The kids are jumping all over the furniture and the walls; mostly from boredom...not from eating too many sweets...for one I just don't have enough food stamps to buy all the yummy stuff. Whenever they go to my parent's house, they spoil them enough.

I ask one of the neighbor's teen daughter to come over so that I can go to the meeting. I had asked Ora if she would be able to swing by to pick me up, only because it's rain in the forecast. And sure enough on the way there it comes, a down pour. She finds a parking spot away from all the other cars and I know it's because she really doesn't want it to get all scratched up. Hell I don't blame her one bit. If I had a car like this, I would hate for it to get messed up.

She gets out and grabs her umbrella and then walks over to me so that I can also get under. "Ora...you don't have to do that...really I will be ok."

"Nonsense we are both going to the same place." She smiles and motions me along. When we get in, she places the umbrella off to the side and we walk in. Several women are off to the side fixing them a small snack. I look around the room and find a place to sit down. She does the same.

On our last session there was this young girl, Calie that left in a hurry. I look for her tonight but she is not here and I start to worry about where she could be. It's not a mandatory class so women come and go but there was just something about her. After the session, Ora is nice enough to take me back home. On the radio is some woman belting jazz.

"Who is this singing?"

"Girl are you serious...this is Billie Holiday...she is amazing." She turns it up a little more for me to hear.I take in the song and then the next one starts playing. I lean my head back on the headrest and look out the window.

"Do you think that young girl is ok...you know the one that was really scared last week? She wasn't there tonight."

"Calie...I know...I was looking for her as well. Maybe she just couldn't get away...I know she sounded really scared of her dad, hopefully nothing has happened to her."

"I know right...if you ask me she looks younger than sixteen...and she made me feel uneasy the way she was talking about her dad. Do you think he did something?"

"I don't know... I hope not."

"So you said you know an agency that works with women right..."

"Yes."

"Ora...I hate to ask you but could you maybe help me look for a good family for the baby."

She glances in the rearview mirror and then gets in the other lane to turn onto my road. "So you decided not to keep it after all."

"I have been doing a lot of thinking...and...and I already have three kids...I just don't think it would be fair to them or the baby you know."

"I get it...I do...is there anyone in particular you are looking for."

"I just want to make sure it goes to a good home."

"I for sure understand that. I have a few actually already picked out and I can only pick out one of them for myself so how about I send you the information over and you can have a look."

"Thanks that would be awesome...I really appreciate that."

She pulls up and looks around at the rundown apartment complex...known as public housing. "You know there are couples out there that will help pay for not only medical but for other things too."

"Seriously why would they do that?"

"Some just do...I was reading up on some of the couples and you would be surprised what some will offer the mother. Some will help pay rent, transportation to and from the doctor appointments not to mention other expenses."

"Wow...that might help me out tremendously, thanks for the tip."

"No problem...it's still raining...do you want me to walk you in." She holds up the umbrella.

"No...I should be fine...thanks for the ride." I get out and it's pouring down like crazy. I run across the lawn and up the sidewalk by the time I get to my apartment I am drenched. I wring out my clothes and then walk in. To my surprise the kids are all sitting down watching a Disney movie. The young girl stands up and smiles back at me.

"Thanks for coming over to help out."

"No problem...we played hard so I think they are wiped out." She giggles.

"Thanks." I let her out and lock the door behind her. I nudge Janie. "Come on sweet girl lets go to bed." I pick up Marcus and carry him to bed and then go back to get Kylie. Once everyone is in bed, I go to bed. I toss and turn half the night. I hope I am making the right decision to give the baby up. I just don't know what to tell the kids when they ask where did it go...what happened.

The next day Ora calls me up. I only got part of what she was telling me because all three kids decided to have a fight with the blanket the moment the phone rings.

"You sound busy."

"Every day...not a dull moment in this house."

"Do you want me to just send you an email of the couples I was telling you about that way you can look more into it?"

"Sure that would be great." I tell her then hit the end button. "Guys...dammit chill out it's just a freaking blanket." I yank the blanket from all three of them and put it away. I don't really care who had it first.

She sends me an email right away but I don't have time to look at it because now Marcus is having a tantrum and Kylie throws her cup of juice all over the floor. Janie looks back and forth at them and throws her hands up in the air... "I give up moma...I ain't cleaning it."

I try not to laugh at her as she storms off to her room. I go to the kitchen to grab a dish towel and hand it to Kylie. "You made the mess you clean it up."

"No..." She stomps her foot on the floor.

"Kylie...Marie...you will clean up your mess." I tell her in a stern voice.

"No..." she says again.

"Fine...I will help you clean it up." I walk over to her and force her to grab the towel and then get down beside her to help her wipe it hand over hand. She is wailing the whole time and I really don't care...if you make the mess you will clean it up. After forcing her to clean it she runs over to the far corner and looks away from me. I know she is mad but she will just have to get over it.

I walk over and pick up Marcus. "Look at me...we are all done with the fit understand. Now do you want to watch TV or go play in your room?"

He tries to stop crying but every now and then there is still a few sobs. I let him hug me for a few minutes and then I put him back down. "So what do you want...go to room or watch TV?"

"TV." He sniffles.

"Ok then...sit up here on the couch and I will put something on. Do you want Paw Patrol or Mickey?"

"ickey...ouse..."

"Ok Mickey it is." I turn it over and set the remote down. I rub his head and get up to go to the kitchen to do the dishes. Once done I get the clothes ready to take to the laundry mat to wash and dry them. I have to go through my change to make sure that I have enough money.

We all walk across the street and do a load of clothes. I would leave them in the wash but last time someone actually stole some of the clothes out and I can't afford new clothes. So we sing songs and then play outside by the building. Once the clothes are done washing, I put them in the dryer and we play a little more.

By the time we have dinner and settling down for the night, I am exhausted...some days are worse than others and being pregnant just takes a toll out of me. When the kids are all back in bed, I pull up the email and go through the choices that Ora had picked out for me to look at. I am actually surprised at a few that she has picked out. However while I am readying the bio... I know why she picked out these. Because they will all help out with other expenses as well.