Present-Day

Before I even know what's happening, I'm on the ground and Zack is on top of me and his face is inches from mine. It feels like everything has stopped as I'm staring into his dark blue eyes.

He gets pulled off of me quickly and my face twists in confusion when I see Devin. "Are you okay?" he asks and his stormy grey eyes are locked with mine.

I feel my face burning. "Yeah. Of course, I'm fine." I look over at Zack. "Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah! Sorry, I um..." he says.

"Tackled her?" TJ asks. He's still sitting in the bathtub.

"What the fuck are you doing in there— "Devin starts.

"I'm fine by the way," TJ says. "Not that the three of you asked."

I frown. "Okay, but what happened exactly?"

Zack rubs his neck. "I was leaning against the door and then you opened it and I wasn't expecting you to and I fell into you," he explains. He looks over his shoulder at Devin.

"Okay," I say even though I'm still confused. I sigh as I rub my neck. My eyes meet Devin's again and I feel butterflies in my stomach.

I hear a few thuds and I break eye contact with Devin to look back at TJ whose now standing up and pointing the showerhead at the three of us.

"Okay, so I'm gonna shower and you guys need to leave," he says.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever," I mutter. I walk past Devin to get out of the bathroom and my waist brushes against his fingers and my breath catches slightly.

I shake my head and keep walking. I walk into my room and sigh as I sit down on the edge of my bed. I really need to stop thinking about Devin and stop craving his touch.

It's just bizarre.

I knew him for thirteen years. We grew up together. We did everything together. He was my best friend. And then I loved him and everything got so much more complicated.

But I guess falling in love with him was the easy part. Being in love with him was the hard part because it meant constantly being hurt just to be around him. I destroyed myself without ever caring because all I wanted was Devin.

And it was worth it. Almost.

But I can't stop thinking about if Devin ever truly loved me. Or loved me in the all-consuming, once in a lifetime kind of love I felt for him because he left twice. The first time he said he was just using me. Said he didn't care about me.

And I tried to forget about him that summer. But it didn't work and then he was finally telling me that he loved me and saying everything that I wanted to hear.

It took Devin less than six months after that to leave again.

But the second time was worse because he left without saying anything. Not a single fucking thing. I still don't know why Devin left and I don't even know if I really want to. He'll probably tell me some bullshit excuse and I'll fall for it and fall back into him.

I can't do this to myself a third time.

When I was younger, I broke my arm right above my elbow. I had two pins placed surgically and then I wore a cast. And the bone healed perfectly, but now I can't touch my palm to the top of my shoulder as closely as I can with my other arm. It still works perfectly but it's not exactly the same as it was before it broke.

That's what it's like with Devin. The first time he broke my heart made it slightly off. The second time made a noticeable change. And a third time?

A third time would shatter everything completely.

The door to my room opens and I jump. "Oh, hey," Zack says bashfully.

I grin. "You coming to tackle me again?"

"No! I honestly didn't mean to," he says.

I laugh. "I know. You can sit down if you want," I tell him. Zack's standing awkwardly by my door.

"Thanks." he sits down on the corner of my bed.

"So, what's up?" I ask.

Zack shrugs. "Nothing really."

I grin as I kick him with my foot. "You should tell me."

He sighs as he rubs his neck. "Okay, so I may or may not have overhead you and TJ talking in the bathroom," Zack says. "I wasn't eavesdropping! Well, at first anyway."

"Okay?" I try to remember what TJ and I were talking about. "About like my scrubs?"

"Uh, no," Zack says. He rubs his neck and looks around. "More so about Devin."

My face pales. "Oh."

"Yeah. I mean, like you don't have to tell me anything but I'm here if you want to," he tells me. "And I'll help TJ beat him up."

I laugh. "Thank you, Zack," I say. I sigh. "It's a long story. Basically, we were best friends for years and I developed feelings for him and then we kind of dated but he said that he was just using me. And obviously, I was pretty heartbroken after that and I moped around for a summer. But then we got back together three months later. And six months after that, he left without saying anything."

Zack's quiet. "But you saw him again?"

"Not for seven years." I rub my face. "The first time I saw him after all of it was at the big party."

"Oh, wait. That's why you looked constipated when they put the spotlight on you and him," Zack says.

"Shut up! I didn't look constipated," I tell him as I laugh.

"I mean, just a little," Zack says. His smile fades slightly. "I'm sorry though. Seven years is such a long time to be left wondering and hurting."

I smile. "It's okay. It is what it is. I'm just happy I have you and Daniel and TJ."

"Me too," Zack says. I see his cheeks redden slightly. "Can I give you a hug?"

"Of course," I tell him as I grin. He stands up and sits closer to me. I smile as he wraps his arm around my back.I wrap my arms around his neck.

"God, this sounds weird but you always smell really good," Zack tells me. "Which isn't super surprising considering all of the perfumes I saw when I walked in."

"Thank you," I say as I blush. "I always try to."

"Of course." I feel Zack smile. "This weekend has been insanely crazy but really fun."

"I agree! There's definitely a lot of memories," I tell him.

The door opens and we both jump. "Sorry," I hear Devin say curtly. Zack pulls away and we both have red faces.

"Uh, it's fine," I tell him. I try to keep my face expressionless when I notice he's not wearing a shirt. "What's up?"

"I was just looking for another towel," Devin says. His eyes look off but I can't figure out exactly why.

I frown. "Are there not any in the bathroom?"

Devin smirks. "The only two I found were sopping wet."

"How were they—oh, fucking TJ was in there," I mutter.

"Yeah." Devin rubs his neck. "So, do you have towels in here or?"

"Oh. No. They're on this shelf in the back of my closet," I explain.

"Can you help me find it?" Devin asks. I hate how good he looks leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest.

Zack shifts. "I'm gonna go check on Daniel," he says.

I smile at him. "I'll talk to you later."

He grins and then gets up. Devin stares at him for a minute before moving out of the doorway.

I stand up look at Devin. "Uh, it's over here," I tell him. He follows behind me. I walk into my closet and it's about one step to get to the part where I keep towels. I never realized hwo tiny my closet was until Devin's standing behind me and we're almost touching.

"Sorry if I interrupted anything," Devin says.

"It's fine." He didn't really, but a small piece of me is dying to know if he's jealous. I reach up and try to get the towels, but they're all the way at the back of the shelf and I'm two inches too short to reach them.

"Do you want me to get them?" Devin asks. I turn my head and see that he's almost smirking.

"No, I'll get them," I tell him and his grey eyes are twinkling with amusement.

"Okay, sure." I shoot him another look and then try jumping slightly to try and grab the towels, which of course fails. "Riley, just let me help you," Devin says.

I try to ignore how hearing him say my name sends butterflies through my stomach. "I don't need your help," I say quickly. I turn my head and he's still smirking. "Oh my god, stop smirking. It's not that funny."

"I'm not laughing at you," he says.

"Sure," I mutter as I roll my eyes. I turn my gaze back to the stupid fucking towels.

And then Devin steps closer so he's directly behind me and my back is barely brushing his torso. He reaches up over me and I shiver, which makes us even closer. I inhale sharply and my eyes flutter shut. Devin's shirtless and he's right behind me and my shoulders and my lower back aren't covered by my skimpy tank top and his skin is brushing against mine.

And just when I think he's going to grab the towels and pull away, I feel his face brush my neck. "Riley," he murmurs quietly and I shiver again. There's so much tension and electricity.

"Yeah?" My voice is shaky.

I feel his lips pull into a smile. "Your stubbornness hasn't changed at all," he tells me. And I know I shouldn't say what I'm going to but I can't stop myself.

"You're still bad at hiding when you're jealous." I feel him stiffen slightly and my face burns because I'm convinced that he's going to grab the towels and walk away. But he doesn't. "I know when your eyes turn that color that you're jealous, Devin."

"I guess people don't change," he says. He kisses my neck softly and I lean back into him without meaning to. I know I have to pull away but I can't. It feels so good. It's all I've wanted for seven years. He moves his mouth slowly up my neck and I moan quietly. I feel his hands tighten on my hips as my breath catches. He stops kissing me to whisper, "You still react the same. Even after all this time."

"I..." I trail off and slowly logic slips back into my head. "You're wrong," I finally say.

I feel him frown. "What do you mean?"

"People do change, Devin," I tell him quietly. "You did."

He sighs and I hate how secure it makes me feel when his arms tighten around my waist. "I'm sorry, Riley," Devin says. "About everything. I can explain."

"It's not going to change anything," I tell him quietly.

"You don't know that for sure," he tells me.

I shake my head and turn around so I'm facing him. "I do," I say and my voice shakes. "What was it that you told me all those fucking years ago? Oh, wait. I remember. You're really more of a friend. Not someone I'd ever want to be romantically involved with."

Hurt flashes across his face. "Riley—"

"I don't know what changed," I tell Devin. "What made you want me suddenly after seven years. But the thing is that I don't trust you anymore."

Devin's eyes search mine. "I know why you're doing this," he tells me quietly. "Why you're pushing me away."

"I'm sure."

"But you can't deny how it feels," he says as his thumb skims over my wrist.

I smile bitterly. "Do you remember what else you said, Devin?" I ask him. "After graduation. Right before I ripped off the stupid fucking locket?"

"Riley," Devin says quietly. "I didn't mean it—"

"'I wanted to get laid.'" I pull my hand away from his. "You still say the same things, Devin. Just different words."

His face is still twisted in confusion and hurt. "I...you have every right to hate me," Devin says.

"That's the worst part," I tell Devin as my lip starts to quiver. "I don't even hate you. Even though I want to. I hate myself for falling for your shit all over again."

"Riley," he says quietly as his hand cups my face and his thumb brushes my lip. "I truly am sorry."

I sigh as I move his hand away. "You know where the towels are. Have a good night."

And then I'm walking away from him, questioning everything and almost why I keep pushing him away. But I know why. It's better that it's like this. It's better if I distance myself so he doesn't get to hurt me again.

But it feels so utterly fucking wrong.