WAY TO DIE #4
KILLED WITH KINDNESS
The fear of screwing up at the wrong time is constantly a weight over my head. A storm in my city. A trouble in my corner. I would say that I am too nice, the word 'Sorry' never not gracing my lips, and thus my fear of screwing up has it's ways. Although I would consider myself to be too nice, I am the meanest person ever compared to Felix. Felix has the same fear as me, and it's something that we most definitely have in common, one of the reasons we have such a close bond, without my not-so-platonic feelings getting in the way. Felix, however, has it worse than me. His basking in his larger audience, and in the public eye as well as the media has bigger impacts than it ever could with an audience such as mine. Sure, my subscribers may be demanding, but they aren't that demanding, compared to Felix's 'bros'. The 'bros' care about quality, but not as much as they care about content. 2 videos almost every day for the past five years, demanding as such. The 'Sorry' aspect of the situation particularly comes in when they get too demanding, either that or it's time to take a well-deserved holiday from the drag of the internet.

However, Felix's 'too-nice-ness' has more than millions of sorrys, it also involves caring too much. A particular showing of this was around for months ago, when the flu had officially taken over me, keeping me in bed for at least a week. I used a fuckload of videos that I was saving up, but Mother Earth just had to fuck me over, especially on the week of the 10th Anniversary of YouTube, as well as Marzia and Felix's anniversary.
"How are you, Markle Sparkle?" Felix asks through the speaker of his iPhone, the small metal object pressed against my ear. I sniff, before answering,
"Terrible."
"That's it, I'm coming over." The clinking of keys is heard though the speaker.
"No!" I quickly scramble, trying to get him to stay with his girlfriend, "It's you and Marzia's anni-"
"No, Mark, I'm coming to help you. You're my best friend! I can't just leave you for dead!"
"She's your girlfriend! And I'm not dying! It's just a cold!"
"Who cares? Not me! I'm coming over!"
"I'm locking the door." I say, trying to defend myself. Felix chuckles.
"Haha, you do realize I have a key to your place, right?"
I sigh, It's no use. Felix is too stubborn. And too kind.
He arrives, 10 minutes later, unlocking my apartment door with his key. I can't imagine the conversation that he and Marzia must've had after he told her that he was leaving. But like Felix always does, he put a smile on, and pretends everything's fine.
"Marzia probably hates me, right?" I ask, shoulders slumping after he after he flops onto the couch next to me.
"Maybe, but it's not your fault though, it's my fault for coming." He smiles, "Oh, and I brought you some soup." Felix points over to the bench, a carry-container of soup sitting upon it.
"I'm sorry." My emotions are just too much, I've ruined their relationship, probably. But Felix would never tell me that, he's too smart for that.
I frown, and suddenly my glasses are fogging up, my cheeks feel wet, and oh god, I'm crying.
"No! No, Mark, don't cry! Please don't cry! Shhhh, you'll make me cry!" He hugs me, engulfs me in a warm embrace, pulling me close to me. It's nice. It's warm, touchy and...friendly. It's safe. It's cool. It's completely platonic. It's kind.

You see, my problem with kindness also originates from these events with Felix. He'll never love me, and that is basically all the affection I will get, when I'm crying like a baby because I can't control what I feel inside. Sometimes things are too much. No, I'll rephrase that. Most times things are too much. And it's not like Felix's kindness is helping, knowing that platonic is all we'll ever be. That is the inevitable way to go. The worst way to die. Killed by the murderous kindness of your best friend.