A/N: I think mentioning all the hot goss would have worked better in the last chapter, but I just remembered while writing this one lol. I'll probably switch things up so these last two chapters will be slightly revised, but no big changes. Just a heads up. 

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As much as I wanted to, I hadn't forgotten about the humiliation from Friday night. Apparently, no one else had either. The large turnout of students from our school meant that the news spread around fast, and there were endless whispers each time I walked the halls, entered the toilets, or drank from a water fountain.

Shame washed over me every time I met a passer-by's eyes. Josh had exposed all of my demons so that everyone knew about it. Even if I had the strength to fight this before, mum collapsing took every last ounce I had left. And now I had not only my demons to face, but my own best friend. Tristan and I had next class together. He'd texted me as soon as he left my place with Liam on Friday night, but I didn't have a chance to respond. And the longer I left it, the harder it became. I didn't want to wrap my head around the fact that he'd no longer be my only friend, but I couldn't stress mum out any more than I already had.

Tristan was already at our desk by the window, watching me the moment I came in. Actually, everyone's eyes were on me. They probably had been from the moment I stepped foot inside the school grounds this morning, but after having kept my head down all day, I was only now noticing. Tristan lifted his hand and waved pensively at me, like he didn't know how to act around me anymore. I dumped my bag down under my seat and tried to avoid eye contact, though I could feel his eyes boring holes into the side of my face.

"Hi," he said as I settled into my seat.

"Hi," I said back, making a point of not looking at him or engaging further in the conversation. This didn't seem to gel with him though, because he scooted his chair closer and leaned in front of me so that I was forced to look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, peering up at me. "Was your mum really mad?"

I nodded. "I can't hang out or talk to you anymore," I said, pulling my bag up to my legs and rummaging around for books. "I promised her."

"Because of Friday night?" he asked, looking at me dubiously. "Because I helped you see Liam? Will you hang with Liam instead?"

"I'm cutties ties with you both," I mumbled, pulling my textbooks up and opening up to the right pages. "She was so angry, she fainted."

"Fainted?" he asked with surprise.

"After we left? What did you do?"

I shrugged, realising how quickly and easily I was getting swept into conversation with him. But as far as friendships went; he was my best, and only, friend. It was harder than I thought to cut ties and ignore him completely. If I wasn't so swept up with mum and Pastor Cordell for the past two days then it probably would have been the longest weekend in existence.

"I freaked and called an ambulance," I said. "They've kept her there all weekend."

"So it was just you and Josh alone?" he asked. "How'd that go?"

"We were mostly at the hospital," I answered, now setting out my stationary in front of me. The class was still settling and into their seats, and the teacher hadn't arrived yet. The sooner the teacher got here, the sooner I could end this conversation and make good on my promise to mum.

"But you live so far away from the hospital," he said. "How'd you––"

"Pastor Cordell was with us all weekend," I said. "He drove and spent time with me."

"Sounds like a good guy," he said, smiling up at me. His skin was such a rich brown and his teeth were so straight and white. His piercing reflected light from the window. He looked like he should be internet famous, and he could so easily be popular at school, so why was he always so nice to me? Why did he want to be my friend?

Why did it hurt so much to cut ties with him?

"He is," I agreed. "I'll probably hang with Josh from now on, just so you know."

Tristan looked unimpressed. "You don't even like him. What about the youth group camp next weekend?" he asked, strumming his fingertips against my desk as he peered up at me. "Josh'll be off with Liam competing at nationals. What about then?"

I shrugged. "I guess I'll be alone."

Tristan clicked his tongue and let out a sarcastic whistle as he faced the front. The teacher walked in seconds later. He didn't try to talk to me for the rest of the lesson, and while I was grateful, it was also hard getting through our mini quizzes without his help. He was ridiculously smart, so this reminded me just how much I relied on him when we had classes together. It'd be a long lesson.

When the bell rang, Tristan was already getting up from his seat and calling out to a couple of guys I've seen him chatting with a few times. They greeted him and let him into their group just like that before disappearing from the classroom together. He didn't look back once. And just like that, I was completely alone.

My phone buzzed. I checked the screen to find Josh's name come up. It was surprising to see since he never contacted me.

Mum said u gotta hang with us n come rite with God, he wrote. This made things easier since I wouldn't have to try convincing him to let me sit with him at lunch anymore. Hopefully I could find him during both breaks, or else I'd have to find somewhere to sit alone.

Coming, I replied before scooping my things into my bag and headed out the door. The halls were empty as I made my way across the building to the side leading out to the outdoor eating area.

Outside the building, Liam and his soccer friends were heading over to the field for their lunchtime match. He was kicking the ball up in the air in front of him, showing off tricks like catching it with his knee then kicking it back up to his shoulders, and rolling it around his neck as he walked. I had to swallow the urge to follow their crowd and watch the game. He was literally so cool, but he could no longer be my hero. There was no room left in my life for Liam Petry.

Now there was only room for mum, Pastor Cordell, Josh, and God.

I could hear them singing along to the fun and upbeat songs from Friday's youth group. They were laughing and clapping, cheering, and hollering. There were some nice harmonies that made my approaching them feel less taunting. When they came into view, I quickly realised Josh wasn't there yet, which was weird since seniors left class ten minutes before the rest of us. As I walked alongside a building and passed three large commercial bins, two people came into view through my peripheral view.

My head snapped towards Josh and the curly haired girl making out against the dumpster. He had her hair pulled so that her neck was exposed, diving down her neck and towards her chest. He came up briefly to kiss her lips, but his other hand was fondling her breast. They were engaging in some seriously inappropriate behaviour.

All sins were meant to be equal in the eyes of God. Why were mine so horrendous while he was busy doing something heinous behind a dumpster? It's not like I'd never seen him doing things before, but I'd definitely never expected him to keep this up after becoming a youth leader. Was he protected from the threat of an eternity of burning in hell because he was anointed by God? Could he do this?

The girl noticed me first, eyes widening as she pushed him away. "Your brother," she said, wiping her lips and adjusting her shirt.

Josh stared at me, clearly startled. "Jude, it's not what it looks like––"

"What does it look like, Josh?" I asked, looking over at where his of friends were sitting, completely oblivious to his antics. "That you're engaging in sexual activity with one of your Christian friends?"

"Don't talk so loud," he said, stepping away from her and moving towards me. "Let's talk about this alone."

He extended his hand towards me, but I smacked it and backed away. Josh grabbed my arms and yanked him behind the dumpster with them, holding me close and looking dead in my eyes. The curly haired girl looked startled at Josh and asked, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Go back to the group, Kayla," he ordered, eyes not leaving mine.

"Are you picking a fight with him?" she asked, trying to make him let me go.

"Just go back to the group!" he yelled, shoving her hand away. I couldn't find the opportunity to break free. The girl had curly hair the same as mine, but she was taller and had pretty blue-grey eyes. She looked strong, not like someone he could just push around and yell at. But looks were deceiving. She looked at me apologetically and stormed off.

Once she was out of sight, Josh gripped my arms tighter and threw me against the wall. "Whatever you thought you saw," he said through gritted teeth, "You didn't."

His fingers dug into my skin, making me wince.

"I know what I saw," I argued, clenching my teeth as I tried to break out of his grasp.

"No one's gonna believe you," he said, squeezing me harder and knocking me against the wall. The movement was so rapid that my head jolted and swung back. It shocked me but thankfully didn't hurt. I'd never seen this look in Josh's eyes before. He looked berserk. "Just like they won't believe you about this..."

I winced when he flinched his face forward, but whatever he was about to do immediately halted when someone suddenly called out his name. He pushed himself away to create some distance, but his fingers remained buried in my arms. We turned to see one of his friends standing between the building wall and a dumpster, blocking my only exit.

"Oh hey, it's your brother," he said to Josh, but turned his attention to me. "Are ya finally gonna join us now that you've come right with God?"

Those words crushed me with their condescension, but I had no time to dwell on useless feelings. With Josh's attention turned to his friend now, I found my opportunity to escape. I shoved Josh against the dumpster so that he released me with surprise and sprang towards the exit. "Hey!" Josh yelled, but thankfully, he didn't come after me.

"Forget it," I muttered to the friend in response as I brushed past him.

"Hey man, you alright?" he asked, but I ignored him and kept going as far away as I could.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hang out with him after this. I didn't know what he was about to do, but my skin crawled and itched. Spending four years alone in school seemed like nothing compared to an eternity burning in the raging fire-pits of hell. I was alone before Tristan came along anyway, and I would've ended up alone again once he went back to the Philippines in a few months. Everything would just return to the way it was, which was fine.

I'd talk to mum after school and let her know that I'd keep staying away from Liam and Tristan, but that I couldn't keep my promise to stay with Josh. After all these years of torment from him, I was scared of him. Hate was a sin so I couldn't do that, but what I felt towards him came so painfully close.

It'd be embarrassing if Tristan or Liam found me by myself after cutting ties with them, and I couldn't imagine anything worse than Josh finding me again, so I tried to think of somewhere I could go to be completely hidden and alone. I could go up to the main building's rooftop, but that spot would probably either be taken or locked. My other option would be to sneak out of the school grounds and make myself scarce until the end of lunch. Except that would be dishonest and I didn't want to get into any sort of trouble.

There was only one more option: To trap myself in a toilet stall every single break or free period for the remainder of my high school years.

My future in this world felt bleak. I wanted to call dad, but I knew he'd be busy with his work and wife. He was also Jewish, not Christian, so he wouldn't understand things the way I needed him to. Pastor Cordell popped into my head, and I realised he'd be the perfect person to talk to. He was knowledgeable beyond compare, both in life and in Christ. If anybody could help me get through my formative teenage years, it'd be him.

After wedging my way into a free stall and pulling my legs up to cradle on the toilet seat, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and brought up Pastor Cordell's name in my very small contact list. I sent him: I want 2 c u. can we meet after school? Alone pls.

His response was almost instant.

Wait at front gate. Ill pick u up.