" Can I show my thinking room" Sreedhar asked Suman who was sitting with Priti Bhabi and Rajashree.

" Go Suman he is calling you from morning" told Priti Bhabi. It was day after they had gone to Ria's place. That day Suman was full time in kitchen with Latika Mami and all witnessing pickles being made and also helping Priti bhabi to put vadam. At her home she had always loved this time of summer vacation when she had helped her mother put vadam and had watched the ladies of the house making pickles. Only difference in her house the girls couldn't eat one piece of pickle while it was being made while boys came and took as their will, but here whenever kids came Latika Mami gave them pieces of pickle irrespective of boy or girl.

Latika Mami told her how she came to the house as a 17 year old bride when Jaideeep's mother passed away due to brain fever. She told Maheswari was six, Sobha 4 and Somu 2 years. She told about how she had became a mother to three of them even before she became a wife as Jaideep Mamu was busy with Quit India movement then. How Jaideep's father encouraged her to study and complete her plus 2. She talked about how Priti became her bahu. Priti was a student in their school and a very bright student and when her father wanted to marry off Priti when she was in 8th, Jaideep's father proposed Sujoy's marriage to Priti with the condition that marriage will happen only post Priti completes 12th. Geetha studied till class 12th. Jaideep's father had encouraged young men to come forward and marry educated girls. Because of him many girls were able to study till 10th and 12th during that time. When IGNOU started he encouraged girls to complete graduation through it. Sandhya was the poster girl of IGNOU. When alliance for Sandhya came your mamu had only one condition, Sandhya be allowed to complete her graduation and her husband's family allowed it. You might have seen Sandhya's family is quite forward thinking.

Sreedhar had come now and then asking whether she will come to see his thinking room. Latika Mami told Sreedhar had a special room on the top of the haweli where he loved to hang around alone whenever he came. If you couldn't find him anywhere else it was known that he could be found in the thinking room.

Now they had almost reached the top and there was a narrow staircase to Sreedhar's thinking room.

" Sumi slowly" he said and held her hand as she took the steps and finally reached the room. It was small but spacious. There was a mattress spread and a rack of books were there. Sreedhar opened the window. Sky could be seen directly from the window and you got a feel you are so near the celestial beings. Suman looked at the books. There was Discovery of India by Nehru, My experiment with Truth by Gandhi, Kalidasa classics Raghuvamsha and Meghdhooth, hindi translations of Ramayana and Mahabharatha and of course Bhagavad Gita, Shakespeare classics, A Tale of 2 cities and some other English classics

" Nanu's collection. He gave it to me before he passed away" told Sreedhar.

" Why no one else here reads" asked Suman

" Not like that. Nanu had a special affection for me. Just like my dadi. He used to read Bhagavad Gita for me from childhood. He will talk about Karma yoga a lot. I used to have lot of such discussions with him till he was there. Being with nanu was like being a free bird where you discussed your ideas unlike at home where Papa always followed the societial rules very strictly. So he might have felt the books will benefit me more. I used to come here the most."

" What do you do in this room. What do you think so much. I never thought Sreedhar you think something. For me you were quite a carefree person " told Suman as she sat on the mattress.

" Sumi only Murali Bhaiyya and to some extend nanu knew that part of me. To be frank I myself is not aware why such thoughts come to me. Murali Bhaiyya and nanu tried to answer my questions in their way but I was never satisfied. You know by now how my family is and thoughts of my Papa so I never discussed any of my thoughts with Papa or even with Maa as I was not sure why I felt such crazy things and why I observed certain things and felt bad about it"

" So what were your crazy thoughts. Wont you share with me. I knew you were a maverick, but never thought you could have serious thoughts that warrant a thinking room" told Suman giggling

" Wanted to share with you, that's why asked you to come. Actually I had wanted to talk to you even during in college as I wanted you to know the real Sreedhar and his confusions. But then was not sure whether you would like that Sreedhar"

" I wont blame you Sreedhar. Infact I had also not talked to you about my fear of marriage to you. Even I was not sure if you know that I have psychological issues with conjugal relations you will accept me as men would obviously want to have conjugal relations immediately post marriage"

" So without telling me what were you planning to do post marriage" asked Sreedhar

" I don't know Sreedhar. I only knew I loved you and didn't want to lose you. So I thought I will tolerate that part of our relation. I didn't know how, but thought I will manage." told Suman tears brimming in her eyes.

He took her hand " Sumi I have the utmost desire to have conjugal relation with you. I will not hide it. But according to me for a happy conjugal relation my desire is not enough, your desire is also needed. I promise you I will proceed with conjugal relation only when my love can make you overcome your fear and invoke in you a desire to have conjugal relation with me. "

" Thank you Sreedhar . I know with your help I will be able to overcome my problem. Now tell me what do you used to think" told Sreedhar

" Sumi I discovered this room when I was eight. I was running around to get a place of solitude because I got rebuked by a lady when I asked for laddu because a boy from my playgroup told she had a child recently. She told " A daughter is born, now I have a burden and you asking me laddu. ". I felt very bad. Because I knew people brought laddoo in the house when baby was born. I didn't knew then laddoo was not given when a girl is born. I asked Murali Bhaiyya why it is that way. Murali Bhaiyya believed it may be like that. He didn't question anything though he was very tender by nature. But I pestered him. Then he went around, I guess he talked with some friends, got beaten up by dadi also for asking such questions. But he bought me the answers.

It was true. Laddoo was not given when a girl was born. Because birth of a girl is not happy news. It is catastrophe for the family. But then at times if a girl is born after 2-3 boys laddoo is given. Very rarely if she is the first child also laddoo is given. But if she is the second or third girl no sweets distributed. That occupied my thoughts for long. Why girl a catastrophe. My mother was not catastrophe, neither were my sisters at nanu's place or my bua's daughters. I will read books, but the answer eluded me. I didn't want a girl to be a catastrophe, but I didn't know what to do.

Then when I was around 12 I realized my Neelima bua actually had a souten. Her huband remarried because Neelima bua had only daughters. Another puzzle was added to my kitty. If a woman knew her husband will remarry if she had a girl, why is she having a girl cant she have a boy. Again Murali Bhaiyya was pestered. He told I will know answers when I reached 9th and to have patience till then"

" You got your answers in 9th" asked Suman

" Yes my biology textbook gave me the most startling answers. A woman has no role in deciding the gender of the child. It is the man who decides the gender. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. A lady was getting punished for something over which she had no control. It disturbed me a lot. When I came for that vacation I discussed it with Nanu. He told it is lack of education in woman and sometimes the girl's parents apathy that makes the girl suffer such a fate. He told if things has to change more woman had to be educated. More young men has to question the existing norms"

" I used to make plans, I used to write what I wanted to do in a diary whenever I come and sit here.But then that diary ended up in Papa's hand. That day Murali Bhaiyya took the beating for all my crazy ideas of revolutionary reforms claiming that was his diary. I wanted to tell Papa it is my diary but then Murali Bhaiyya didn't allow me. Papa burned that diary "

" What was in that diary" Sreedhar

" I wanted to run a campaign to educate men on scientific aspects of gender. I wanted to encourage people to celebrate the birth of their daughters. I wanted punishment for men who practiced polygamy and many such things were there. You can call them extreme crazy ideas of teenager"

" You wanted to do all these, but I never felt.."

" No after Murali Bhaiyya got the beating I stopped writing and kept ideas in my head only, with the hope that some day I will implement them. Some day I will bring change to the lives of many unfortunate woman who society punishes for no fault of theirs. But there was one thing a teenager or a young man never thought about. Because in the world of his colorful dreams and ideas the colorless things didnt happen and interestingly the path to implementing my ideas happened through those colorless thing. Through the life of widows because the woman I love the most ended up the victim of that social culture" he looked at her.

" And today you are happy.." asked Suman

" Yes Sumi, I don't know but because of you, I am able to bring light to someone. You don't know how much my heart gets relieved when a woman gets freedom from the clutches of this cruel society. Because when she is liberated I believe a noble man is also liberated. I don't know how to thank you for travelling this tough path with me". Suman took his hand. " Sreedhar your love bought light into my life and I will always walk with you, supporting you in fulfilling all your dreams". He covered her hand with his and they smiled.