There is no point in locking my bedroom door. I had to learn the hard way of course. I had just turned twelve and I was sound asleep and he woke me up by banging on the door and then kicking it in. It scared me to death as I watched his dark figure storm into my room and jerks me out of bed.

I heard him unlatch his belt and the sound it made sliding out of his pants through each loop gave chills down my spine. It didn't compare to the sound as the belt cracked through the air hard against my back as I curled up in a ball on the floor next to my bed.

After he beat the shit out of me, he held me down pulling up my nightgown and reaching for my underwear. I tried to scream out but he held one hand over my mouth and told me if I didn't shut the fuck up that he will make damn sure he hurt me more.What the hell did I ever do to him?

 Nothing...that is why he came in night after night as I just laid there letting him touch me and breath that stale beer smell all in my face. I hated him and the moment I have a chance I am gone.That is what I thought when I was twelve...and that was over a year ago.

 I still say that I am leaving but I don't see that happening any time soon. I sit in class trying to keep myself a wake. I have never felt so tired in my life. The teacher has already came by my desk once putting her hand on my shoulder and tapping me until I look up at her.

"Calie...Earth to Calie...pay attention please." She says with a kind tone.

I look up at her and force myself to keep my eyes open for the remainder of the class. I feel them wanting to close and I pinch myself hard to stay alert. I keep reminding myself to stay awake....don't close your eyes. When the bell rings, I go to stand up with the rest of the class."Miss Calie...can I talk with you for a moment?" Mrs. Jenkins says with a smile and motions with her hand for me to come over to her desk. I walk over, holding my books close to my chest. "Calie...is everything alright?"

"Yes ma'am." I say at the same time a yawn comes along.

"Calie...you have been falling asleep in class all week. Are you not getting any rest at home? Is everything all right dear? I know it has to be hard living without your mom."

"Mrs. Jenkins...moma's been gone for over a year now...I'm getting use to her being gone."

"I know...and I'm sorry for mentioning her. It has still got to be hard some days."

"Mrs. Jenkins...I'm fine really. I'm just tired that's all." I pull on my long sleeves so that she will not see the fingerprint marks that held me down the night before.

"Ok...then...but I'm here if you ever need to talk to anyone."

"Thanks." I try to smile at her as I look back down at the floor. I go to the next class and the next.During lunch I walk into the cafeteria and the smell knocks me over. I hold my hand up to my mouth praying not to puke in front of everyone. I run over to the trash can and puke up everything...and start to dry heave due to not having much on my stomach.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and when I look up its Mrs. Jenkins. "Are you alright Cali...you look green. Let me walk with you to the nurse."

I don't say anything and let her help me to the nurse's office. She even stays with me the whole time.

"Well...Miss...Calie Perkins...looks like you have a slight temp." Nurse Becky takes out the thermometer. She looks down at me. She acts like she wants to say something but doesn't.

"So I can go back to class now."

"Actually...we should call for someone to pick you up."

I shake my head no. I would rather die than to have to call him to come get me. "I don't want to go home...please just let me finish out the day."

"Cali...is everything ok at home?"

I shake my head yes...I feel the sting in my eyes and my nose is starting to twitch. I can feel my jaw starting to quiver and it all just came suddenly....pouring out of me. I shake my head no.

"Calie...sweetheart...you want to talk about it?" Nurse Becky moves over closer to me, placing her hand on my knee. Mrs. Jenkins moves over closer to hug me. They are both there comforting me, letting me cry.

"I...I just haven't been feeling well...something is wrong with me." I cry harder.

"Honey...you just have a temp...maybe it's just a cold...a little stomach bug going around."

"No...I hurt so bad...my stomach is always hurting and I get sick every day and smells bother me and I can't stay awake...something is wrong with me." I stand up to show them my stomach. "See...look...am I going to die...I...I done research...maybe it's a tumor...maybe I have cancer...I...I...I'm going to die lie her aren't I?"I see them look at each other and then back at me.

"Calie...how long have you been hurting?"

"I don't know...a few months...I can't tell my dad...he will be sad."

"Cali...I'm not a doctor...but honey you look pregnant. You have all the symptoms of it. When is the last time you had your period?"

I rise up my shoulders, I can't remember the last time I had my period. I mean I just started a little over a year ago...but it's been months since I had.

"Have you been with a boy...sexually...Cali? It's alright you can tell us we will not say anything to anyone."

I shake my head no again. Which is the truth, I haven't been with a boy...the only one that has ever touched me is my dad and I never thought this would happen. It can't be...they have got to be lying.  

"Cali...you do know how you get pregnant....don't you?"

"Yes..." I start to cry again. "Please don't tell my father...please...I beg you don't tell him about this."

"Cali...if you are he is going to find out. You can't keep this a secret for much longer."

"No...No...No..." I jump down from the bed and run out the door. I room out of the building and run for dear life. I can't be pregnant...and he can't find out about this. I am only thirteen...I can't be pregnant.

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Approx...25 % of girls and 16% of boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday

95% of those are abused by someone they know and trust

96% were know to their victims, 50% were acquaintances or friends, 20% fathers, 16% relatives, 4% strangers... (info from www. thoughtco.com)

If you are being abused please seek help if possible...Darkness to Light/ End child sexual abuse    https?//www.d2l.org