Another long week at work and I feel so exhausted. I have never felt so drained out in my life...ok well back in law school maybe on nights that I was cramming for finals. But that has been forever ago. I know it's the baby taking all my energy away from me. I keep pushing myself to keep going even though I feel like I am going to crash. I told my boss that I would not miss work and that is what I am planning to do...not miss work...not one second of it.

On my lunch break I pull up the website to the adoption agency ad I look through more couples. I never thought it would be a huge decision but it is because I want the best for the baby. There are lots of younger couples but I'm not sure that is what I want. I mean sure they will have a long life ahead of them together but still.

There are older couples looking to adopt...couples that give their sad stories about not being able to get pregnant. Which is so sad because those are usually the best parents ever because they try so hard; and then there are those couples that raised a family already but wishing to start over again after all these years. Not sure about that either because I would hate for them to die or something and then that will leave the baby in foster care and that is not what I want either. Besides I can't imagine starting all over again.

I come across a couple in their thirties and they look so genuine...loving...not that the others don't but there is something about them that makes me go back to them. Charlie and Wendy Parker, ages thirty-five and thirty-two. Due to husband being deployed several times in his military career he had been exposed to certain chemicals that refrains him from producing sperm...I read over the file and look back up to them and they have that look...like they really...really want to have a baby together. I write their names down on the legal pad in front of me and then move on.

I find another couple that I'm intrigued by. Its two guys...both in nice three piece suits. I can't help but read the bio. They have been married for two years and want to raise a family. One is a doctor, while the other is a designer. Nice...they will for sure have the means of taking care of a baby. They state their case on why they want to adopt and I don't know why but I also write their names down. Dr. Julian and Eric Donavan, the two look so in love with each other.

I go though a few more before crashing on my desk. I have a half eaten sandwich in my left hand and the mouse to the computer is in my other hand. I jolt awake when there is a loud knock at the door. I look around and then up to see who is knocking and it is the secretary. "Ms. Doylson...your twelve o'clock is here."

Crap....seriously, I can't believe I dosed off. I try to sit up fast and gather myself, making sure I haven't drooled all over the desk. "Shit...I mean...yeah...ok...give me five minutes and send them in alright, thank you." I comb my fingers around my fallen hair and take the bun down to only sweep it right back up.

"No problem..." she starts to walk away and then turns back. "You feel alright today?"

"Just a little drained from staying up so late...thanks again." I haven't told anyone except the owner that I am expecting and I wonder if it is starting to show. I look down at my blank screen and get a quick glance at the way I look. So I pull out my makeup bag and put a little powder on my checks.

She nods and turns to leave.

I wrap up the sandwich and toss it into the trash. I take a drink of my lemon water and then exit out of the website. I stand up and walk around the room for a few minutes and stretch and then sit back down to wait for my client to come in. Most days I am with it...but here lately I tune things out not meaning too. It's like I zone out and then I snap back into reality. Like today...I can't recall half the conversation I had with the twelve o'clock appointment. Funny how pregnancy can do this to a person's body.

At the end of the day, I just want to go home. Once in the door I kick off my heals and let my sore feet adjust to the cool hardwood floors. I walk to the kitchen to get out a glass and a bottle of wine. One glass shouldn't hurt anything. I pour myself a half glass and then carry it to the bathroom. I reach down and turn on the faucet to the tub and let it fill to the top...of course I add bubbles. I light a few candles and place them around the tub.

"Siri...play Nina Simone" seconds later Nina's voice belts across the bathroom.

I easy my way out of my clothes and when I take off my bra my breast ache in pain. They are so sore and tender. I set the glass down on the edge of the tub and then climb in, letting the bubbly water surround me. I have this awesome pillow that goes in the tub and I lean back against it. I take a sip of the wine and sit it back down...and let Nina Simone take over all my thoughts.

Before I even realize it, I doze off.The sound of my phone going off wakes me up. Who in the hell would be calling me at this time of the night. I don't recognize the number but I answer it anyway. "Hello...Ora here."

"Hi...um...hi... this is Evelyn... from the mother's group we attend."

"Oh...hi..." I sit up all the way in the tub...the water is lukewarm and all the bubbles have vanished. "Is everything alright...can I help you?"

"Oh...uhm...I hate to bother you...never mind I shouldn't have bothered you."She says like she is almost scared to ask me something.

"Evelyn....what is it?" I ask her, not trying to sound annoyed but at the moment she interrupted my peace and quite.

"I was wondering if it would be possible to pick me up tomorrow before the session...I mean that is if you are going if you are not, don't worry about it. I just thought maybe you could give me a ride...since it's supposed to rain and all and..."

I cut her off, "Sure...I will be by fifteen till."

"You sure you don't mind?" She sounds really surprised.

"No...it will be nice to have someone to talk to...see you tomorrow." I don't even wait to hear her say goodbye or thank you; I push the end button and set the phone back down.

I pull myself up into standing and reach over to grab a towel. I get out and dry myself off. While walking back to my room, I stand before the full size mirror and look at my body...there is actually a slight bump going on down there. I try to wonder what it looks like...what it will look like. I shake my head...and tell myself to stop thinking that way because I'm not keeping it. I am not ready or will I ever be ready to be a parent.