone.

  I am... A clone.

  The reason why I couldn't remember why I killed those guys, why I couldn't feel any pain is because I'm a clone.

  My eyes cocked on Seungkwan's side. He is looking at me with mouth opened.

  "Will you still love me even if I'm a monster?" This is what I've asked him before.

  "Yes," was his answer.

  However, my case has changed. I'm not a monster, but far worse than that. I am just a thing with sinful mind and innocent body.

The end.